ex gf left for her boss

[stunned8165]

[sIZE=3] I dated a girl for three years who has two young children who just turned 4 and 5 in August. They have no dad in their lives. I am the only Dad they know. I raised them for three years like they were my own, my family adopted them in as if she was my wife and those were my children, I paid the bills when we decided to live together in my home, great area, grade a schools, did 90% of the laundry, took care of the cars, yard, helped cleaned the house and even taught the 5 year old girl how to write her name before kindergarten. The children were from two different fathers. She's 38 years old. But what does she do?.. She cheats on me with her boss. Leaves me for him. A real creep to because he does this to all the girls that work for him.. Nice huh? Is the grass always greener on the other side?... Well, you and I both know how that will turn out. Why can't people just grasp onto a good thing? Embrace what they have. Wtaer the grass where they are at the time.. ?????[/sIZE]

[mike111]

Damn, stunned. I am really sorry about this. What a heart breaker

 

Did she take the kids too? Any word from her at all? And did she pick up her belongings from your house?

[Buttercup84]

I'm so sorry . Any woman would die to have a man like you . I think it's low self esteem , being with her boss might be a big confidence boost , she will feel special as he is some kind of " stud " you are safe , perfect and good to her . But please don't take that as boring . Any mature woman who has her head screwed on tight wouldnt leave someone like you . I know I wouldn't .

[stunned8165]

Damn, stunned. I am really sorry about this. What a heart breaker

 

Did she take the kids too? Any word from her at all? And did she pick up her belongings from your house?

 

 

 

Yep. They are her kids.. She moved into a house not too far from me and cut off all contact. Just shut me out like I was a criminal. I heard about three weeks ago the 5 year old girl still talks about me and misses. Me. I was her daddy in her eyes.

[stunned8165]

I'm so sorry . Any woman would die to have a man like you . I think it's low self esteem , being with her boss might be a big confidence boost , she will feel special as he is some kind of " stud " you are safe , perfect and good to her . But please don't take that as boring . Any mature woman who has her head screwed on tight wouldnt leave someone like you . I know I wouldn't .

 

 

Yep. He knew her weakness and played on it. He flirts with many of his employees. I assure you, he is no stud though. He's half my size and has little mans syndrome. But for her not to see his lack of character and integrity by flirting with a girl he knows is sensitive, lives with her boyfriend and kids as a family,is now the kids dad for three years. is beyond me. I know she's in for a fall because this guy already raised a 15yr old and cleaned his house out of kids stuff 6 months ago. So you know he isn't in this for the long haul. .. I was. I stepped up to the pump for these kids and her.

[Mack05]

Wow some people like your ex are simply determined to self destruct. I bet she comes crawling back when her boss kicks her to the curb (just a matter of when). You come across as co-dependent and your ex as someone with a messed up background/past? Wilsonx uses a quote I like "It's not your job to be captain fix a hoe". Sadly mate when you hook up with a woman with 2 kids from different fathers and the fathers have zero influence on the kids lives, you are literally asking for trouble. Alot of red flags right there.

 

Its devastating to lose the kids, but this is not the kind of woman to lose any sleep over. No class, self respect, dignity or morals. No apprecation for all you have done for her and her kids. Hopefully she will allow you have access to the kids. I feel for you man, this sucks but you would be nuts to ever go back. I don't think she has one quality I would look for in a woman.

[mike111]

Yep. They are her kids.. She moved into a house not too far from me and cut off all contact. Just shut me out like I was a criminal. I heard about three weeks ago the 5 year old girl still talks about me and misses. Me. I was her daddy in her eyes.

 

 

One wonders what this world has come to when people can be so cruel to each other.

 

I think she'll probably figure out later how badly she has behaved. But don't take her back. The kids are the ones who will miss out the most, unfortunately. But you need to protect your own heart, first and foremost.

 

mike

[stunned8165]

Wow some people like your ex are simply determined to self destruct. I bet she comes crawling back when her boss kicks her to the curb (just a matter of when). You come across as co-dependent and your ex as someone with a messed up background/past? Wilsonx uses a quote I like "It's not your job to be captain fix a hoe". Sadly mate when you hook up with a woman with 2 kids from different fathers and the fathers have zero influence on the kids lives, you are literally asking for trouble. Alot of red flags right there.

 

Its devastating to lose the kids, but this is not the kind of woman to lose any sleep over. No class, self respect, dignity or morals. No apprecation for all you have done for her and her kids. Hopefully she will allow you have access to the kids. I feel for you man, this sucks but you would be nuts to ever go back. I don't think she has one quality I would look for in a woman.

 

Losing the kids is the hardest part for me. I can't stop this tape from playing in my head when the little girl looked at me with a tear in her eye and said " I don't want to go live there, I want to live here with you (her brother) and mommy".. I know she's screwed up. But I didn't judge her by past mistakes or where she was at in life. I judged her by what she told me she WANTED in life. Sometimes I think that she just isn't ready to be a mom. But she can run, but she can't hide.

[Mack05]

Losing the kids is the hardest part for me. I can't stop this tape from playing in my head when the little girl looked at me with a tear in her eye and said " I don't want to go live there, I want to live here with you (her brother) and mommy".. I know she's screwed up. But I didn't judge her by past mistakes or where she was at in life. I judged her by what she told me she WANTED in life. Sometimes I think that she just isn't ready to be a mom. But she can run, but she can't hide.

 

That's it in a nutshell. She is an emotionally immature woman. She runs instead of having to deal with her emotions, feelings, responsibilites. She is a mess and seems determined to self destruct. Only a trained professional can tell her why and help her...Whatever you do, dont take her back. She will keep doing what she is doing. False promises she will change are just that. False promises..

[stunned8165]

One wonders what this world has come to when people can be so cruel to each other.

 

I think she'll probably figure out later how badly she has behaved. But don't take her back. The kids are the ones who will miss out the most, unfortunately. But you need to protect your own heart, first and foremost.

 

mike

 

 

Thanks Mike. I know this. I hope I'm strong enough if the call does come. Maybe it won't. But I hope I'm not vunerable because of how I feel for the kids. They gave me a whole new purpose in life. Something special. Not that my life sucks with out them, but it gave me even more meaning.

[geegirl]

She'll come crawling back when the boss tosses her like yesterday's newspaper. And the sad thing is that you will probably be there with open arms to take her back because of your attachment to the kids. You short change yourself in so many ways if you do that because not only will you be staying in an unhealthy R and continually damaging yourself, because of the kids, you will also be denying yourself the chance to meet someone compatible and achieve the dream of having your own family with a woman that is emotionally and mentally available to you.

 

I feel sorry for these kids.

[stunned8165]

She'll come crawling back when the boss tosses her like yesterday's newspaper. And the sad thing is that you will probably be there with open arms to take her back because of your attachment to the kids. You short change yourself in so many ways if you do that because not only will you be staying in an unhealthy R and continually damaging yourself, because of the kids, you will also be denying yourself the chance to meet someone compatible and achieve the dream of having your own family with a woman that is emotionally and mentally available to you.

 

I feel sorry for these kids.

 

I know. TRUST me I know what your saying. That's where I am so confused. It's only been about 4 months and 2 weeks since she left. But I don't know what I would do if she did come crawling back. Maybe she won't If he kicks her to the curb, she just might find another. Who knows. But the kids is what worries me. I just don't understand the whole thing. We never fought until my gut was telling me something wasn't right.

[Chi townD]

I feel sorry for those poor kids. So many men coming and going in their lives is so wrong. They need a stable male role model in their lives. God, how selfish can she be to expose them to that!

[geegirl]

I know. TRUST me I know what your saying. That's where I am so confused. It's only been about 4 months and 2 weeks since she left. But I don't know what I would do if she did come crawling back. Maybe she won't If he kicks her to the curb, she just might find another. Who knows. But the kids is what worries me. I just don't understand the whole thing. We never fought until my gut was telling me something wasn't right.

 

I know you feel bad for the kids but you can't put your life on hold for them. There is only so much you can do and you did what you could to provide them with love, warmth and a safe environment. It's their mother's duty and responsibility to give them all that. Not yours anymore. I don't mean to sound harsh. Yes, care for them, think of them and love them in your heart. That is all you can do. If these kids were yours, you would have a right to have them in your life. Unfortunately, you can't have them in your life without the security of being away from this woman because you are not the father.

[stunned8165]

I feel sorry for those poor kids. So many men coming and going in their lives is so wrong. They need a stable male role model in their lives. God, how selfish can she be to expose them to that!

 

I know, just think how that kills me too. We had a short corisponence via e mail a few weeks ago. She is obviously angry with herself and appearently the kids aren't taking to well to the new boyfriend because she said is been to hard on them and she doesn't want to hurt them or confuse them anymore. Talking to me like I'm the one who did this. She said the 5 yr old girl still talks about me and misses me and hopes I found a new girlfriend. The 5 year old said she hopes I found a new girlfriend just be clear on that with everyone. And knowing her, I can see her saying that because she sees mommy has a new boyfriend now. This whole deal has been so hard on me too worring about the kids.

[stunned8165]

I know you feel bad for the kids but you can't put your life on hold for them. There is only so much you can do and you did what you could to provide them with love, warmth and a safe environment. It's their mother's duty and responsibility to give them all that. Not yours anymore. I don't mean to sound harsh. Yes, care for them, think of them and love them in your heart. That is all you can do. If these kids were yours, you would have a right to have them in your life. Unfortunately, you can't have them in your life without the security of being away from this woman because you are not the father.

 

Thanks. And I do understand this.

[stunned8165]

Here is a short corrospondence I had with here about three weeks ago. That would have been about four months after she left. Knowing the way she writes and or texts, it seems to me she is not so happy with her decision or is still confused. She sounds angry that I'm going and doing stuff too to keep my mind off of things. But she contadicts herself here too. She was having an affair with him. He became her best friend months ago and I was no longer. I felt the change of coarse.

 

On Sun, Sep 18, 2011 at 8:26 PM, I wrote:

 

[FONT=Arial][sIZE=2][COLOR=#000000]I just got back from a long weekend in Biloxi....

 

On the way back, I stopped at Wal-Mart to pick something up in Crestview or where ever it was. I saw in the kids section a T-shirt that was

so

cool. It had a picture of a little girl at a desk in school and it said " a ninja monkey stole my home work... I wanted to buy it and send it to her but I wasn't sure what size to get being I haven't seen or heard their voices in months.... I had a very hard time keeping my composure. I have a hard time in any store I go into because I just want to buy them a little something as a surprise like I use to. I miss them

so

much.

 

Thanks alot

 

 

She wrote back........

 

John, I am not sure what you really want me to say to you....I am sorry that you feel like I am the only one to blame in this whole situation but you were at fault to....I did not leave you for any other reason other than the fact you acted as though you were not happy and you had no trust in me what

so

ever...and no you don't see the kids or hear there voices it is to much on them kadynce still talks bout you and says she misses you and hopes you have a new girlfriend but i am not confusing my kids or hurting them anymore than they have been hurt.....They are both doing well things are good with us.....well glad to see you are going and doing the things that you wanted to go now you have no one holding you back....hope all is good with you!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT]

[Mack05]

I am sorry that you feel like I am the only one to blame in this whole situation but you were at fault to....I did not leave you for any other reason other than the fact you acted as though you were not happy and you had no trust in me what so ever...

 

So she left you because of this! Where the hell is the communication!? Why didn't she explain her concerns to you? I will tell you why. It's called 'Transference'. She wants to transfer her guilt onto you so she can justify treating you so horribly. If you hadn't done this 'stunned' I wouldn't have left you. That is TOTAL bullsh !t. I think you are well rid of her. The kids situation is very hard and as Gee and Chi said I feel very sorry for those kids.

 

You will need to focus on you now. Hopefully she will still allow for you to be in their lives, but if I am being honest I would consider detaching completely. Seeing those kids will break your heart everytime. But then again not seeign them is utterly devastating. I don't know what is right and wrong here..You have some tough choices ahead mate. I feel for you

[stunned8165]

So she left you because of this! Where the hell is the communication!? Why didn't she explain her concerns to you? I will tell you why. It's called 'Transference'. She wants to transfer her guilt onto you so she can justify treating you so horribly. If you hadn't done this 'stunned' I wouldn't have left you. That is TOTAL bullsh !t. I think you are well rid of her. The kids situation is very hard and as Gee and Chi said I feel very sorry for those kids.

 

You will need to focus on you now. Hopefully she will still allow for you to be in their lives, but if I am being honest I would consider detaching completely. Seeing those kids will break your heart everytime. But then again not seeign them is utterly devastating. I don't know what is right and wrong here..You have some tough choices ahead mate. I feel for you

 

 

Thanks Mack. Trust me. I tried so hard to communicate and get to the bottom of it all. But you are right about the transference. I don't think she would let me see the kids anyway. She knows deep down that she is the one that caused all this and hurt the kids with her selfeshness, lies and deciet.

[geegirl]

So she threw it all back on you to justify her reasons for leaving. That leaves her hands clean and making you feel like you're the one that caused the demise of the R. Of course she is not going to say I cheated, had an affair, lied, etc. because that would make her feel bad. She is now absolved of all guilt and has brainwashed herself into thinking that you did all this to yourself. You'll never get answers. Whether she believes deep down inside she is in the wrong, I think she's the type that can easily shrug it off and move on without a conscience.

 

You dodged a bullet. The ones that are truly going to be affected by her actions in the long run are those kids. You on the other hand, as painful as it is, will move on to better.

[stunned8165]

So she threw it all back on you to justify her reasons for leaving. That leaves her hands clean and making you feel like you're the one that caused the demise of the R. Of course she is not going to say I cheated, had an affair, lied, etc. because that would make her feel bad. She is now absolved of all guilt and has brainwashed herself into thinking that you did all this to yourself. You'll never get answers. Whether she believes deep down inside she is in the wrong, I think she's the type that can easily shrug it off and move on without a conscience.

 

You dodged a bullet. The ones that are truly going to be affected by her actions in the long run are those kids. You on the other hand, as painful as it is, will move on to better.

 

I know this will all pass. And just when I'm feeling better and or meet someone new, that call will come. I know it.. And I know I dodged a bullet. My logic tells me that and tells me i'm better off. But my heart is being retarted and still cares. That's hard to shut off.

[stunned8165]

I posted what happened yesterday and got some great input. But I'm so confused on what to do. It has been about 4 and a half months since she left. Logic tells me to stay away, move on, find someone new. But my heart is being retarded and still cares.. I want to reach out, and I don't want to reach out. But it's the kids and three years of history I have a problem letting go of. I met other woman, dated them, even slept with two. But I end up feeling worse and guilty to boot. But below is basically what happened.. And to add, the jerk she lleft me fore is a huge player. And my ex is a big improvement from the nasty women this guy has been with. He plays on all his employees in a seedy little salad and sandwich joint with a small pub in a seedy part of town. All she cared about was that place for 8 months. It seemed like she cared about that place more then our home and the kids...

 

I dated her for three years she has two young children who just turned 4 and 5 in August. They have no dad in their lives. I am the only Dad they know. I raised them for three years like they were my own, my family adopted them in as if she was my wife and those were my children, I paid the bills when we decided to live together in my home, great area, grade a schools, did 90% of the laundry, took care of the cars, yard, helped cleaned the house and even taught the 5 year old girl how to write her name before kindergarten. The children were from two different fathers. She's 38 years old and I was very good to her.. But what does she do?.. She cheats on me with her boss. Leaves me for him. A real creep too because he's known as a player. Nice huh? Is the grass always greener on the other side?... Well, you and I both know how that will turn out. But I get so confused on how women like to be treated. The guy she left me for is a manipulative little squirt. But self esteem played a role in this I believe. All she got at home was negative energy from the kids who were starved for positive attention from her and quality time. I was the one who gave those kids quality time. All she cared about was that stupid little resteraunt she worked for and the owner. Seedy little dive in a seedy area. She moved into a house in a seedy area too. She took ten steps backwards in life. Go figure

[stunned8165]

Although every day gets better, I still have a tough time understanding how someone can walk away from three years of GOOD history that we had with her and I, her children, my family and so forth with out a trace, with out a word, with out anything like I was a murderer or something. All for a desperate little man (her boss) of a seddy little sandwich cafe. One that can't even afford to pay it's power bill on time without getting shut off (I know this cause my buddy works for the power company. ....We did many things as a family and had a good time. No arguing, no problems, nothing. Why do they just "check out" when things are so good. Many people would have loved to be in her shoes having a kind, loving man with a big heart. A family of three years and a dad for her children which the children love very much. The kids now had extended family they loved (she has no family except her mom), had fun with, looked forward to doing things with ie: family functions, the beach etc. It seems like she just took ten steps backwards in life. Just don't understand sometimes. But life goes on.