Does forgiveness play a part in moving on?

[Jarrod18]

I'm a little bit confused as to what I should do. Heres a quick summary of my situation. In a relationship going on 4 years, we are living together and she breaks up with me last March.

 

She is quiet rude to me after the breakup and I find out she started seeing another guy as soon as we split(possibly before but its unknown). Throughout this I try and be as understanding and accepting as possible,as much as I was hurt I still try and be nice(stupid much?). I proposed we try build a friendship mabye some day later as I'm still pining over the loss of a mate but drop the idea after one extremely rude phonecall where she refused to sort out the money between us for the belongings and the flat we both shared( I needed the money for a return flight as a family member was critically ill).She was very offensive towards me.I Deleted her off facebook, all connections and went NC since.

 

She has contacted me twice by email since then, once on a trivial note. Second time trivial but ended it on a resonable but late apology about the way she handled the situation and phonecall.That was last may and I didn't think she deserved a reply.

 

Fast forward today, Somethings still not right.Inside of me.I dont know what it is. I'm the one that hasnt replied. I'm the one that hasnt moved on(even though I dont want her back).I feel conflicted and think of this alot, and its getting progressivly worse the last 3 weeks.I have moved on so much, but now I have this conflict.

 

She doesnt deserve forgiveness....(yet). But I feel like I'm the one whos suffereing.So heres my question, is this just old memories clogging my system and convincing me to contact her(to be disapointed)? Or does forgiveness play a part me in me truly letting go?

[quankanne]

you don't have to contact her to forgive her, you understand ~ it's about saying, "I know this person hurt me, and continues to hurt me, but unless I allow myself to move past that hurt, I'm going to be stuck in this emotional rut. And maybe forgiveness is what it takes to get out unstuck" ...

 

because the longer you hold on to that hurt, the more power you give to the person who is hurting you. That's not to say you're wrong for being upset about how she treated you; it's just saying that you're not going to allow those emotions to take over your life!

[Jarrod18]

Well ive tried to do some thinking lately.

 

Quannkanne I was initially shocked when I first read your comment,because your right,very right. I don't necasarriliy need to tell her I forgive her,but it's weird just as I'm writing this I want to.I want to tell her I forgive her.That I understand and that it probably wasn't easy for her either(its been 7 months).I would like to open the communication lines to be friends again(feels kinda stupid to say that).

 

I've gone 6-7 months NC pretty well,why this happening now, I felt like i was nearly on the home stretch. I haven't wanted her back at all for what seems like forever but something still doesn't sit well with me.If I dont reply to her I probably wont have contact with her in my life ever again.

 

Wow....so theres the problem.....that F**** speedbump thats been bugging me for the last 6 months.

 

Now how do I get over it? Accept the fact we will have nothing to do with eachother ever again?(thought i would be past this by now) or put myself on the line with an email opening up contact again(I can say honestly I dont want her back,miss the friendhip though).

 

In relation to forgiveness I haven't forgiven yet, herself or me but I dont know how to do that by myself. Do I write a letter to myself to say I forgive her and myself? I got no idea. Without any action or response it seems fake I dont need to hold onto any feelings of anger anymore, I just dont know how not to.