I'm in a very bad situation, can any one please hear me out

[RayJ16]

Well to start things of, I'm 18, and I live with my mother, brother, and my sister. This problem has been going on my whole entire life, but it just gets worst and worst.

 

My mother uses very hurtful remarks toward me every single day. While growing up she has always said I have no common sense because dont read her mind and do things for her out of the blue. I'm selfish because out of all the money I give my family out of my check If I buy myself something I become selfish. If I slip 1 time in school and make 1 bad grade on a quiz, I'm dumb. She even told me that I sucked in basketball(I know I dont). She is a really good smart alleck towards me also, when I try to talk to her she strikes me down with a remark or hurtful humor.

 

My mother has blamed me for everything that goes on in her life. I was 2 min. late coming from my basketball practice and she punched me in my face. Things that have nothing to do with me such as bills, divorce, job,her other kids I get the blame for it, If I try to fix it she blames me for not doing a good enough job. Now, my mother costantly threatens to kick me out of the house every chance she gets, like she doesn't want me to live there. One time she even threaten to kick me out of house for cheering for the Minnasota Timberwolves and ahe goes for the Kings she told me thats disrespect.She also constantly brings up my past failures to bring me down, FOR NOTHIN, I DONT DO ANYTHING WRONG.

 

Then my stepdad, he is big cop who just thinks he is so bad. He never talks to me on the phone. He never comes to my games unless he has to. He also spends all the time in the world with my brother and sister. My Bother and sister gets whatever they ask for. My stepdad comes to all their games. He is getting my brother on aau basketball teams and baseball travelball teams. My brother doesn't even play basketball that much like do. He gets in any private school he wants to. My stepdad talks about what out-of-state college and what car my little brother wants so he can save up for it. he insults me a lot to just like my mother except he doesn't stay with me now. I dont even know my real dad or ever seen a pic of him. He never called doesn't send child support, nothin

 

My stepdad has really hurt me in a lot of cases. When I was twelve I was thrown into a wall by him, while he was holding me by my neck and punch me in my face for making my first D on my report card. He did the same thing the following year. My mother did nothing but at like she didn't see it. He curses me out a lot, too. And my mother uses me in between arguements and fights between them, and guess what no matter what I do or if I do nothing I get blamed for it. I'm not disrespectful toward my parents at all and things like this happens to me. My brother does nothing but disrespect them and they think its funny. My sis is young she does nothing but lie and steal from them but I get blamed for any missing items when we all know who done it.

 

Every since i've turned 15 i've been having mental problems. I had developed a violent temper. Along with that I'vr been using a lot of profanity and throwing a lot of tandrums. I only threw tandrums when I by myself, so not many people know about my temper. I've been suffering from stress and depression. even to the point i thought of even comminting suicide. I've even had a seizure, dont know the cause but it could be of the anger and depression. at 17 my temper had gotten so bad have gotten headaces or out of breath(asthma) when I get angry. I got my self in check with my temper and depression lately by reading self improvment books.

 

About my personality, I'm very shy I just dont like talking to people at times, unless i'm close to them. I'm a great scholar and athlete. A whole lot of girls even find me very attractive.I try to always try to obey my parents and respect them. I believe at times im too nice and try to make everyone happy. I know I've been a big doormat in the past but i've really working on improving my self esteem used self improvement books.

 

I really dont know what all this is, some may call it abuse, but my parents call it self discipline but I dont like it at all. I'm not going to lie, my mom does does good things for me, but this does not give her the right to do this. My stepdad does nothing for me. Very seldom he'll bye me shirt or some clothes from time to time. I dont know why this is happening, could it be my parents dont appreciate me, dont love me, or could it be my shyness, or just plain on me. I came here to get all of this off my chest because I dont want to ruin my life by attacking one of my parents and getting myself in trouble. I dont want sound crazy or insane.

 

Please I can use anyones help.

[average guy]

Hi RayJ16,

 

IMy advice is that two things need to happen:

 

1. You need to move out on your own

 

2. you need to speak with a professional therapist

 

I was in a very simliar situation 25 years ago with my family, except that my father hit my mother sister and myself. But I had to run away from home at 15 because I was afraid I was going to shoot him with his own gun. So my advice to you is get out as soon as possibly before you do anything you regret.

 

I never went to a therapist becuase back then if you did, it was seen an interview for the funny farm and I wish that it had been as widely accepted as it is now. You definately need to speak to a professional therapist because even if you think it doens't matter or you are over it, it has already and will continue to have profound effect on your behaviour and thoughts throughout your life and relationships.

 

One big problem I see is your step-father. I called the cops on my father once when he was beating my mom (I was about 8 or 9) and all they did was laugh in a buddy-buddy way and mnake a joke not to kill her so they didn't have to come back! Then my dad beat me so bad he knocked me out. Maybe you can go stay with a cousin or friend so your step-father doesn't feel threatened or challenged by your moving out.

 

Otherwise, hang in there and be patient. Don't do anything crazy, and it will get better if you take steps to talk to someone (maybe even your school counselour - just be aware that they might have to report it if you tell them, though I'm not sure because you are over 18) and make a move to get out on your own (maybe go off to university or community college, or get a job that requires you to move away - such as a summer youth guide at a national park camp).

 

Best of luck, and you can get through this

 

A.G.

[singa]

I know what you are going through. My mother was very abusive to both me and my sister and we both suffered mental problems as a result and had to go to counselling. There's so much to say...

 

1. There is nothing wrong with you, it's them. Anyone who would treat you that way is in need of help. You sound like you are holding up amazingly well- still doing well in school and doing extra curricular things like basketball you should be proud of yourself.

 

2. Find a way out- is there someone in your family you can go to, a close friend, a teacher? I got out of my house at the age of 18 by going to a teacher, my sister left at 18 by going to a friend's. There are ways out you just have to not be afraid or ashamed to tell people what's going on. College could also be a way out. Are you going to go? You could live on campus and get assistance. Most people don't know it, but if you have a bad situation at home like you do there are ways around not having a parent to pay for college. If you are going to college you can tell them your situation and become what's known as an independent student. I went to Rutgers University and got grants and loans by doing so. Just call your school if you are going and find out the requirements- Rutgers required I get people who know what was going on to write letter.

 

3. You are being abused. You need to work through that. You are going to need counseling at some point or else the pain is going to show itself in other ways. Like you said you developed a violent temper. I'm glad you feel you have it under check and self-help books are great, but maybe you should talk to a counselor at school who you trust or if you go to college get therapy there. A lot of campuses have free counseling. Even a friend, just talk to someone you trust- you can even talk to me.

 

4. What your parents are doing is illegal? I'm not sure what the Children's Service is like where you are, but your parents can't do this by law and you have a right to not deal with it. If you want you can go to a counselor in school and they can help you get out of your house. Also I know you say things are good for your brother and sister, but they might not be so good once you leave. I was the perfect child until my sister moved out and then my mom turned on me. You might want to consider your options with going to Children's Services. I know you said your step dad is a cop, but not even he is above the law.

 

Hang in there and I'll check back on this thread if you want any help or advice. I've been there and I hate to think anyone else is going through it. Stay strong.

[Micheal]

i dont think i have to tell u **** u know your moms nuts .i have f***ed up family like that to.im half white half korean and the white side of my family are just people who put down and always unhappy.so what i do when i got old enough,nothing,i said f*** them havent heard from them since,im thankful too,the best revenge is to live well!

[pitprincess]

Hello Sweets..

I do agree with the advice given to you here on the forum.

I as well feel that you should open your heard soul and mind to God and pray for him to guide you through this mess.

 

I have been raised in a family where I was abused as a child as well. Much the way you are being treated at this moment. There is one thing I have always heard and its that the mother or father tend to over look "truth" and "love" of their children when another mate comes in their live's.

 

Try and find you some place to go a Grandparent's house or maybe a cousin even a friend.

How old are you?

You really need to move out before something does happen to you.

 

I don't think the mom hates you, I think the step father has a problem with you and she yells and screams to make you go away so she don't have to let the step father get on to you. With her doing it, it could be making it easier with him thinking well she already got him, Ill leave him alone.

 

I wish you all the best and if ever in need call 911 never let anything go untold when your in a place like this.

 

This is Just My Opinion

[RayJ16]

I really appreciate all the advice that was given to me, I'm really trying not to hold any grudges against my parents, but really thankful for helping me out

[VisualDesigns]

Hi RayJ16,

I too have been in a similar situation like yours. My childhood was just plain horrible and abusive. My father abused my mother which in turn abused my older sister, which abused my brother and it went down the line. In fact I choose not to remember any of my childhood at all. We all suffered at the hands of my father. We, my brothers, sisters and mother all made it out of there. We all still show scares of what happened. He tried to ruin our lives but, he didn't. We all found happiness. We all became closer because of this. I have found it in my heart to forgive my father. Other brothers and sisters have not. I married a very loving person and I thank god for that. I truly belive that if you had a horrible childhood, you'll find happiness when your an adult. My father is in so much pain because he is not a part of our lives. Remember what doesn't kill us makes us stronger! I really believe that. Good luck and remember soon you'll be on your own and only you have the power to make your life what it will be, no one else can.

Good Luck!

P.S. You've seen how evil people can be so you'll be more prepared to steer clear of it!

[singa]

How are you?