dbabe Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 I met a guy about a year and half ago, he had just come to the country, and we struck a friendship, i had a bf at the time, and he had a gf back home in Africa. Our friendship was so strong that I couldn't maintain the relationship with my bf becos i started comparing my bf to him, so i ended that relationship. it would have ended eventually cos we weren't that serious anyways. The point is we started a relationship, and i absolutely fell in love with him. I never expected him to leave his gf back home, but i thought the relationship would end in due course, long distance rships barely last. Well, he's kept his going, and then i found out that he just proposed to her. i've never been so heart broken in my life, i have tried to end it before, but trying to preserve the friendship just makes me end up right back in his arms. Its a little hard for me cos we pretty much joined our lives together, we're both on each other's leases, we have keys to each other's appartment, we made all decisions together, so much so that its hard for me to get on without him. I have just initiated the NC rule, but its so difficult. He still tries to talk to me. I don't know how to end this relationship, but i really need to. We are so much a part of each others lives, i feel really bad even walking away from it all. I wish I could just be his friend and nothing more, but i'm not string enough:sick: Link to post Share on other sites
Gentlegirl Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 I met a guy about a year and half ago, he had just come to the country, and we struck a friendship, i had a bf at the time, and he had a gf back home in Africa. Our friendship was so strong that I couldn't maintain the relationship with my bf becos i started comparing my bf to him, so i ended that relationship. it would have ended eventually cos we weren't that serious anyways. The point is we started a relationship, and i absolutely fell in love with him. I never expected him to leave his gf back home, but i thought the relationship would end in due course, long distance rships barely last. Well, he's kept his going, and then i found out that he just proposed to her. i've never been so heart broken in my life, i have tried to end it before, but trying to preserve the friendship just makes me end up right back in his arms. Its a little hard for me cos we pretty much joined our lives together, we're both on each other's leases, we have keys to each other's appartment, we made all decisions together, so much so that its hard for me to get on without him. I have just initiated the NC rule, but its so difficult. He still tries to talk to me. I don't know how to end this relationship, but i really need to. We are so much a part of each others lives, i feel really bad even walking away from it all. I wish I could just be his friend and nothing more, but i'm not string enough:sick: Just give him an ultimatum... tell him it's either her or you. Then stick to your decision and go NC . He's no friend to you or her. He's using you both at the moment. Sould you really want him anyway, knowing what you do about how he operates? What if she comes to live on your lease... how lovely for the three of you. Good Luck, Gentlegirl. Link to post Share on other sites
Choose Life Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 You need to walk away for good and move on. This guy has obviously just been using you while his girlfriend has been away. A man that loves you, puts you first, he would be proposing to you! You don't need him as a friend, friends don't lie to each other, you are just clinging onto hope, when there isn't any. It's going to hurt, but he is using you, you need to realise that. Best of luck, be strong for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dbabe Posted October 14, 2011 Author Share Posted October 14, 2011 So true, everyone is right, and thanks for the brutal honesty. I already knew he was using me, but just like every other story, i had hoped, and i'm just a hopeless romantic, so i'll try the NC thing, its gona be really difficult, we pretty much live on the same street. Lol.Don't feel so awfull today, dropped a bunch of his cd's in his mail box. I'm finding some solace on this site though. i'm glad he picked her not me, cos now i get a chance to find someone else who's better than him, and hopefully won;t cheat on me like he's doing her. Link to post Share on other sites
skywriter Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 So true, everyone is right, and thanks for the brutal honesty. I already knew he was using me, but just like every other story, i had hoped, and i'm just a hopeless romantic, so i'll try the NC thing, its gona be really difficult, we pretty much live on the same street. Lol.Don't feel so awfull today, dropped a bunch of his cd's in his mail box. I'm finding some solace on this site though. i'm glad he picked her not me, cos now i get a chance to find someone else who's better than him, and hopefully won;t cheat on me like he's doing her. Good attitude dbabe! Good luck to you! Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted October 14, 2011 Share Posted October 14, 2011 I met a guy about a year and half ago, he had just come to the country, and we struck a friendship, i had a bf at the time, and he had a gf back home in Africa. Our friendship was so strong that I couldn't maintain the relationship with my bf becos i started comparing my bf to him, so i ended that relationship. it would have ended eventually cos we weren't that serious anyways. The point is we started a relationship, and i absolutely fell in love with him. I never expected him to leave his gf back home, but i thought the relationship would end in due course, long distance rships barely last. Well, he's kept his going, and then i found out that he just proposed to her. i've never been so heart broken in my life, i have tried to end it before, but trying to preserve the friendship just makes me end up right back in his arms. Its a little hard for me cos we pretty much joined our lives together, we're both on each other's leases, we have keys to each other's appartment, we made all decisions together, so much so that its hard for me to get on without him. I have just initiated the NC rule, but its so difficult. He still tries to talk to me. I don't know how to end this relationship, but i really need to. We are so much a part of each others lives, i feel really bad even walking away from it all. I wish I could just be his friend and nothing more, but i'm not string enough:sick: Why would you be on each other's lease if he was still with his gf? You definitely put the cart before the horse on that one. For the future: don't allow feelings to run away with you...use your good sense. Do not significantly rearrange your life OR entwine your life with a man who IS NOT committed to you. It's only asking for trouble... What kind of man do you think he is to really have you on his lease and carry on with you then ALSO propose to his gf??? Honestly, think about it, do you think he really loves you or her? Anyway I think NC is best....trying to "be friends" is not going to work. I won't lie and say you'll feel great...you'll feel like shyt....but all of us who have gotten out of a bad situation had to go through the fire and feel the burn to come out on the other side....after spending lots of time trying to find the "easy route"....I have realized there is none! And sometimes pretending to be "friends" seems less painful, seems like it is better to have them around than not....but trust me...eventually you'll realize that is even more painful in the long run. Please continue seeking support here in doing NC, separate your life from his, use your friends for support and don't rely on him. If he loved you he wouldn't do this to you.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author dbabe Posted October 15, 2011 Author Share Posted October 15, 2011 i really screwed up, i know, shouldnt have gotten into it or let it grow, and its been over a year and half. I did rearrange my life and I did it cos i thought i really culd handle it. I've always been the most independent person. He was my 1st real weakness, and its a little sad, but its the first time i ever genuinely gave 100 percent of my self to another person. I'll prolly stick to 70 percent now. LoL. Thanks Guys. best website ever. dont like to talk abt it with my friends, cos I feel like i dont wana be judged, and I have always been the most unlikely person to get into a rship like this. Thanks again everyone, cant wait to hear more of your opinions, Link to post Share on other sites
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