Dumpers explain this to me ....

[bestrong]

Hey Bruised. I am no better than you, I am now 2 year post break up and here is something I want to share it with you. You will never know why dumpers do certain things, everyone is different and we might not be able to give you a reason for his act. I haven't post much, but after two years of searching, I am very sure I will never know the answer and in fact it is very likely the dumper wont be able to explain why she hurt me over and over again. However, there is something you could do. Push yourself a bit and stop talking to him, he is not healthy for you. Accept a part of you will always miss this person and that the memories are unique. There is a long path in front of you, it's ok to fall back into the hole once in a while but you need to stand back up, dust off and off to the road again.

[Thieves]

I'm tired of giving a "F" (excuse the language) I'm just tired of giving it any thought...tired of giving it any tears....just tired. I have been too tired to even think abou thim...the past..what he did and didn't do. I think I am just wearing myself out.

 

Good! Sorry. This is definitely not to egg on your suffering, because I know that it quite frankly can feel like 'hell on ice', as a friend of mine used to say, but truly... you may not recognize it as this, but this is a small yet significant breaking point in your healing. Like everyone has said, it's a continuing process. At first, you're devastated and shocked by what has just occurred to you, and you spend some time directly grieving about the situation. Then, things become a bit more indistinct and blurry, where you continue grieving -- but in more vague and confusing ways where we believe we're not actually grieving, or trying not to, but we actually are. This form of grieving, as you've heard from many users by now, comes in many different stages, and they all flow into one another and switch places with each other, which is what I mean -- you never really know which stage you're going through until it's through, while you think you could be in a completely different one. Anger, acceptance, peace, acceptance, anger, grieving, acceptance, and... yes, exhaustion.

 

Which is why I think this might be a breaking point for you (even if it doesn't feel like it), and it's because you feel you're really exhausted. There comes a point where those pieces of hope we all secretly harbor in ourselves, begin to crumble, one by one. That's what I meant in my other post to you, about one day just not bothering to question "why" anymore. You become tired and exhausted with your mind asking why all of the time, asking these questions and always wanting answers, that you kind of give up in a way. Maybe not for good, but for a good while.

 

Right now it doesn't feel the greatest, but eventually the exhaustion mellows out to where you don't feel as 'tired', but you still care less and less about giving so much energy to a situation that can't be changed. Through the exhaustion slowly comes peace of mind, usually sometime later down the road when you're able to think more clearly about it in hindsight.

 

Time to move on to the next phase of my life. But...Not jumping into another relationship for a while..I need to learn to be happy on my own. So if I lose someone again, I won't lose myself again.

 

I agree. Good thinking.

[jyoun]

something new and importantly and productive to focus on

Good for you. I wish you all the best. It must be a relief to have something positive to focus on, eh?

[shayla]

I think it's an extension of the "having his cake and eating it too" syndrome. Dumping someone in an especially cruel way, then acting pissy because the person he dumped is on to the next chapter of their life? OH WELL.....

 

Let him kick rocks. Don't talk to him any more. Soon you will not care why he did what he did, and you will no longer care or wonder why any more.

 

It has been almost a year since my break up, and I can honestly say that although I still get angry and shed a tear here and there, I am so grateful to be here in life, and not still in that foolishness that I wasted 3 years on.

 

I hope in time you will be able to say the same. Good luck

[Janik]

It appears that your ex feels guilt and some regret from what he's done that instead of dealing with his feelings he's taking the easy way out and taking the pain out on you instead. Some people (usually more immature ones) tend to do that. It isn't a good thing and just shows how much of a bigger person you are. Best thing might just be to avoid all contact, even if that means blocking their number, and blocking them from social websites, until they grow up.

[Bruised Not Broken]

Thanks guys. I started my new job this week...and it is AWESOME. I'm too busy to be sad over the loss of a bad relationship. I actually realized that I would never have taken this job had he stayed in my life. Him leaving me actually pushed me to find a better job and move my life forward. So, things happen for a reason. I haven't felt sad AT ALL about him...and yes, we have talked (email) and honestly, it has been a great week - that had NOTHING to do with our contact because that hasn't change - what has changed is my focus...my priority. Best week I have had in four months. I've had a good day...a good few hours...but this is a solid four days so far...and tomorrow is looking promising I know NC is probably best, but if I can heal while continuing contact, maybe I will be all that much stronger. who knows..truth be told, I don't have enough time to really talk to him at this point...just an email or two. So, that will likely dwindle as I get more busy with work.

[Janik]

It's awesome to hear that you're already doing so much better!! Keeping yourself busy is key, and the fact that you're growing from this experience instead of letting it ruin your life shows how strong of an individual you are. Keep it up and amazing things will keep happening to you (: