PlumPrincess Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 I'm starting to feel quite confused about guys (ok, I mean, more than usual! ). A couple of months ago, I met this guy at a party and we had a nice chat. At some point he suggested that we meet (he had a hobby in common), so when I left, I gave him my phone number. He said he was back in town next Monday and that he would contact me. Next week comes and he didn't contact me, but we happened to meet on Tuesday at another gathering, but we were busy talking with other people. Three weeks later, I got an email in which he told me that he had been carrying my phone number and email adress in his pocket for three weeks now and that he thought he should contact me. He suggested that we and have some drinks outside when the weather is nice, next week or the week after that one (he's just in town from Monday to Wednesday, but it's still a bit strange, isn't it?). I said I was surprised he did contact me after all, but that it was nice. I made a suggestion for Monday next week, he didn't reply. Monday passes and on Thursday he contacts me and said he would be back in town in two weeks and that we could meet then. At that point, I thought he was playing games, so I told him I wasn't interested in meeting him anymore. It does sound like he wasn't interested, right? Honestly, I didn't have the impression that he was the kind of guy who would play games, but well, I'm not sure how to explain his behavior. Now something similar is happening again... End of August I contacted someone on a dating site and asked him if he wanted to meet me for drinks. We met and it was nice and he seemed to be fine with my company (I guess, when it's really late and someone orders another drink it means they want to spend a bit more time with you, right?). He drove me home and I thanked him for the evening. He asked me back, "Shall we repeat it again?" and I said ok. That's seven weeks ago. Inbetween I gave him my email address, but he never contacted me. Today I got a message and he asked me if I had time next week to go out for dinner. I usually assume if a guy doesn't get back to you within a reasonable timeframe it means, he's not interested in you, neither platonically nor romantically. Right? Or am I missing something? I thought when it comes to guys, you should keep it simple, when they are interested in you, they will ask you out, if they don't, they're not interested in you. Link to post Share on other sites
skylarkjv Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 Sounds fishy. On both of them. If I'm interested in a girl, I make it a point to contact her when I say I would, if not sometimes before. These guys might be involved with other women, or simply have too much on their plate for an actual relationship right now. Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 You sound like an afterthought as far as they are concerned. Just a pleasant way to kill time when they are free. To the next invitation, I'd respond. "Sounds good! Date, time, place?" If they aren't specific, let it go. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 OP, the men's style of contact and expressing interest doesn't match up with your own perception of what interest in you is. So, hence, dismiss such incompatible men without prejudice. If you feel the need to grace them with a response, it can be as simple as 'when I didn't hear from you after you suggested we meet (or whatever), I assumed non-interest. That style doesn't work for me. Good-bye' Link to post Share on other sites
Author PlumPrincess Posted October 13, 2011 Author Share Posted October 13, 2011 I'm a bit weirded out. I never seem to be able to attract the guys I want. I just gave him my phone number and then I will ask him why he asked me. There must be a reason and I'm going to find out! Link to post Share on other sites
Author PlumPrincess Posted October 13, 2011 Author Share Posted October 13, 2011 You sound like an afterthought as far as they are concerned. Just a pleasant way to kill time when they are free. To the next invitation, I'd respond. "Sounds good! Date, time, place?" If they aren't specific, let it go. He asked me if I had time on Monday (which I find pretty far away? Or is it normal that people make plans so many days in advance?) Link to post Share on other sites
Xefyr Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 Their lack of attentiveness shows they're not looking for anything serious. If you are, you probably wanna look elsewhere Link to post Share on other sites
Author PlumPrincess Posted October 13, 2011 Author Share Posted October 13, 2011 I do find their behavior quite weird and fishy, I just wonder why they are trying it with me? Do I look so gullible?? Link to post Share on other sites
Xefyr Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 Nah, don't take it personally. As a guy, I just know these types try it on any girls who even seem moderately interested in em. Probably just shallow guys looking for a quick fling whenever they're in the mood--I've roomed with plenty of them over the years. No worries though, just keep weeding through the bad ones and you'll find one worth your time eventually Link to post Share on other sites
Cypress25 Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 If it takes several weeks for a guy to contact you, it means he's dating other women in the meantime. He keeps you on the back burner, in case it doesn't work out with the other girls. Link to post Share on other sites
Author PlumPrincess Posted October 14, 2011 Author Share Posted October 14, 2011 Nah, don't take it personally. As a guy, I just know these types try it on any girls who even seem moderately interested in em. Probably just shallow guys looking for a quick fling whenever they're in the mood--I've roomed with plenty of them over the years. No worries though, just keep weeding through the bad ones and you'll find one worth your time eventually They didn't look like the kind of guys who make stupid moves on girls. I'm really, really worried that I exude some kind of weirdness. The nice ones never want me. My co-worker is so cute and nice, but he's somehow not interested in me. He never asks me to go and have lunch with him. Everybody tells me I'm nice, but nobody wants to date me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author PlumPrincess Posted October 17, 2011 Author Share Posted October 17, 2011 The guy contacted me on Thursday asking if I was available on Monday. I replied the same day giving him my phone number and telling him to call me back. He sent an email on Saturday saying that he would get back on Sunday or Monday morning and would call me then. I just got a message from him saying that he was really busy with work and that he would be abroad for at least a week and that he would contact me next week. Why me???? That's the second time within a couple of months that guys play this game with me! Link to post Share on other sites
rightfield Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 He's seeing other women, and you are Plan B, at best. You may even be Plan C. I'd rather be alone than to be waiting on somebody like that all the time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author PlumPrincess Posted October 17, 2011 Author Share Posted October 17, 2011 He's seeing other women, and you are Plan B, at best. You may even be Plan C. I'd rather be alone than to be waiting on somebody like that all the time. I don't care if he's seeing other women or not. We haven't agreed on being exclusive. And we met on an online dating site, I'd be surprised if he was not seeing other women. And I have a crush on my co-worker, so... I just find playing games and stringing people along to get an ego stroke to be really stupid. Link to post Share on other sites
Leegh Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 There is a relationship expert from the Los Angeles area named Dr. Pat Allen. I've seen her on Oprah and other shows, also she's written a couple of books. She says it can take a man eight weeks to call a woman back for a date. She goes into a lot of detail about the brain differences, etc. between men and women, so I think what you are experiencing is normal. I've had that too, where a guy will call weeks later for a date. A question: when these guys email/text you, do you get back with them soon? Is there any way, they could think you are not interested? I think I've blown it with a few guys by not getting back with them soon via email/text when they emailed/text me, and they probably thought I wasn't interested. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Easyguy14 Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 They didn't look like the kind of guys who make stupid moves on girls. I'm really, really worried that I exude some kind of weirdness. The nice ones never want me. My co-worker is so cute and nice, but he's somehow not interested in me. He never asks me to go and have lunch with him. Everybody tells me I'm nice, but nobody wants to date me. what do you mean no one wants to date you? The 2 guys that took you out were guys, right? maybe you need to be more assertive in getting the guy you really want instead of settling for whoever comes along. Link to post Share on other sites
Cypress25 Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 I don't care if he's seeing other women or not. We haven't agreed on being exclusive. And we met on an online dating site, I'd be surprised if he was not seeing other women. The problem is not that he's seeing other women. The problem is that you are his last resort. Is that what you want? If not, forget about him and move on. He's only stringing you along because you let him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author PlumPrincess Posted October 19, 2011 Author Share Posted October 19, 2011 There is a relationship expert from the Los Angeles area named Dr. Pat Allen. I've seen her on Oprah and other shows, also she's written a couple of books. She says it can take a man eight weeks to call a woman back for a date. She goes into a lot of detail about the brain differences, etc. between men and women, so I think what you are experiencing is normal. I've had that too, where a guy will call weeks later for a date. A question: when these guys email/text you, do you get back with them soon? Is there any way, they could think you are not interested? I think I've blown it with a few guys by not getting back with them soon via email/text when they emailed/text me, and they probably thought I wasn't interested. Eight weeks?? Why would a guy do that? Even if I was highly interested, if he didn't get back to me after two weeks at most, I'd try to move on. Most guys who were interested in me wanted to see me in a week or two. Please excuse my curiosity, were the guys who called you after weeks really interested in you or were you just their last resort? I usually answer the same day. I actually was a bit uninterested at first with the first guy. And when he suggested that we meet (we shared a hobby), I was more like, "ok..." (I just wasn't that much into my hobby anymore). But when he said he was good at it, I enthusiastically said that we did have to meet. And I mentioned to the other guy that I actually wanted someone closer to my age (he's six, seven years younger). But well, when he asked if we should meet again I said yes and I didn't hesitate. I mean, if I seemed a bit hesitant at first, I made up for it later? Link to post Share on other sites
Leegh Posted October 20, 2011 Share Posted October 20, 2011 Eight weeks?? Why would a guy do that? Even if I was highly interested, if he didn't get back to me after two weeks at most, I'd try to move on. Most guys who were interested in me wanted to see me in a week or two. Please excuse my curiosity, were the guys who called you after weeks really interested in you or were you just their last resort? I usually answer the same day. I actually was a bit uninterested at first with the first guy. And when he suggested that we meet (we shared a hobby), I was more like, "ok..." (I just wasn't that much into my hobby anymore). But when he said he was good at it, I enthusiastically said that we did have to meet. And I mentioned to the other guy that I actually wanted someone closer to my age (he's six, seven years younger). But well, when he asked if we should meet again I said yes and I didn't hesitate. I mean, if I seemed a bit hesitant at first, I made up for it later? Hi, it's Leegh again. Yes, I have had several relationships with men who have called a month or more after the first meeting or date. In addition, I have had guys call, four or five times the evening of the day I met them (which is way too much) and they are really into me for a couple of weeks, then they almost immediately lose interest. The "slower" guys are the better bets. I believe Dr. Pat Allen has a website, whom I mentioned before. Also, please look on Amazon for her book "Getting to I Do". It was written in the 90's, but it goes into a lot of detail about the brain differences between men and women. Our brains really do control everything we do! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author PlumPrincess Posted October 21, 2011 Author Share Posted October 21, 2011 Hi, it's Leegh again. Yes, I have had several relationships with men who have called a month or more after the first meeting or date. In addition, I have had guys call, four or five times the evening of the day I met them (which is way too much) and they are really into me for a couple of weeks, then they almost immediately lose interest. The "slower" guys are the better bets. I believe Dr. Pat Allen has a website, whom I mentioned before. Also, please look on Amazon for her book "Getting to I Do". It was written in the 90's, but it goes into a lot of detail about the brain differences between men and women. Our brains really do control everything we do! Ok, I just ordered her book. How did you react when the guys contacted you again after such a long time? Did you request an explanation? Didn't you feel a bit hurt that they were ignoring you and probably seeing other women and more? Link to post Share on other sites
Fondue Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 I often take a week or more to get in contact with someone. Not because I'm not interested, I'm just a busy person and I'm not much interested in communication when it isn't necessary. If I ask you out, it means I want to see you. Regardless of whether or not I asked you the day after, or 2 weeks later. Many men are clear this way. We are open as binary. 1s and 0s. Nothing in between. Link to post Share on other sites
Author PlumPrincess Posted October 21, 2011 Author Share Posted October 21, 2011 (edited) I often take a week or more to get in contact with someone. Not because I'm not interested, I'm just a busy person and I'm not much interested in communication when it isn't necessary. If I ask you out, it means I want to see you. Regardless of whether or not I asked you the day after, or 2 weeks later. Many men are clear this way. We are open as binary. 1s and 0s. Nothing in between. Three weeks or seven weeks does not strike you as much? I really feel confused. I'm not totally stupid with people and both guys seemed to be decent guys (meaning, they didn't look like were the kind who would string people along for the sheer pleasure of getting an ego stroke), but if I was interested in someone I would never wait that long. Isn't that a sign that you're pretty incompatible? Edited October 21, 2011 by PlumPrincess Link to post Share on other sites
Fondue Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 Three weeks or seven weeks does not strike you as much? I really feel confused. I'm not totally stupid with people and both guys seemed to be decent guys (meaning, they didn't look like were the kind who would string people along for the sheer pleasure of getting an ego stroke), but if I was interested in someone I would never wait that long. Isn't that a sign that you're pretty incompatible? Well, if you're the type that requires instant reassurance and gratification, then yah, you're incompatible. If you're confident in yourself and don't need someone to show you immediate approval, then it shouldn't be a big deal. Like I said, some of us don't need extra communication or consistent contact. In fact, I hate the idea of throwing texts or phone calls back and forth throughout the day/week. Some women are cool with it, others are not. If you consider every dude you meet as just a guy who seems reasonable and interesting, not a potential mate, you should be okay with not expecting immediate correspondence. Know what I mean? Link to post Share on other sites
Author PlumPrincess Posted October 21, 2011 Author Share Posted October 21, 2011 (edited) Well, if you're the type that requires instant reassurance and gratification, then yah, you're incompatible. If you're confident in yourself and don't need someone to show you immediate approval, then it shouldn't be a big deal. Like I said, some of us don't need extra communication or consistent contact. In fact, I hate the idea of throwing texts or phone calls back and forth throughout the day/week. Some women are cool with it, others are not. If you consider every dude you meet as just a guy who seems reasonable and interesting, not a potential mate, you should be okay with not expecting immediate correspondence. Know what I mean? Even when you're into the woman? I think what bugs is me that both said they would contact me, the first one even said he was back in town the following week and that he would get back with me, and then they would let weeks pass without saying anything. That's not weird behavior? I asked the guy how he would feel if a woman behaved like that or what he would tell a friend who told him about a women who did this to him, but so far he hasn't replied. What would you say? Edited October 21, 2011 by PlumPrincess Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 I don't know about that person referenced on Oprah who says that some can wait up to 8 weeks to call a woman. Quite honestly, based on those stories that you have shared, these guys aren't necessarily playing games but they are simply not that interested in you. They have called or responded to you just to check up on you, but if they were really interested they would not make a plan then say "Be back in town in two weeks". If they were really REALLY interested, they would not wait to contact you weeks afterwards, but they would also make a plan and follow through on it. You might be saying "Well they just forgot" or "they are busy" or something, but think of it as if you were a business client. Would you want to do business with someone who doesn't follow through or return a call? If so, you'll go broke real fast. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts