thatone Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 There is a relationship expert from the Los Angeles area named Dr. Pat Allen. I've seen her on Oprah and other shows, also she's written a couple of books. She says it can take a man eight weeks to call a woman back for a date. She goes into a lot of detail about the brain differences, etc. between men and women, so I think what you are experiencing is normal. I've had that too, where a guy will call weeks later for a date. A question: when these guys email/text you, do you get back with them soon? Is there any way, they could think you are not interested? I think I've blown it with a few guys by not getting back with them soon via email/text when they emailed/text me, and they probably thought I wasn't interested. Oprah latched on to that woman because Oprah couldn't find or keep a man around either. she was probably looking for some justification. it is not normal. Link to post Share on other sites
Author PlumPrincess Posted October 21, 2011 Author Share Posted October 21, 2011 (edited) Thanks for your replies, guys. I guess, I'll just continue meeting other guys (I'm still single and it will definitely keep me distracted). Edited October 21, 2011 by PlumPrincess Link to post Share on other sites
Cypress25 Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 Well, if you're the type that requires instant reassurance and gratification, then yah, you're incompatible. If you're confident in yourself and don't need someone to show you immediate approval, then it shouldn't be a big deal. Who said anything about instant reassurance or immediate approval? It doesn't have to be instant or immediate, but 3-7 weeks is too much. If the guy is waiting that long, obviously he's not eager to see her again. And personally, I wouldn't want to date a guy who's indifferent towards me. Waiting that long shows indifference. Link to post Share on other sites
oaks Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 Who said anything about instant reassurance or immediate approval? It doesn't have to be instant or immediate, but 3-7 weeks is too much. If the guy is waiting that long, obviously he's not eager to see her again. And personally, I wouldn't want to date a guy who's indifferent towards me. Waiting that long shows indifference. I agree. If someone waits that long I wouldn't be surprised if their number had already been deleted from the phone of the other person. Link to post Share on other sites
Leegh Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 Ok, I just ordered her book. How did you react when the guys contacted you again after such a long time? Did you request an explanation? Didn't you feel a bit hurt that they were ignoring you and probably seeing other women and more? I was fine with it. No, I did not request an explanation, because I was not in a relationship with them at that point. They may or may not have been seeing other women, I don't know. If you think you feel a "spark" for someone and they wait a while to call, I would not bring it up to them, let them think maybe you've been too busy to notice, in other words, play it cool. Go out with them, if you're still interested, and then use your good judgment to see if there is any potential in the relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
calla Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 My experience with online dating is that there are way too many choices and it can be hard keeping track of everyone. If someone does stand out, then one would expect them to stay focused. I have learnt not to expect too much and to keep my options open until after the third or fourth date. That way you avoid getting disappointed Link to post Share on other sites
Author PlumPrincess Posted October 22, 2011 Author Share Posted October 22, 2011 My experience with online dating is that there are way too many choices and it can be hard keeping track of everyone. If someone does stand out, then one would expect them to stay focused. I have learnt not to expect too much and to keep my options open until after the third or fourth date. That way you avoid getting disappointed We both actually admitted to weeding out a lot... And where we live online dating doesn't seem to be that common. Link to post Share on other sites
Author PlumPrincess Posted October 23, 2011 Author Share Posted October 23, 2011 I was fine with it. No, I did not request an explanation, because I was not in a relationship with them at that point. They may or may not have been seeing other women, I don't know. If you think you feel a "spark" for someone and they wait a while to call, I would not bring it up to them, let them think maybe you've been too busy to notice, in other words, play it cool. Go out with them, if you're still interested, and then use your good judgment to see if there is any potential in the relationship. Ok. I will keep that in mind for next time. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Author PlumPrincess Posted December 13, 2011 Author Share Posted December 13, 2011 So, is anybody interested in an update? It's about the guy from the dating site. We got into a small argument, but were finally able to resolve it and met a second time. We met and it was a bit awkward for me. I had noticed the first time that it seemed that I was doing more than he to keep the conversation going, meaning, I asked him more question about himself than he did about me. The second time though was really, really noticeable. The gaps in the conversation really made me self-conscious and I started avoiding eye contact with him, because he didn't say anything and it really feels strange looking at someone all the time who doesn't say anything. He just looked at me or sometimes he would look away, when I caught him looking at me. When I mentioned (in a nice way) that he didn't really say a lot, he said it wasn't true and that it should be ok, if there are breaks in the conversation. I think what confused me was that I gave him so many opportunities to keep the conversation going and he just didn't say anything. Like, I asked him how he was going to spend Chrismas and where, what his plans were for the weekend, etc. and he never asked me back. I've seen guys who were way more shy than that one and they at least attempted to keep the conversation going. Really, you think you have seen it all and then you learn something new.... I got a really tight hug (not really the kind I get from my platonic friends) when we met and a really tight hug when we left. And he asked me when we were parting ways what we should do with the evening. I didn't get what he meant and asked him if I had to take a decision now and he said of course not. I don't know, this is weird. I've met with guys who were not interested and I knew they were not. That one is looking at me as if he's interested, but is not really talking to me. Guys are so weird. Link to post Share on other sites
Author PlumPrincess Posted December 13, 2011 Author Share Posted December 13, 2011 When the waitress came with the bill and asked if we wanted to pay together or split the bill, I told her that we were going to split the bill. I was looking for money and when I looked up, he was already paying her. I gave him my share of the bill. I guess, it was not the best idea either? Link to post Share on other sites
Cypress25 Posted December 13, 2011 Share Posted December 13, 2011 Whether or not he's interested is kind of irrelevant at this point. What matters is that you didn't enjoy the date and he doesn't know how to actively participate in a conversation. Apparently, he thinks all he has to do is show up. Next! Link to post Share on other sites
Author PlumPrincess Posted December 13, 2011 Author Share Posted December 13, 2011 Whether or not he's interested is kind of irrelevant at this point. What matters is that you didn't enjoy the date and he doesn't know how to actively participate in a conversation. Apparently, he thinks all he has to do is show up. Next! Nah, he wasn't doing it on purpose and he apologized when we said good-bye. I was just wondering all the time why he didn't say so much. Are people on dates expected to gaze in each others' eyes rather than talking? Link to post Share on other sites
Cypress25 Posted December 13, 2011 Share Posted December 13, 2011 Nah, he wasn't doing it on purpose and he apologized when we said good-bye. Then it's even worse. That's what every date with him is going to be like, since he clearly lacks conversation skills. Unless you enjoy dates filled with awkward silences and you're seeking someone who struggles with verbal communication, I would give up on this one. Besides, isn't this the guy who waited weeks to contact you again because he was too busy pursuing better options in the meantime? Why do you even want to see him again? Link to post Share on other sites
Author PlumPrincess Posted December 13, 2011 Author Share Posted December 13, 2011 Then it's even worse. That's what every date with him is going to be like, since he clearly lacks conversation skills. Unless you enjoy dates filled with awkward silences and you're seeking someone who struggles with verbal communication, I would give up on this one. Besides, isn't this the guy who waited weeks to contact you again because he was too busy pursuing better options in the meantime? Why do you even want to see him again? I was curious... Link to post Share on other sites
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