singlelife Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 I mean I amn just sayin. If you want something why not go after it? Link to post Share on other sites
PlumPrincess Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 I've asked several guys in my life out and recently half a dozen from a dating site. I've come to the conclusion, that it's actually a bad idea asking guys out, for me at least. A guy who is into you, will ask you out, no matter how nervous or shy he is. A guy who doesn't, is just not into you or he likes dominant women, meaning, they're really passive and that's not the type of guy I'm into. Honestly, I found men who complain about women not taking the initiative more often despite emancipation to be pretty lame. Link to post Share on other sites
iris219 Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 If I liked a guy, I would definitely make it clear. Most women would. Link to post Share on other sites
Author singlelife Posted October 13, 2011 Author Share Posted October 13, 2011 If I liked a guy, I would definitely make it clear. Most women would. Ok, well you say most women would yet they wait for the guy to make the move. What exactly areyou and other women doing to make it clear? Because most guys don't see it that way. Link to post Share on other sites
Yamaha Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 A guy who is into you, will ask you out, no matter how nervous or shy he is. This is generally true. If a guy is interested enough he will overcome any fears he has and ask b/c he wants to know how the woman feels. Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 Because I like assertive, confident men therefore I expect them to ask me if they are single and interested. If they don't ask me I assume they are either not confident or not that interested. Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 (edited) A guy who is into you, will ask you out, no matter how nervous or shy he is. A guy who doesn't, is just not into you or he likes dominant women, meaning, they're really passive and that's not the type of guy I'm into. Honestly, I found men who complain about women not taking the initiative more often despite emancipation to be pretty lame. I totally agree. I let a man know I am interested, usually on a dating website, by making him a favorite or winking or whatever tool each website has, which tells him I am open to his advances. If the website has a feature where you can see who looked at your profile, I will look often! He will take the hint or not. I am a rather strong woman and I need an equally strong man, personality wise. I'd walk all over a passive, shy, weak, insecure man, so I'd never respect him. Edited October 13, 2011 by FitChick Link to post Share on other sites
verhrzn Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 Most women wait for the guy to ask them out for a couple of reasons. 1) It's not the norm. That sounds like a co-opt, but it can be difficult to go against social norms, like "the guy asks the girl out." 2) On top of breaking the social norm, there's a chance that asking a guy out will actually scare him off. Women are afraid they'll come across as needy, too aggressive, or too masculine. 2) The logic goes that if a guy likes a girl, he'll ask her out. If he doesn't ask her or pursue her in some way, he isn't that into her. Even if he says "yes," there's a chance he's saying "yes" for reasons other than liking her. For example on (3), I've pursued a few guys, and even though they went on a date with me (or heck, ended up in a relationship with me) they didn't actually LIKE me that much. They did it because I made it easy for them... Because they thought," Meh, why not, she's doing all the work." Stereotyping here, but I've found guys are quite lazy and very scared of emotional confrontation. Guys would rather go on a date with a girl they don't actually like much (or just sort of "fade out") than tell her "No thanks, I'm not into you." Frankly, asking a guy out is a rather lose-lose situation for a girl. Yeah, she may get what she wants, but does the guy really want HER. Even if she is confident, she may have to contest with friends or family dripping doubts in her ear," Wait, YOU had to ask HIM out? Are you sure he REALLY likes you? You're the one doing all the work!" Link to post Share on other sites
fortyninethousand322 Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 I've asked several guys in my life out and recently half a dozen from a dating site. I've come to the conclusion, that it's actually a bad idea asking guys out, for me at least. A guy who is into you, will ask you out, no matter how nervous or shy he is. A guy who doesn't, is just not into you or he likes dominant women, meaning, they're really passive and that's not the type of guy I'm into. Honestly, I found men who complain about women not taking the initiative more often despite emancipation to be pretty lame. This sort of attitude makes me think shy men who are hesitant to make a move are probably destined to be alone. For good reason, obviously. But still... Link to post Share on other sites
Yamaha Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 shy men who are hesitant to make a move are probably destined to be alone Even shy men will ask when they are motivated enough. I used to be pretty shy but if I really liked a girl and she gave me enough clues she was interested I overcame my fears and asked (If a women doesn't give you clues then she probably isn't interested). Link to post Share on other sites
fortyninethousand322 Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 Even shy men will ask when they are motivated enough. I used to be pretty shy but if I really liked a girl and she gave me enough clues she was interested I overcame my fears and asked (If a women doesn't give you clues then she probably isn't interested). By that measure most women aren't really interested in men. In my experience women tend to be very cryptic with their interest, sending the sort of signals that need decoding. Of course the flip side of that is maybe certain men aren't that good at decoding messages and thus that's why they're destined to be alone. It's either that or women just aren't interested in men as much as men are in women. Link to post Share on other sites
Johnny85 Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 By that measure most women aren't really interested in men. In my experience women tend to be very cryptic with their interest, sending the sort of signals that need decoding. Of course the flip side of that is maybe certain men aren't that good at decoding messages and thus that's why they're destined to be alone. It's either that or women just aren't interested in men as much as men are in women. That is very true! lol Link to post Share on other sites
vsmini Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 For example on (3), I've pursued a few guys, and even though they went on a date with me (or heck, ended up in a relationship with me) they didn't actually LIKE me that much. They did it because I made it easy for them... Because they thought," Meh, why not, she's doing all the work." Stereotyping here, but I've found guys are quite lazy and very scared of emotional confrontation. Guys would rather go on a date with a girl they don't actually like much (or just sort of "fade out") than tell her "No thanks, I'm not into you." I'll agree with this. This is what happened with my ex and I. When I got out of it (and maybe this wasn't fair to the next guy, it doesn't matter anymore) I was so set on not making the first move. Granted, I don't sit on my butt and make a guy pay for everything but he can make the first move and set up the date. I'm not repeating what I went through with the last guy. Letting my now-boyfriend make the first move really worked out in my favor. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 I've asked several guys in my life out and recently half a dozen from a dating site. I've come to the conclusion, that it's actually a bad idea asking guys out, for me at least. A guy who is into you, will ask you out, no matter how nervous or shy he is. A guy who doesn't, is just not into you or he likes dominant women, meaning, they're really passive and that's not the type of guy I'm into. Honestly, I found men who complain about women not taking the initiative more often despite emancipation to be pretty lame. This sort of attitude makes me think shy men who are hesitant to make a move are probably destined to be alone. For good reason, obviously. But still... Even shy men will ask when they are motivated enough. I used to be pretty shy but if I really liked a girl and she gave me enough clues she was interested I overcame my fears and asked (If a women doesn't give you clues then she probably isn't interested). Agreed, agreed, agreed. Link to post Share on other sites
denise_xo Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 I go for it. You have to go for what you want in life Link to post Share on other sites
Johnny85 Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 Even shy men will ask when they are motivated enough. I used to be pretty shy but if I really liked a girl and she gave me enough clues she was interested I overcame my fears and asked (If a women doesn't give you clues then she probably isn't interested). That is so true! I usually only make show major interest when there are "enough clues" that she likes me in that way. But even then, I may hesitate. For instance, I was on a date with a girl last weekend, and the night ended with us kissing at her house. She invited me over for breakfast the next morning. Most guy friends have told me that it was an invitation for me to spend the night. And I interpreted it as she just wanted to cook me a nice meal. lol I know tons of couples where the girl is very extroverted and the guy is shy. With that said, you have to put yourself out there and make yourself available. Good things very seldomly happen unless you make them happen!! Link to post Share on other sites
ThsAmericanLife Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 Depending on his demeanor, I may or may not 'go for it'. I can usually tell if a 'shy guy' is into me. Sometimes they just need a little nudge. No biggie. Other times, if the guy is not the shy type, I'll be a bit more reserved. I don't assume off the bat that their dating style necessarily equates to being more or less assertive overall. I've worked around way too many men in my career to make those assumptions. There may be areas I need him to step up... areas where I need to have free rein. Overall, I prefer a 'balanced' guy who can take the initiative or let me take the initiative without feeling like he is 'less of a man'... Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 I go for it. You have to go for what you want in life I go for what I want in life too. Thing is, I DON'T want a man who's indifferent to me or passive, which is what men who don't make a move are. Link to post Share on other sites
vsmini Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 I go for what I want in life too. Thing is, I DON'T want a man who's indifferent to me or passive, which is what men who don't make a move are. From now on I'll just second anything that Star Gazer says....I always agree with what she says lol Link to post Share on other sites
fortyninethousand322 Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 I go for what I want in life too. Thing is, I DON'T want a man who's indifferent to me or passive, which is what men who don't make a move are. Yeah no one wants to be saddled with someone like that. It's a complete drag on everyone involved. Link to post Share on other sites
Author singlelife Posted October 13, 2011 Author Share Posted October 13, 2011 I go for what I want in life too. Thing is, I DON'T want a man who's indifferent to me or passive, which is what men who don't make a move are. Makes sense to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Thieves Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 Well now, since I'm the type of girl who is slightly picky about the men she likes, you'd definitely know if I liked you. I make it extremely obvious that you'd have to literally be blind not to notice. If it's not very obvious, 99% of the time, I don't like you in that way. At least, that's how I am. The reason I don't ask men out for the most part is because I think the relationship flows a lot easier when the man makes the first move. Why? Because like verhrzn said, men don't get asked out a lot opposed to women. So when a woman does ask them out, it seems a lot of them would just say yes even if they don't actually like her, more for the novelty that a woman is actually asking them out. Link to post Share on other sites
iris219 Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 Well now, since I'm the type of girl who is slightly picky about the men she likes, you'd definitely know if I liked you. I make it extremely obvious that you'd have to literally be blind not to notice. If it's not very obvious, 99% of the time, I don't like you in that way. At least, that's how I am. The reason I don't ask men out for the most part is because I think the relationship flows a lot easier when the man makes the first move. Why? Because like verhrzn said, men don't get asked out a lot opposed to women. So when a woman does ask them out, it seems a lot of them would just say yes even if they don't actually like her, more for the novelty that a woman is actually asking them out. Exactly. Women make it very clear when they like a guy. A guy should only ask a woman out if she's made it clear she wants him to. Link to post Share on other sites
AHardDaysNight Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 Some women do, and some don't. I wish more women did, though. Link to post Share on other sites
vsmini Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 Well now, since I'm the type of girl who is slightly picky about the men she likes, you'd definitely know if I liked you. I make it extremely obvious that you'd have to literally be blind not to notice. If it's not very obvious, 99% of the time, I don't like you in that way. At least, that's how I am. The reason I don't ask men out for the most part is because I think the relationship flows a lot easier when the man makes the first move. Why? Because like verhrzn said, men don't get asked out a lot opposed to women. So when a woman does ask them out, it seems a lot of them would just say yes even if they don't actually like her, more for the novelty that a woman is actually asking them out. Who isn't slightly picky about the men they like? What do you mean by obvious? Aside from coming out and saying it? Are you sure the signals you give off are that obvious that you're interested? I only ask because it's really common for people to think they're being really obvious about something but a guy or girl won't pick up on it at all. Link to post Share on other sites
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