Women, if you like a guy why do you wait for him to make the first move?

[samsungxoxo]

I mean I amn just sayin. If you want something why not go after it?

Not wanting to deal with a ''No'' or he might be taken too. If it's the only option I'll go for it but most preferrably is better to wait.

[samsungxoxo]

The reason women let the man do the asking is

That was too extreme esp. in the ''Take off your clothes'' part.

[ThsAmericanLife]

The reason women let the man do the asking is

 

Wow, that was awesome! And hilarious... I think I've used that approach before...

 

[ThsAmericanLife]

Your entire post is bogus. Women in positions of power like judges, politicians, police officers, and military officers are considered "too masculine and too intimidating". Heck, women choosing to pursue a career over a family are considered too masculine and too intimidating. Feminists in general are considered too masculine and intimidating.

 

However, women have no problem doing these things. A major point of feminism is to change social attitudes that put women in a negative light.

 

Women seem unwilling to try to change traditional norms like pursuing men, paying for dates, and even initiating sex.

 

Ooopsie! I think you meant 'some' women... right?

 

I do agree that women in positions in 'power' do tend to be considered 'too masculine and intimidating'...

 

It's just a choice of occupation, after all. Wierd that it should intimidate anyone more than men in those positions.

[Oxy Moronovich]

Ooopsie! I think you meant 'some' women... right?

 

I do agree that women in positions in 'power' do tend to be considered 'too masculine and intimidating'...

 

It's just a choice of occupation, after all. Wierd that it should intimidate anyone more than men in those positions.

What the hell are you talking about?

[ThsAmericanLife]

What the hell are you talking about?

 

Maybe you could explain what you were talking about??

 

Seems to me you were saying that women in positions of power are considered too masculine or intimidating... what was your point again?

 

Because I was agreeing with you. They are viewed that way... and I think it is odd. Its just a job.

[jerbear]

That was too extreme esp. in the ''Take off your clothes'' part.

This is the fun part, you know she means business.

 

Wow, that was awesome! And hilarious... I think I've used that approach before...

 

That is so hot! Women making the first move.

 

 

I liked the video. I've been on the receiving end before. It was awesome.

[Feelsgoodman]

So many rationalizations for female passivity (some of them rather clever, though most predictably lame...)

 

Stripping away all the nonsense, it boils down to this. Despite all the talk of equality, the facade of the "strong" and "independent" modern woman is nothing but a sham. Behind this facade, there still hides an insecure little girl with a fragile ego who is absolutely terrified of rejection.

 

So what does she do to deal with her insecurities? Self Improvement? Nope. Confronting her fears head on? Nope. Coming up with all sorts of excuses as to why men are supposed to take all the risks and do all the heavy lifting? Now you're on to something!!

 

Strong and independent my @ss

[ThsAmericanLife]

So many rationalizations for female passivity (some of them rather clever, though most predictably lame...)

 

Stripping away all the nonsense, it boils down to this. Despite all the talk of equality, the facade of the "strong" and "independent" modern woman is nothing but a sham. Behind this facade, there still hides an insecure little girl with a fragile ego who is absolutely terrified of rejection.

 

So what does she do to deal with her insecurities? Self Improvement? Nope. Confronting her fears head on? Nope. Coming up with all sorts of excuses as to why men are supposed to take all the risks and do all the heavy lifting? Now you're on to something!!

 

Strong and independent my @ss

 

Everyone is afraid of rejection. No surprise there.

 

Just like men, women who take the risk of making the first move want some evidence that their efforts are paying off in some way.

 

With assumed gender roles changing so much (with resulting frustration and confusion for both genders), it also should be no surprise that women who ARE strong and independent are taking some time to learn the ropes too. And men are learning how to interpret that as well.

 

... and I think enough people who have followed my posts know that I have no problems making the first move.

 

Funny story... I met my now ex-H through a mutual friend. I was back in town for spring break, so there was some 'deadline' for establishing a more than friend connection. Well, after the second lunch date... one of them being with a bunch of co-workers, I took matters into my own hands.

 

When I dropped him off at his work after lunch, it looked like he wanted to kiss me, but was shy. There was this awkward moment... So, I grabbed him by the tie and pulled him over for a kiss.

 

One of his co-workers walking by saw it and teased him about it. He had great fun with it and was walking around on cloud nine all day.

 

One of my friends did the same thing with her now husband. After a month of dating, he still hadn't tried to kiss her. So, she grabbed him and well, the rest his history. They have two children and seem very happy.

 

So, yea, we ladies do it (make the first move). And the guys didn't assume we were power hungry b*tches out to immasculate them either... or sluts... or anything else negative. We just know what we want.

[Feelsgoodman]

... and I think enough people who have followed my posts know that I have no problems making the first move.

Good for you, but reading this thread, you are the exception that proves the rule.

[ThsAmericanLife]

Good for you, but reading this thread, you are the exception that proves the rule.

 

I'm an outlier in alot of ways... Women who make the first move are risking rejection AND risking being viewed in some other, very negative ways that some of the gents here don't seem to be acknowledging.

 

Some very respectable men here have said straight out that they view women who make the first move as desperate and sex starved (I'd say the sex starved part should make them more interested not less...ha ha).

 

But seriously, there is still a perception issue that both men and women are trying to navigate. I don't think it is fair to blame either men or women. We are all products of our culture and environment.

 

I've never let cultural expectations keep me from doing anything I want... but I have to acknowledge they exist and be sensitive to them... and I've adjusted my behavior accordingly in many cases.

 

If I want said guy, I have to be sensitive to his desired approach mechanism (or lack of approach mechanism, if it were).

 

For instance, if I hadn't sensed interest in my now ex-H, it would have been rude and even assaulting to 'grab him by the tie'. The fact that it was not only accepted, but responded to positively was only a function of my proper perception of his interest.

 

Same goes for men... its a dance... one that both men and women struggle with. K? I know I'm still struggling with it, and I'm 47!! Noone has it all figured out.

[singlelife]

I'm an outlier in alot of ways... Women who make the first move are risking rejection AND risking being viewed in some other, very negative ways that some of the gents here don't seem to be acknowledging.

 

Some very respectable men here have said straight out that they view women who make the first move as desperate and sex starved (I'd say the sex starved part should make them more interested not less...ha ha).

 

But seriously, there is still a perception issue that both men and women are trying to navigate. I don't think it is fair to blame either men or women. We are all products of our culture and environment.

 

I've never let cultural expectations keep me from doing anything I want... but I have to acknowledge they exist and be sensitive to them... and I've adjusted my behavior accordingly in many cases.

 

If I want said guy, I have to be sensitive to his desired approach mechanism (or lack of approach mechanism, if it were).

 

For instance, if I hadn't sensed interest in my now ex-H, it would have been rude and even assaulting to 'grab him by the tie'. The fact that it was not only accepted, but responded to positively was only a function of my proper perception of his interest.

 

Same goes for men... its a dance... one that both men and women struggle with. K? I know I'm still struggling with it, and I'm 47!! Noone has it all figured out.

 

 

very well said.

[lululucy]

Some very respectable men here have said straight out that they view women who make the first move as desperate and sex starved (I'd say the sex starved part should make them more interested not less...ha ha).

...

 

For instance, if I hadn't sensed interest in my now ex-H, it would have been rude and even assaulting to 'grab him by the tie'. The fact that it was not only accepted, but responded to positively was only a function of my proper perception of his interest.

 

Same goes for men... its a dance... one that both men and women struggle with. K? I know I'm still struggling with it, and I'm 47!! Noone has it all figured out.

 

Absolutely.

 

I just thought I'd throw my two-cents in -- like AmericanLife, I am comfortable making the moves to show interest. For example -- I met my last ex while hanging out with two other friends, and when they went to the bathroom I patted the seat next to me and told him to come over. I also gave him my number and msn messenger information (ah, my youth haha). I did not, however, ask him out, nor did I pester him about when we'd see each other next etc. I'm not doing all the work and there has to be some way to gauge his interest.

 

I've had similar experiences to some of the other posters when I've actually asked out men in the past. One went one several dates with me, though we never slept together, before he just stopped answering. Now, I stick to making clear physical signs of attraction if I'm interested -- though some guys are too clueless to use those anyway. If I'm seeing someone and he starts to act flakey, I send him a "Hey, how would you like to do ____ on ____day?" and if the reply isn't affirming (either yes or I'm busy but how about another time) then the number gets deleted.

[ToothpasteLove]

Since im a woman who dates other women.. i usually find myself been the one that does the asking. No need to play the games, just ask them out and go for it.. but ive gotta be pretty sure they are into me before ill go for it.. i am as everyone else.. scared of rejection?

[singlelife]

Since im a woman who dates other women.. i usually find myself been the one that does the asking. No need to play the games, just ask them out and go for it.. but ive gotta be pretty sure they are into me before ill go for it.. i am as everyone else.. scared of rejection?

 

I have a lesbian friend who says she understand the pressure a guy goes through when approaching a chick. She said it's very awkward to have to take the aggressive role. She gets over it but she feels weird about it sometimes if she isn't pursued. I thought that was interesting.

[BillieAnn]

Pride and uncertainty behind the thick makeup girls.

 

[musemaj11]

I dont have a problem being the one who does the approaching.

 

What I have a problem with is being expected to be the one doing the approaching just because Im a male.

 

Find that sexist. I will do what I want to, not because Im supposed to.

[mtber75]

I mean I amn just sayin. If you want something why not go after it?

 

 

It would make my life MUCH easier if I know the girl's interest level from the get go. If she don't ask that fine with me too. But I need to have at least some HINTS that she's interest in me instead of being played like a chomp:)

[mtber75]

I'm an outlier in alot of ways... Women who make the first move are risking rejection AND risking being viewed in some other, very negative ways that some of the gents here don't seem to be acknowledging.

 

Some very respectable men here have said straight out that they view women who make the first move as desperate and sex starved (I'd say the sex starved part should make them more interested not less...ha ha).

 

But seriously, there is still a perception issue that both men and women are trying to navigate. I don't think it is fair to blame either men or women. We are all products of our culture and environment.

 

I've never let cultural expectations keep me from doing anything I want... but I have to acknowledge they exist and be sensitive to them... and I've adjusted my behavior accordingly in many cases.

 

If I want said guy, I have to be sensitive to his desired approach mechanism (or lack of approach mechanism, if it were).

 

For instance, if I hadn't sensed interest in my now ex-H, it would have been rude and even assaulting to 'grab him by the tie'. The fact that it was not only accepted, but responded to positively was only a function of my proper perception of his interest.

 

Same goes for men... its a dance... one that both men and women struggle with. K? I know I'm still struggling with it, and I'm 47!! Noone has it all figured out.

 

When you say very respectable...it means very traditional! Some men just think that women that ask first are trying to upend them from the get go so they feel threaten by it. I was at a party and this older sexy lady asked this younger Asian dude some personal questions and I could tell he was uncomfortable with this aggressive lady. So cultural upbringing does play a huge part in this.

[Oxy Moronovich]

I'm an outlier in alot of ways... Women who make the first move are risking rejection AND risking being viewed in some other, very negative ways that some of the gents here don't seem to be acknowledging.

 

Some very respectable men here have said straight out that they view women who make the first move as desperate and sex starved (I'd say the sex starved part should make them more interested not less...ha ha).

I acknowledged this.

 

Women are viewed in negative ways for choosing to pursue a career over being a housewife. Women are viewed in negative ways for being feminists. Yet women have no problem doing either of those things.

 

However, when it comes to changing traditional relationship roles, that's too much of a challenge?

[soulm8]

I learned in my early 20s to RESPOND to men, otherwise I'm left wondering if he's only with me/seeing me/responding to me based on MY efforts.

 

LS has definitely opened my eyes as to why I've been struggling with dating since my divorce. I'm too old school for modern men.

[dispatch3d]

rejection sucks. That's why.

[jnc3]

If I like a guy, I wait for a guy to make the first move.

 

Seeming too eager especially in the early stages cheapens your perceived value and makes you seem insecure, needy or too forceful. Also asking guys out tends to attract lazy or passive guys, since you've done the work for them. Any guy no matter how shy will learn to get over his fears if he's really that into you.

[singlelife]

If I like a guy, I wait for a guy to make the first move.

 

Seeming too eager especially in the early stages cheapens your perceived value and makes you seem insecure, needy or too forceful. Also asking guys out tends to attract lazy or passive guys, since you've done the work for them. Any guy no matter how shy will learn to get over his fears if he's really that into you.

 

That makes sense. The only thing I would say is that most guys don't always pick up on the signs to know if you like them.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

I use to think that the kind of man I would want would be one who would make the first step. The very few and rare times I tried to intiate with a man, it never worked out. But my brother had a recent experience that made me rethink that intial approach. My brother very much has always liked very girly girls and liked being the "man" in the relationship. He was on a dating site when a woman contacted him first. They are now dating and very much enjoying the relationship. It was the first time she contacted a man first and as many men here know, not too many women do that. The big difference here though is that despite her intial contact and pursuement of him, he still acts traditionally male. He still works to show interest in her and treats her like a gentlemen. He doesn't make her be the one to continue to pursue him. Some men take advantage of a woman making the first move. And clearly, like with my brother, some don't.

 

I also use to always think that if a man liked me enough, he would pursue me, but I am not certain that's true either. Men are subject to the same fears and worries and things that hold them back that probably hold me back too.

 

Finally, I am not convinced that women *always* give off very clear signals they like a guy. A woman might think she is but a man might not. Infact, I think women are sometimes so subtle that they think they are being obvious but men just think she has lint in her eye or is just being friendly.

 

All in all, I think there is TONS of miscommunication between the genders on this topic. They are trickey waters to navigate.