Women, if you like a guy why do you wait for him to make the first move?

[singlelife]

I use to think that the kind of man I would want would be one who would make the first step. The very few and rare times I tried to intiate with a man, it never worked out. But my brother had a recent experience that made me rethink that intial approach. My brother very much has always liked very girly girls and liked being the "man" in the relationship. He was on a dating site when a woman contacted him first. They are now dating and very much enjoying the relationship. It was the first time she contacted a man first and as many men here know, not too many women do that. The big difference here though is that despite her intial contact and pursuement of him, he still acts traditionally male. He still works to show interest in her and treats her like a gentlemen. He doesn't make her be the one to continue to pursue him. Some men take advantage of a woman making the first move. And clearly, like with my brother, some don't.

 

I also use to always think that if a man liked me enough, he would pursue me, but I am not certain that's true either. Men are subject to the same fears and worries and things that hold them back that probably hold me back too.

 

Finally, I am not convinced that women *always* give off very clear signals they like a guy. A woman might think she is but a man might not. Infact, I think women are sometimes so subtle that they think they are being obvious but men just think she has lint in her eye or is just being friendly.

 

All in all, I think there is TONS of miscommunication between the genders on this topic. They are trickey waters to navigate.

 

 

Very interesting.

[singlelife]

wow a chick asked me to have drinks the other day.

[phineas]

I acknowledged this.

 

Women are viewed in negative ways for choosing to pursue a career over being a housewife. Women are viewed in negative ways for being feminists. Yet women have no problem doing either of those things.

 

However, when it comes to changing traditional relationship roles, that's too much of a challenge?

 

LOL! great point.

 

for me, if a woman glances at me more than once I tell my boys to cover me because i'm going in. Then they watch to see if I get shot down & add it to the highlight real next time we have beers. Then they thank god their still married. LOL!

 

I DO NOT approach women at work. Period.

For 1, I'm not going to be THAT guy & I gotta see them again. LOL!

for 2, most women are friendlier at work so I have no idea.

 

I've had a few at work ask me out though.

[singlelife]

LOL! great point.

 

for me, if a woman glances at me more than once I tell my boys to cover me because i'm going in. Then they watch to see if I get shot down & add it to the highlight real next time we have beers. Then they thank god their still married. LOL!

 

I DO NOT approach women at work. Period.

For 1, I'm not going to be THAT guy & I gotta see them again. LOL!

for 2, most women are friendlier at work so I have no idea.

 

I've had a few at work ask me out though.

 

 

If a women keeps glancing at me then I owuld think she wants to talk. Though that is not always a sure sign.

[phineas]

If a women keeps glancing at me then I owuld think she wants to talk. Though that is not always a sure sign.

 

I used to be guy that wondered if she wanted to talk when I was on my way home from the bar.

 

Now, I leave the bar knowing if she wanted to talk or not.

[xpaperxcutx]

From experience the last few times I'd chased, tue men eithr lost interest or ran away. I'd much rather the guy take the lead.

[phineas]

From experience the last few times I'd chased, tue men eithr lost interest or ran away. I'd much rather the guy take the lead.

 

Did you chase & then pull back to let the man take over?

 

Because if a woman initiates on me I assume she is a modern gal & wants it to be 50/50 & if she stops contacting me as much I assume she just lost interest & move on.

[Dust]

From experience the last few times I'd chased, tue men eithr lost interest or ran away. I'd much rather the guy take the lead.

 

It's not that the chasing caused them to lose interest. Its that you now steped into the role men usually take courting a person who now gets to stand and either reject or accept you. They often reject! Thats why a man who normaly must chase should chase every chance he gets till he finds the girl who wants him back. Instead a lot of the guys on this forum get tunel vision for one girl even after being rejected and maybe ask like 2 girls out in a year if that...

 

So why wait for them to make the first move... because women are even more afraid of getting rejected then men are.

[Shaun-Dro]

It's not that the chasing caused them to lose interest. Its that you now steped into the role men usually take courting a person who now gets to stand and either reject or accept you. They often reject! Thats why a man who normaly must chase should chase every chance he gets till he finds the girl who wants him back. Instead a lot of the guys on this forum get tunel vision for one girl even after being rejected and maybe ask like 2 girls out in a year if that...

 

So why wait for them to make the first move... because women are even more afraid of getting rejected then men are.

 

Women have proven to be selfish. They want everything to change that'll suit them except the dating roles. They want that to stay the same. And it's because they're cowards and will never have the guts to trully fill the man's shoes of what it's like to be a risk-taker, so therefore she's isn't equal to us until she proves otherwise on a much larger scale.

[Oxy Moronovich]

I use to think that the kind of man I would want would be one who would make the first step. The very few and rare times I tried to intiate with a man, it never worked out. But my brother had a recent experience that made me rethink that intial approach. My brother very much has always liked very girly girls and liked being the "man" in the relationship. He was on a dating site when a woman contacted him first. They are now dating and very much enjoying the relationship. It was the first time she contacted a man first and as many men here know, not too many women do that. The big difference here though is that despite her intial contact and pursuement of him, he still acts traditionally male. He still works to show interest in her and treats her like a gentlemen. He doesn't make her be the one to continue to pursue him. Some men take advantage of a woman making the first move. And clearly, like with my brother, some don't.

 

I also use to always think that if a man liked me enough, he would pursue me, but I am not certain that's true either. Men are subject to the same fears and worries and things that hold them back that probably hold me back too.

 

Finally, I am not convinced that women *always* give off very clear signals they like a guy. A woman might think she is but a man might not. Infact, I think women are sometimes so subtle that they think they are being obvious but men just think she has lint in her eye or is just being friendly.

 

All in all, I think there is TONS of miscommunication between the genders on this topic. They are trickey waters to navigate.

One of the smartest posts in this whole thread. I particularly liked the part where you say she initiated contact by setting up the date but he took over from there. I think that's what more guys would like to see. They'd like to see women initiating contact directly more often.

 

I emphasized the word "directly" because that's an important part of getting a guy's attention. These women in this thread saying, "I approached, pursued, and chased men and it didn't work" aren't giving the whole picture. What is their definition of approaching, pursuing, and chasing men?

 

I've spoken to women who said they pursued guys before. As usual, they said it didn't work. When I asked them what exactly they did, they said, "I asked him to add me on Facebook," or "I complimented his shirt," or "He said he was going to see a movie so I hinted I might be free that Friday night."

 

None of that stuff is directly asking guys out or making your interest in him is clear. In some cases, women truly believe they gave clear signals. In many cases, women know the signal was weak and half-hearted (at best). They just tell themselves and others the signals were clear as a defense mechanism. They do not want to acknowledge they didn't put enough effort into pursuing.

 

Few women will say they've pursued men. And out of those few, only a small percentage have directly asked a guy out. Women put in half-hearted effort to pursue then give up after two times, saying the guy lost interested or ran away. Guess what, ladies, guys, as the pursuers, deal with way worse behavior from women. The average guy could write a dictionary-sized book about the flaky and irritating behavior women display when you pursue them.

 

But, all in all, being the pursuer gives a guy more options than women, who are the pursued. The one who goes after he wants gets way more in quantity and quality than the one who waits.

[Oxy Moronovich]

Women have proven to be selfish. They want everything to change that'll suit them except the dating roles. They want that to stay the same. And it's because they're cowards and will never have the guts to trully fill the man's shoes of what it's like to be a risk-taker, so therefore she's isn't equal to us until she proves otherwise on a much larger scale.

True.

 

Basically, the OP wonders why women never ask guys they like out directly. He can't get a straight answer. He gets a plethora of weak and pathetic excuses.

 

As long as women want to keep the dating ritual traditional, men will never consider them equal.

[counterman]

I had a friend once you kept complaining about why girls never made the first move. He hadn't had a date before and he had never approached a girl before. One day, he asked this girl he's been friends with for 5 years (and liked her for that long) out and now they've been dating for nearly 2 years. He now says that only guys should ask girls out, and any guy who doesn't is a pussy. However, in reality, its rare someone is going wait 5 years (let alone a week) for the other to ask them out and when you don't make a move, we are left rueing what could have been.

 

If you're interested in someone, do something about it. I don't like these hard 'rules' that guys should always make the first move, girls should always do this; just a whole bunch of nonsense for me. Nothing is going to happen if no one makes a move, so if both are acting on their interest, then the odds that something will happen will be far greater than if you stuck by the rule that 'guys should always make the first move'

 

And with the girls who say that it never worked out whenever they've made the first move, what, two, three times? Please, that's just an excuse to stop taking initiative and just follow that same rule again, that guys should make the first move. Another one I've heard is that guys are better at taking rejection. What's all that nonsense about? It's a tough thing to take, especially when you're first starting out, whether you're a guy or girl, but that's dating, you have to plug through that and keep going at it. Furthermore, I've heard girls say that they seem 'desperate' when they make the first move. Well, if the guy thinks you're desperate, screw him. Not every guy is going to think you're desperate, some guys would appreciate your confidence and, hell, it's better than waiting around and hoping he'll approach you. Even if he's not interested, at least you know, instead of wondering and letting it drive you nuts and playing on your insecurities. Also, don't mix up making the first move as taking the lead. Most guys once they know you're interested, would gladly take the reins off you and take more initiative. But some won't do anything, unless they get signs of interest. I don't know what chasing means either... if it means you're setting up every date and constantly asking for the next date, then I believe thinks should be mutual and reciprocal. I don't believe in me taking all the initiative and doing everything.

 

The bottom line is, I have a whole bunch of girl friends who have never dated and who have never been approached and who are hell-bent on sticking by the rule that 'guys should make the first move'. On top of that, they're worried about not meeting any guys and being alone forever. What? You don't show any interest, you don't take any initiative and you're got other issues, and you expect things to just happen? Please. I wager if they actually, I don't know, put in a bit of effort, they'll get somewhere.

 

I'm happy with approaching girls that I'm interested in. God knows how many girls were interested in me and thought their signals were clear enough but didn't approach me or even talk to me. Don't die wondering.

[LZ2000]

Maybe women are just as afraid as men in being rejected when they make the first move ? I can imagine how emotionally challenging that can be.

[singlelife]

Maybe women are just as afraid as men in being rejected when they make the first move ? I can imagine how emotionally challenging that can be.

 

This is interesting, since women seem to hold all the cards. Hmmm.

[verhrzn]

This is interesting, since women seem to hold all the cards. Hmmm.

 

No, SOME women hold the cards, and they only 'hold the cards' when it comes to the initial stages. This thread has focused exclusively on pursuing... but when it comes to actually being in a relationship, women could easily say that MEN hold all the cards. That men decide when if a relationship is casual, committed, or just FWB.

 

And since there's accusations that no female posters are answering the OP's question directly, I'll step up the plate.

 

I don't pursue because guys never seem into me, and when I've tried pursuing, I've gotten openly mocked and rejected. Ta-da!

[Wolf18]

No, SOME women hold the cards, and they only 'hold the cards' when it comes to the initial stages. This thread has focused exclusively on pursuing... but when it comes to actually being in a relationship, women could easily say that MEN hold all the cards. That men decide when if a relationship is casual, committed, or just FWB.

[/Quote]

 

Not really. Considering the fact that you can get a date whenever you want, if a guy wants FWB and you're not into that then you can just move on.

 

Men have more to lose. When you get that 1 out of 10 (or for a lot of us , 1 out of 100) that says yes and you like her, you will end up doing the relationship thing because going out to meet women is tedious, no, absolutely exhausting.

 

 

And since there's accusations that no female posters are answering the OP's question directly, I'll step up the plate.

 

I don't pursue because guys never seem into me, and when I've tried pursuing, I've gotten openly mocked and rejected. Ta-da!

 

 

So what? Men go through this all the time, yet we still approach.

[verhrzn]

Not really. Considering the fact that you can get a date whenever you want, if a guy wants FWB and you're not into that then you can just move on.

 

I think plenty of women on this forum, myself included, have demonstrated this is not true many, many, many times.

 

 

So what? Men go through this all the time, yet we still approach.

 

I'll break it down even further: men don't like getting approached by women they don't find attractive, whereas if you approach a woman, you might get brownie points for confidence/boldness even if she wasn't initially attracted to you.

 

PS: When's the last time you got mooed at? Cause that's what happened to me the last time I tried to strike up a conversation with a guy.

[Wolf18]

I think plenty of women on this forum, myself included, have demonstrated this is not true many, many, many times.

[/Quote]

 

Is that why you've had 3 boyfriends, and I have had 0 girlfriends?

 

I'll break it down even further: men don't like getting approached by women they don't find attractive, whereas if you approach a woman, you might get brownie points for confidence/boldness even if she wasn't initially attracted to you.[/Quote]

 

 

I'd rather get mooed at then be castrated with an ice cream scooper via "friend zone". (what you get for your "brownie points")

 

 

PS: When's the last time you got mooed at? Cause that's what happened to me the last time I tried to strike up a conversation with a guy. [/Quote]

 

 

No. But plenty of women act like bitches when I hit on them. Of course, I always get them back by calling them fat (woman's achilles tendon, even if they're thin) Apparently Whore or c*** has lost its effect on modern women.

[verhrzn]

Is that why you've had 3 boyfriends, and I have had 0 girlfriends?

 

I'm also 4-5 years older than you, so maybe, if you're really lucky, by the time you're my age, you'll have had 3 people who dated you out of sheer desperation, and only used you to make their own egos bigger until they could date someone hotter.

 

 

I'd rather get mooed at then be castrated with an ice cream scooper via "friend zone". (what you get for your "brownie points")

 

Friend zone... really not that hard to deal with. She doesn't want to date you? "Okay see ya!" The only way to avoid being mooed at is to.... not approach guys. Which is why I don't.

 

 

No. But plenty of women act like bitches when I hit on them. Of course, I always get them back by calling them fat (woman's achilles tendon, even if they're thin) Apparently Whore or c*** has lost its effect on modern women.

 

Gee, it's really difficult to see why women aren't throwing themselves at you, with you taking even the slightest provocation to insult them (or, insult their friends... ever thought that maybe there was a chance that girl NEXT to the one you're hitting on thought you were kinda cute and was gonna angle for an introduction, until you called her friend fat/a whore/a c***?)

[Wolf18]

I'm also 4-5 years older than you, so maybe, if you're really lucky, by the time you're my age, you'll have had 3 people who dated you out of sheer desperation, and only used you to make their own egos bigger until they could date someone hotter. [/Quote]

 

 

 

Friend zone... really not that hard to deal with. She doesn't want to date you? "Okay see ya!" The only way to avoid being mooed at is to.... not approach guys. Which is why I don't.

[/Quote]

 

 

 

Gee, it's really difficult to see why women aren't throwing themselves at you, with you taking even the slightest provocation to insult them (or, insult their friends... ever thought that maybe there was a chance that girl NEXT to the one you're hitting on thought you were kinda cute and was gonna angle for an introduction, until you called her friend fat/a whore/a c***?) [/Quote]

 

LOL it's about going out with your pride. If you make yourself vulnerable to rejection, people ought to respect that instead of stepping all over you for their own ego. If I try to make a conversation with a girl, and she doesn't even have the common courtesy to acknowledge me, then I will take her down a notch.

 

I've had some unattractive girls approach me. I even have had unattractive girls grope me/slap my ass randomly at bars etc (no way the reverse would've been tolerated). Instead of being a jerk about it, I let them down real easy, take it as a compliment, and still will acknowledge them/throw them some white lie about having a girlfriend, it takes courage to approach someone and I don't want to hurt people's feelings just because I can. I expect the same in return ,and if you don't have that kind of honor, I have a right to put you down.