FolderWife Posted May 17, 2004 Share Posted May 17, 2004 My husband looks at porn even though he knows it rips my heart out, and it destroys my faith in him...it's too important for him to give up..he'd rather hurt me. My husband wears tighty whiteys in case he gets an erection, it won't be noticable....his own words people. My husband rarely initiates sex with me, and says he doesn't need sex, and he doesn't get aroused by my body. Am I missing something? Wouldn't a guy who's as sexual as him be hornier? Wouldn't he be especially horny with a woman who is readily available? ??? Link to post Share on other sites
zarathustra Posted May 17, 2004 Share Posted May 17, 2004 Sex is rarely just about sex. Porn is rarely just about porn. In the context of your marital battleground, your husband is using both sex and porn as weapons. He's being passive-aggressive yet still trying to do everything in his power to make you feel unloved, unwanted , undesired and invisible. Your siege-marriage is all about your husband's never ending assaults on your self-esteem. Unless masochism is your thing, I strongly recommend ending this increasingly embittered marriage. Leave him to his porn and right hand. You can do better--even outside a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Bubbles Posted May 17, 2004 Share Posted May 17, 2004 I conur! Completely! How much of your pride will you "allow" this man to trample on before you finally, finally say ENOUGH! DAMMITT, you and your porn can get the Hell out of my life! It's very enlightening......I know.......I've done it. Now I am a free and extrememly happy woman! I no longer am doubting myself image or my sex. I am in control of what goes on around me and let me tell you........IT"S WONDERFUL!!! I may not have much but I have my pride and THAT makes me a RICH WOMAN! Bubbles Link to post Share on other sites
Pyrannaste Posted May 17, 2004 Share Posted May 17, 2004 Monday, after reading quite a few of your posts I can't help agreeing with Zarathustra In this relationship you are getting hurt all the time and you are being disrespected and treated badly. I also read about your dream....I think that if you ever leave him it will NOT be like that, it's just your fears taking form in dreams. You will more likely feel soon better than you have in a long time. Link to post Share on other sites
Sugar_Cube Posted May 17, 2004 Share Posted May 17, 2004 Hi Monday, I'm kinda in the same boat as you. With the husband and the porn thing. The only difference is, seems like ever since he's been on it, he acts like he wants me more, loves me more, tells me I'm all that, etc. etc. There may be people that say well what are you worried about then? I have heard before too that sometimes when people are addicted to porn it can go either way, they either become more affectionate, or attentive or not. My thing is that its the fact that hes on what he's on period. To me if someones single and wants or feels the need to do that, then fine have at it, but when you're in a marriage/committed relationship then no its not ok. Its disrespectful to the relationship, especailly if you have told them how you feel about it over and over again. There comes a time when you feel like you're just blowing in the wind. I sometimes think to that my husband says the things he says out of quilt, and I wonder if he truly sees me or feels the way he says. Of course he must not feel to quilty, hes still doing it. I'm so sorry he is saying those things to you. I have to agree with Pyrannaste and the others, maybe its time to move on. I wish you luck in whatever you decide. Link to post Share on other sites
Author FolderWife Posted May 17, 2004 Author Share Posted May 17, 2004 (he) says he doesn't need sex, and he doesn't get aroused by my body. This part can be misread. In the beginning of our marriage, my husband said he doesn't need sex, and that it's not important to him. He didn't SAY he doesn't get aroused by my body. He just doesn't. I can walk into a room naked, and he hardly seems to notice. I'll catch him looking at me, but he's far from ready to rumble. Sorry, I felt the need to clarify. Link to post Share on other sites
zarathustra Posted May 17, 2004 Share Posted May 17, 2004 after reading quite a few of your posts I can't help agreeing with Zarathustra Not being paranoid<cough, ahem> I hope, Pyrannaste, that you're sad in having to agree with the message as opposed to the messenger. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted May 18, 2004 Share Posted May 18, 2004 I can't recall all your posts. I remember he had a bad life. Have you two discussed sex at all? Link to post Share on other sites
Thinkalot Posted May 18, 2004 Share Posted May 18, 2004 Sorry Monday to hear this. I know he has his own issues to overcome...but is he trying to do that? For his sake, and your's and your marriage? It really does take two. I know his childhood caused anger issues and so on...but there is only so much you should have to put up with, if he is not doing anything to help himself and the situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyrannaste Posted May 18, 2004 Share Posted May 18, 2004 Originally posted by zarathustra Not being paranoid<cough, ahem> I hope, Pyrannaste, that you're sad in having to agree with the message as opposed to the messenger. Lol, not really! I actually usually like your posts a lot. the sad smile was about how Monday was feeling:) Link to post Share on other sites
nawar_ibrahim Posted May 20, 2004 Share Posted May 20, 2004 I cant say that I dont look at porn pics and movies...but I have a reason and It might not be accebteble but you see my wife is a way..... for about 5 month... and I get so arrouse when I am on bed asleep or reading and she is not there but she is coming in a few days. I know the dangers of seeing these pics.... and I usally dont keep them alot on PC 2 days and then I delete them I try to keep my self clean minded and faitful as I can with my wife. the thing is that porn pics ploute the mind of a mand and women.... makeing him not able to arouse on female body easly... his fantesy and likes are difrent because he see's these pics..... he needs to stop and get a time on healing.... you sould try to go on a trip and bulid your love from sckratch..... clean his mind body and soul from these pics.... and he will heal... I had this problem of arousel before some time not long...but I stopped giving these pics attention and began to seek for sex but in deeper meaning.... not just breasty or bussy...and big asses and sexy looks... I said to my self this wife of mine has so much beauty... I need jut to find it.... study her..... and girl... women.... I cant stop being arroused.... now I just get hardend on simple stuff... but after your story women defenetly.... I think the last kill on these pics are going o start from today...no more porn pics...... I hope that you solve your porblem.... may be your husband has a problem with the long pass of seeing these pics and it gave him the problem with his reall life sex... and he cant admit it.... so he blames you... the blame is on him.... let him clean his mind... and heart form the these pics..and it will take time months......years...but once he dose .... women... vaigras kick is nothing compared with a normal guy who thinks of only sex with his wife.... women you will run from bed once you have your husband cleand up... so dont lose hope fix him and dont lose confedent in your self the problem is not from you its from him but he cant admit it...his fears are closeing him up.... I am sure he loves.... but he feels that his not man enough so he proves he is man enough by blameing you for the weakness. . he is playin it like a small kid.... but help him out with it... make him normal again.... and he will love you more for it... Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts