The Ugly Truth, and where to go from it?

[dicky_fish]

I'm so sick and tired of it all. Don't want to be heart-broken, jobless and miserable, but can't see a way around it!

So what happens now? What do you do when you no longer have that special reason for getting out of bed day after day? Drive and motivation = totally gone. And to cap it all off I appear to be doing a top notch job of alienating everyone around me.

Yes, I know there are plenty of people worse off than me in the world. But that's the ugly truth: I am just a statistic. I am no longer that unique, special person to anyone. I'm not required or needed anymore, just back to how I've always been - the outsider. My phone is always dead, social calendar non-existent, I'll never be considered to be best man at a wedding. I am just a number. These things aren't something new to me, but thinking back 12 months ago, hell even 6 months ago, I had the things that made all that stuff bearable. Trust me when I say it's sadder to watch it die than never to have known it.

 

The last time I was in a situation like this I had her to fall back on, that no matter how crap things could get in life - how ordinary I was - at least I had her as my ray of light.

 

And don't anyone dare post back with a "man-up" or "chin up" cliche, I'm in total crisis right now!

[Duckduckgoose]

When you set a person up as your "god" then you are bound to fall, because they ARE going to let you down, in some way, shape, or form.

 

I would suggest counselling for you TBH, and probably some religion. Both have helped me tremendously in picking my ass up off the ground when my exH slammed me down.

[sadprincess]

hey dickyfish, you sound EXACTLY like me. jobless, heartbroken, miserable. only diff is that im a girl. i wish i can tell you to man up etc...etc...but i myself find myself dysfunctional. i hate life. i hate it i hate it i hate it. so i understand. i wish i'd never wake up. i know the feeling of being a statistic. sucks balls.

[IfiKnewThen]

Trust me when I say it's sadder to watch it die than never to have known it.

 

 

this is almost brilliant. i cant help feeling the same way at times. really.

 

was it beautiful to soar in the sky?.....absolutely. but the crash and shock of being pushed out of the plane with out a chute into muck and pavement.......sorry. almost makes you wish you didn't fly so high with them....or ever meet them in the first place. i want to be more uplifting. and i will. give me a few days. have a massive headache now (i cant believe i am writing now feeling this headache)

 

grief and grieving is awful. but its true we cant let it get out of control. they cant get the best of us. i know life is about balance. thats why when you have bad days or a bad life, you needed someone like them to balance it all out. but since they are gone it will take baby steps to start balancing things out again. i know this sounds crazy but start with writing down little good tings that happen in the day and omit the bad. do NOT write that down. honestly for now ignore it. this is survival time. even if you eat a good sandwich in the day write it down. as time passes you will start focusing on the good stuff little by little and rewiring your brain. try to see the good things even coming out of the bad. get hugs from family or something. we are still valuable without them. we ARE. keep on thinking...."this is your temporary situation". live in the day. dont think about all tomorrows possible worries. you cant look that far ahead. do something today that will make tomorrow a bit better. get rest. feelings and thoughts will wax and wain and fluctuate. its all part of healing. grief, anger, hope, , shock. just dont get stuck in one part of the healing process. experience it all in little bits, then force yourself to move on to the next feeling. i read this in books and apply it. i had a recent set back with contact and further rejection just a human being level. they cant even treat someone like a human being. sighs. prayer is essential for me and helps too. keep asking God to life you from this and to give you the knowledge how to do it. and its so true we have to get them off the darn pedestal for once and for all. God bless. hold on .......it WILL get better. and of course if you need further help...go to someone you feel comfortable with and trust professional wise. sorry for rambling. you are not alone.

[LuluinAZ]

Dicky,

 

When I read your posts I notice how sweet, gentle and playful you are... I'm sorry you are feeling so much pain. I love reading the things you write and you should know no matter why your breakup took place, you have a lot to offer someone and someone right now would love to hear the words you are giving to your ex. I don't know why you broke up, but I know sometimes things happen and eventually you will find out why.

 

For years I have been trying to figure out what to do with myself and my loss, but have touched love although it didn't last. Working helped me put one foot in front of the other and take my mind off of it, but was laid off too. It has been through a lot of self discipline that I finally got going and am "fake it till I make it" and it is working somewhat. It's extreme discipline, something that's been lacking in me, but I got sick of it (the wallowing).

 

You may need to take small steps to expand your world to be able to move forward. Sometimes its 3 steps forward and one step back. Some girl will be lucky to have you.

[mike111]

Hey, dicky_fish. You ain't alone here. I have work, but I quit working just over two weeks ago. Very depressed right now.

 

mike

[dicky_fish]

Thanks everyone. I've had a pretty emotional couple of days and last night's post was, forgive the term, verbal diarrhea after bottling it up so long. Really wishing I hadn't blasted it all over Facebook too, but if you're gonna have a meltdown it might as well be public.

 

I'm just feeling very alone now, my family and friends don't know what to do with me, and basically all my worst fears I had about going into this relationship have come true. When she first told me she loved me I said I was scared that if I let myself feel love again then it would be taken away from me. http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-mZrRT-gA2y8/TZ2fuV_jVgI/AAAAAAAAEI0/WS9Bh0WFyV0/s640/9.jpg She promised she wouldn't, then she did.

 

It's turned to autumn here, and it's my favourite season. I wish she was still around so I could enjoy it with her like we always did. Only shame about autumn is it is always the nostalgic season.

[mike111]

I am sorry about this, man. How you doing now? Any better?

 

mike

[dicky_fish]

I'm really sad and f*cked off today. No one wants me out with them tonight, so yet another Saturday night in on my own. EPIC FAIL!

[IfiKnewThen]

yeah, i can relate to the autumn thing, although it is NOT my favorite season. its just halloween brings back memories. but here's the thing. they are NOT the same person anymore and neither are we. in some ways they are worse now (just by virtue of how they treated us in the end) and we are better now, just by being humbled, by the experience. at least i know i am a better person now. i personally was not treating them right in the past like i really should have. but in the end they were almost less than human, to me.

 

family and friends don't know what to do. its like watching something who is physically sick and you feel helpless. this is a solo flight ( our individual pain and grieving) but its been a universal thing of getting hurt in life and others have gone before us and made it through and so can we. we will!!! keep coming here to vent. i wouldn't facebook it. there is some anonymity here.

 

heres the thing: major self discipline. not letting feelings spiral. you have to change up your thoughts. 1) think of why you're a good man. and dont let ANYONE take that away from you. 2) think of how you can forgive in time. forgive yourself and them 3) think of how you dont have to forgive just now or maybe ever. but that you will get through this and there IS life on the other side. happiness again. 4) take whatever happiness you can get out of life right now, in the here and now. treat yourself. but not to drugs and alcohol. thats a trap and gets you WAY WAY more depressed. they arent WORTH it. ever!

 

anyway, dont want to get preachy. there will be some days better than others. focus on those days, one day at a time for survival sake, and future happiness sake. but please leave your mind OPEN to that. try to think like like that. fight for your life. there can be something else out there good for you and better for you. hope is always..what keeps mankind going. what else can you do? the key is to try hard to find some way to make peace with your past. that's what i think works. and then just put one foot in front of the other every day. and do something good for you. at least try it. i am sorry for your loss. it really sux big time. keep busy to just give your mind a rest . even if you watch a movie to try to block the thoughts of "them" out of your head. just for a reprieve for a little while. i know they are in the background. but slowly...the thoughts of them eventually dissipate more. it helps to find a small tiny goal and accomplish it and then make a new small goal..a project thats not overwhelming and then say "i DID that". why does that help? i dont know lol, but it tends to remind you of your value. that you can think something and see it be produced. that you still have control in life, and that takes some anxiety away. because we felt so out of control when they left. it brings back balance and hope. God bless and keep up the good work you already do. please. hugs

[IfiKnewThen]

ps its good you tried to get out. maybe its a blessing in disguise no one wanted to go out for some reason tonight. if they dont understand or cant cope themselves, for goodness sakes. but at least you tried. so not an epic fail on your part. thats for sure.