We'll never really know, but I wish there could be a study conducted

[Teknoe]

I'm curious how many posters who post about their problems CONSTANTLY on LoveShack actually take other posters' advice and they actually... self-improve? I see genuine efforts made by posters like Ross, and it looks like he's made some progress, but for every Ross there are a dozen others who stay stuck in the same bad patterns.

 

I think this is one of those times where internet and technology hurts these people. On boards like this, it's too easy to deny stuff and turn the other cheek. In real life, you have much more accountability face to face. Online I fear people are just using it to vent, without any real urgency to change (coz let's face it, change IS scary... that is, until one hits ABSOLUTE rock bottom).

 

I just wish we could read more success stories, where people who sought help actually... you know apply the (sound) advice given... report their trials and errors... and you actually see self-improvement in that poster.

 

That's why I think it's bad overobsessing on the dating forum. At some point you can't be told what to do or how to do it... you got to just do it. You learn on the go. It's a on the job training session.

 

Sadly, I fear too many LS'ers just never step out of the boat.

 

Stepping out in bold faith and courage is HALF the battle! It really is, coz half of life, quite frankly, is just showing up. (of course, being open and positive and trying your best also helps a lot, but just show up, bottom line, and watch what COULD happen. Nothing will happen, guaranteed, if you're sitting at home venting on LS, especially when you're reluctant to actually take action on posters' suggestions)

[FitChick]

Most people just like to complain. They love drama and being the center of attention. They like being a victim because that way they don't have to take responsibility.

[Teknoe]

Most people just like to complain. They love drama and being the center of attention. They like being a victim because that way they don't have to take responsibility.

 

 

This true. Internet offers anonymity too, which I think can be easily manipulated into a "curse" of sorts.

 

I'm especially concerned when these people who complain either:

 

A. Don't have real life friends

 

or

 

B. Choose not to share this stuff with their real life friends

 

you need that face to face interaction. for one, it's just healthy, and two, it leads more often to breakthroughs, because we all need friends to help us in life's journey. plus there is a lot more accountability and responsibility when discussing these matters face to face with a real life friend

 

otherwise they could moan and whine here, ignore certain replies, and continue their bad patterns without taking any responsibility or accountability. and they wonder why their "lot in life" sucks.

[Teknoe]

So if you hold no sympathy for people, why post?

 

Don't you always complain about not having a girlfriend?

 

Uh, don't know where you got this from, but I def. don't always complain about not having a GF, lol.

 

I do hold sympathy for people, especially certain posters I've built a level of "working knowledge" of. I still post because somehow, in some twisted way, I think one day it might all add up to help that person.

 

Perhaps subconsciously. I could help out by being part of the solution. That is why I post. It does get disheartening though when people ignore you... but like you said it's the net.

[Teknoe]

Just because I posted one thread about it, I "always" complain about not having a GF? Also, which thread was this? I'd like to see it.

 

I've posted a thread about how I came to terms handling not having a GF currently in a way that is healthy and positive... so yeah. I'm definitely not always complaining about not having a GF.

 

Who says I think anyone here owes me anything?

Each individual owes it to him or herself, period. It's not about me being "owed" by anyone. It's about seeing people who post on Self-Improvement, you know, actually make some (attempts at) self-improvement. They owe it to themselves, period. They don't owe it to me. If you think I think they owe it to me, then that is your interpretation and quite frankly, it's an incorrect one.

[january2011]

Along the same lines as FitChick's post, I think that some people like to vent. They don't want solutions or advice. They just want to get their frustration out there. The same theme runs through most of their threads and posts. For some posters, they might not have an avenue for venting in real life and once it's out there, they can pick themselves up and get on with life again. Others just like to tell all and sundry about their woes, it's part of their personality to complain. Sometimes it's difficult to tell which category a poster falls into, sometimes they hop from one to another.

 

I think that most people who answer such cries for help are trying to actually 'help' but it can be frustrating to see someone repeating the same issues and not making any progress. I think it's human nature to feel that you've made a difference rather than your advice falling into the abyss, possibly unread let alone followed.

 

There are some people who post once and never come back to respond to replies. Those are the ones that are even more perplexing because you don't know if you were responding to a sockpuppet of a regular, something terrible happened or your advice was all they needed to sort themselves out.

 

Thing is, you can't force people to listen to you or follow your advice. All you can do is either keep posting to them, or not.

[somedude81]

Don't forget that the majority of advice is very generic.

 

It's also easy to tell when doing the advice would be a waste of time.

 

The amount of good advice out there, is very rare.

[january2011]

Posting advice is voluntary. I don't think anyone is a professional/gets paid to post on this site - unless we're referring to the spammers and the self-styled gurus who have books and blogs to shill.

 

I like to think that people do it out of the goodness of their hearts because they want to help people. We all have life experience and perspectives. That's all we can offer. I do question people who continue to post on a site where they admit to getting no benefit or very little benefit. The cost-benefit analysis seems a bit wonky on that one.

[Teknoe]

It's also easy to tell when doing the advice would be a waste of time.

 

 

Fear is a crippling block for many, myself included.

 

Pride gets in the way, too.

 

In any event, man was not made for isolation (not talking just intimate opposite sex relationship but ALL relationships in general).

 

No man is an island, Jon Bon Jovi once sang.

 

And pity the man who is.

 

Bottom line = we need community for breakthroughs. We can have breakthroughs on our own of course, but having community certainly increases our chances of having breakthroughs.

[USMCHokie]

I'm most likely one of LS's top 5 of getting advice and not doing anything on it.

 

Sign me up.