Dear diary ... My diary to recovery

[Buttercup84]

I thought Jeremy was different . Getting me a kitten , proposing , getting little gifts for me etc. He was the perfect boyfriend .

 

But of course he had a dark side . I'm not saying it is all him , I did stupid things and could have been a better girlfriend in the beginning.

 

I hate acting like a victim , laying in bed and crying , while he probably is with a girl in the bed we bought together , falling in love and being happy .

 

I'm still in love , I won't deny it . But when I think about the men I have dated , I see I made poor choices . I always , especially with my Jeremy , gave up my self and adapted to their life . He wanted to move to Brisbane 3 times , even once turned down a job offer to move there because of me apparently . But I just had to tag along . I never had great self esteem . Maybe he will treat his new girl much better . She Wil be beautiful , have a great body , better job and just not be a loser like I am . I feel like a wall flower , a geek and boring . I wish I could be more interesting .

 

It's unfair she gets to have him . I feel so Lonley .

[sleepykitten]

Buttercup! Pease dont be saying things like that to yourself about yourself! You are beautiful, not boring and not a loser. I have felt like these things too at times but by repeating them it will be like a self fuffiling profacy. You made mistakes with your choices in the past-me too, i felt inadequate and insecure and scared and lonely, still do sometimes. But I dont want to stay scared forever. If you want to be more interesting-do it, if you dont like your body-go to the gym, if you dont think youre beautiful-change your internal dialogue. If I was in sydney I would come get you, take you shopping, make you laugh and we would get dressed up and go for cocktails and dancing.

[lymtal1]

bc,

 

this talk is nonsense. why are you going to let this guy define what you think about yourself? the fact that the relationship did not work out has absolutely nothing to do with the person you are. what happed and nothing more, you guys were incompatible. he was not right for you. this is a part of your life that is a learning experience for you that will enable you to make better choices in the future about finding someone that will make your life so much more fufilled.

 

i know who you are just based on reading your posts on here. you seem to be a very caring person. the kind of person that anyone would be luck to be with. he was clearly not a good guy to you and for you. rationally you know that this is the best thing that could have happened, but, you are having a hard time dealing with it. i get that. i think we who are out here on LS are having the same frustration as you. i know personally i can't figure out why i can't let go. i was with someone else casually the other day and all i could do was think about the one who i know was not right for me.

 

but, i can tell you this. i know that i am a good person, a great catch. i have a list of great attributes that someone will find very desirable. and because of that i am trying to seperate the why's i still have these feelings for her. i have grown over the past four months and i know deep down you have too. you have a choice to make. are you going to let this person, who by the way was nothing more than a blip on the radar shape how you view yourself? i encourage you not to let this happen.

 

you as a person are not defined by a relationship that was not right and was never meant to be. you are defined by your heart and mind and what makes you you. and i have no doubt in my mind that that is a great girl, one that so many guys would love to know and be with. you know it deep down. stop this wallowing and recognize that you have so much more than you are giving yourself credit for.

 

ok, let me remind you of the fact that as bad as you are thinking of yourself right now you got him didn't you? thank goodness you don't have him anymore. but whatever you did to attract him still is there, let it come back out. oh, and by the way, you are not in love with him as much as you are in love with the relationship you had. so many times we forget this because intelectually we know we can't love that person, they were not right for us and not nice to us. we miss being with someone. not the person. flip that switch.

 

you i know are great. you also know why you are great. focus on that. focus on it's not him you love. how and why would you love someone that treated you the way he did. let him go and find you:)