Update

[alexandria35]

Brokenlady congradulations and good luck.

 

I was so surprised to see that you married him because as late as March/April of this year you were done with him, calling him a douche and a manipulative azz and you were dating other guys. Now you're married to him? Hopefully you didn't make a hasty decision based on the romanctic rollercoaster a drama filled relationship can put you on. Have you and he considered some early marriage counselling to help you both heal from your painfull history with each other?

[Brokenlady]

Brokenlady congradulations and good luck.

 

I was so surprised to see that you married him because as late as March/April of this year you were done with him, calling him a douche and a manipulative azz and you were dating other guys. Now you're married to him? Hopefully you didn't make a hasty decision based on the romanctic rollercoaster a drama filled relationship can put you on. Have you and he considered some early marriage counselling to help you both heal from your painfull history with each other?

 

Good memory. I left him in January because I couldn't deal with his lack of boundaries with his xW. During the 5 months we were apart, he realized what a jacka** he was. He went into intensive IC, got some real help and realized that he needed to get really good boundaries with her or his next relationship wouldn't succeed either. He was aware I was dating other people (small town) and we both considered our relationshbip over for good. As luck would have it, the guy I was seeing then turned out to be a real jerk, and about a month after that ended, my H and I ended up back in contact by chance. Things have been so different than they were before. He finally became the person I always knew he had deep down inside him.

 

xW did not make the decision to re-unite easy. In fact her drama quadrupled, which really tested us as a couple. But it's not like we haven't been together forever or lived together before. And, as an added bonus, xW now refuses to speak to him (as if that was a threat!) and so we live a relatively quiet and happy life now.

[MorningCoffee]

Good memory. I left him in January because I couldn't deal with his lack of boundaries with his xW. During the 5 months we were apart, he realized what a jacka** he was. He went into intensive IC, got some real help and realized that he needed to get really good boundaries with her or his next relationship wouldn't succeed either. He was aware I was dating other people (small town) and we both considered our relationshbip over for good. As luck would have it, the guy I was seeing then turned out to be a real jerk, and about a month after that ended, my H and I ended up back in contact by chance. Things have been so different than they were before. He finally became the person I always knew he had deep down inside him.

 

xW did not make the decision to re-unite easy. In fact her drama quadrupled, which really tested us as a couple. But it's not like we haven't been together forever or lived together before. And, as an added bonus, xW now refuses to speak to him (as if that was a threat!) and so we live a relatively quiet and happy life now.

 

Thanks for clarifying this. Glad you set your boundaries, and that he did the work he needed on himself. Best wishes as you move forward. Maybe you'll keep us posted every once in a while?

[eleanor01]

Hey, NotBrokenAnymoreLady--

 

Thanks so much for posting about your happiness. I think it's fair to say that most of us OW/OM will not experience the outcome that you have, but still. . .

 

HOORAY FOR YOU!!

 

Many, many good wishes for a happy and harmonious future.

Ellie

[fooled once]

Brokenlady congradulations and good luck.

 

I was so surprised to see that you married him because as late as March/April of this year you were done with him, calling him a douche and a manipulative azz and you were dating other guys. Now you're married to him? Hopefully you didn't make a hasty decision based on the romanctic rollercoaster a drama filled relationship can put you on. Have you and he considered some early marriage counselling to help you both heal from your painfull history with each other?

 

Good post. I too was shocked to see that she married this 'man'. He showed her time and time again how he was more committed to his wife/ex wife than her; spending the night there, etc. If he really has changed; that's great. Hard to imagine he has basically become a totally new person in a few short months. I too hope BL isn't back here posting in a few months how he is cheating on her or sneaking over to visit the ex wife.

 

Good luck!

Edited October 16, 2011 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[donnamaybe]

There are several examples here of fOWs who met and married their Hs within milliseconds of ending the A.

Wow. I've never noticed that. At all.

[Silly_Girl]

People marry for all sorts of reasons, as is their right. There are several examples here of fOWs who met and married their Hs within milliseconds of ending the A. They consider that good fortune and claim to be happily married. Many of us on the outside may tut-tut about "rebound" and worry about them settling for anything to take away the loneliness, but that choice was theirs to make. Just as marrying her fMM was BL's choice to make, whether outsiders approve of it or not.

 

Personally, I feel a lot less concerned about someone marrying a partner they've had a R with for more than four years, that they've lived with and known intimately (good and bad), than someone they met mere weeks or months ago when they were still smarting from the unhappy end of an A.

 

I wish BL all the very best in her marriage. Genuinely.

 

Hear! Hear! I think you had the same thought process as me as you read the thread

[Mimolicious]

If she lives with him but doesn't know his hopes and fears, it's not much of a M is it?

 

 

Same as living with the hopes and fear is not much of a R when in an A...

Just saying.

[bittersweet memories]

Exactly. The A was 2 years, then we had a legit R for another 2 (almost 3 years). Divorce is final 2 years now.

 

Yes, you had a legit relationship while he was still seeing his wife. If i remember correctly. Doing things for her. Sounds pretty legit

[White Flower]

Wow. I've never noticed that. At all.

We came to LS roughly the same time IIRC and I do recall a few names just off the top of my head. GEL, Owoman, Togetherforever, Old Europe, and now BL.

 

I also remember a well known poster who created a temporary username here to admit that he and his W were once MM and OW and that their lives couldn't be happier. Still another who I won't name was once a SC but M the love of his life and cheats no more. There ARE happy endings on this board.

 

Which reminds me, there are plenty of OW who have SM (Separated Men) on this board. I won't bother naming all of them.

[White Flower]

Isn't "legit" a daft word? If he is legitimately installing my brakes or showerhead, then the R feels "legit" enough to me. If he is taking care of my needs in every way, I don't need a piece of paper to make my R legit.

 

When all our friends, kids, and his IC see how happy we are, and comment on it, that's legitimate enough for me.

[Silly_Girl]

We came to LS roughly the same time IIRC and I do recall a few names just off the top of my head. GEL, Owoman, Togetherforever, Old Europe, and now BL.

 

I also remember a well known poster who created a temporary username here to admit that he and his W were once MM and OW and that their lives couldn't be happier. Still another who I won't name was once a SC but M the love of his life and cheats no more. There ARE happy endings on this board.

 

Which reminds me, there are plenty of OW who have SM (Separated Men) on this board. I won't bother naming all of them.

 

WF, think you might have misinterpreted. The post was about people who were OW, 'escaped' that, and very quickly met a man, fell in love and got wed. Very quickly. Pretty sure there's 2 or 3 or more. The point was whether you know what you're getting in that scenario, BL has a damn good idea after all this time however.

[White Flower]

There are several examples here of fOWs who met and married their Hs within milliseconds of ending the A. They consider that good fortune and claim to be happily married.

I didn't see this post quite the same way when I posted earlier. All the fOW I mentioned earlier actually M their fMM, just to clarify. Sorry for the misunderstanding, guess I better take some cold meds...

[Brokenlady]

Wow. I've never noticed that. At all.

 

I can think of two BWs who were OWs that did exactly that.

[Brokenlady]

Yes, you had a legit relationship while he was still seeing his wife. If i remember correctly. Doing things for her. Sounds pretty legit

 

So because he mowed her lawn out of guilt, that somehow nullifies our R? It pissed me off, yes, and it disrupted our R, but she was not romantic competition to me - it was merely symptomatic of his trying to relieve his massive guilt. Does making this nonsense up help you believe your H is being faithful to you now? Good luck with that.

[bittersweet memories]

So because he mowed her lawn out of guilt, that somehow nullifies our R? It pissed me off, yes, and it disrupted our R, but she was not romantic competition to me - it was merely symptomatic of his trying to relieve his massive guilt. Does making this nonsense up help you believe your H is being faithful to you now? Good luck with that.

 

 

Good luck sweetie..I think you need it more than I do.

[bittersweet memories]

So because he mowed her lawn out of guilt, that somehow nullifies our R? It pissed me off, yes, and it disrupted our R, but she was not romantic competition to me - it was merely symptomatic of his trying to relieve his massive guilt. Does making this nonsense up help you believe your H is being faithful to you now? Good luck with that.

 

 

So spending the night with his ex was also out of guilt? hmmm...ok

 

 

Again...Good Luck with that.

[findingnemo]

Hi BL,

 

I'm so happy to hear that you are married. The fact that recently you were pissed off and raging over his yo-yoing makes me think that you put your foot down and forced him to make a choice. And he did... You'll be happy, you'll have problems just like others in Ms have. That's expected. At the end, love has won in your case and that to me is worth celebrating.

 

Good luck and have a wonderful marriage!

[donnamaybe]

I can think of two BWs who were OWs that did exactly that.

Oh. Two. Not "several."

 

Okay.

[donnamaybe]

We came to LS roughly the same time IIRC and I do recall a few names just off the top of my head. GEL, Owoman, Togetherforever, Old Europe, and now BL.

 

I also remember a well known poster who created a temporary username here to admit that he and his W were once MM and OW and that their lives couldn't be happier. Still another who I won't name was once a SC but M the love of his life and cheats no more. There ARE happy endings on this board.

 

Which reminds me, there are plenty of OW who have SM (Separated Men) on this board. I won't bother naming all of them.

of those mentioned, one never married and I believe they are no longer together as told by her, one was a serial OW, and another is now married to a serial cheater. It remains to be seen how long those R's might last.

[Got it]

Congrats and many well wishes!

[White Flower]

of those mentioned, one never married and I believe they are no longer together as told by her, one was a serial OW, and another is now married to a serial cheater. It remains to be seen how long those R's might last.

Not quite sure what your point is. My point was that MM do leave and there are many Rs that thrive after an A. It doesn't really matter if they are M now nor does it matter if they are fSC. It really only matters that they left a R that wasn't right for them and are happier where they are now. I thought you could relate to that.

 

There are many more IRL. My dad left for his OW and remained by her side until his death. My brother's W left him for MOM who left his BW for her. My daughter's two best friend's mothers are now with their fMOMs. And those are just the ones I feel like typing out right now.

 

Gotta go, I have a date with my special guy.

[White Flower]

of those mentioned, one never married and I believe they are no longer together as told by her, one was a serial OW, and another is now married to a serial cheater. It remains to be seen how long those R's might last.

Not quite sure what your point is. My point was that MM do leave and there are many Rs that thrive after an A. It doesn't really matter if they are M now nor does it matter if they are fSC. It really only matters that they left a R that wasn't right for them and are happier where they are now. I thought you could relate to that.

 

There are many more IRL. My dad left for his OW and remained by her side until his death. My brother's W left him for MOM who left his BW for her. My daughter's two best friend's mothers are now with their fMOMs. And those are just the ones I feel like typing out right now.

 

Gotta go, I have a date with my special guy.

[bittersweet memories]

Not quite sure what your point is. My point was that MM do leave and there are many Rs that thrive after an A. It doesn't really matter if they are M now nor does it matter if they are fSC. It really only matters that they left a R that wasn't right for them and are happier where they are now. I thought you could relate to that.

 

There are many more IRL. My dad left for his OW and remained by her side until his death. My brother's W left him for MOM who left his BW for her. My daughter's two best friend's mothers are now with their fMOMs. And those are just the ones I feel like typing out right now.

 

Gotta go, I have a date with my special guy.

 

WF has your MM left his wife for you yet?

[Brokenlady]

of those mentioned, one never married and I believe they are no longer together as told by her, one was a serial OW, and another is now married to a serial cheater. It remains to be seen how long those R's might last.

 

Um, my H was not a serial cheater. You must have me confused.

 

At any rate, I think any of our M's are in no more of a precarious position than any of the BW's who stayed with their cheating H's, yet you're not passing judgment on them, just the married fOWs marriages. Interesting.