3rd date "rule" being brought into conversation by a guy

[ThsAmericanLife]

He's an idiot who just wanted sex from you, not a relationship. Yes, you had a Lucky Escape.

 

I agree. Any one who has to invoke the 'three date rule' as some kind of law laid down from heaven above obviously doesn't a) have the skill to make you wanna jump him by then b) is not interested in anything long term (ie taking longer than 3 dates).

 

Consider yourself lucky...

[ThsAmericanLife]

Who are you trying to kid?

 

 

Thats the difference between prostitutes and other women. With prostitutes you are at least guaranteed sex for the money you pay.

 

Really easy to fix if you are that bent out of shape on it...

 

date women who don't believe the man has to pay for a date... easy enough...

[Onlyjonley]

As others have said, it's obvious he only wants a piece of ass. Unless you're okay with casual sex, move on and forget about him. Otherwise, he'll get what he wants and drop you just like that. Lots of guys have that mentality. Hit it and quit it.

[Cypress25]

Really easy to fix if you are that bent out of shape on it...

 

date women who don't believe the man has to pay for a date... easy enough...

 

But then he wouldn't have a bargaining chip for easy sex! He wants to pay for the date because he wants the woman to owe him sex.

[Kaplan]

I think he wanted a BJ in the car. That sort of thing is pretty common.

 

Anyway, he didn't go about asking for it in a very smooth way. Not only is he an assshole, he's an idiot.

[ThsAmericanLife]

But then he wouldn't have a bargaining chip for easy sex! He wants to pay for the date because he wants the woman to owe him sex.

 

Yes, no doubt. I'm sure it works on some women.

 

I can't imagine the obligation sex he might occasionally get would be all that great. Hence the frustration.

[darkmoon]

I am with someone I like (am female) but do not want to get this wrong - those three words can be potent or emotional blackmail/demanding attention or scary. just wondered as i have concerns and would appreciate insights.

[ChessPieceFace]

I think he wanted a BJ in the car. That sort of thing is pretty common.

 

Anyway, he didn't go about asking for it in a very smooth way. Not only is he an assshole, he's an idiot.

 

I'm extremely smart, but I can't usually phrase my ideas very well in person, especially when I'm nervous. So he may not be an idiot, just a socially anxious guy with apparently low standards when it comes to sex.

 

All the people involved in the "money for sex" debate ... I guess if you're just looking for cheap sex, you're getting what you deserve? When and if I ever find a girl who is worthwhile, she'll care about more than who paid the check when, and which date it is.

[musemaj11]

Really easy to fix if you are that bent out of shape on it...

 

date women who don't believe the man has to pay for a date... easy enough...

Yea, thats like saying if you dont want to live poor in Mexico, simply go to America. That is oversimplifying things. The fact is that it is not that easy. In a more traditional country like America, finding such a woman is like searching for a needle in a haystack.

 

I'm not degrading prostitutes, I'm just saying they're different from women who are dating/seeking a relationship. Dating is about getting to know the other person, it's not about trading money for sexual favors. Dating is not a transaction. Dating/relationships involve emotions; prostitution has nothing to do with emotions. They're different and they're supposed to be different.

Most women are prostitutes whether they believe they are or not. If dating is not a monetary transaction, then we wouldnt hear all the time about women going up in arms over some guy being 'cheap' because they won't pay on dates or never took them out on dates. Just like prostitutes, other women demand to get paid for their time and attention, too.

 

And women are not female monkeys. Humans have emotions and that's perfectly natural. Even monkeys have preferences when choosing a sexual partner. They don't mate with just any monkey.

Monkeys have emotions, too. It is a very ignorant thing to say otherwise.

 

And of course monkeys have sexual preferences as well like humans. Like I said, female monkeys want sex with the resourceful alpha males while male monkeys want the fertile, young female monkeys.

 

But then he wouldn't have a bargaining chip for easy sex! He wants to pay for the date because he wants the woman to owe him sex.

Thats good. Then both sides will have mutual respect for one another. The man doesnt feel like a walking wallet and the woman doesnt feel like a sex object.

 

Of course, if your spending money on dates just to get in a woman's pants, then you deserve to lose any money you had spent.

And why do I deserve that? Its within my right to have any expectation out of the money I spend.

 

Besides, dont be naive. Lets get real and be honest now, most men including yourself surely would change your mind about spending even a penny on a woman if she told you right off the bat that she was never ever going to have sex with you.

 

How is that fraud? Did she ever promise him anything in exchange for a date? Did she sign a contract saying she would have sex with him if he paid for dinner? If not, then the man has no reason to expect anything in return. Most men know better than to expect a woman to put out just because he paid for a date. Besides, sex isn't something you give to another person. It's something you share with another person.

Most men do expect sex out of the resources he invests in a woman. Its a subconscious desire. As I said above, tell a guy who asks you on a date that you are never ever going to have sex with him no matter how much money he spends on you, I guarantee that you are never going to hear from him again.

 

And actually, it's perfectly normal for a woman to go on a date and not feel obligated to repay the man by having sex with him. Sex is not appropriate compensation for being treated to a meal. Even prostitutes charge more than $20. And yet you think a woman should have sex with you because you paid $20 (or less) for her dinner?

The prices of prostitutes vary. The higher the quality, the more expensive she is going to cost. Not much difference than women who dont call themselves prostitutes. The hotter the woman, the more expensive it is going to be to woo her.

 

Presumably you asked her on a date so you could have the pleasure of her company. That's your compensation right there.

So now you are saying that women are escorts who trades their time for money?

 

Why do you even date women if you don't like women? Just hire a prostitute. You only care about sex and they only care about money. It's a perfect match.

Who says I dont like women? I was simply arguing that if it is okay for women to expect men to pay on the first four dates, then it should be equally okay for men to expect women to put out on the fourth date. Its fair. Edited October 16, 2011 by musemaj11

[louise_23]

Yea, thats like saying if you dont want to live poor in Mexico, simply go to America. That is oversimplifying things. The fact is that it is not that easy. In a more traditional country like America, finding such a woman is like searching for a needle in a haystack.

 

Most women are prostitutes whether they believe they are or not. If dating is not a monetary transaction, then we wouldnt hear all the time about women going up in arms over some guy being 'cheap' because they won't pay on dates or never took them out on dates. Just like prostitutes, other women demand to get paid for their time and attention, too.

 

Monkeys have emotions, too. It is a very ignorant thing to say otherwise.

 

And of course monkeys have sexual preferences as well like humans. Like I said, female monkeys want sex with the resourceful alpha males while male monkeys want the fertile, young female monkeys.

 

Thats good. Then both sides will have mutual respect for one another. The man doesnt feel like a walking wallet and the woman doesnt feel like a sex object.

 

And why do I deserve that? Its within my right to have any expectation out of the money I spend.

 

Besides, dont be naive. Lets get real and be honest now, most men including yourself surely would change your mind about spending even a penny on a woman if she told you right off the bat that she was never ever going to have sex with you.

 

Most men do expect sex out of the resources he invests in a woman. Its a subconscious desire. As I said above, tell a guy who asks you on a date that you are never ever going to have sex with him no matter how much money he spends on you, I guarantee that you are never going to hear from him again.

 

The prices of prostitutes vary. The higher the quality, the more expensive she is going to cost. Not much difference than women who dont call themselves prostitutes. The hotter the woman, the more expensive it is going to be to woo her.

 

So now you are saying that women are escorts who trades their time for money?

 

Who says I dont like women? I was simply arguing that if it is okay for women to expect men to pay on the first four dates, then it should be equally okay for men to expect women to put out on the fourth date. Its fair.

 

well ill blow your argument out of the water right here - he didnt pay for the first four dates. we more or less kept it even but i think i paid more one particular evening because thats just how it panned out. i would never put myself in the situation where i feel like i owe a guy like you anything. what a creep!

[louise_23]

wise words! you're totally right. the 'attitude of entitlement' bit struck it home to me. i should've shot him down there and then rather than just laugh it off, in hindsight.

 

just as a side note, i feel for your sister, i really do!

[louise_23]

lol yeah i think you may just be right

[louise_23]

As others have said, it's obvious he only wants a piece of ass. Unless you're okay with casual sex, move on and forget about him. Otherwise, he'll get what he wants and drop you just like that. Lots of guys have that mentality. Hit it and quit it.

 

 

yeah it sounds like he's one of those kinda people. if i hear from him again i'll bear this one in mind.

[musemaj11]

well ill blow your argument out of the water right here - he didnt pay for the first four dates. we more or less kept it even but i think i paid more one particular evening because thats just how it panned out. i would never put myself in the situation where i feel like i owe a guy like you anything. what a creep!

I didnt accuse you of anything. I simply said that there are plenty of women who have a rule that a guy has to pay at least for the first few dates. So I argued if women could hold such a belief without being seen negatively, then why can't men have their own rule that expects a woman to put out after the first few dates without being seen negatively also?

[louise_23]

I didnt accuse you of anything. I simply said that there are plenty of women who have a rule that a guy has to pay at least for the first few dates. So I argued if women could hold such a belief without being seen negatively, then why can't men have their own rule that expects a woman to put out after the first few dates without being seen negatively also?

 

you know exactly what im getting at. the fact you posted it as an answer to my question would appear to be saying this is what happened in this instance.

 

for the record, i dont agree with the women that do think its ok for the man to pay all the time, and yeah, if i had done that itd possibly be my own fault that he expected sex. but thats not whats happened here. and to be honest, as much as i disagree that the man should be paying all the time, its still an ******* point of view to believe its your entitlement to have sex with someone.

[soserious1]

And actually, it's perfectly normal for a woman to go on a date and not feel obligated to repay the man by having sex with him. Sex is not appropriate compensation for being treated to a meal. Even prostitutes charge more than $20. And yet you think a woman should have sex with you because you paid $20 (or less) for her dinner?

 

Not sure if you realize this but you just proved his point with the little snippet above, lol, you're merely arguing that amount of compensation is inadequate.

[Mme. Chaucer]

I am so exhausted by the repetitive posts by weak, whiny guys about how if they pay for something for or with a woman, that woman is some kind of fraudulent criminal if she doesn't "repay" him with sex.

 

What is the freakin' problem with simply either NEVER paying for anything while on a date, or being straightforward and paying a professional prostitute for sex, if you're so hung up on all that?

 

I have news for all these pathetic, sniveling fellows:

 

Most men and women aren't following stupid rules. Guess what? The "cool" guys pay if they feel like paying, and don't pay if they don't feel like paying or if it's out of the budget. The "cool" women NEVER have sex because they "owe" it to some guy - they have sex ONLY because, and when, they want to have sex.

 

Paying for one or four dates will only make a very few women WANT to have sex with a guy who is otherwise absolutely unappealing.

 

So, to you absolutely unappealing guys: STOP PAYING FOR DATES! Hire professional sex providers! Get out of the dating pool altogether, because it's a much more fun and pleasant place without you.

[musemaj11]

you know exactly what im getting at. the fact you posted it as an answer to my question would appear to be saying this is what happened in this instance.

 

for the record, i dont agree with the women that do think its ok for the man to pay all the time, and yeah, if i had done that itd possibly be my own fault that he expected sex. but thats not whats happened here. and to be honest, as much as i disagree that the man should be paying all the time, its still an ******* point of view to believe its your entitlement to have sex with someone.

Whatever I said wasnt directed at you in particular. I said what I said simply in response to all the negativity that everyone showed toward the guy's behavior for expecting sex after a few dates when on the other hand no one says anything if a woman expects to be paid for for a few dates. In my eyes, both scenarios are the same in principle yet in reality, they are viewed differently by society.

[louise_23]

I am so exhausted by the repetitive posts by weak, whiny guys about how if they pay for something for or with a woman, that woman is some kind of fraudulent criminal if she doesn't "repay" him with sex.

 

What is the freakin' problem with simply either NEVER paying for anything while on a date, or being straightforward and paying a professional prostitute for sex, if you're so hung up on all that?

 

I have news for all these pathetic, sniveling fellows:

 

Most men and women aren't following stupid rules. Guess what? The "cool" guys pay if they feel like paying, and don't pay if they don't feel like paying or if it's out of the budget. The "cool" women NEVER have sex because they "owe" it to some guy - they have sex ONLY because, and when, they want to have sex.

 

Paying for one or four dates will only make a very few women WANT to have sex with a guy who is otherwise absolutely unappealing.

 

So, to you absolutely unappealing guys: STOP PAYING FOR DATES! Hire professional sex providers! Get out of the dating pool altogether, because it's a much more fun and pleasant place without you.

 

 

brilliant!

[Mme. Chaucer]

Really, if there is some kind of barter system in place, it would be useful if both people agreed upon the terms very specifically before any portion of the business transaction took place.

 

Who knows? Maybe the woman is operating under a system where after 3 dates she is supposed to change the oil in the guy's car. He might be missing out on some great bartering opportunities just because he's stuck in a rut of thinking that paying for dinner equals sexual intercourse.

 

What a bunch of weirdos.

[Cypress25]

Its within my right to have any expectation out of the money I spend.

 

When you pay for dinner in a restaurant, you are buying food, you are not buying sex. You do get something in return for the money you spend. You give money to the restaurant, and the restaurant gives you food. It's a fair transaction.

 

If you want to buy sex from a woman, you'll have to give her money directly. That's what prostitutes are for.

 

When you treat someone on a date, it's supposed to be a gift. Like when I took my boyfriend out to dinner for his birthday. I paid for his dinner as a gift to him. I didn't expect anything in return. He didn't owe me anything for it.

 

If you pay for a woman on a date, it's considered a gift. That's why it's a "gentleman" thing to do. If you demand something in exchange for that "gift," it is no longer a gift and you are no longer a gentleman. If you don't want to treat the woman on a date and you don't want to be a gentleman, then don't pay for her. You don't have to pay; it's voluntary.

 

I never expect the man to pay for me on dates. I always offer to pay for myself. If he insists on paying, I'll let him because I assume he wants to be a gentleman and do something nice for me. That is the only acceptable reason to treat someone on a date. If you pay for a woman because you expect something in return, you're not treating her, you're bartering with her. Bartering is not acceptable behavior on a date.

 

Besides, wouldn't it be more gratifying to know that a woman is having sex with you because she wants to, rather than because she feels obligated to? If you pay for a woman on a date and you want compensation, then ask her to pay for you on the next date. That's a fair and equal exchange.

 

Understand this: No one owes you sex. For anything. If you paid for a woman on 200 dates, she still wouldn't owe you sex. If you bought a car for a woman, she still wouldn't owe you sex. If you saved a woman from a speeding train, she still wouldn't owe you sex. That is too much to expect. Her body is not a bartering tool.

[musemaj11]

When you pay for dinner in a restaurant, you are buying food, you are not buying sex. You do get something in return for the money you spend. You give money to the restaurant, and the restaurant gives you food. It's a fair transaction.

Yes its a fair transaction if I go alone and only pay for myself.

 

If you want to buy sex from a woman, you'll have to give her money directly. That's what prostitutes are for.

If only women would simply tell me their price upfront. As for prostitutes, prostitution is illegal in this country. Im not going to risk getting involved with the police. For the moment Im sticking with paying 'prostitutes in denial' by taking them on dates. Its less risky but also a lot less chance of return.

 

When you treat someone on a date, it's supposed to be a gift. Like when I took my boyfriend out to dinner for his birthday. I paid for his dinner as a gift to him. I didn't expect anything in return. He didn't owe me anything for it.

 

If you pay for a woman on a date, it's considered a gift. That's why it's a "gentleman" thing to do. If you demand something in exchange for that "gift," it is no longer a gift and you are no longer a gentleman. If you don't want to treat the woman on a date and you don't want to be a gentleman, then don't pay for her. You don't have to pay; it's voluntary.

You must be kidding. If I just felt like feeding people for nothing, I would rather give to charity. There are countless hungry children in Africa who are more in need of food.

 

Lets get real, we all spend our hard earned money on someone we are interested in for something in return although that something can be many different things.

 

Besides, wouldn't it be more gratifying to know that a woman is having sex with you because she wants to, rather than because she feels obligated to? If you pay for a woman on a date and you want compensation, then ask her to pay for you on the next date. That's a fair and equal exchange.

Lol, asking a woman upfront to pay for a date is the quickest way to lose her interest. In 25 years of my life, I have never had a girl taking the initiative insisting to pay for the second date. At the most she pretended to want to pay for her own share. Once two years ago I took up a girl's offer to pay for herself on the third date and I never heard from her again. So Im not buying this bullcrap. Edited October 17, 2011 by musemaj11

[Mme. Chaucer]

Today a guy helped me catch my pet rabbit, Leon, who had escaped from his hutch and was hopping around like mad.

 

Was I supposed to give that fellow a blowjob in exchange?

 

Life is so confusing!

[montana15]

Today a guy helped me catch my pet rabbit, Leon, who had escaped from his hutch and was hopping around like mad.

 

Was I supposed to give that fellow a blowjob in exchange?

 

Life is so confusing!

 

This post is worthy of an award.

[louise_23]

Absolutely. Honestly Louise, its barely worth responding to Musemaj and the other creepy guys on this site. There is actually something mentally wrong with them and none of them have ever had a date with a woman anyway, what a surprise . They never respond to anything properly except to say all women are nothing more than prostitutes basically. Total jerks and creeps to a man.

 

 

lol! wise words! x