Could all this be from ongoing depression that has just gotten worse?

[Josieburn]

You may have read or would like to read my other thread here

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?threadid=38668

 

 

But I've looked back on our marriage, and even found some letters she we had written back and forth after we were married for only 6 months and I'm just wondering something.

 

Does anyone think that my wife is severely depressed?

 

I know she saw a therapist when she was in her teens, but all of her actions and constant tiredness and just all the little things that have happened really now seem to add up to depression.

 

And with all the other things that have happened in the past two years, it's gotten to the point where it has taken over her emotions and made her think that things will get better somewhere else without me.

 

Does anyone know if depression can cause situations like her actions and how she feels about me now and the feelings of hopelessness that she has for (what I feel is everything but at least of) our marriage?

 

I must tell you that I'm not trying to find an "answer" for what's going on now, but I've read a lot about depression this weekend on the internet and it just seems like what has happened. Not that the realization on my part makes a difference in any way because she would have to realize it herself, but it may be a road we can take. it may also be the reason she feels she can't talk to anyone.

 

Anyway, I'm just wondering what people lthink about it. Thanks.

[Matilda]

I think you'd have to ask her if she thinks she's depressed.

[meanon]

Your wife may well be depressed, please do try and encourage her to see a Doctor as soon as possible. Hopelessness is one of the cognitive symptoms of depression. If she has felt like this for some time (about life, rather than just the marriage) then that is a cause for concern in itself. As to your marriage, only time will tell. I hope she regains some hope for the future within the marriage, she will need all your support to achieve this if it is possible. Good luck

[Josieburn]

Where do I start? She won't see a doctor and she thinks that it's just the us and not depression. But I really think it's been going on all her life. How do I even begin to help her when she can't stand to be around me. And everytime I try to do anything, she just pushes further away. I love my wife soooooo much. i want to help her and see her well and happy. But if she leaves, I feel she's leaving behind the one person who could help her. From what I understand, it takes some people many, many years to overcome depression. I want to be here for her. Where do I start?

[meanon]

If she is adamant it's the marriage and you continue to articulate the suggestion that it isn't then she will only seek help if she changes her mind about the marriage. Back to square one. I think you should try and dissociate the two issues. If she is depressed, then speculating on a cause may not be that helpful to her, tempting though it may be to do so in your position.

 

I think that conceding that she may be right about the marriage may help you both get over this stalemate. Maybe she would be more likely to check with a doctor if she felt you were not questioning the validity of her feelings. Refusal to seek help is extremely common. I would approach it from the point of view that no-one can know for sure, she has some of the symptoms in your view (whatever the cause) and it's OK if she disagrees but there's no harm in checking it out. Be persistant is seeking and countering her objections in a logical manner. If you think it will help you could ask her to do it for you, so that you know that her plans are right for her and the kids.

 

I agree with some of the views expressed in your other thread. You can not go on like this. If she is determined to go, you can not stop her. For your own sake you need to begin to explore your options should the marriage end. I hope it doesn't come to that. Prepare for the worst, hope for the best.