Today

[sunflower11]

Today would have been our 8-month anniversary. Today we would have celebrated another month of being together but not anymore. This has been one of the hardest months of my life if I look back at the first 2 weeks after I moved home and how you were slowly pushing me away. God did it hurt. I remember feeling an emptiness and pressure in my stomach and my chest. My eyes hurt from so much crying and I had constant anxiety attacks just thinking about losing you. And then I lost you. You said you need time to sort things out, figure out your depression and get on medication or something. I was numb the first 4 days and then it hit me that I didn’t have you anymore, that I wasn’t your princess and we wouldn’t spend Christmas together cuddling in your bed. It hit me that the love of my life had walked away from me. I didn’t understand then and I can’t say I fully understand things now but..I am trying. After I talked to you last weekend I felt so much peace washing over me. There was a weight lifted off my shoulders when you said it wasn’t over forever and that you just needed time. I felt like I wanted to wait, like my heart would be faithful to you no matter what. You said you loved me and you would text me this week. It’s Friday and I have not heard from you and I wonder if I ever will? You have obviously figured out that I have an online number from your home town and you ignored my call yesterday and this morning. But why? After I felt so good about us last week, why do you have to keep breaking my heart if it made you so guilty to do it? You cried over the phone and said you felt so bad for hurting me...Well, I am still hurting. I am still hurting. I still go to the bathroom at work and cry my eyes out for 2-5 minutes and think of what I could have done different, think of what I had and what I’ve lost. I think about a future without you and it hurts. I am still hurting and hoping you will text me this weekend...I hope you do, with all my heart I pray that you do and that you stick to your word.

[brokenheartedinaz]

I am so sorry you are hurting the way you are. I totally feel your pain for I have been going through the same type of emotions as you. The day I started my new job I was in tears knowing my bf was at my house moving out his things. I couldn't stop crying for weeks or eat or sleep. It has been 7 weeks now and I have finally accepted that it's over. Just like you, there was no cheating, nothing like that, just depression and needing to figure things out and reasons he said i would not fully understand. I realize now that as much as I love him so much and miss him dearly, he is not the man for me. Someday I will meet someone who will love me unconditionally, stick by me through thick and not leave me to suffer in such pain and agony. Hang in there. cry it out. It will hurt but I promise it will slowly start to not hurt as much. There is a light at the end of the tunnel.

[sunflower11]

Thank you brokenheartedinaz...my relationship with him was..as perfect as any long distance relationship can be. We would talk to each other everyday and text constantly, we would watch moves on skype and he would read me bedtime stories. Then I moved to my country and things changed. His depression overwhelms him and last weekend when I finally spoke with him on the phone after 3 weeks of him ignoring calls and texts he sounded heartbroken and said he felt so guilty but he just can't be a boyfriend to me right now. He said he loved me but didn't want me to wait around for him..he said his only wish is for me to be happy. It's hard to move on when the person you love most in this world is hurting that way and you know there is nothing you can do about it. The distance makes it harder of course but he is depressed about that and other things going on in his life right now. Sigh. Did he ever contact you? my ex said he would contact me because hed want to know how im doing..but everyday waiting for a text or a call kills me..i dont think i want to wait around anymore.