Like this girl, but got into a bit of a mess...

[NYOS]

I'm new here. I'm 23 years old and living in New York City. I've never had a girlfriend and I'm also a virgin. Here's the situation.

 

There's this girl at work that I've liked for a while. I've been talking with her lately and trying to get to know her better. About a month ago I tried to get together with her for a lunch break, but she declined because she was meeting a friend.

 

Earlier this week another girl added me on facebook. I got into a conversation with her and apparently she was a friend of the girl that I like. So in atypical fashion I went and did something without really thinking about it (mostly because generally I just feel like I over-think things when it comes to dating women). I told her that I like her friend. She was actually nice enough to tell me about her and give me some advice and pointers. The problem is that the next day the girl saw the conversation that I had with her friend (at least according to the friend). She that she was mad at her for being nosy and that she had told her that she wasn't ready for a boyfriend (apparently she recently had a tough breakup).

 

I just saw her today and she seemed to greet me as she normally would, but I'm just not sure if I should just let it be or if I should actually talk with her about it. I'm completely fine with giving her space, but I don't know if talking with her about this would go against that.

[unknownsources]

Depending on the person, you could also just try mentioning quickly that you didn't mean to get nosy or anything like that. Don't make a conversation out of it, just let her know you weren't being creepy and friending her friends to get to know her.

 

 

It depends on who she is though, some people won't like to talk about it either way.

[NYOS]

I'd leave it alone. Any moves you make on her now would seem creepy. She knows you like her, and she knows you know she knows. Go about your business as if it's no big deal & wait for her to approach you. If she doesn't, then she's not interested & forcing the situation could be viewed as Sexual Harrassment.

Honestly I'm not so sure that she know that I know that she knows. But I think I'll just do as you say. Its something that was in the back of my mind, so I rather not risk seeming like I'm trying to force anything, partially because of what you said, but also because I really wouldn't like to make anyone feel uncomfortable like that. Its just not in my nature to force things.

 

Depending on the person, you could also just try mentioning quickly that you didn't mean to get nosy or anything like that. Don't make a conversation out of it, just let her know you weren't being creepy and friending her friends to get to know her.

 

 

It depends on who she is though, some people won't like to talk about it either way.

I get the impression that she probably wouldn't mind talking about it... if I had known her for longer. She's real quite, but I get the impression that she is someone who is mature enough to deal with this sort of thing. And her friend sort of affirmed that.

 

But I just rather take a step back and give her room because of what Badenov said. That and what I said in response to that too, I just don't want to make it seem like I'm forcing things especially if she feels she needs some time "alone". She's younger than me, but she's gone through so much more than I have in terms of relationships. I can say that I "understand" if she needs time off of dating, but honestly I can't really say that because I've never dated before lol. But I do respect her and I'd rather give her time.

 

Also thanks to the both of you for your advice.

[Dust]

I'm new here. I'm 23 years old and living in New York City. I've never had a girlfriend and I'm also a virgin. Here's the situation.

 

Well nothing wrong with being a virgin. When you lose your virginity you will see that you are the same exact person. Just maybe a little less awkward.

 

There's this girl at work that I've liked for a while. I've been talking with her lately and trying to get to know her better. About a month ago I tried to get together with her for a lunch break' date=' but she declined because she was meeting a friend.[/quote']

 

I'd hardly call this a big move. How about asking her out to dinner?

 

Earlier this week another girl added me on facebook. I got into a conversation with her and apparently she was a friend of the girl that I like. So in atypical fashion I went and did something without really thinking about it (mostly because generally I just feel like I over-think things when it comes to dating women). I told her that I like her friend. She was actually nice enough to tell me about her and give me some advice and pointers. The problem is that the next day the girl saw the conversation that I had with her friend (at least according to the friend). She that she was mad at her for being nosy and that she had told her that she wasn't ready for a boyfriend (apparently she recently had a tough breakup).

 

It's never a good idea to just tell people "I like this girl." Word always gets back to the girl and its a lot lamer then just asking her out yourself. I mean face it your hope was that word would get back to her and then the girl would ask you out. That was hoping for to much. Never go around saying you "like" some one. Also never go up to some one and say "I like you." You just ask the girl out if you like them and let those actions show it. After you've kissed held hands or something then it might be cool to says "I like you" but even then it might just be better to say something like "You're pretty." Also I wouldn't go overly complimenting them till you've held hands/kissed.

 

Remember its your job to kiss the girl on the date. So if you do go on a date don't say goodbye with out a kiss.

 

I just saw her today and she seemed to greet me as she normally would' date=' but I'm just not sure if I should just let it be or if I should actually talk with her about it. I'm completely fine with giving her space, but I don't know if talking with her about this would go against that.[/quote']

 

You should act normal too. I mean its not the end of the world if she doesn't like you. You should ask her out for yourself. If she says no just act cool and normal.

 

I'd leave it alone. Any moves you make on her now would seem creepy. She knows you like her, and she knows you know she knows. Go about your business as if it's no big deal & wait for her to approach you. If she doesn't, then she's not interested & forcing the situation could be viewed as Sexual Harrassment.

 

Oh jeez creepy sexual harrasment. He shouldn't worry about these things. You can't say hi to a girl with out the risk of creeping her out. Also the more you try not to be creepy the more creepy you probably will be. Truthfuly being creepy shouldn't be any persons concerns. Some one will find you creepy.

 

As for sexual harasment unless he is her boss I really don't see the problem with him asking her out once to a dinner date.

 

Depending on the person, you could also just try mentioning quickly that you didn't mean to get nosy or anything like that. Don't make a conversation out of it, just let her know you weren't being creepy and friending her friends to get to know her.

 

Letting her know he wasn't being creepy would be as pointless as saying "I'm not a rapist." It would just make him seem creepy the same way saysing "I'm not a rapist" would make you seem like a rapist.

 

He knows he's not a creep and that should be good enough. He should just ask her out for himself like he should have done in the first place and not play the game of having some "friend" go back and forth passing msgs. For all we know this "friend" likes him or likes caussing drama.

 

Honestly I'm not so sure that she know that I know that she knows. But I think I'll just do as you say. Its something that was in the back of my mind, so I rather not risk seeming like I'm trying to force anything, partially because of what you said, but also because I really wouldn't like to make anyone feel uncomfortable like that. Its just not in my nature to force things.

 

Now you're overthinking. Just ask her out. Find out for yourself.

 

I get the impression that she probably wouldn't mind talking about it... if I had known her for longer. She's real quite' date=' but I get the impression that she is someone who is mature enough to deal with this sort of thing. And her friend sort of affirmed that. [/quote']

 

Don't talk about anything. Just ask her out and have fun conversations.

 

But I just rather take a step back and give her room because of what Badenov said. That and what I said in response to that too' date=' I just don't want to make it seem like I'm forcing things especially if she feels she needs some time "alone". She's younger than me, but she's gone through so much more than I have in terms of relationships. I can say that I "understand" if she needs time off of dating, but honestly I can't really say that because I've never dated before lol. But I do respect her and I'd rather give her time.[/quote']

 

Dude all you did was tell some random girl you like a girl you work with. Ask her out. You didn't make any moves yet. The lunch invitation could have just been seen as freindly. Ask her out on a real date.

[NYOS]

Well yeah, I know that getting together for lunch isn't necessarily a big move (don't think I implied that). I actually didn't mention it, but that friend ended up being the one that had contact me... Sort of funny when I think about it. Anyway, I know that I probably shouldn't have told anyone about my feelings about her, but IDK. It was kind of an in the moment thing. I just overthink things at times and I don't really think things through at others. It never really lead to anything dramatically bad, just situations like this where I get caught in between and I end up fumbling my chance at getting with someone.

[Dust]

Well yeah, I know that getting together for lunch isn't necessarily a big move (don't think I implied that).

 

You said you liked this girl for a while. So whats stopping you from making a move?

 

The thing about oportunity is it doesn't wait.

 

 

I actually didn't mention it' date=' but that friend ended up being the one that had contact me... Sort of funny when I think about it. Anyway, I know that I probably shouldn't have told anyone about my feelings about her, but IDK. It was kind of an in the moment thing. I just overthink things at times and I don't really think things through at others. It never really lead to anything dramatically bad, just situations like this where I get caught in between and I end up fumbling my chance at getting with someone. [/quote']

 

It's no big deal live and learn. Don't overthing the situation you're in now. Just act.

[NYOS]

You said you liked this girl for a while. So whats stopping you from making a move?

 

The thing about oportunity is it doesn't wait.

Well I was thinking of asking her out during that lunchtime get together. But I sort of cooled off on the idea because I found out she was still going out with the guy she broke up with recently.

[Dust]

Well I was thinking of asking her out during that lunchtime get together. But I sort of cooled off on the idea because I found out she was still going out with the guy she broke up with recently.

 

Well that may or may not be true.

 

If you’re turned off because you believe she is dating other men then just find a different girl.

 

The key is you want to ask them out on a date that will be fun for you and gives you the chance to make romantic gestures such as hand holding, touching (like her arm, leg), and of course kissing.

 

If you just invite a girl to lunch and act as if you two are just friends and you don’t have balls don’t expect her to suddenly make a move on you.

[NYOS]

Well that may or may not be true.

 

If you’re turned off because you believe she is dating other men then just find a different girl.

 

The key is you want to ask them out on a date that will be fun for you and gives you the chance to make romantic gestures such as hand holding, touching (like her arm, leg), and of course kissing.

 

If you just invite a girl to lunch and act as if you two are just friends and you don’t have balls don’t expect her to suddenly make a move on you.

No, it isn't that I was turned off. Its just that I decided that I wouldn't ask her out while she was still going out with another guy.

[Dust]

No, it isn't that I was turned off. Its just that I decided that I wouldn't ask her out while she was still going out with another guy.

 

So you still like her even though she’s not available? Just try not to think about her that way and if you see an opportunity (like she’s single) then take it.

 

Remember action is your reward. (like spiderman) Be in this life for the journey. Meeting new women talking, touching, tasting them. Don’t make it all about if they agree to be your gf or like you back or what ever. Whether they like you back or not doesn’t matter. Finding a girl you like that’s the goal.

[NYOS]

So you still like her even though she’s not available? Just try not to think about her that way and if you see an opportunity (like she’s single) then take it.

 

Remember action is your reward. (like spiderman) Be in this life for the journey. Meeting new women talking, touching, tasting them. Don’t make it all about if they agree to be your gf or like you back or what ever. Whether they like you back or not doesn’t matter. Finding a girl you like that’s the goal.

LOL, no. Let me just lay it out a bit better.

 

-Planned to ask her out during lunch break.

-Later find out that she's going out with someone.

-Cool off on idea of asking her out (but still like her).

-Get contacted by her friend. Tells me she's broken up with the guy.

-She sees the conversation I was having with her friend on Facebook.

-My current dilemma: Talk with her about it or let it be and act normally.

[Dust]

LOL, no. Let me just lay it out a bit better.

 

-Planned to ask her out during lunch break.

-Later find out that she's going out with someone.

-Cool off on idea of asking her out (but still like her).

-Get contacted by her friend. Tells me she's broken up with the guy.

-She sees the conversation I was having with her friend on Facebook.

-My current dilemma: Talk with her about it or let it be and act normally.

 

Yeah I was confused after your post about cooling off after finding out she was with a guy. But I get now. Also before the post about cooling off this is how I originally understood you. So, My advice still stands. Stop over thinking this stuff and do something already.

[unknownsources]

Letting her know he wasn't being creepy would be as pointless as saying "I'm not a rapist." It would just make him seem creepy the same way saysing "I'm not a rapist" would make you seem like a rapist.

 

 

I didn't mean go "hey, I'm not trying to be creepy." I meant it more as a "Didn't mean to do anything to make you uncomfortable." Just kinda clear the air. With some people, the acknowledgement is all that's needed.

 

 

 

So, My advice still stands. Stop over thinking this stuff and do something already.

 

 

I agree, good advice. Even if she's not ready at the moment, let her know someone's interested when she is (that is, if you're willing to wait until she's had her time).

 

Coming from someone who's greatly overthought things in the past (still do sometimes), just doing it can be the best thing you can do. You can't predict what she'll say or do, you can only guess what you'll do. So since you can't control the ball on every play, just make a move and let it play itself out.

[NYOS]

So just a little update. Nothing much has really happened. First two days I saw her after I posted here I sort of just froze up I saw her. Of course the couple of times I did see her it wasn't really for all that long, but I usually at least say hello. I guess I just didn't feel too comfortable talking to her in front of my coworkers so soon after you know...

 

Anyway I just got down for a few days and got to thinking on my off days. I calmed my self down (because I really do feel like I'm blowing it). Today I ran into her in the break room. And again it was full of coworkers. Got into a bit of a light hearted conversation with them and it loosened me up a bit. We were alone for maybe a minute or two. When I first made eye contact with her she got all giggly. Something which she hadn't really done before because she's usually really quite. I started talking with her and I was thinking of asking for her number, but someone else walked in and well I sort of left it at that. But in a way I guess I'm feeling a bit better just because she showed some interest (or at least I thought she did lol). Anyway I'll probably be seeing her again on Sunday, I'm hoping to get a chance (or at least create a chance) to either ask for her number or just ask her out. Either way I just want to ask her out already. I figure if I ask for her number I just call her and ask her out since I just don't feel so comfortable asking her out while we're at work.

[Deano8888]

My friend one thing I have learnt in life and is almost a certainty is that if you speak to a girls friend, they will tell that girl about it. I've had it done to me a few times, they always do for some reason.

 

My advice to you is to stop beating round the bush. This girl you like probably knows you like her and she is waiting for you to do something about it. I would just jump right in there. You don't have her at the moment so you don't have anything to loose do you?..... well, accept you pride and feelings maybe. But thats a risk we all have to take, the risk of being shot down.

 

 

don't talk to her mates behind her back, its the worst thing you can ever do, just talk the girl.

[NYOS]

My friend one thing I have learnt in life and is almost a certainty is that if you speak to a girls friend, they will tell that girl about it. I've had it done to me a few times, they always do for some reason.

 

My advice to you is to stop beating round the bush. This girl you like probably knows you like her and she is waiting for you to do something about it. I would just jump right in there. You don't have her at the moment so you don't have anything to loose do you?..... well, accept you pride and feelings maybe. But thats a risk we all have to take, the risk of being shot down.

 

 

don't talk to her mates behind her back, its the worst thing you can ever do, just talk the girl.

Yeah it was a spur of the moment sort of thing. 9 times out of 10 I would probably have just kept it to myself.

 

Anyway things aren't going too bad although I haven't really asked her out yet. I got her number. A few days later she asked me to add her on FB. The only problem is that I haven't really figured out when to ask her out. I was hoping to ask her out this past Saturday, but we had a big snow storm here (NY) and that put a crimp on those plans. Aside from that I don't have much of a window for asking her out. Decisions decisions :/

[NYOS]

Well... I asked her out yesterday, but she couldn't go because she was scheduled to work late yesterday. Today she asked me out...

Edited November 5, 2011 by NYOS

[Dust]

Well... I asked her out yesterday, but she couldn't go because she was scheduled to work late yesterday. Today she asked me out...

 

Hope you didn't give her the... Should be today she asked me out!

 

Well go out and enjoy her. Make sure to kiss her goodbye. No hand shakes or lame waves good bye.

[unknownsources]

Hope you didn't give her the... Should be today she asked me out!

 

Well go out and enjoy her. Make sure to kiss her goodbye. No hand shakes or lame waves good bye.

 

 

But a handshake that's also a wave goodbye is good right?

[NYOS]

Hope you didn't give her the... Should be today she asked me out!

 

Well go out and enjoy her. Make sure to kiss her goodbye. No hand shakes or lame waves good bye.

 

Yeah no... lol. So it looks like things are set up. Hope to make the most of it.

[NYOS]

Well seems I have no luck. Got out late from work and had to cancel the date

[Dust]

Well seems I have no luck. Got out late from work and had to cancel the date

 

Dude you cancled the date? Why didn't you try to do something late? Or better yet skip out on work a little early I mean is this even a career job for you?

[unknownsources]

Well seems I have no luck. Got out late from work and had to cancel the date

 

Did you make sure to promptly reschedule?

[NYOS]

Dude you cancled the date? Why didn't you try to do something late? Or better yet skip out on work a little early I mean is this even a career job for you?

Actually I didn't cancel it. She told me that maybe we could get together another time after I told her I was at work. But I hadn't really thought of leaving work early. It isn't career job.

Did you make sure to promptly reschedule?

Well we were actually going to a party so I didn't really toss any ideas for anything else. I'll probably just see if we could do something else this week. Maybe something like ice skating since the rinks are opening up in the city now.

[Dust]

Actually I didn't cancel it. She told me that maybe we could get together another time after I told her I was at work. But I hadn't really thought of leaving work early. It isn't career job.

 

Dude if its just some job you don't care about, heck even if it was a job you care about... have you not ever heard of leaving work early because you're feeling sick... sick of working...

 

Look that other time should be set. You have to strike her vageen while your iron is hot.