Marchbanx Posted May 17, 2004 Share Posted May 17, 2004 I've been dating a wonderful girl for about 2 and a half years now. We are both 24, and we live several hours away from our families, but very close to each other. Basically, her parents have never liked me. They won't admit it to me out loud, but the reason is because I do not come from their neck of the woods. They do not like that I am "different" (i.e., outgoing, joking, willing to try new things). They use the fact that they do not like me to put incredible pressure on my girlfriend. My girlfriend's mother in particular is very controlling. She walked out of my girlfriend's college graduation without helping her to pack her belongings just because my girlfriend wanted to spend a few minutes with me to congratulate me (we were graduating at the same time). When my girlfriend moved to my area so that we could be closer together, her mother didn't speak to her for months. Her father has no opinion of his own. All the decisions are made by her mother. They often criticize me for making them uncomfortable, but are unwilling to say anything until long after the situation. My girlfriend is convinced that things will change for the better, even though they have repeatedly said they will never accept me. My girlfriend, as you might imagine, feels horrible about all this. But she is unwilling to stand up to her mother. She fears their disapproval, and wants everyone to get along great even though she has been repeatedly told that nothing will improve. Even worse, she is unwilling to admit that her parents have ever done anything that is hurtful to her. How can I convince her that the time has come to be her own person, and to put our relationship before the happiness of her parents? Link to post Share on other sites
average guy Posted May 18, 2004 Share Posted May 18, 2004 Anything you say to the parents will just make it worse. Face it, you are stealing their little baby! It will have to be up to your girlfriend to deal with them, and decide for herself what is more important: to live the way her parents approve of, or be with the man she loves only time will tell... Good luck Cheers, A.G. Link to post Share on other sites
Thinkalot Posted May 19, 2004 Share Posted May 19, 2004 I've been in your girlfriend's shoes. Eventually I stood my ground, stood by my guy and drew up some new boundaries. It was really tough going getting to that point though. I wish you both luck. Link to post Share on other sites
LILUIL Posted May 19, 2004 Share Posted May 19, 2004 Parents being parents, there's is only that much they can do. i'll have to congratulate your gf for standing up for you and for herself. i've been in those shoes, my ex didnt stand up for me. sigh! anyways, it's not you who has the problem. i'm quite sure your gf is well aware of this whole scenario right? hang in there bro. all things work for good. best of luck! Link to post Share on other sites
LikkleMissConfused Posted May 19, 2004 Share Posted May 19, 2004 I've learnt the hard way and you may think what I am saying is stupid but no one knows you better than your parents and they are saying this for a reason. Parents aren't always right but in most cases are. Link to post Share on other sites
vashmash Posted May 28, 2004 Share Posted May 28, 2004 hey...i've been in her situation...it is some tough stuff let me tell you....but what my bf did was say "hey...you aren't doing anything about it...I can't take this anymore...I'm out of here...Call me when you decide you want me..." It took me a YEAR of nightly crying and daily breakdowns until I had enough and told my mom to chill out! I called my guy up and asked him if he still loved me after the past year...he said he still did...I hung up the phone and immediately confronted my mom. But the happy thing is that it all worked out, my mom still doesn't like it but she keeps her opinion to herself. (I mean, what guy really likes his M-I-L anyway?) So my advice is to quit being understanding and give your gf the ultimatum...it may take her a while to come around (or a lot sooner than it did me) but if you love her is it not worth the relatively small wait? And if she doesn't ever call you back...then she didn't really love you and you need to come to grips with that. My bf knew I would be calling him back...but he never once faltered on his ultimatum...he would not talk to me unless I had fulfilled my end of the deal. It seems tough...but it'll be worth it, trust me....GOOD LUCK! Link to post Share on other sites
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