I have a question you all

[AHardDaysNight]

You can't control whether people think you're ugly, or not.

 

And just for the record, I have a friend who some might consider ugly. If I looked at him closely, I'd see his thinning hair, his nerdy glasses, his poor fashion.

 

However, once you get past his social awkwardness, you'd discover he is one of the coolest and nicest guys out there. Also the most interesting.

 

Work on what you can change, and accept what you can't.

[danmorisson]

@ilikesunita

 

That's besides the point, you should be able to complain about these things without people placing some blame on you. I've been reading posts all over the Internet and people always blame the victim. It's disgusting. Sums up the nature of most people really.

 

I now know what these rape victims mean when they say that people always place the blame on them

 

It's not always the victims fault. You can do everything right and still be at the receiving end of harsh treatment

[Ross MwcFan]

Stop living a fantasy and read up on this guy http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joseph_Merrick

 

Only a very, very, very small % of the population would accept him. He was 'forced' into hiding most of his life. So you see, it is possible to be too ugly for most of society. That's reality. Wasn't his fault he was born like that, was it?

 

Now I'm nowhere near as ugly as him, but still, I'm just too damn ugly for 'most' people.

 

It is a terrible story, I've seen the film too. But that was in the old days, people aren't as bad as that nymore.

[Ross MwcFan]

Life is tough, get over it.

 

How does he just 'get over it'?

[CarrieT]

@ilikesunita

 

That's besides the point, you should be able to complain about these things without people placing some blame on you. I've been reading posts all over the Internet and people always blame the victim. It's disgusting. Sums up the nature of most people really.

 

I now know what these rape victims mean when they say that people always place the blame on them

 

It's not always the victims fault. You can do everything right and still be at the receiving end of harsh treatment

 

 

This is important. You called me a troll but I want you to know I am a TRIPLE rape victim. Get that? I have been raped three times - twice violently. And, yes, I was the one who was blamed. But I do not blame the world on how I was treated. I did not go out on the internet and continually bitch and moan at horribly I have been treated.

 

But -- and this is the point I was trying to make earlier and others have stated -- who accept those things you cannot change and learn to live with what life deals with you. You develop an inner strength to be the best person you can be and those who see the positive, strong, and giving person will FLOCK to you.

 

You can't change how people respond to you but you CAN change how you feel about yourself. And the constant lamenting of how horrible the world is won't change how you live in that world.

 

Continually exuding the negative, "poor, poor me" diaspora will only continue to push people away from you. Of course you will not have any friends; people sense that in others, regardless of their looks.

[AHardDaysNight]

Yepp. for the op as well as me, this is what needs to happen...life will be much easier then. However, getting to that stage seems hopeless, but ....I firmly believe that it IS the goal to be made.

 

Look, self esteem and attractiveness are not always tied to each other.

 

If you studied psychology, or went to therapy, you'd discover that many times, cognitive distortions seem real to the person who is experiencing them, even if they aren't grounded in reality.

[Josephina]

This is what I can offer as advice, take it or leave it:

 

We can't control what others think, say, do, etc., and that hurts our feelings at times. The best way I find to deal with it is to control how I let it affect me. This may mean trying to avoid circumstances that make me uncomfortable, preparing an internal dialogue for situations I can't avoid, and lastly seeking the help of a friend/therapist/Dr. for lingering bad feelings.

 

In the end, you deserve to be at peace internally, but sometimes the only person willing to do this for us is ourselves. I'd love to find a way to make mean people stop, but sometimes our only course of action is to take away their payoff - our reaction.

 

Lastly, I offer this advice only to lay one perspective on the table. I don't personally experience what you do, although I would only be considered average by conventional standards. I do say it with compassion though, as I think kindness is the most important thing we can offer in life. Good luck Dan, I wish you peace.

[danmorisson]

@CarrieT

 

You're talking absolute bull**** again. I don't show any of these negative traits in the real world. And why do you insist on placing the blame onto me? That's 3 times. I find that a little bit suspicious. Also, whenever people like you post and it's about this sort of thing people like you always act as if we've offended you.

[danmorisson]

@ilikesunita

 

You don't get it, do you? If I were to 'bitch' about something else I pretty much guarantee that he/she wouldn't be on here replying as if I had offended her. It's always when it's about this sort of thing.

[danmorisson]

I agree with you on that and this is my goal....only now starting to see and crave that. The OP needs to also.

 

I'll forgive you now for calling me a troll in my thread "I saw an ugly guy today";)

 

Funny, I'm often branded a troll too lol And it's always when it's about this sort of thing. But when you 'complain' about something else you don't get those sort of comments where people 'claim to be helping' but go on as if you were offending them

[PelicanPete]

Personal story that seems relevant to your problem.

 

By most I am considered a fairly handsome young man. In fact most of my life I have always been deemed on the cute or attractive end of the spectrum. Because of this I have always received a lot of attention from girls and women. I've had 60 year old women guess what I'm like in bed while at work, I've had high school girls fling themselves at me countless times, and in fact just last week a random group of girls on my university campus said "hey sexy", but of course it was more in the positive sense. I am a typical tall white handsome guy.

 

However, even though I am apparently so handsome I still get people telling me that I'm not. The most common one is about my weight. Just yesterday a girl I work with brought up again how I am too skinny and that I need to gain weight because skinny is unattractive. I am at a healthy weight of 165lb and my height is 6'2. Even though I was always teased when I was younger about how skinny I was, and I know its a reflection of their own insecurity, it still bothers me today when people become more obsessed with my weight then I am. I went through points of thinking I was hideous because other people would always tell me I was too skinny. My metabolism at this age is too fast to keep weight on, so I have just learned to love myself for who I am now.

 

OP even if you looked like Brad Pitt people would still try to bring you down. Try to focus on the positive and work on becoming a better person instead. Beauty fades with age and we will all end up unattractive sooner or later.

[westrock]

Stop living a fantasy and read up on this guy http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joseph_Merrick

 

Only a very, very, very small % of the population would accept him. He was 'forced' into hiding most of his life. So you see, it is possible to be too ugly for most of society. That's reality. Wasn't his fault he was born like that, was it?

 

Now I'm nowhere near as ugly as him, but still, I'm just too damn ugly for 'most' people.

 

Dan... no question it is hard out there.

 

You gave us a link to Joseph Merrick. But, for every Joseph Merrick there is also a W Mitchell. If you don't know who he is, look up and study his life. His body was burned 65% from a motorcylce accident, burned most of his face, lost most of his fingers.

 

The surgeons had to rebuild his face, but it was just a patchwork of grafted skin. A group of children who saw him called him a monster and ran away screaming - not an easy thing to hear.

 

Just like you are feeling, he could have easily said he is "just too damn ugly". But he didn't. Instead he decided he wasn't going to let anything stop him from living life to the fullest.

 

Do a google search on "W Mitchell" and read everything you can about him.

[danmorisson]

@CarrieT

 

The season I am pissed at you is because I detect sarcasm and some victim blaming in all of your posts. You are obviously hurt because I'm talking about some of your friends.

 

This will be my final comment on the matter I think. I just wanted to share this with people. I like to talk about it, I dunno, makes me feel better. But what I don't need is some irrritating user being sarcastic just because they are friends with these people or because they are socially acceptable and therefore don't experience this themselves.

[CarrieT]

@CarrieT

 

The season I am pissed at you is because I detect sarcasm and some victim blaming in all of your posts. You are obviously hurt because I'm talking about some of your friends.

 

This will be my final comment on the matter I think. I just wanted to share this with people. I like to talk about it, I dunno, makes me feel better. But what I don't need is some irrritating user being sarcastic just because they are friends with these people or because they are socially acceptable and therefore don't experience this themselves.

 

You are truly clueless.

 

You don't get my intention at all nor the fact that I am not remotely offended by anything you have said. Just trying to help and offering in different ways of looking at life and the world that you are not comprehending. Or won't even consider comprehending. You are myopic and unyielding in considering any point of view other than that which you have already established.

 

I won't try any more. Others are trying in different words and I am fairly certain that soon, you will be lashing out at them as well.

 

I wish the best for you.

[danmorisson]

@CarrieT

 

You keep saying you are trying to help. Read your previous post. Mind telling me why people like you have problems with us complaining about this sort of thing? We are dissing 'bad' people after all. People like you make me wonder if YOU hate on people soley on appearance yourself.

 

Don't read these threads if you have problems with them. Simple.

[AHardDaysNight]

I've seen several female posters here, who are above average and even have model looks, who have low self esteem.

 

Witness all the "porn is evil" threads. These women think that their men will replace them with porn. While this might happen in "some" cases, if I had a girlfriend, I would only watch porn when I didn't have sex readily available from my girlfriend, and maybe not watch porn at all.

 

I've also heard attractive girls complaining about how they've been teased.

 

My point is, you can't really place your self esteem on other people's standards, because you don't know you're repulsive, OP. You might just have come across a bunch of mean people.

[danmorisson]

Dude it's not a minority thing. And I'm not too fussy about people hating me soley on appearance. I don't socialize that much anymore because I feel that decent people don't exist -- I have it in my head that my family (my bros and sis) were somehow born unique. It's as if other people (families) just don't seem to care about the feeling of others like what we do. I've always felt that we were just different from anyone else.