mike111 Posted October 15, 2011 Share Posted October 15, 2011 Anyone else feeling the same? And how does one get out of a rut like this? mike Link to post Share on other sites
Buttercup84 Posted October 15, 2011 Share Posted October 15, 2011 Yep . I'm trying hard but keep taking steps back. Been 5 months and I'm missing him . Sigh . Link to post Share on other sites
Author mike111 Posted October 15, 2011 Author Share Posted October 15, 2011 Sigh, indeed.......... Link to post Share on other sites
davesterr Posted October 15, 2011 Share Posted October 15, 2011 I cant tell you how to make the feeling go away. But my best advice is to go to a gym and use all ur energy to focus on your work out. That way atleast you will have your mind off things for atleast an hour and on the other side your body will start to look alot better which makes you feel slightly better. It's good for your self esteem knowing you can change your body through hard work and consistency. Link to post Share on other sites
karmaqueen Posted October 15, 2011 Share Posted October 15, 2011 Keep busy, so busy that you don't have time to think, so busy that you crash at night and sleep. I dunno to be honest- thats what I'm trying. Reward yourself for feeling happy, plan things to do and do them even if you feel like @@@@. They say that happiness is contagious so find some happy people or think of something happy maybe? Sorry, I do know how you feel and I hope some way you can get some good moments. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mike111 Posted October 15, 2011 Author Share Posted October 15, 2011 Thanks, davesterr and karmaqueen. Having a tough time getting out. I had a 4 hour spurt of good energy yesterday (first time in about 10 days) then I crashed. I know about the gym and fitness thing. I know how good it can be, as I used to go all the time. Had plans to get back to it, just couldn't pull myself up to do it, like I don't wanna go on and what's the point? How long this will last, I dunno. Happy people? Argh............as good as they are, right now I think I would just be a 5th wheel, someone who has to be dragged along and propped up. I do have some auto repair to start today. So that should at least get me out for about 3 hours anyway. mike Link to post Share on other sites
Feelin Frisky Posted October 15, 2011 Share Posted October 15, 2011 As always, my advice is to "be careful what you keep telling yourself, you might start believing it". You have to stop amplifying your bad feelings and start replacing them with better ones. I often recommend seeing a doctor and considering medication if a person keeps cycling through negatives and maybe adding a little more hurt and anger with each pass. If there isn't a cycle and you feel you can change, than by all means do what the other posters who have recommended exercise and otherwise busying yourself have said. That's the prescription--it's THE way out and UP to the next plateau. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
EricaH329 Posted October 15, 2011 Share Posted October 15, 2011 I'm sorry you're feeling this way! I know that feeling all too well. People are telling you to get out and socialize, work out, etc. but yet you can't find the energy (or desire) to do any of it! Forcing yourself sometimes makes it very draining. My advice to you, is do what makes you happy within your capabilities at the moment. You went through something devastating, and you need to allow yourself time to heal. If you don't feel like getting out of bed, take a few days and just relax in bed. Watch some of your favorite movies, play some video games, read a good book. Do something that you enjoy, while not forcing yourself too much. It's obvious that laying in bed not doing anything but listening to sad songs and looking over old pictures isn't the best idea, but you know yourself better than anyone else. You know what puts you in a better mood, without realizing it. I know this feels like you'll never get out of it. As though you'll never be happy again. But I can promise you, as many others here can as well, we've all been there and have pulled through it. Just as any other injury, it takes time to heal. Right now, you need to focus on what does make you happy. Don't allow yourself to wallow. Link to post Share on other sites
lovesickmonkey Posted October 15, 2011 Share Posted October 15, 2011 I was right where you are and it DID feel like it would go on forever. Amazingly, one day, I would go for an entire hour without thinking of her and I actually felt happy. When I realized it happened, I felt like I "wanted" to return to feeling angry and depressed. I felt like "Why should I be happy right now when there's no reason?" Well, there WAS no reason to be happy but I felt it anyway. And as they days went on, I would go for longer and longer periods without thinking of her. And I'm really getting better. There are still tough times like on the weekends with nothing to do. It's terrible to think of what WE were doing a year ago -- how lovely it was. But now all signs are pointing to healing. I have worked through this mess over and over in my mind and my mind is beginning to accept the reality and move forward. I'm still not ready to meet new women, but at least now I'm convinced that some day, this will really be behind me - and I'll make wiser choices in the future. Link to post Share on other sites
karmaqueen Posted October 15, 2011 Share Posted October 15, 2011 Having a tough time getting out. I had a 4 hour spurt of good energy yesterday (first time in about 10 days) then I crashed. mike Hey! That's really good! Especially if it's the first time in ten days. You should feel proud of yourself. There will be ups and downs and it's so difficult but don't put yourself down. Link to post Share on other sites
nature Posted October 15, 2011 Share Posted October 15, 2011 Yes, I feel like sh*t years later just seeing him with his girlfriend. I'm pathetic. Link to post Share on other sites
Beachgirl8 Posted October 15, 2011 Share Posted October 15, 2011 Here's an idea. Some comedy clubs have an "open mic night", where aspiring comedians can go test out their routines. It's usually no charge and doesn't have the 2 drink minimum like with the regular shows. it's something you can do by yourself, and it is entertaining to watch the comedians heckle each other, get nervous, walk off stage in the middle of their bit, etc. And some of them are good and you might get a laugh out of it. It won't get you out of your depression but might take your mind off things for a couple of hours and get you out of the house. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mike111 Posted October 16, 2011 Author Share Posted October 16, 2011 To: Feelin Frisky, EricaH329, lovesickmonkey, karmaqueen, nature, Beachgirl8 Thanks to all for their replies, since I last posted in this thread. I am doing a bit better. I got busy and even worked for 4 hours today. And I started to tear down an old classic truck, 1977 Ford 3/4 ton 4x4 I purchased recently. I'm going to turn it into a macho beast, something with some muscle and something to feel good in driving and have some fun with How long this good feeling will last, I dunno. But I know I can, again, be the best I can be. I see myself in the future as feeling special again, working out and bulking up, feeling good, and not the insecure weakling little mess I am now (not that I was too bad today, mind you). I let myself slip all to hell. And I fell in love, like a fool, when I was not even ready to do so. I also fell in love with totally the WRONG woman. Stupid me. I'll make it, I know I will. And I'm looking forward to the xmas season. Be well, all mike Link to post Share on other sites
B_55 Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 (edited) That's good to hear! Edited October 16, 2011 by B_55 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mike111 Posted October 16, 2011 Author Share Posted October 16, 2011 Thanks, B_55 How you doing these days? mike Link to post Share on other sites
Author mike111 Posted October 17, 2011 Author Share Posted October 17, 2011 Yes, I feel like sh*t years later just seeing him with his girlfriend. I'm pathetic. Hey, what's up, nature? How you feeling today? mike Link to post Share on other sites
sleepykitten Posted October 18, 2011 Share Posted October 18, 2011 I can relate to your op, feeling really lonely and just moved to a new area which is great but keep thinking how much better it would be if I was moving with him. Think i just want to share my life with someone and want to have someone there for me and vise versa. Was really sad last night woke up crying! Not good. Plus I've not been well recently so this just makes me feel more needy and tearful, rubbish i know! Link to post Share on other sites
Author mike111 Posted October 18, 2011 Author Share Posted October 18, 2011 Hi Fats and sleepykitten. Thanks for your posts! For me, I am just pissed off now. I treated her wonderfully. At times she treated me like sh*t. She sometimes made me feel like a dog being put outside in the cold for no reason other than to be cruel. I wish I had gotten the chance to tell her so. Because I NEVER let someone do that to me. I have dumped friends for far less. But I was trying to be patient with her, and understanding as to how difficult she said her life had become. I always made excuses for her behavior, when there was no real excuse for treating me like crap. So this was yet another HUGE lesson learned for me. I'll have to remember this in the future when someone begins to turn on me and play games and sh*t on me. There was a lot of stuff I never mentioned in my first post, like how she tried to make me jealous by purposely ignoring me like I was not even there and brushing me off while her and I were talking with another fella who I think she liked and was attracted to. That was a slap in the face. I just walked away from her on that day and went about my work. She knew I cared for her. It was a sh*tty thing to do and it was one of many. I haven't had ANY contact with her since we agreed not to communicate any longer. However, if she does call me (I WILL NOT CALL HER) I am going to let her know (NICELY) exactly how I was/am feeling. I owe myself at least that much. I am much better than this bull sh*t. I deserve better. I think we all do. mike Link to post Share on other sites
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