mommy78 Posted May 17, 2004 Share Posted May 17, 2004 My situation: My boyfriend for 5 1/2 years has cheated on me before. Well I thought it stopped. Unfortunately, all this time he has been cheating on me off and on. The last girl was for the past 8 months. We dont live together so it was hard for me to even find out. The other times I found out becuase we were living together. But this time it was different, he fell in love with this girl and when I mean girl, I really mean a girl. She's 18 years old. (I'm 24, he's 26). He and I went through a tough conversation because he still loves me and our 3 yr old daughter. Through the years we've been together, all he ever wanted was to go back home to his family in Texas (we live in Hawaii). We've been arguing about this for years because I dont wanna go and he wont leave without us because he loves our daughter with all of his heart. He's ended things with this girl and trying to avoid her because she wont leave him alone. His family has done nothing but support him and I and help us to stay together. I love him soo much and I know he loves me a lot! I've cheated on someone that I loved before so I know that it is possible to cheat while loving someone at the same time. I asked him why he never stopped cheating on me (because all this time I thought he was done with that). But he admit to me that he was never ready to settle. He told me that he can not settle in Hawaii because he has too much freedom here. He hasnt even finished school (college that is). Just working. His family has tried and tried to talk me into moving there and I just never wanted to. So much has happened to me within the past week that I am sooo depressed. He's told me many times that no matter what, he knows that he will end up with me at the end. He told me that he only see's himself with me in the future and that he cant see himself with anyone else. He knows that he now needs to take responsibility but the only way is by moving to texas because he just cant settle here in hawaii with me. He also admit to me that he is afraid to work things out with me in Hawaii because he might cheat on me again. He never asked for this to happen, it just happened. Yes, people are able to STOP things before happening, but you gotta understand that he has a "committment" problem. He as well as his family knows that he will settle with me in Texas because they are around. I've talked to his sisters many times and they too have told me that the only way he can settle is by him being around his family. He needs that family environment and he doesnt have that here in Hawaii. We're taking a trip in a week to texas for vacation. We're gonna see how things go from there and I just know his family will be talking to us about moving there. Right now, I'm so confused and depressed and VERY sad because I dont wanna leave my family. If we move there, his family will be sending both him and I to school. We will have a place to live and his dad will be getting a loan so that we can get a family car &everything. We dont even have to worry about a babysitter. The only thing is that I'll be home sick and I'm afraid that he "might" do it again.I know that I can come home anytime I want and I know that I can move back to Hawaii whenever I want. Money is not the issue. It's just that I'm gonna miss home ya know? What do u think? My option is to drop him completely or work things out and move to start a whole new life with him in Texas. Please help. I'm actually also gonna see a Therapist on June 10th when I get back from the trip. Thats how serious this is and thats how confused I am. Link to post Share on other sites
shellgranado Posted May 18, 2004 Share Posted May 18, 2004 no no no hes lieing and moving doesnt change a cheater it only gives him new people to cheat with i learned because my ex husband was the same way his first ex wife was butiful could of been a model had the looks body additude money and she had it all he even cheated on her so once a cheater always a cheater Link to post Share on other sites
Author mommy78 Posted May 18, 2004 Author Share Posted May 18, 2004 "once a cheater always a cheater" i cheated before, not on the current man i am with, but with my ex. i know i will never cheat again. my father has also cheated on my mother but he also stopped. i dont think it applies to everyone. i guess it all depends on how well u know the guy. i may have been a fool to stay with a cheater but i entered his life at the wrong time (when he was a cheater). what if things do change, i will never know. what if i put up with all this sh*t and at the end, the outcome is amazing? his family has a HUGE affect on his life. its so hard to explain. i know i wasnt serious in the beginning before i had my daughter. i changed once i had her, but i guess he didnt. hopefully living close to his family will change. Link to post Share on other sites
shellgranado Posted May 18, 2004 Share Posted May 18, 2004 you can try it but do expect the worse hope your up for the game some people do learn from there mistakes but alot dont and alot of guys dont think cheating is wrong and some how they figure away to make it our fault so they dont feel guilty when i was younger i met this couple they got married had 2 kids well they moved away from florida to ill we always kept in contact well they have been married now for 17 years they just moved back to florida thay have been here 2 months he got a job as a manager at a restraunt well his wife just found out hes been cheating on her with one of the waitresses she calles then i got to think i remember a friend telling me that he slept with someone at his baclor party night and that was even wrong Link to post Share on other sites
Author mommy78 Posted May 18, 2004 Author Share Posted May 18, 2004 Ok, I think that maybe I'm not making it clear enough on what the problem is here. He has been living in a place that he is not able to have a satisfied life. Where we live right now, is too hard for him to concentrate on his "responsibilities". He wants and always have wanted to move back home, close to his family. He as well as his family knows that he is unable to settle where he is now. He's also having a hard time finishing school because he has too much freedom. He doesnt have guidance. Living near his family will give him that guidance (so they say). He first needs to set his priorities straight and have "goals". Which he is trying to do right now. I know what he's done in the past is something that has no excuse for. But I know when I was younger, that was my excuse.... Link to post Share on other sites
sally1530 Posted May 18, 2004 Share Posted May 18, 2004 once a cheater always a cheater!!!! he isnt going to change..... you need to take a stand and leave him.... if he loved you enough then he wouldnt want anyone else but you. He knows that you will put up with his cheating and that is why he stays with you...he wants the cake and to eat it to.... youre letting him play you..... dont waste anymore effort on this looser...have some respect for yourself and leave him ... Link to post Share on other sites
Author mommy78 Posted May 18, 2004 Author Share Posted May 18, 2004 again i will have to reply the same way: "once a cheater always a cheater!!" so does that leave me as always going to be a cheater? Again, as I stated above, I too, have cheated on my ex a number of times. as well as my dad cheating on my mom....are we all considered still cheaters??? Link to post Share on other sites
Becks84 Posted May 18, 2004 Share Posted May 18, 2004 mommy: You are making a ton of excuses for him and defending yourself when someone says anything against him. I really suggest you take in some of the advice you are receiving, otherwise you should not be asking for advice and you should just move to TX with him and see if everything him and his family claims is true! YOu won't know until you try. I think it's a bunch of bull, but I dont know him or his family so I shouldnt be the judge of this. I don't agree with "once a cheater always a cheater" if it is only done once, like a total fluke. But repeatedly? There's a problem there. I dont know what else to say, just follow your heart and do what is best for you! You only live once, do it right! Link to post Share on other sites
shellgranado Posted May 18, 2004 Share Posted May 18, 2004 you make him sound like hes 5 years old he needs guidence hello after 20 years of age were or own adult we shouldnt need guidence from our mommy and daddy how old is he Link to post Share on other sites
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