Thehusband2 Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 Wife went out yesterday, with friend ans coworkers, late and got quite drunk. Came home at 2am after aome shots made her feel too tipsy. I asked bout details, like thrse people are...etc Question... Does aaking details make me look insecure? I explained to her that in my opinion going out late not texting me with where she was going, getting drink bought for her and getting too drunk undermines our relstionship and is a show of disrespect for me and us... Am i over doing this? I trust that she wouldnt screw around but feel this is distespectful!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Osiris1234 Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 No, its very disrespectful. She needs to learn to hold her alcohol. Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 It is totally disrespectful to you and your relationship. Don't be so sure that she can be trusted. When people get extremely drunk all things may occur. She made a point in not texting you and not telling you where she was going. I think it was a very clear message to you. Don't you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Thehusband2 Posted October 17, 2011 Author Share Posted October 17, 2011 thanks bryan and osiris i like checking here as it allows me to get other perspectives and validate my stance. i did call her at 1230 and she did answer... she was with a group of people at a resto/bar... she then came home about half hour later with cab. claims that she took 2 shots and felt like it hit her a bit and decided to go home after that... in my opinion a great judgement call huge fight over the weekend as she understands my concern but feels i should have just laid it out instead of just being pissed and bringing it up all day saturday...she might be right about this... short and sweet and to the point. i dont know just the thought of other guys buying her a drink tryiong to act cool and her accepting feels like a diss. i say that i do trust her just feel those sorts of actions are a diss. she doesnt feel that way at all because she feels she's honest, not looking for trouble, etc... but still i know how guys are and there is a reason why social situations often involve alcohol!!!! finally what if someone popped drugs in her drink....it has happened before when her AND i were in a bar together, she was out like a light.... what if that were to happen???? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Thehusband2 Posted October 17, 2011 Author Share Posted October 17, 2011 (edited) in retrospect i suppose the "alpha" way of handling it would have been along the lines of telling her that I am happy shes home (it really was a godd decision on her part) wait till next morning pull her aside and calmly say that i dont like this and that....and thats it! carry on with the day I on the other hand...told her why I dont likle this, but was visibly angry and let my emotions get the best of me for the rest of the day....oops. I mean it is good I expressed myself...i just didnt do it in the right way i feel.... Edited October 17, 2011 by Thehusband2 Link to post Share on other sites
FryFish Posted October 18, 2011 Share Posted October 18, 2011 Other guys should not be buying YOUR WIFE drinks... Link to post Share on other sites
blueskyday Posted October 18, 2011 Share Posted October 18, 2011 And she should NOT be accepting them! Link to post Share on other sites
nofool4u Posted October 20, 2011 Share Posted October 20, 2011 Wife went out yesterday, with friend ans coworkers, late and got quite drunk. Came home at 2am after aome shots made her feel too tipsy. I asked bout details, like thrse people are...etc Question... Does aaking details make me look insecure? not at all but going out and whooping it up, drinking, and coming home that late makes her look like someone that doesn't need to be married. I explained to her that in my opinion going out late not texting me with where she was going, getting drink bought for her and getting too drunk undermines our relstionship and is a show of disrespect for me and us... Am i over doing this? I trust that she wouldnt screw around but feel this is distespectful!!!!! the reason people go out and drink, especially when married, and like to close the bar down is they are hoping in some small way that they will get the chance to screw around. tell her if she doesn't want to act like she is married then maybe she shouldn't be married. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Thehusband2 Posted October 21, 2011 Author Share Posted October 21, 2011 There is more... I looked through my wifes phone friday when she came back... And found that as she was coming back in cab she texted a number and said "hello" . Innocent maybe... But i didnt get it.... So when she fell asleep i grabbed phone and sent msg "heellloo!" hoping to trigger a reply, but got nothing then at 4 her phone thrned off - batteries! In the morning i was hosping to get a chance to see phone but didnt till afternoon and guess what??? She erased her text (i deleted my text just after texting)!!!!! Weird like shes hiding something?!?! She has iphone so i backed up her phone have reading through her texts and there is absoluy nothing and only 1 entry from this number that she texted. Oddly, i thought the iphone backup displys even deleted msgs?? The msg i sent to trigger a response then i deleted was NOT there!!! anyone understand this? I thought all msg even deleted ones are accessible... Another question does anyone know of a service that can provide me with a name when provided with a cell phone in canada???? I called and it was a guy!!! Link to post Share on other sites
martyjones47 Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 I don't know anything about the phone, but I read a few of your previous posts. I think it's pretty obvious that you are not overreacting because you have real reasons to be suspicious. Correct me if I'm wrong, but you posted before about issues with your wife going out drinking with friends who cheat on their husbands and are promiscuous and that your wife refuses to have sex with you. Sorry... Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 So she can find the time to text random guys with "hello" but she can't text you with what time she is going to be home? Deleting messages is a sure fire red flag dude. Why would she delete it if she had nothing to hide? And as the posters above said, other men should not be buying your wife drinks and she should not be accepting them. Unless it's a group buying drinks in rounds of course, in which case your wife takes her turn. But a man buying your wife a drink in a 1-on-1 situation should NOT be happening. Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 Peg nose Pete make an excellent point. Why and who would she be calling at 4am in a cab. She can text them but not her husband? You know the obvious explanation. She was probably texting the guy she hung out with or meet at the bar. This is very bad. Link to post Share on other sites
nofool4u Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 Another question does anyone know of a service that can provide me with a name when provided with a cell phone in canada???? I called and it was a guy!!! you don't need to find out who. I'd have a talk with her and simply ask her, "give me one good reason why you, as a married woman, should be going out any more and partying till the wee hours of the morning and texting other men?" tell her she needs to act like she is married and not a single floosy Link to post Share on other sites
nofool4u Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 So she can find the time to text random guys with "hello" but she can't text you with what time she is going to be home? exactly! as if the wife had no respect for the husband to be going out drinking and partying in the first place. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Thehusband2 Posted October 21, 2011 Author Share Posted October 21, 2011 So she can find the time to text random guys with "hello" but she can't text you with what time she is going to be home? Deleting messages is a sure fire red flag dude. Why would she delete it if she had nothing to hide? And as the posters above said, other men should not be buying your wife drinks and she should not be accepting them. Unless it's a group buying drinks in rounds of course, in which case your wife takes her turn. But a man buying your wife a drink in a 1-on-1 situation should NOT be happening. Thanks for reply... It was a guy buying rounds! Still dont like it! It was a work thing... They has a mtg then decided to go out. Yes we have issues!! ErAsing text was really weird... !! I checked all texts from back up and nothing incriminating!! Nothing and i combed thru it good ! I dont lnow but agree trouble might be on horizon Link to post Share on other sites
nofool4u Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 Thanks for reply... It was a guy buying rounds! Still dont like it! It was a work thing... They has a mtg then decided to go out. don't try to give her an excuse that it was a "work" thing. no place I ever worked thought it was a good idea to disrespect the spouses. "hey, lets all go out, get hammered, and not come home til 4am. the spouses will get over it." Link to post Share on other sites
Author Thehusband2 Posted October 21, 2011 Author Share Posted October 21, 2011 a previous poster mentioned that they read some of my previous posts and put them together to generate a little background. That made realize that yes I have been asking a random question here and there but not presenting everything...so i am laying out my exact situation. We have been having troubles. We've been married for 8 yrs + 2 kids (4 and 2.5). Troubles began when I wasnt supportive during her second pregnancy. Truthfully...I was scared for our finances, how are we gonna do it etc... I also had taken on running to get in shape so was becoming engaged in that. Then as time went on we drifted. I want her back and have expressed my commitment to her and our family. She told me she just wants to have fun! What she means is that the past few years have been all about routine (both of us worked - she doesnt now as she got laid off) and she want her and us to have a social life. That's our relationship. To be honest (and i know many husbands have probably said this) other than the occassional outting where she drinks and stays out late, I have nothing to complain/be suspicious about. It is just that these outtings I feel COULD lead to something bad. Have they?? I might never know for sure but I have absolutely no reason to think they have...and I do monitor when i get suspicious. Has she screwed around...I don't know when she could have!! She is with the kids for over a year, she was a nanny for four months, we have a tenant (girl) living in the house...so really when??? On top of it, she is always where she says, always answers the phone (including last week). Judging from her text history I got from her iphone when she told me she was going to xyz, I saw that they really where planning to be there because she was also texting her friend and discussing this. Really I do not have a shredd of evidence. Thje worst thing is the going out late occasionally with that friend of hers who is chaeting on her husband and intends on divorcing him. She is bad news....seriusly. The text last week to strange number at 1 am one her way home in the cab and the delete was the strangest thing I've seen from her...ever...and once again...I've monitored!!! Could it be, she slipped up cause she was drunk? Maybe! I will keep vigilant. I have talked with her in the summer about staying out late and going to clubs....she hasnt done it since I talked to her about last week...and although she was upset and feels I do not trust her...I feel I got my point accross and feel it wont happen again. In her mind, she feels she is not out there to F___ around and she cannot help if others want that. She feels she makes good decisions...I must say last week when she felt drunk...she hoped in cab and came home...that was good! I told her that it is not necessarly what she does or doesnt do, it is about the message it send when she lets a guy buy her a drink, gets drunk etcc... I told her it UNDERMINES our relationship (rocky or not) and THAT is disrespectful! I think she understood that! some have suggested I talk to her about the weird text. I want to, but dont. So far I have no real info on that and I feel I will burn that bridge so to speak. Plus...I will look totally crazy if she knows I looked through her phone or even worse backed it up and been reviewing texts for a week! Especially because it was only one text... no conversation...I think I should wait for more People...Sorry for the long-winded entry here...I'm confused....and do not know how to proceed. I want to keep going spicing our life up, going out as a couple, spending time talking, sex...ect... (things have been better lately - more sex, conversations, etc...) but an outting like last week's + weird text eats at me and makes me not want to keep going. And I feel like a fool! Link to post Share on other sites
nofool4u Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 Has she screwed around...I don't know when she could have!! she goes out drinking, doesn't come home until the rooster crows, and you don't know when she could have? she even doesn't text or call you the entire time she is out partying. question is when COULDN'T she have? She is with the kids for over a year, she was a nanny for four months, we have a tenant (girl) living in the house...so really when??? On top of it, she is always where she says, always answers the phone (including last week). so what was all that about her not texting you when she was out thing? she can call this other guy at 4am, but not you? it sure seems like you are telling the story, but then coming back and trying to fool yourself into thinking she had no time to do anything maybe she didn't, but at the very least she is disrespecting you. but my gut says if she hasn't, she wants to. she likes the single, stay out til 4am life. Thje worst thing is the going out late occasionally with that friend of hers who is chaeting on her husband and intends on divorcing him. She is bad news....seriusly. and why do you think your wife likes to go out late? much less with a cheating wh0re? you think your wife would like you going out and partying with friend of yours who is a known player and womanizer? The text last week to strange number at 1 am one her way home in the cab and the delete was the strangest thing I've seen from her...ever...and once again...I've monitored!!! thats why you have no proof, she is covering her tracks. but at the very least, you are within your rights to tell her that partying and staying out til the bars close, and then some, especially with a wh0re isn't something you should have to put up with. I have talked with her in the summer about staying out late and going to clubs....she hasnt done it since uh, yes, she did. you said so in your first post. so apparently your little talk didn't mean a thing to her. I talked to her about last week...and although she was upset and feels I do not trust her...I feel I got my point accross and feel it wont happen again. sure it will. she likes to party. and she will start to resent it when she doesn't get to go out with her friend soon and act like a single woman. In her mind, she feels she is not out there to F___ around and she cannot help if others want that. but that is WHY they are out there partying. she can be in denial and lie all she wants about what she really wants out of this partying to close the bars down. She feels she makes good decisions partying til the rooster crows when you are married is not a good decision from the start. tell you what, next time she wants to go party, you tell her that you will go with her. what do you want to bet she acts weird about it and tries to talk you out of it. or she agrees and you go and she doesn't enjoy herself. there is a reason she likes to go party without you. open your eyes!!! Link to post Share on other sites
martyjones47 Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 a previous poster mentioned that they read some of my previous posts and put them together to generate a little background. That made realize that yes I have been asking a random question here and there but not presenting everything...so i am laying out my exact situation. I was that poster, and I can relate to a lot of what you are saying- especially the parts about worrying about finances during a pregnancy and our wives not appearing to have the time to cheat. Believe me, I hope she didn't cheat on you. But a lot of things you mention seem like classic signs. I mean, you posted about her not wanting sex with you...and you also being worried about her going out drinking and partying. Well, if she's not wanting sex with you, it's fairly likely she's at least thinking about having it with someone else. Hanging out with people who drink and cheat gives plenty of opportunity and encouragement to cheat. As far as the opportunities go, she could be sneaking it in when she does go out. In my situation, my wife never fully physically cheated as best I can determine, but she did try to. My wife has generally been a stay at home mom who rarely goes anywhere, and I always thought she really had no opportunity. But she made attempts while using very innocuous errands and things and nights out with family members. Link to post Share on other sites
jnj express Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 I got a real simple question for you Husband2----ARE YOU MARRIED, DID YOU TAKE VOWS, DO YOU HAVE KIDS---I guess that is 3 questions If the answer is yes---than your wife being out ar bars till after midnight---IS NOT WHAT A MARRIED WOMAN WITH CHILDREN DOES, IT IS WHAT SINGLE WOMEN DO So its about time you laid in some boundaries, and consequences---if she don't like it too bad---tell her she can be just as single as she wants, if she doesn't wanna act married---but if she wants to be single, it will be as a divorced single Stop being nice, and tolerating this kind of crap---married woman do not do what your wife is doing---end of discussion She is sposed to be doing her socializing WITH YOU, and close friends, who are friends of the mge. Your wife wants a drink after work--she can go and get A drink, and be home by 6, to 6:30 Also there is no arguing the point with her---SHE IS EITHER MARRIED AND ACTS LIKE IT, OR SHE ISN'T---so lay it out to her, with icy calm, and do not allow her any argument on the point---what you are doing, and rightly so is PROTECTING YOUR MGE., AND YOUR CHILDREN!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
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