secondname Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 I'm on a friends account. He has recently divorced and trying to help me udnerstand women. Ive been married for 4.5 years, together for 6.5. We are both 26 and have a 4 year old boy. I know I'm not always the "perfect" husband but I try to be and help out when I can. We seem to get along fine but these past couple months have not been good. I love affection. kissing,holding, snuggling and sex. sex life was once or twice a week and was decent. To start things off, the past 3 months, we've had sex twice. She use to prance around naked after a shower, but now she covers up before she even opens the door. I brung it up to her and she says shes just not into sex anymore. When we do it, we get the job done and thats it. Next, about a month ago, I came home and went to kiss her and she backed away and said she wasnt in the mood and busy. when it got to be bed time, I went to kiss her good night and she just rolled over and told me to get off her, she was cramped. This has happend multiple times. That hurt me alot. I got out of bed and said I can't take this anymore. I told her I feel very un attractive to her and something must be wrong with me. - - I told her I want to feel loved and treated with respect. Next thing I know, she turns things around on me and says I'm immature,selfish, and ridiculous for acting this way. needless to say that made me feel even worse. Maybe I'm over needy. Anyways, I got my clothes and staying with my parents for the time being. All our friends are couples. Shes telling them I'm over clingy and she needs her space. Makes me look like the bad guy. I try to explain to her sex once a week and hug and kisses isnt clingy.... Im just ranting away because I feel like a over clingy husband and maybe shes right. As far as moving out, she confirmed I need to go stay somewhere for the time being and take a break - I know alot will say a new man, but I dont want to here that. I want to here if I'm acting immature for wanting a kiss Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 Probably an affair. Link to post Share on other sites
marqueemoon4 Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 Yep.. I bet there is an OM. Sorry but you need to hear it or at least accept its a possibility. Link to post Share on other sites
wilsonx Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 (edited) You have never been through this situation before have you? This is classic, another guy behavior. Shes distancing herself from you physically and emotionally. Get ready for the bomb, its coming. This is what the beginning of a breakup looks like, to the letter. Theres a reason you are being overly clingy... its because shes pulling away from you. Its human nature. When someone pulls away from us, we try harder to pull them back in, instead of doing the right thing and letting them go Edited October 16, 2011 by wilsonx Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 IAs far as moving out, she confirmed I need to go stay somewhere for the time being and take a break What? She wants out and you're the one who moved? that's not just clingy, it's weak and clingy. No woman can respect or love a man who acts weak. The only reason why she wants her "space" is to pursue other men. Go back home, don't tell her just do it, move back in, take the master bedroom back. "Wife you want out I understand you want space, but you can move out. I'm staying in MY home" Simples Link to post Share on other sites
Author secondname Posted October 16, 2011 Author Share Posted October 16, 2011 As far as me moving back in. It's her house. The loan and house is in her name due to some issues that came up during buying the house last year. I think the hardest thing to do is hereing her get mad if I dont answer my phone. For instance, last night she went out. Its been 2 weeks but I still want to know what shes doing and make sure she will be alright. I knew she was going out with friends, so I called her around 11:00 and she did not answer. I left her a voicemail that said "I was just saying good night and Jake and I "our son" love you. Be safe and call if anything comes up. She text me back around 12:30 and said she was at the club still and she loves me and she'll be safe......reverse the situation and If I dont answer my phone she claims I am giving her the silent treatment and I'm trying to push her away and yada yada. So when she say that it makes me want to answer my phone anytime she calls, but I know the best thing to do is just walk away which is hard Link to post Share on other sites
Author secondname Posted October 16, 2011 Author Share Posted October 16, 2011 I guess for the time being. What is a mature way to handle the situation ? Id love no contact, but with our son I think that is a little overkill. When I meet her to give our son back, should I just say hey and bye. Should I not bring up the weekend and asked what all she did and etc. ? Link to post Share on other sites
westrock Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 I guess for the time being. What is a mature way to handle the situation ? Id love no contact, but with our son I think that is a little overkill. When I meet her to give our son back, should I just say hey and bye. Should I not bring up the weekend and asked what all she did and etc. ? Communication is important. Tell her you want to go to marriage counselling. Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 I left her a voicemail that said "I was just saying good night and Jake and I "our son" love you. Be safe and call if anything comes up Please stop this!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author secondname Posted October 16, 2011 Author Share Posted October 16, 2011 It's very hard. Like I stated If I DONT call her she acts like im avoiding her and acts like there is a chance to reconcile if I show her I care.. But when I do call, she says im up in her space. I have no idea what to do. I took our son to her this afternoon and she still has all our family pictures up in the house. its been almost 2 weeks now. Would she take them down if she was serious ? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 (edited) 1. Welcome to LS 2. Accounts are free. No cost. Takes about two minutes to sign up. Having your own account lets us examine your issues specifically, without confusion with your 'friend's' backstory contained in the database 3. Accept that your wife is 'blaming' you and is 'angry'. You cannot control her feelings. Accept her feelings as valid. If her behaviors are unacceptable to *you*, say that.... 'This is unacceptable', and walk away. 4. Move back into the house. That's your home and your children's home. If she's unhappy, she can leave. 5. OM is likely. 6. My sympathies. Edited to add: Here's a thread which lists common LS acronyms. It'll be helpful. Edited October 16, 2011 by carhill Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 If I DONT call her she acts like im avoiding her and acts like there is a chance to reconcile if I show her I care.. But when I do call, she says im up in her space. I have no idea what to do. I took our son to her this afternoon and she still has all our family pictures up in the house. its been almost 2 weeks now. Would she take them down if she was serious ? My advice? Stop worrying so much what she thinks.. Look at it this way, she has the confidence to do what she wants, she doesn't care about how you will react. Take a page from her playbook.. Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 said she was at the club still and she loves me and she'll be safe...... How about you take another page out of her playbook, next weekend you to wife 'Wife I'm off out clubbing with some friends tonight thanks for babysitting, don't wait up" Then go out and have a good time, you deserve it. Let her wonder where you are for a change. My wife was so gone , I asked her out on a date and she refused, so I got a life and started going out on my own. Within a couple of weeks I couldn't stop her coming with me. It was almost hilarious to watch Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 Either she has fallen out of love with you and isn't attracted to you, decided a long time ago that the marriage is over and she's done her grieving, or she's met someone else, allowed another man close to her and she's in a fog, acting selfish and blaming you so she can feel less guilt. you two are married, so the house is yours too! Live your life, be with your kid as much as you can and ONLY speak to her when it has to do with your child, or the house. She needs to see what life is like without you in it. Let her miss you, want you, see that you're OK without her. If you pine away and be clingy, it's just going to repel her against you and she'll run away. Sorry that you're going through this. Link to post Share on other sites
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