LynnieBear Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 I'm noticing, the nicer you are, the more you believe in love, the less likely you are to get into a relationship. why is the world so dark and cold? Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 Absolutely not. The "girl next door" has much greater appeal than the "guy next door"... Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 Are "good girls" treated the same way as "nice guys"? pretty much, yes Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 In another thread, I opined good, decent women are attractive. That's pretty much been my life experience. The vast majority of them that I've met have been married. The others were not interested in/attracted to this like-minded male. It's the way of the world. No harm, no foul, though it did annoy me as a young man. Like LS'ers often opine, life isn't fair. Yep, that's it. I have no idea how they're treated, only how I've treated them. They haven't shared those details with me. The few who've been friends for any length of time seem to have been treated pretty well by their boyfriends and husbands. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
AHardDaysNight Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 No, I've noticed good girls being snatched up by the bad boys. Can't really say the same in reverse... Link to post Share on other sites
TrueColors Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 I'm noticing, the nicer you are, the more you believe in love, the less likely you are to get into a relationship. why is the world so dark and cold? Maybe because people like who make it so. Seriously, do you really believe you are "nice"? Because if you did, you wouldn't be posting things like this: The ignorance, idiocy, and stupidity on these boards is beyond tolerable. Clarify what exactly a "nice" person is to you, because I doubt that includes actually being tolerant of those with differing views to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LynnieBear Posted October 16, 2011 Author Share Posted October 16, 2011 "nice" to me is a conservative Christian. I view them as the nicest things on the planet and the liberal-anything-else (any other religion) as the "bad" guys Link to post Share on other sites
TrueColors Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 "nice" to me is a conservative Christian. I view them as the nicest things on the planet and the liberal-anything-else (any other religion) as the "bad" guys How very interesting that you term them as "things". Not people. Or humans. Just "things". Or was that a Freudian slip? So why are you terming anyone else as "bad"? Simply because they are not Christian? That makes you a hypocrite. And in my mind, makes you a "bad" person yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LynnieBear Posted October 16, 2011 Author Share Posted October 16, 2011 How very interesting that you term them as "things". Not people. Or humans. Just "things". Or was that a Freudian slip? So why are you terming anyone else as "bad"? Simply because they are not Christian? That makes you a hypocrite. And in my mind, makes you a "bad" person yourself. k, I'm willing to accept that and maybe that's why I'm attracted to "bad" people. I'm not generally attracted to "nice" conservative Christians. They are too nice. I've grown up with the idea that conservative Christians are very nice and liberals are very mean. Because they generally are. Liberals attack conservatives WAY more meanly than conservatives attack liberals. Conservatives never attack liberals... but I would. lol I'm basically acting like a liberal-conservative. Everything I do is what liberals do to Christian conservative people, I'm just a Christian doing it back. Sucks, doesn't it? I need someone with more of an edge who can put up with my insults and still talk to me. lol Link to post Share on other sites
TrueColors Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 (edited) k, I'm willing to accept that and maybe that's why I'm attracted to "bad" people. I'm not generally attracted to "nice" conservative Christians. They are too nice. I've grown up with the idea that conservative Christians are very nice and liberals are very mean. Because they generally are. Liberals attack conservatives WAY more meanly than conservatives attack liberals. Conservatives never attack liberals... but I would. lol I'm basically acting like a liberal-conservative. Everything I do is what liberals do to Christian conservative people, I'm just a Christian doing it back. Sucks, doesn't it? I need someone with more of an edge who can put up with my insults and still talk to me. lol It's your life, Lynnie. If you want to convince everyone here that they are in the wrong for challenging your beliefs and how you treat others in general, that's your prerogative. Just take a look at how far it's gotten you . However, I think you are just shooting yourself in the foot. It's because of your very strict views that's preventing you from seeking the kind of relationship that you want. Lots of LSs including myself have been civil towards you. We have asked you questions about yourself to better understand you. But you refuse to see this in any other way than being a personal attack on you. Your defensiveness just makes you look weak, because while you're busy personally attacking everyone for their "stupid" views or repeating the same tired reasoning, you avoid addressing the real questions and answering them on a rational level. Besides, the whole issue of "niceness" is being confused with "assertiveness" (or lack thereof). It seems as if "nice" to you = "doormat". And being "aggressive" (which is the type of attitude that you continually display on these boards) is being mistaken for "assertiveness". You think that because you are making a stand for your beliefs that you are being a "strong" person; a woman who knows who and what she wants? Yes, up to a point. But when it comes to interacting with other, more "liberal" points of view, you are not liberal at all. The only "liberal" part of yourself is your clothes; your outward appearance, which means nothing when it comes to building a healthy, committed relationship. I don't buy the whole religious aspect either. I see you hide behind religion for a lot of your views. I bet that that's way easier for you to do that than having to think about several different perspectives and come to your own logical conclusion. I mean, come on, why are you trying to justify being insulting to liberals because "all liberals are mean to conservative Christians?" Seriously, are you on a Crusade to stick up for the "nice conservatives" who are just "too nice"? Seems to me that you are really just fighting with yourself. This is why I don't take what you say as a personal attack on me. Firstly, because you do not know me and secondly, whenever someone posts a response to you that you think is pushing your buttons, it's because it's a feeling you already hold within yourself. Otherwise, why would it cause such a negative reaction for you? I read a reply you made to someone that they "have a lot to learn." Take your own advice and apply it to your own life. Edited October 16, 2011 by TrueColors Link to post Share on other sites
KR10N Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 When you say "nice girl" are you talking the reserved quiet type that's a virgin? If so, then I'd say no, nice girls are not treated the same as nice guys. In high school I was considered the "nice girl". Parent teacher conferences were always interesting, my teachers seemed to think I was a sweet kid. Back then, I don't know why, but I always seemed to attract the obnoxious "bad boy" types. While at that time, I wasn't at all interested in having a relationship, certainly not w/ a"bad boy". I don't understand why people make such bold generalizations because it's certainly not fact. Even today, I don't find "bad boys" attractive in any sense. I'm a grown woman who wants a man. Not some moron acting as if he's a 17 year-old male-whore. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 "nice" to me is a conservative Christian. I view them as the nicest things on the planet and the liberal-anything-else (any other religion) as the "bad" guys This is 100% wrong. Being nice does not have to do with politics or religion. My in laws are former 60s hippies who never sold out and haven't been in a church in over 20 years yet they are genuinely good people. There are many conservative christians who are horrible people. Look at the Phelps family for example. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 I need someone with more of an edge who can put up with my insults and still talk to me. lol OP, since you added the at the end, can you clarify? Is this sarcastic or are you sincere? It helps with understanding the dynamic better. Thanks Generally speaking, I would agree with Wogs that 'good people' know no culture, race, political persuasion or religious faith. Such people permeate all segments of world society. IME, the only way to know a good person is to know them, that one individual, and discover their 'goodness' over time and through experience. Perhaps it is possible to target venues and gatherings where more 'good' potentials are likely to occur, but that likelihood is not a guarantee. The process of discovery must still occur and, further, you (or I) must be willing to undertake it without prejudice. Link to post Share on other sites
WhiteChocolate Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 I'm noticing, the nicer you are, the more you believe in love, the less likely you are to get into a relationship. why is the world so dark and cold? I don't think the likelihood of getting into a relationship has anything to do with being nice or believing in love. However, it seems as if you are jumping from "believing in love" to "believing in a perfect Prince Charming who is a liberal-conservative Christian but also a bad boy who dresses in a modern way." You also believe you are a nice girl. In my experience, the nicer someone is, the more they are aware of their own faults, and the more ready they are to apologize. You haven't displayed many "nice" traits, as some other posters have pointed out. Your definition of "nice" is also quite flawed. The world is a beautiful place by the way. I went hiking with some friends this morning and it is absolutely gorgeous outside. Link to post Share on other sites
mickleb Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 You just haven't earned it yet, baby.. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 "nice" to me is a conservative Christian. I view them as the nicest things on the planet and the liberal-anything-else (any other religion) as the "bad" guys Well why don't you date conservative Christian's instead of looking to settle down a "bad boy"? Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 What's a good girl? Link to post Share on other sites
Kamila Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 I'm noticing, the nicer you are, the more you believe in love, the less likely you are to get into a relationship. why is the world so dark and cold? What is nice ? For me, someone is nice when he/she always says 'yes' and doesn't get into an argument. She/he nods for almost anything. It's almost so annoying... But hey, it's something you're educated with, it's called respect at first. It can turn against you when people abuse of your niceness. I am a nice person. People have been telling me that as long as I can remember. I was always the nice type, the person that won't get confrontational, the one that almost everyone liked because you were so 'nice'. It's nice being nice, until you get into a relationship, start working, get into the jungle .... Due to my 'soft' character I let myself me walked upon too much. And it takes time before you notice someone being not nice to you. A colleague of mine admitted, even adviced me in not being nice if you want to attract the 'good guys'. That means the one that want a committed relationship with you, want to compromise, start a family... You had to act like a bitch according to her. It's difficult to do when you are not like that. In my past relationship, i never called my ex any names, i never insulted him, i never hit him... he did. Because i was too nice ? Because he needed the bitchy side of me to calm him ? I don't know... A week before our formal break-up, I lashed out at him, I almost lost myself and wanted to break him. I was scared of myself at that time. He had pushed me that far that my body took control over my soft side. I didn't want to be nice anymore. I stood up for my rights. I had feelings too, I had a say in our relationship, I wouldn't let me be bulldozed by my boyfriend anymore. I wanted something real, a real commitment out of him. I didn't want him to screw me over and over again. At that very instant, I stopped being 'nice'. I learned to block all those guilt feelings. I took care of myself first. Maybe i fell for the wrong one, or maybe it wasn't his time to commit to me. But at least he could have had the decency to break it up with me, instead of leading me on and trying to guilttrip me when I wanted some level of compromise that a human being deserve. I was so in love with him that i didn't see him doing the things he did to me. I was nice, too nice and after a while I got all the crap over my face. And i so believed in love when he came along in the beginning, I silently called him my angel. I laugh at that stupidity that I once had now! How naive that was. So Lynnie, sadly I'll have to affirm what you're saying. That nice girls are less likely to have a relationship. I really hope that there are some exceptions out there. But the way i have been experiencing it so far, in being nice, got me nowhere. The world is indeed dark and cold, but you can find comfort in your warm heart. Btw, i'm not a christian, and also not a liberal. Link to post Share on other sites
Eddie Edirol Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 Hey Lynnie (dreamergirl) still workin at the attention eh? YOu didnt get the answer you wanted last time you posted this same thing? YOu cant have a christian conservative thats a bad boy. Thats what you want, he doesnt exist. You can accept this and stay single forever, or you can change something. Link to post Share on other sites
TrueColors Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 What is nice ? For me, someone is nice when he/she always says 'yes' and doesn't get into an argument. She/he nods for almost anything. It's almost so annoying... But hey, it's something you're educated with, it's called respect at first. It can turn against you when people abuse of your niceness. I am a nice person. People have been telling me that as long as I can remember. I was always the nice type, the person that won't get confrontational, the one that almost everyone liked because you were so 'nice'. It's nice being nice, until you get into a relationship, start working, get into the jungle .... Due to my 'soft' character I let myself me walked upon too much. And it takes time before you notice someone being not nice to you. A colleague of mine admitted, even adviced me in not being nice if you want to attract the 'good guys'. That means the one that want a committed relationship with you, want to compromise, start a family... You had to act like a bitch according to her. It's difficult to do when you are not like that. . Kamilla, I'm sorry to hear you had such a bad experience. But this just emphasises the whole issue that nice = doormat. And to be a doormat, one demonstrates a lack of care and self-respect for oneself. To be "nice" one is considered a pleasant, pleasing person. I actually find the word superficial - because it is based on impressions and appearances. It doesn't describe a person's character. It's very...bland. Same goes for the "assertive" = "bitch" comparison. Bitch by definition means: Slang . a. a malicious, unpleasant, selfish person, especially a woman. b. a lewd woman. c. Disparaging and Offensive . any woman. Now when you started acting like a "bitch" were you any of the above? These are 2 independent ideas that many people lump together as 1 meaning. It would be interesting to know how these misconceptions came about. Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 Hey Lynnie (dreamergirl) still workin at the attention eh? YOu didnt get the answer you wanted last time you posted this same thing? YOu cant have a christian conservative thats a bad boy. Thats what you want, he doesnt exist. You can accept this and stay single forever, or you can change something. And now it all makes sense. Conservative religious girl wants a bad boy. Link to post Share on other sites
Kamila Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 Kamilla, I'm sorry to hear you had such a bad experience. But this just emphasises the whole issue that nice = doormat. And to be a doormat, one demonstrates a lack of care and self-respect for oneself. To be "nice" one is considered a pleasant, pleasing person. I actually find the word superficial - because it is based on impressions and appearances. It doesn't describe a person's character. It's very...bland. Same goes for the "assertive" = "bitch" comparison. Bitch by definition means: Slang . a. a malicious, unpleasant, selfish person, especially a woman. b. a lewd woman. c. Disparaging and Offensive . any woman. Now when you started acting like a "bitch" were you any of the above? These are 2 independent ideas that many people lump together as 1 meaning. It would be interesting to know how these misconceptions came about. Interesting answer I must say. I think at the time of my 'lash out' I had a 'bitchy' momentum. It felt good and bad at the same time, but it was way out of control. I thought my ex would have even peed his pants at that time. A couple of days later, he said to me that he liked me being 'aggressive', that it turned him on. I thought he was joking or something, but no, it did something to him. But for me, it meant that i had to get the hell out of this relationship before it consumes me. I don't want to be bitchy, i don't want to be aggressive, i just want to be normal (whatever that is). Or maybe it did me some good. I never knew 'assertive' could have been interpreted as being bitchy. Mmmm, at my job we're required to be assertive, maybe it's not that applicable in relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
TrueColors Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 Interesting answer I must say. I think at the time of my 'lash out' I had a 'bitchy' momentum. It felt good and bad at the same time, but it was way out of control. I thought my ex would have even peed his pants at that time. Understandable, as you had let the anger and resentment build up for so long that it had exploded into a "bitch" scenario! A couple of days later, he said to me that he liked me being 'aggressive', that it turned him on. I thought he was joking or something, but no, it did something to him. But for me, it meant that i had to get the hell out of this relationship before it consumes me. I don't want to be bitchy, i don't want to be aggressive, i just want to be normal (whatever that is). Or maybe it did me some good. It's funny you should say that as I have a male friend who has admitted to me that "angry" women turn him on (or to be more precise, a woman that can display aggression). When I asked why, he seems to think it reminds him of his mother! So, beware! I never knew 'assertive' could have been interpreted as being bitchy. Mmmm, at my job we're required to be assertive, maybe it's not that applicable in relationships. Well, I think what your friend had told you about learning how to be a "bitch", meant actually being assertive; standing up for yourself when confronted and not letting someone talk down to you, but to do so in a non-confrontational way. This is the assertive attitude that jobs talk about and should apply to ANY kind of relationship, including personal ones. You may find people can (jokingly) call you a "bitch" if you suddenly start putting your foot down where previously you would have let them walk all over you. Being assertive doesn't mean name-calling or getting personal or behaving spitefully - which is exactly what being a "bitch" means. So it depends on how you handle a sticky situation which determines whether you're being assertive or being a bitch. Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 OP, I've read a few of your threads by now and I'm pretty sure that the reason you are single is not because you are "good." Like the rest of us, when we are faced with repeated troubles which we'd like to change, the place to start the change is with ourselves. Do you think you will ever be in a place to take a serious look at yourself and honestly address issues you may have? If you are, you might find yourself in a good relationship some day. Otherwise … no. Link to post Share on other sites
PlumPrincess Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 "nice" to me is a conservative Christian. I view them as the nicest things on the planet and the liberal-anything-else (any other religion) as the "bad" guys :lmao: Link to post Share on other sites
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