Dynamics of the workplace

[Dragonflys]

Hi everyone,

 

I would love some insight into my situation. I am gradually getting to know a very nice woman who works on my floor at work. I have talked to her on occasion for about 2 months. She is Australian like me (she is part Lebanese), is outgoing, interesting, cute, she handles herself very well.

 

So far all we have done is exchange chocolates from interesting places and had coffee breaks together, this all happening over the last 3-4 weeks. Thats fine for me, I want to take this slowly because I think this woman is for keeps, and that is what I am after (I don't want another mess like I went through with my recent breakup [you all heard about that]), and I want to avoid the dating scene. Weekend before last, we had a phone conversation for about 1,1/2 hours and we talked about a variety of things, including the fact that we are both only interested in long-term relationships, but the conversation was very casual and in no way was implying anything about us at this early stage. We seem to have very good conversations, and get on very well. She sometimes talks about her work situation, good and bad. She seems to be quite independant with her thoughts and strong willed.

 

I guess my dilemma is how to approach letting her know I am interested in her, and when. Frankly, I am not sure yet whether she has any real interest in me, but I am OK with that because I would expect her to be cautious. It seems, at the moment anyway, that I am initiating the coffee breaks together (about 1 a week). She sometimes comes by to say hello but always seems to have a reason to do so, or is passing by and sees me. Weekend before last I asked her if she wanted to go for a walk in Central Park and have lunch downtown, and she said she would if she could have time from work. But the next day she called me and said she was not feeling well enough to travel 1,1/2 hours to work, then the long conversation. She works very hard, is very focussed on her work.

 

I think in the workplace it can be difficult to work out how to get to know someone the right way (i.e should I visit her today, should I not kinda stuff). I want to ensure that I am not pushy, I would like to get her out of the workplace though and have some fun and get to know her.

 

Any ideas on approaches, or should I sit tight?

[Jenna]

Oliver,

 

It sounds to me like things are progressing at a nice pace.

 

I'm not sure that I would change anything right now- but maybe just make sure that you are in tune with any hints she might be sending your way. You sound like a very observant and compassionate person who can read a situation with little difficulty. So follow your instincts here- and don't get too anxious.

 

In your case- the work place may not be too bad- as it appears that you don't actually work closely with each other- just in the same building. She seems to be interested- but like you- is taking it one day at a time- to see what develops. When she is ready to move forward- I bet she will let you know- in some way- even if its only a slight hint. There may be a reason that she is a bit cautious- and it will mean a lot to her that you respect her distance until she feels comfortable enough to move to a more intimate level. No matter how it turns out though- it sounds like you have made a wonderful friend.

 

Please keep us posted- I would really like to know how this one progresses. Good luck!! Jenna

Hi everyone, I would love some insight into my situation. I am gradually getting to know a very nice woman who works on my floor at work. I have talked to her on occasion for about 2 months. She is Australian like me (she is part Lebanese), is outgoing, interesting, cute, she handles herself very well. So far all we have done is exchange chocolates from interesting places and had coffee breaks together, this all happening over the last 3-4 weeks. Thats fine for me, I want to take this slowly because I think this woman is for keeps, and that is what I am after (I don't want another mess like I went through with my recent breakup [you all heard about that]), and I want to avoid the dating scene. Weekend before last, we had a phone conversation for about 1,1/2 hours and we talked about a variety of things, including the fact that we are both only interested in long-term relationships, but the conversation was very casual and in no way was implying anything about us at this early stage. We seem to have very good conversations, and get on very well. She sometimes talks about her work situation, good and bad. She seems to be quite independant with her thoughts and strong willed. I guess my dilemma is how to approach letting her know I am interested in her, and when. Frankly, I am not sure yet whether she has any real interest in me, but I am OK with that because I would expect her to be cautious. It seems, at the moment anyway, that I am initiating the coffee breaks together (about 1 a week). She sometimes comes by to say hello but always seems to have a reason to do so, or is passing by and sees me. Weekend before last I asked her if she wanted to go for a walk in Central Park and have lunch downtown, and she said she would if she could have time from work. But the next day she called me and said she was not feeling well enough to travel 1,1/2 hours to work, then the long conversation. She works very hard, is very focussed on her work. I think in the workplace it can be difficult to work out how to get to know someone the right way (i.e should I visit her today, should I not kinda stuff). I want to ensure that I am not pushy, I would like to get her out of the workplace though and have some fun and get to know her. Any ideas on approaches, or should I sit tight?

[Tony T]

Surely the two of you have some common days or nights off. Why don't you just ask her out on a date...like everybody else does?

[Deejette]

I have tended to avoid the workplace as a venue for romance and she may have the same reservations. Things can get very ugly if they don't work out and you see each other every day in a professional capacity. So maybe, when you ask her out you can set out some ground rules that you are willing to follow to allay her fears about her profession if things get weird between you. A cat never sh-ts where it eats, so she has reason to keep it light.

Surely the two of you have some common days or nights off. Why don't you just ask her out on a date...like everybody else does?