Cypress25 Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 (edited) The last bad one lasted a month. I started being suspicious at week #2, it never got better What did she do that made you suspicious? And please don't say "She dated me for 2 weeks and didn't have sex with me." That's not suspicious, that's normal. Edited October 17, 2011 by Cypress25 Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted October 18, 2011 Share Posted October 18, 2011 Huh? I don't hate men, nor do I assume they're selfish. Your post in particular sounded very selfish, which is why I called it out. It's not all men, it's just you. Relationships are supposed to be give and take, but you didn't even mention what you would contribute to a relationship. You only said what you expect the woman to provide for you. She would have to pay her own way on all dates and meet your needs. But would you attempt to meet her needs as well? Or is it all about you? I never said anything about men or women. I'm asking about you. I didn't say that either. Every woman has different needs. But you're only concerned about your needs, it seems. I'm not trying to define the typical woman's needs. Everyone is different. I'm wondering if you make any attempt to meet the woman's needs (once you identify them) when you're dating. I mean, if she's supposed to meet your needs, then you should be doing the same for her, yes? You assumed You accused but you did not ask. Link to post Share on other sites
Cypress25 Posted October 18, 2011 Share Posted October 18, 2011 You assumed You accused but you did not ask. I did ask. Do you consider a woman's needs after she becomes your girlfriend, or do you remain selfish throughout the course of your relationship? See? That's a question mark. You don't have to answer, you know. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted October 18, 2011 Share Posted October 18, 2011 Why does paying for a date have to equate to having sex.. WTF is wrong with men today ? What happened to just going out and having a good time with someone and paying for the check ?.. Who cares if you even don't have a second date as long as you have fun and good times with someone ? Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted October 18, 2011 Share Posted October 18, 2011 I have always put the getting to know someone and dating before the sex.. The sex will come if you get to know someone so putting sex off as far as priorities goes is the way to get more Who gives a crap if you pay for dinners on dates.. that is so crazy to think that a woman should have to pay for a date when it is you that is putting your best foot forward trying to impress her... Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted October 18, 2011 Share Posted October 18, 2011 There is no rule she has to put out by date number X, and there is no rule that you have to take her out to X number of dates. Not into paying for her dinners anymore? Then bail out and go find someone else. I've had women that'd drag me around for a month without any intention of anything more. Probably just in it for the entertainment value or the free meals, or to satisfy some sort of personality deficiency. Who knows. When I give the benefit of the doubt, that's when I regret it later. But I cut them off at around a month max, usually less. And it's not because they didn't put out, but because I can feel that something isn't right. The last bad one lasted a month. I started being suspicious at week #2, it never got better, so by the end of the month I was already having sex with someone else. Of course she then came back and got all interested after I gave her the cold shoulder. So predictable. There are all kinds of different people out there. Find the ones that match what you want. Bail out on ones that don't. You can't make everyone behave the way you want them to. It's up to you to make the right selection. Same here. In the past i've given far too many chances. In my case I get these women that just talk me up like crazy, don't want me seeing other women, seeking a lot of my time & attention, ect. but their words arn't matching their actions. I'd waste a month sometimes 2 without any thing past some kissing. cuddling. And when I try to escalate they shut me down. Next date I try again. Then they would start getting "busy" but still call to make sure I wasn't seeing anyone else. HUH? In reality, they were the ones seeing someone else. so now I got my own rules & they have served me well. Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted October 18, 2011 Share Posted October 18, 2011 I did ask. See? That's a question mark. You don't have to answer, you know. "LOL, I guess you don't date women who have needs of their own." That isn't an accusation or assumption on your part? That is how I viewed it. It was so insulting i'm not even going to dignify your question with an answer. Link to post Share on other sites
Cypress25 Posted October 18, 2011 Share Posted October 18, 2011 In my case I get these women that just talk me up like crazy, don't want me seeing other women, seeking a lot of my time & attention, ect. but their words arn't matching their actions. I'd waste a month sometimes 2 without any thing past some kissing. cuddling. So you didn't enjoy any of that? The conversations, the kissing, the cuddling, etc? The reason I ask is because most women want to date men who enjoy talking to them, kissing them, cuddling with them, etc. If you truly enjoy that, then it's not a waste. But if you're only interested in sex, then all the other stuff would seem like a waste. Those women probably didn't want to date a guy who was only interested in sex. I would be horrified if I found out that my boyfriend thinks spending time with me (without sex) is a waste. Link to post Share on other sites
Cypress25 Posted October 18, 2011 Share Posted October 18, 2011 "LOL, I guess you don't date women who have needs of their own." That isn't an accusation or assumption on your part? That is how I viewed it. That was sarcasm. It's OK, we can move on. Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted October 18, 2011 Share Posted October 18, 2011 What happened to just going out and having a good time with someone and paying for the check ?.. Who cares if you even don't have a second date as long as you have fun and good times with someone ? Paying for a date is fine with me. If it's inexpensive. I meet these women who want me to take them to places that are going to cost me $100 easily for dinner & drinks. They don't want apple-bee's they want $40 a plate & $8 mixed drinks places. I'm divorced with a mortgage & child support. After the other bills I simply can't afford to spend that kind of money weekly. However women pushing 40 working an unskilled office job seem to expect me to take them out to places like that & it just isn't going to happen until I KNOW their sticking around. You don't need an expensive dinner to have fun. I have always put the getting to know someone and dating before the sex.. The sex will come if you get to know someone so putting sex off as far as priorities goes is the way to get more Who gives a crap if you pay for dinners on dates.. that is so crazy to think that a woman should have to pay for a date when it is you that is putting your best foot forward trying to impress her... That's cool with me. I have never minded taking my time. However there comes a point where you need to be assured you arn't wasting your time. I don't impress women with my wallet. I can't. I can impress them with my cooking skills, opening doors, pulling out chairs if their into that. I pay attention to details & do the little things. If in a relationship with a woman, I'm a handyman, mechanic, massage therapist, ect. I impress them with who I am. It's all I got. But they usually wind up dating some jerk who treats them like crap then they call me up afterword telling me they didn't know what they had. BARF! LOL! I don't play games. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted October 18, 2011 Share Posted October 18, 2011 Paying for a date is fine with me. If it's inexpensive. I meet these women who want me to take them to places that are going to cost me $100 easily for dinner & drinks. They don't want apple-bee's they want $40 a plate & $8 mixed drinks places. I'm divorced with a mortgage & child support. After the other bills I simply can't afford to spend that kind of money weekly. However women pushing 40 working an unskilled office job seem to expect me to take them out to places like that & it just isn't going to happen until I KNOW their sticking around. You don't need an expensive dinner to have fun. Agreed.. and right on That's cool with me. I have never minded taking my time. However there comes a point where you need to be assured you arn't wasting your time. I don't impress women with my wallet. I can't. I can impress them with my cooking skills, opening doors, pulling out chairs if their into that. I pay attention to details & do the little things. If in a relationship with a woman, I'm a handyman, mechanic, massage therapist, ect. I impress them with who I am. It's all I got. Many times that is all that is needed PH... Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted October 18, 2011 Share Posted October 18, 2011 So you didn't enjoy any of that? The conversations, the kissing, the cuddling, etc? The reason I ask is because most women want to date men who enjoy talking to them, kissing them, cuddling with them, etc. If you truly enjoy that, then it's not a waste. But if you're only interested in sex, then all the other stuff would seem like a waste. Those women probably didn't want to date a guy who was only interested in sex. I would be horrified if I found out that my boyfriend thinks spending time with me (without sex) is a waste. Because I did all that. I spent time with them because I actually liked them. Then they blew me off for some jerk who treated them badly then came crying back to me. So in reality I did waste my time. I became their cuddle bitch & emotional tampon. i'm done with that. women genuinely interested & attracted to me WANT to have sex with me & do not want to wait for months. Link to post Share on other sites
Cypress25 Posted October 18, 2011 Share Posted October 18, 2011 Then they blew me off for some jerk who treated them badly then came crying back to me. OK, so that's the part that bothered you. Not the waiting for sex part. Correct? They seem like separate issues to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author musemaj11 Posted October 18, 2011 Author Share Posted October 18, 2011 Why does paying for a date have to equate to having sex.. WTF is wrong with men today ? What happened to just going out and having a good time with someone and paying for the check ?.. Who cares if you even don't have a second date as long as you have fun and good times with someone ? Today's men just aren't as stupid as men in the past. Read: The Manipulated Man http://dontmarry.files.wordpress.com/2008/08/the_manipulated_man.pdf Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted October 18, 2011 Share Posted October 18, 2011 Today's men just aren't as stupid as men in the past. Read: The Manipulated Man http://dontmarry.files.wordpress.com/2008/08/the_manipulated_man.pdf That book was written over 40 years ago.... I'm sure that that culturally we have been trained to do certain things for women over time.. so have women.. Do you really think paying for a meal is a man being stupid ? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 18, 2011 Share Posted October 18, 2011 I won't speak for Phineas, but the cuddle bitch/emotional tampon part is the worst of it from my perspective. The closest comparison I can use is a man telling a woman what she wants to hear so he can stick his dick in her and then 'blow her off'. The 'distant second to Charles Manson' has traction but hey Charley was a pretty charismatic guy I guess, and so are the jerks of the world. Otherwise, they'd just be jerks, not jerks getting laid. I have no opinion on the OP except that I've always paid and never got laid. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted October 18, 2011 Share Posted October 18, 2011 I've always paid and never got laid. That sounds like it could be some lyrics to a country song Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 18, 2011 Share Posted October 18, 2011 Kinda like 'a boy named Sue' Link to post Share on other sites
Author musemaj11 Posted October 18, 2011 Author Share Posted October 18, 2011 (edited) Who gives a crap if you pay for dinners on dates.. that is so crazy to think that a woman should have to pay for a date when it is you that is putting your best foot forward trying to impress her... Just because you dont give a crap doesnt mean other people must not give a crap either. I expect someone I give my heart to to want to impress me as much as I want to impress her. If you are the old time's believer of romance as something that goes one way then I have no qualm with you because I understand where you are coming from. But let me and the newer generation of men to have our own approach. That book was written over 40 years ago....And most of it still hold true today more than ever. I'm sure that that culturally we have been trained to do certain things for women over time.. so have women..How many women today still believe that its their gender job to wait on their men, take care of all the household chores, and stay in the kitchen? Do you really think paying for a meal is a man being stupid ? Thinking paying for a meal is your job as a man is what I think is stupid. I knew a young woman who had sex with a guy the first night she met him, which happened to be at a party and not on a date. Do you vigilant scorekeepers believe that the guy should retroactively take her on 3 (or 4, I'm confused about the rule you depend upon for dating) in order to "pay" for the sex? I'm sure that being such equitable fellows, you would not want to see a guy "stealing" sex. That would be considered legally fraudulent, right? What are you talking about? The subject of this thread is regarding the unwritten rule that most women have that they require men to pay for at least the first few dates or else they will lose interest, while at the same time they get upset when some men have their own rule that expects women to put out after a certain amount of dates. Edited October 18, 2011 by musemaj11 Link to post Share on other sites
fishtaco Posted October 18, 2011 Share Posted October 18, 2011 So you didn't enjoy any of that? The conversations, the kissing, the cuddling, etc? Bahahahahah! That is all. Link to post Share on other sites
oaks Posted October 18, 2011 Share Posted October 18, 2011 The subject of this thread is regarding the unwritten rule that most women have that they require men to pay for at least the first few dates or else they will lose interest, while at the same time they get upset when some men have their own rule that expects women to put out after a certain amount of dates. Ok, so to keep things on topic, I think you're wrong about it being "most women ... require". Certainly "some women ... require" and perhaps "many women ... like". Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted October 18, 2011 Share Posted October 18, 2011 OK, so that's the part that bothered you. Not the waiting for sex part. Correct? They seem like separate issues to me. I have never had wait more than a month for sex when it came to women attracted to me & genuinely interested in me. It's the one's who don't want me seeing anyone else & coincidentally don't want to make things official that are the time wasters & usually seeing other men behind my back. In fact, of the women I've slept with, I honestly cannot remember any of them stipulating any terms before we had sex or even mentioning a relationship. Probably because they didn't want to seem clingy & scare me off? I won't speak for Phineas, but the cuddle bitch/emotional tampon part is the worst of it from my perspective. The closest comparison I can use is a man telling a woman what she wants to hear so he can stick his dick in her and then 'blow her off'. The 'distant second to Charles Manson' has traction but hey Charley was a pretty charismatic guy I guess, and so are the jerks of the world. Otherwise, they'd just be jerks, not jerks getting laid. I have no opinion on the OP except that I've always paid and never got laid. It sucks big time man. And it does make you feel used & unattractive & makes me not even want to see the woman anymore. I feel like it is a waste of my time because I could be doing other things or trying to find a woman who is actually interested in me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author musemaj11 Posted October 19, 2011 Author Share Posted October 19, 2011 Ok, so to keep things on topic, I think you're wrong about it being "most women ... require". Certainly "some women ... require" and perhaps "many women ... like". No, 'most' is surely a more appropriate word than 'some'. Link to post Share on other sites
oaks Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 No, 'most' is surely a more appropriate word than 'some'. Fair enough, if that's your experience. It differs from mine, but then I'm in the UK so maybe things are different here or the (small) selection of women I date are more enlightened. Link to post Share on other sites
Author musemaj11 Posted October 19, 2011 Author Share Posted October 19, 2011 Fair enough, if that's your experience. It differs from mine, but then I'm in the UK so maybe things are different here or the (small) selection of women I date are more enlightened. Although I heard that British women are the most similar to American women in comparison to other European countries, but Im pretty sure they are still not as toxic as American women. Link to post Share on other sites
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