Graywulfx Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 I recently went out with a woman. She was attractive, conversation flowed, we got along and overall things went really well. After a martini or two the conversation shifted to sex. I jokingly asked how many guys she has slept with. Without batting an eye, she tells me 17. Considering that she is only 23 I found this alarming. I decided I wasn't ok with being #18 and called it a night. Am I being a prude by blowing off a girl with such a high number? Are women knocking out more parters nowadays? What is your opinion oh wise LSers? Link to post Share on other sites
oaks Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 Did you really ask "jokingly"? It sounds like her answer turned out to be a deal-breaker for you, so it's an important question (to you). You're not being a prude, and even if you are there's nothing wrong with that. Lots of people would say that they wanted a sexual partner with a broadly similar level of experience (which doesn't just mean number of partners, but it could). There's nothing wrong with her having had 17 sexual partners, either, although I think that might be above average for her age. Link to post Share on other sites
Disenchantedly Yours Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 Well, I don't personally think it's anyone's business how many men I've slepted with when it comes to people I just started seeing. And I haven't slept with that many men even. But to "jokingly" ask her her numbers and then sober up about the response is a tad passive aggressive. If a woman's numbers concern you, be honest about it. I can understand wanting a partner with similiar sexual numbers as yourself. However, if you've slept with that many women or more, and hold it against her, that is a different story. Women are "knocking out" more numbers today. Women like sex too. Isn't that good? Link to post Share on other sites
iris219 Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 I find it more alarming that you asked the question. That would be an immediate dealbreaker for me. The question was very tacky and inappropriate of you to ask, even jokingly. I'm surprised she even answered it. Link to post Share on other sites
ShannonMI Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 17 is high for such a young girl, but whatever. I wonder when she starting having sex. Don't ask her because you might not like the answer. I don't think it's that big of a deal honestly. Now if her number was in the triple digits, this would be something to be concerned about. Just think, she's probably pretty experienced. That would be good for you, right? As long as she doesn't have an STD, you shouldn't judge the girl too much. Chicks love sex too. I know, amazing. Link to post Share on other sites
Pierre Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 I find it more alarming that you asked the question. That would be an immediate dealbreaker for me. The question was very tacky and inappropriate of you to ask, even jokingly. I'm surprised she even answered it. Nevertheless it is important information. One would think that a man or woman that has a lot of sex partners probably views sex as a mundane activity. OTOH, someone that is very selective views sex as something much more special. Link to post Share on other sites
ShannonMI Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 They could consider it a mundane activity or they could love the variety of different sexual partners. Could be both. Link to post Share on other sites
iris219 Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 Nevertheless it is important information. One would think that a man or woman that has a lot of sex partners probably views sex as a mundane activity. OTOH, someone that is very selective views sex as something much more special. It is NOT important info for what I assume was a first date. Would you ask a woman this on a first date? Actually, I don't see how the number is important at all. Really, what does a number reveal? How the person views sex would eventually be important. A number does not provide an explanation to that. I've never asked nor been asked how many people I slept with (since high school). Link to post Share on other sites
Eve Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 17 people at 23 is pretty mind boggling to me. No wonder people seem so messed up about relationships. Don't know OP, she could still be a nice person but wow.. if a man told me that I would think he had emotional issues which has lead him to be a bit of a slut. Wow, the one good thing about coming to this site has been that I have reconsidered my initial thought that I had had a promiscuous phase in my life. Now I think I was being way too harsh on myself. Take care, Eve x Link to post Share on other sites
denise_xo Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 I agree it's totally tacky to ask that kind of question on a first date. However, I think it's perfectly understandable to want to find a partner with a similar view on sex, so if that's a deal breaker for you that's fully legitimate IMO if you apply the same standards to yourself. Do you? Link to post Share on other sites
louise_23 Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 I recently went out with a woman. She was attractive, conversation flowed, we got along and overall things went really well. After a martini or two the conversation shifted to sex. I jokingly asked how many guys she has slept with. Without batting an eye, she tells me 17. Considering that she is only 23 I found this alarming. I decided I wasn't ok with being #18 and called it a night. Am I being a prude by blowing off a girl with such a high number? Are women knocking out more parters nowadays? What is your opinion oh wise LSers? this is so weird. im 23 also, and ive only slept with one person. and i was on a date the other day, and the guy asked me how many people i'd slept with, and he more or less told me how uncool it was for me to admit id only slept with one guy (we were together a very long time though) in my opinion, even when guys say theyve slept with loads of people i find it disgusting. whether male or female, people need more self respect. why do you have to drop your trousers/ knickers for anyone that offers? i dont sleep with someone if i dont care about them, end of. and the few times ive made it to third base with a guy, i didnt care about them so it never went further. and even just those things on their own i regret. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 OP, how many females have you slept with and how old are you? Link to post Share on other sites
Pierre Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 They could consider it a mundane activity or they could love the variety of different sexual partners. Could be both. Those folks should never consider a committed relationship. The thirst for variety could lead to infidelity. Link to post Share on other sites
Pierre Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 this is so weird. im 23 also, and ive only slept with one person. and i was on a date the other day, and the guy asked me how many people i'd slept with, and he more or less told me how uncool it was for me to admit id only slept with one guy (we were together a very long time though) He wanted you to feel bad for being selective. A typical technique men use to get women to put out. I hope you don't date him again. in my opinion, even when guys say theyve slept with loads of people i find it disgusting. whether male or female, people need more self respect. why do you have to drop your trousers/ knickers for anyone that offers? i dont sleep with someone if i dont care about them, end of. and the few times ive made it to third base with a guy, i didnt care about them so it never went further. and even just those things on their own i regret. That is because for you sex is something much more special. For these other folks sex is as biologic as urinating or having a BM.:laugh: Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 It is NOT important info for what I assume was a first date. Would you ask a woman this on a first date? Actually, I don't see how the number is important at all. Really, what does a number reveal? How the person views sex would eventually be important. A number does not provide an explanation to that. I've never asked nor been asked how many people I slept with (since high school). I am so with you on this, Iris. And I would be pretty offended by any guy who asks that kind of question on a first date. Fortunately, being older, these types of question never come up in MATURE dating. A 40-year old man will never ask that kind of a question of a 40-year old woman because it is implied that we have all had experiences and to grade them by a number is degrading to the person. It blows my mind that people judge others by NUMBERS and not the person themselves, regardless of why or how those numbers might have been manifested. Link to post Share on other sites
Dvick89 Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 You know that is a question I want to ask anytime I start to get interested in a girl but I never have. It just seems rude to me. That being said if a girl did tell me and the number was 17 id have to be a little nervous. 17 guys in 23 years doesnt show me much desire for a commited relationship and thats what im after. Im 22 and i dont even think ive liked 17 girls enough to have sex with them. Link to post Share on other sites
louise_23 Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 He wanted you to feel bad for being selective. A typical technique men use to get women to put out. I hope you don't date him again. That is because for you sex is something much more special. For these other folks sex is as biologic as urinating or having a BM.:laugh: lol. yeah definitely. i didnt realise that was a sneaky strategy to get women to put out! what a f***** jerk!!!! i doubt ill be hearing from him again after he said "you should have slept with me by now, people usually sleep together on the 3rd date and this is the 5th" i was like....nah. Link to post Share on other sites
The Tiger Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 Disgusting. I would've said "I have to go to the bathroom" and snuck out of the restaurant so that ho would've had to pay for my meal. Turning tricks pays well so she could afford it. Link to post Share on other sites
Dvick89 Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 lol. yeah definitely. i didnt realise that was a sneaky strategy to get women to put out! what a f***** jerk!!!! i doubt ill be hearing from him again after he said "you should have slept with me by now, people usually sleep together on the 3rd date and this is the 5th" i was like....nah. He actually said that? I dont think id have the balls to say that to anyone, I cant help but laugh when I read it though. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 CarrieT when you have led a life of debauchery and sordidness like you have I don't think you really start becoming the morality in your later stages of life. You are no position to start becoming a self confessed moralist. I am not a self-confessed moralist. I am explaining that for middle-aged adults, such a question is unimportant and rarely occurs in dating conversations. It is fine that you can be offended by the life I have lived - but don't advise me on how and when I can reply to question in offering a different perspective. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 Am I being a prude by blowing off a girl with such a high number? Prude? IDK, how do you feel about sex and intimacy? Are women knocking out more parters nowadays? Some are. Some always have. It's not necessarily something new, though perhaps more openly discussed now What is your opinion oh wise LSers? I would be interested in her relationship history and familial background, presuming the intentions of dating were an LTR. Link to post Share on other sites
fazz Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 I say history make a person, so that number does matter. It says something, isn't it? It might be a bit harsh but the good thing is you know what you're dealing with before you get involved any further, so I think that's good for you. Link to post Share on other sites
louise_23 Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 He actually said that? I dont think id have the balls to say that to anyone, I cant help but laugh when I read it though. lol, he really did. and swiftly followed it with "blow jobs are my favourite thing" cue awkward silence.....tumbleweed rolls by....smooth moves, brother. some days i feel like im on a hidden camera show. Link to post Share on other sites
Disenchantedly Yours Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 Women are knocing out more numbers today - they are also bringing more and more unwanted and unplanned life into this world too. This isn't good, these children then grow up damaged and proceed to bring up damaged children of their own. A woman and man can have as much sex as they want, I just wish more people would practise safe sex, no matter "how unrealistic" the feeling is with a condom. IN A Rut, If you had said that both women AND men were bringing "more and more unwanted and unplanned life" then I would be right there with you. It's not just women's fault if she gets pregnant..you know, if I am remembering my sex educations classes right. When I was younger, usually guys would say that crap about not wanting to wear a "condom". My girlfriends and I use to talk about that way back when. Link to post Share on other sites
Dvick89 Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 lol, he really did. and swiftly followed it with "blow jobs are my favourite thing" cue awkward silence.....tumbleweed rolls by....smooth moves, brother. some days i feel like im on a hidden camera show. These are the types of guys that make women doubt the existance of nice guys like myself. Funny to read though, seems like a complete tool. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts