Cypress25 Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 I jokingly asked how many guys she has slept with. Without batting an eye, she tells me 17. She was probably being sarcastic. Ask a stupid question, you get a stupid answer. Link to post Share on other sites
OnyxSnowfall Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 (edited) I was at 17 when I was 14 :( I've always been honest and upfront about my past and it has yet to deter men that have been interested in me (and my past is hideous! well, except for the last 9 years... the years spent with having learned my lessons there heh) While I'm curious about someone's past (I think history is interesting and it is in fact what the present has been built on and of), I don't place much emphasis on anything beyond the last few years of how they've been living and even then I realize I can't possibly know wtf it's all truly about (people themselves have a hard time even knowing that)... overall I'm just much more concerned with the present... Just for the record, I've long since been extremely selectively about sex (and I count my blessings that I never contracted an STD when I was much younger )... But alas, a large number doesn't necessarily mean someone isn't going to, at least, at some point in time - value sex, fidelity and or monogamy. It probably helped I didn't find promiscuity satisfying (sexually or otherwise) though.... Edited October 16, 2011 by OnyxSnowfall Link to post Share on other sites
Pierre Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 Generally, women underestimate the number of sex partners. So maybe 17 is the tip of the iceberg. I think it is offensive to ask a woman about her sexual past in a first date. A woman with many sex partners may feel more offended than a woman with little sexual experience. Link to post Share on other sites
OnyxSnowfall Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 uhhhhh and to think. Somehow you missed ending up on 16 and pregnant. Yeah, I was 17 the first time I conceived Link to post Share on other sites
OnyxSnowfall Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 Dear lord. Unfortunately, it's pretty typical of a female when she's molested as a young child... (many of those numbers at that age were men well into their 20s, some 30's). Granted, the other extreme is also quite common... Either way, there's a lot to work through heh. Link to post Share on other sites
OnyxSnowfall Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 I don't know whether to take you seriously or not. If you were molested as a child then you have my sympathy, if you're lying then that's unfortunate that someone would choose to clown around about a serious issue. No, I'm just trying to offer a little insight into what's partially behind some early promiscuity --- and what could potentially be partially behind others (even their continuum of it). I tend to default to openness heh. There was a lot of baggage for me to work through and quite honestly I still work through it --- in that respect, as far as dating goes, I think people deserve to know if it's something they want to get involved with at all and I don't think I would mind if someone faulted me for it (even though there was a lot of things outside of my control [as a child]... it HAS led to other issues in my present). Ultimately someone's sexual history is no one's business but I still think it's better to put everything on the table and find out sooner rather than later if things can proceed in the long-term (if that's what is being sought... otherwise... finding out if someone is clean or not is more relevant than the rest). I do think it's odd to judge without attempting to find out the details behind it but of course they're welcome to. In the OP's case, I probably would have suggested he not sleep with her soon, but perhaps see if she was open to divulging more of her story to him (if he was truly interested) and then basing his future involvement off of that heh. And if he was just interested in a casual encounter then he probably can't realistically expect a female who is open to that to always have a low number lol. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Graywulfx Posted October 16, 2011 Author Share Posted October 16, 2011 To answer one poster's question: I am 28 years old and have slept with 6 women. 3 Long term relationships and 3 short term relationships. I agree that it is tacky to ask such a question and under normal circumstances I wouldn't. Blame it on the alcohol and the fact that I got the feeling that we were headed toward sleeping together. I'm not concerned with the number. I'm concerned with the implications associated with it. Why would one so young have slept with so many people? The answers I come up with are all negative. Emotional issues, void filling, etc. On the flip side... I respect her for being so brutally honest. She could have easily lied. Anyway, I'm going to grab dinner with her and pick her brain some more. Link to post Share on other sites
Pierre Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 To answer one poster's question: I am 28 years old and have slept with 6 women. 3 Long term relationships and 3 short term relationships. I agree that it is tacky to ask such a question and under normal circumstances I wouldn't. Blame it on the alcohol and the fact that I got the feeling that we were headed toward sleeping together. I'm not concerned with the number. I'm concerned with the implications associated with it. Why would one so young have slept with so many people? The answers I come up with are all negative. Emotional issues, void filling, etc. On the flip side... I respect her for being so brutally honest. She could have easily lied. Anyway, I'm going to grab dinner with her and pick her brain some more. With her track record the odds of scoring is high. Are you at casual dating or a relationship? Don't sleep with her until she can prove to you she has no STDs. Link to post Share on other sites
xoxoDaniellexoxo Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 lol. yeah definitely. i didnt realise that was a sneaky strategy to get women to put out! what a f***** jerk!!!! i doubt ill be hearing from him again after he said "you should have slept with me by now, people usually sleep together on the 3rd date and this is the 5th" i was like....nah. I would have walked out ASAP lol!!! Don't feel like you are the only one either! I have had that happen almost 8 times!! My number is 0 lol, but that's cause like you I actually want to do that with someone who I really care about, and when I was 17 and had my first "serious" relationship I knew I wasn't ready for that yet, but then again I went to an HS where girls were sleeping with guys at 15 and having sex on the dance floor at homecoming. Guy didn't deserve you anyway!!! Link to post Share on other sites
OliveOyl Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 I think the number has no bearing on how seriously one approaches relationships. A lot of young people go through a period of exploration. Nor does the high number of people mean one values sex less. That is an illogical explanation. Do you value eating good food less because you've eaten every single day of your life? Anyway, let's say she started having sex when she was 17. That would make 6 years of having sex which is less than 3 partners a year. One year might have been her "wild spree" and then maybe she calmed down. (I can sorta relate... my senior year in college I slept with 5 guys. Not at the same time though ) Doesn't seem so overwhelmingly out there to me. Link to post Share on other sites
blondike Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 (edited) I don't see what's so wrong about being asked about your partner. I feel like sex is such a universal thing and that's all anybody wants to talk about nowadays anyway, if you look at the TV and media. And you may get a good laugh at all of the awkward moments the other person went through. Not gonna lie. Sluts men and women are great for gossip mill at school. Man, you can get so many good stories out of it and then watching the story unfold because each and everytime the girl ends up regretting the sex and we all get to sit around and say, "yep, we knew it was coming." But honestly, I can see if you can orgasm easily then sh** yeah ride on, but a lot of the girls who have sex at young age, don't even enjoy themselves, the guy doesn't know what the hell he's doing, she doesn't even want to be there, it's just a mess all around. On the other hand, I was supper jealous of my beautiful next door neighbor who was enjoying her sexaerobics because I could hear her, and the gossip mill that day was filled with envious grumblings, and all throughout the week and month she was getting it on, my friends and I were just amazed. I felt that was justified becasue she was liking it, they were in a LTR, so I was like do you thang girl. But 9 times out of 10, the girl is just doing it for attention and something's broken on the inside. No pun intended!! Hahaha! Edited October 17, 2011 by blondike Link to post Share on other sites
daphne Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 Without batting an eye, she tells me 17. Considering that she is only 23 I found this alarming. Holy crap. I think it was in poor taste to ask the question so soon but 17 is just crazy, imo. I remember having a knee jerk reaction to a guy who said 8 when he was 22. I may not be the best barometer for that tho. And I didn't ask the question. He misunderstood something and offered it. Link to post Share on other sites
Pierre Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 But honestly, I can see if you can orgasm easily then sh** yeah ride on, but a lot of the girls who have sex at young age, don't even enjoy themselves, the guy doesn't know what the hell he's doing, she doesn't even want to be there, it's just a mess all around. I know of a woman that has slept with several hundred men and is actually anorgasmic. She keeps searching for the big O till this day. Link to post Share on other sites
ascendotum Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 I know of a woman that has slept with several hundred men and is actually anorgasmic. She keeps searching for the big O till this day. Pierre were you one of the past men who stepped up to the challange of finally being the one to unleash her orgasm but ended up walking away with head bowed? . Link to post Share on other sites
TLCbear Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 Am I being a prude by blowing off a girl with such a high number? Are women knocking out more parters nowadays? What is your opinion oh wise LSers? Everyone is different, but I agree that I would have found this very alarming to be the age she is. I would say you're only a prude (or wrong) if you have sleep with just as many as she. In my opinion, that tells me she has (or may have had) some type of deep seated issue within herself, such as lack of self respect or love, emotional or family issues. Link to post Share on other sites
silvermercy Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 OP, don't feel guilty whenever you hear others telling you the usual "past is the past" etc. It's usually those who have already accumulated a long number themselves so they usually see things differently. I understand people not wanting to be judged about it but they also have to understand they may not be desirable by a big number of people who have lower number of partners (I'm not talking about hypocrites). For me, myself having a VERY low number, hearing the number 17 even from an OLDER man would ring alarm bells. Other people might not have a problem with that, but you may do, and I would. (Bear in mind, the fact that she said 17 immediately, might not mean anything. Her number could be even higher. I have told all kinds of fibs within fractions of a second without even thinking about it, while keeping a straight poker face. LOL She probably minimized, as it's typical. I would have, too.) To the point of relationships, I don't have statistics, but I'd be curious to see what percentage of people have relationships that are successful long-term (with the end result being a long happy marriage) when dealing with incompatible partners in terms of sexual partners; even if the rest of personality traits are compatible. For me, success would go like this: compatible with low partner number > than compatible with high partner number and > or about equal than incompatible (one relationship partner has lower or higher number than the other). so just try to help her. That's not his problem, and usually shouldn't be. He could try all the help in the world but it's always on HER to help herself heal her own baggage. Link to post Share on other sites
louise_23 Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 These are the types of guys that make women doubt the existance of nice guys like myself. Funny to read though, seems like a complete tool. wow i just had a bit of a swoon moment over the "nice guys like myself" comment. calm down, dear. where do i find you people though? and why is it not you people seeking me out? and yeah, have to admit some of it's funny to write actually, im thinking of agreeing to dates knowing itll go no further just to get enough material for a book. something good will come of this i tell you! Link to post Share on other sites
louise_23 Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 I would have walked out ASAP lol!!! Don't feel like you are the only one either! I have had that happen almost 8 times!! My number is 0 lol, but that's cause like you I actually want to do that with someone who I really care about, and when I was 17 and had my first "serious" relationship I knew I wasn't ready for that yet, but then again I went to an HS where girls were sleeping with guys at 15 and having sex on the dance floor at homecoming. Guy didn't deserve you anyway!!! you too!!! im so glad im not alone as i wade through this river of idiotic sex driven men! Link to post Share on other sites
Nexus One Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 Unfortunately, it's pretty typical of a female when she's molested as a young child... (many of those numbers at that age were men well into their 20s, some 30's). I'm sorry to hear that Onyx, you have my sympathy. Damn. Link to post Share on other sites
ChessPieceFace Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 I recently went out with a woman. She was attractive, conversation flowed, we got along and overall things went really well. After a martini or two the conversation shifted to sex. I jokingly asked how many guys she has slept with. Without batting an eye, she tells me 17. Considering that she is only 23 I found this alarming. I decided I wasn't ok with being #18 and called it a night. Am I being a prude by blowing off a girl with such a high number? Are women knocking out more parters nowadays? What is your opinion oh wise LSers? You won't get many sensible responses to this question here, due to the massive moral decay of society. Her response was disgusting for many reasons. First off due to the number. Like you said, why on earth would you want to be "sex partner #18"? This is the problem with cheap, easy sex. At some point the sex is pointless, and a person cannot truly bond with another person. The second problem was with her knowing the number so quickly. It must have been fresh in her mind, she must think about it. She didn't even have to try to figure it out, just BAM. 17. Gross. The third problem was with her freely giving out the number without reservation or hesitation. That shows a total lack of decency and modesty. You should just be happy she was honest with you. In so many words, she told you "I am a bar slut." You chose not to spend the night with a bar slut. Good for you. Find someone better. Link to post Share on other sites
Disenchantedly Yours Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 In A Rut I would have mentioned men if this thread was about men and indeed if your post was about men. It wasn't though was it? The post wasn't about pregnancy and too many children in the world either but you certainly brought that opinion into it. And since making children and becoming pregnant requires a man and woman, you should use a little common sense instead of trying to bs on why you primarily blamed women. Girls should never sleep with men who refuse to wear condoms - if you do then you can have no complaints if you catch something or end up pregnant. A. Not the topic. B. It takes two to tangle. Yes if a girl sleeps with someone that doesn't wear a condom, she has made a mistake. No one gets to dictate what she "deserves" or any nonsense like that. Link to post Share on other sites
Pierre Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 Pierre were you one of the past men who stepped up to the challange of finally being the one to unleash her orgasm but ended up walking away with head bowed? . She is a friend of my sister. I did go out with her once, but I did not have the privilege to try:laugh:. I do know she takes no prisoners when it comes to sex, but so far no O. Link to post Share on other sites
Sanman Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 Oh lord, Can we stop with the petty fights. Assuming that she is a 'sexually empowered woman' is just as cliche and wrong as assuming she is a bar slut. I am in my late twenties, have had my fair share of experiences and have not found a casual sex partner that was anywhere as good or talented as a long-term gf that wanted to please me and learn what turned me on. Additionally, I am not a huge fan of condoms and prefer other methods of birth control (though I do use condoms). In my book, the only way to have responsible unprotected sex is with a trustworthy, monogamous, long-term partner using other forms of birth control. And that always beats the glove. As for the OP's question, I think you made the right assessment. The most likely explanation for that number is an emotional or psychological issue. Onyx made a very brave admission earlier in this thread. I am sure she will tell you that despite the years that have passed and the changes in behavior, she still struggles with such issues. OP, you need to decide if you can be with such a woman. It definitely takes more work and the risk of things like cheating are higher due to fear of intimacy and/or abandonment. You have every right to walk away and find someone more suitable for you. For the record, I have dated someone with a similar sexual history (also molested at a young age) and despite my best efforts, she pushed me away and began fighting after a few months (I was her second longest relationship aside from one her best friend). While I certainly empathize with anyone in that situation, I would more likely walk away if I were single and met such a girl now. I have my stresses to deal with in life and I am not sure I could deal with the issues that come such a relationship. Onyx, my heart goes out to you and I wish you the best on journey through this messy world. Link to post Share on other sites
azsinglegal Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 I've never asked the number question or answered it. If you're so concerned about a number then it's all you'll focus on and not the person. To some people, 5 may be too many to others it's 50. It's all irrelevant. Those experiences make the person who they are today and THAT is who you should be looking at, not how many partners he/she has had in the past. I am always a little bothered when a men tells me he's been in a threesome before, but so have I...so I have NO RIGHT to get upset. I'm pretty sure I've been dumped before because I won't answer the number question. But the way I see it...if that's your focus, you're not for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Andy_K Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 (edited) I once met a girl who told me her number was 17. She was 17 at the time, and then mentioned she'd only lost her virginity that year. Obviously a very busy girl thereafter... Edited October 17, 2011 by Andy_K Link to post Share on other sites
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