OliveOyl Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 I don't get why a woman having sex with a number of different guys is immediately considered a lack of self respect or emotional/family issues. Maybe she just really likes sex? It is supposed to be pleasurable, right? I agree with Dusk1983. If it were a guy who said 17, a lot of you would be thinking "high five!" It only takes a few partners a year to add up. If you're dating actively, 2 a year will make 10 by the time you're 25 if you lost your virginity at 20. (By the way, this comment has nothing to do with my personal history. I think I'm probably fairly average in terms of past experience and can count on one hand how many in the last 25 years. I have never, ever regretted, felt remorseful, used, ashamed, wished I could take back, etc. due to having sex. Maybe it's because I was born in the 60s when the concept of free love was floating about?) Link to post Share on other sites
xoxoDaniellexoxo Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 you too!!! im so glad im not alone as i wade through this river of idiotic sex driven men! Definitly not alone!! It has happended quite a lot, thankfully I just walk away from the idiot, otherwise I would slap the guy for being a douche. I'll never forget one time it happened and my guy friend overheard it, I thought he was going to KILL the guy! Link to post Share on other sites
ChessPieceFace Posted October 18, 2011 Share Posted October 18, 2011 (a bunch of garbage) Looks like someone is quite upset that I have pointed out that their chosen lifestyle (and thus, their identity) is empty, shallow, and rooted in the most base animal nature. Check yourself. I'm not the only one in the thread who said 23yo woman + 17 sex partners = disgusting. Link to post Share on other sites
OnyxSnowfall Posted October 18, 2011 Share Posted October 18, 2011 (edited) Oh my... I wasn't expecting such heh... :o (but thank you Nexus, Sanman & even you In A Rut ) Sanman --- I do think the fear of intimacy is a huge barrier to overcome... and it has drained people I've become emotionally and sexually involved with as well. My boyfriend is absurdly patient and understanding... but I know I've taken a toll on him at times. I really am a raging BPD LOL --- I know it's been a lot for him to handle, and I was left in awe when he'd hold me and tell me that I deserve to be loved - even after I would be trying to push him away. It took awhile before I was able to fathom that familiarity does not equal security heh... he's the first person I've known to have truly, truly cared about me (rather than just wanting something, especially just sexually) and it was actually very strange --- it did take a lot before I was comfortable with it heh. I've mended quite well over the years, but yes... there's still more left to contend with... even a part from the sexual infringements that took place when I was a child... And I'm sorry to hear about your experience... I don't fault you for not wanting to risk getting involved with something similar again. It can be heart-wrenching at times and honestly, if I could go back in time, I would spare my lover a lot of hell by not becoming enmeshed with him (and instead just seek out help... though his has been irreplaceable and I am grateful for it --- he hasn't deserved much of my treatment in the past... the irony is that a lot of flood-gates opened within *this* relationship that made me realize I probably needed additional help heh [which I do still benefit from, therapeutically speaking... likely for a couple of more years]). The world is certainly messy... I can only hope one day I'm capable of untying it more so than contributing to the knots... good luck to you as well... As far as the relevance to this thread goes, it is something to consider... Buuuuuuuuuuut there are certainly many other possibilities; for one, some people do go off on a wild binge without much "crazy crazy" causes behind it... Edited October 18, 2011 by OnyxSnowfall Link to post Share on other sites
TLCbear Posted October 18, 2011 Share Posted October 18, 2011 I don't get why a woman having sex with a number of different guys is immediately considered a lack of self respect or emotional/family issues. Maybe she just really likes sex? It is supposed to be pleasurable, right? I agree with Dusk1983. If it were a guy who said 17, a lot of you would be thinking "high five!" Yes, sex is suppose to be pleasurable, but it's the age that bothers me. That is a little too young to be having that many sex partners. If it was a guy, I would feel the same way. Well, it obvious she does like sex, but most of time, women who have sex like this (at this age) are usually looking for love somewhere. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Graywulfx Posted October 18, 2011 Author Share Posted October 18, 2011 (edited) I've gone out with the woman mentioned a couple more times just out of sheercuriosity. Still haven’t slept with her, but I have picked her brain quite abit. This woman is scary honest with me and a couple of you are spot on. She wasmolested as a child. While I'm not going to pursue things further, I suppose Ican't fault her for acting out as a result of childhood issues. We happened to have some semi mutual friends I discovered at a party. Th ey informed me of her previous serial infidelity, promiscuity, abandonment issues,etc. I don’t know if details are necessary, but she really did her ex wrong I’m chalking this one up as a loss (dating wise). It’s a shame consideringhow attractive she is. Some of you may call me callous, but I’m a strongbeliever that past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior. With thatin mind, investing any serious emotion in this woman would be masochistic.[/sIZE I feel horrible that she had to experience such a thing growing up. She definitelyhas my sympathy and friendship Edited October 18, 2011 by Graywulfx Bad paste job from word. Link to post Share on other sites
Eve Posted October 18, 2011 Share Posted October 18, 2011 I've gone out with the woman mentioned a couple more times just out of sheercuriosity. Still haven’t slept with her, but I have picked her brain quite abit. This woman is scary honest with me and a couple of you are spot on. She wasmolested as a child. While I'm not going to pursue things further, I suppose Ican't fault her for acting out as a result of childhood issues. We happened to have some semi mutual friends I discovered at a party. Th ey informed me of her previous serial infidelity, promiscuity, abandonment issues,etc. I don’t know if details are necessary, but she really did her ex wrong I’m chalking this one up as a loss (dating wise). It’s a shame consideringhow attractive she is. Some of you may call me callous, but I’m a strongbeliever that past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior. With thatin mind, investing any serious emotion in this woman would be masochistic.[/sIZE I feel horrible that she had to experience such a thing growing up. She definitelyhas my sympathy and friendship Your friendship may just be what she needs. At least you have not tried to capitalise on her current problems, as some do. Try and help her to get help, if you can. The earlier people who have been abused in their past get help, the better things can turn out for them. I have seen a lot of women end up with personality disorders who have been abused. There is very little help available for this disorder. The gaps created by the abuse can be life long. Anyhow, just be a mate. She probably does not have an appropriate sense of which men can just be friends, which are brotherly types, which are fatherly types because of the abuse. Take care, Eve x Link to post Share on other sites
oldguy Posted October 18, 2011 Share Posted October 18, 2011 Why has she had 17 partners is the question. Some believe sex is a special intimate bond, a connection of the souls if you will. Some view it as an act of pleasure between two, (or more) people, an intense foot message. Most are somewhere between I suspect. As several others have mentioned; it may be important to find someone who is more inline with how you feel about sex. The reason I asked 'why' is because; 3 partners or more per year in any two consecutive years is sometimes thought of as an indicator of a possible social or relationship issue or trauma. Link to post Share on other sites
Pierre Posted October 18, 2011 Share Posted October 18, 2011 I've gone out with the woman mentioned a couple more times just out of sheercuriosity. Still haven’t slept with her, but I have picked her brain quite abit. This woman is scary honest with me and a couple of you are spot on. She wasmolested as a child. While I'm not going to pursue things further, I suppose Ican't fault her for acting out as a result of childhood issues. We happened to have some semi mutual friends I discovered at a party. Th ey informed me of her previous serial infidelity, promiscuity, abandonment issues,etc. I don’t know if details are necessary, but she really did her ex wrong I’m chalking this one up as a loss (dating wise). It’s a shame consideringhow attractive she is. Some of you may call me callous, but I’m a strongbeliever that past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior. With thatin mind, investing any serious emotion in this woman would be masochistic.[/sIZE I feel horrible that she had to experience such a thing growing up. She definitelyhas my sympathy and friendship It is refreshing to read your comments. Most men would instantly know she is an easy lay and tell her what her what she wants to hear. These women are very susceptible to "player" words and moves. She will likely cheat again if she has a steady BF. This is the type of girl men discuss in the locker room as not relationship material despite her stunning looks. BTW, women with no issues that really enjoy sex a lot usually do it within committed relationships. The latter affords many more opportunities to have good satisfying sex. Link to post Share on other sites
oldguy Posted October 18, 2011 Share Posted October 18, 2011 She wasmolested as a child. While I'm not going to pursue things further, I suppose Ican't fault her for acting out as a result of childhood issues. The 3/2 theory, I've mentioned sadly is a pretty good gauge of an issue or trauma I’m chalking this one up as a loss (dating wise). It’s a shame consideringhow attractive she is. Some of you may call me callous, but I’m a strongbeliever that past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior. With thatin mind, investing any serious emotion in this woman would be masochistic. I would agree & want a history of change. I've likened it to a credit score; you can turn a bad score around but you wont get much a loan until you have a history of good credit I feel horrible that she had to experience such a thing growing up. She definitelyhas my sympathy and friendship Her issues & certainly her experience are far more common than statistics show. The poor girl should get some help, both individual & group, for the sake of her self esteem. Link to post Share on other sites
Sanman Posted October 18, 2011 Share Posted October 18, 2011 Graywulfx, It is important to remember that she can change, but that change does not happen overnight. Chances are that her next few relationships will be drama filled and even as she works through those issues, there will be some drama later on. Even when you unlearn years of incorrect relationships, certain triggers will always pull at her to react a certain way. Having been friends with a couple of women in this situation, I can tell you it is much easier than being in a relationship with that person. Good luck. As a side note, a few of you questioned why a girl can't go on a binge or have a larger number of partners. In my experience, I have yet to see a healthy relationship prospect that has very high numbers, male or female. Those that act this way tend to but more emphasis on sex and physical beauty in a relationship. They also tend to cop with problems by dumping their partner and finding another one. That really isn't going to lead to a healthy long term relationship. People don't just throw away perfectly good relationships for no reason. Are they running away from problems? Are people so disposable to them that they are only interested in new sexual experiences? Will they be able to settle down with one person or constantly be interested in new sexual experiences? Bottom line, I have yet to see a person go wild and rack up partners and then miraculously be happy exploring sex with a single person. Link to post Share on other sites
AHardDaysNight Posted October 18, 2011 Share Posted October 18, 2011 So, go find yourself a virgin girl, and you won't have any problems. Link to post Share on other sites
Sanman Posted October 18, 2011 Share Posted October 18, 2011 So, go find yourself a virgin girl, and you won't have any problems. Or...you know...go find someone with a more normal history of having a few relationships and partners. Oh wait, I did and I'm happy. I love how everything on LS has to be extremes. You can either date a woman who has dozens of partners or a virgin. There is no in between experience. Link to post Share on other sites
RiverRunning Posted October 18, 2011 Share Posted October 18, 2011 There's nothing wrong with either approach. Some people like to sleep with as many people as they can, and some people want those with very low numbers from long-term, monogamous relationships. I can't even imagine sleeping with 5 people, let alone 17. She's certainly gotten around - and I'm not saying that's necessarily a bad thing. What i find crude is that you asked this on a first date (I may have misread, so excuse me if I'm wrong). I don't think you should ever broach sexual subjects unless you first offer your OWN number and she volunteers to offer hers. To ask upfront is in bad form. The fact that she answered you like a lapdog eager to please is even more disconcerting. If a man asked me that, especially so early on, I would tell him where to go. It's inappropriate and not something I am going to discuss with someone who's practically a stranger. That said, clearly your principles differ from that girl's. The fact that she has slept with so many people and that she would answer your question leaves me thinking that maybe she has low self-esteem and that's why she has been with so many men (being super-eager to please them?). I don't think there is anything wrong with saying, "I would want someone who's a little more discerning about who they will and won't sleep with." There is nothing wrong, so long as she's protected, with sleeping with multitudes of men. But in the future, it is best you never ask this question and that you tell a woman if she starts to delve into that territory that you never want to know about her sexual history, so long as she's clean. You both go get tested, promise to be monogamous sexually, and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
blondike Posted October 18, 2011 Share Posted October 18, 2011 How did that question even come about anyway, Graywulf? I can only imagine it being accusatory and trying to mask your own self-image. Link to post Share on other sites
ChessPieceFace Posted October 18, 2011 Share Posted October 18, 2011 in the future, it is best you never ask this question and that you tell a woman if she starts to delve into that territory that you never want to know about her sexual history, so long as she's clean. Actually, I think this case shows that sometimes it IS best to know about someone's sexual history. Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted October 18, 2011 Share Posted October 18, 2011 I recently went out with a woman. She was attractive, conversation flowed, we got along and overall things went really well. After a martini or two the conversation shifted to sex. I jokingly asked how many guys she has slept with. Without batting an eye, she tells me 17. Considering that she is only 23 I found this alarming. I decided I wasn't ok with being #18 and called it a night. Am I being a prude by blowing off a girl with such a high number? Are women knocking out more parters nowadays? What is your opinion oh wise LSers? In this day and age of the internet... where women can be more honest in fessing-up about such personal tallies... they do! And as such, "17" is not especially out of the ordinary for attractive young females who so often have their pick of the social offerings. Too bad you can't do a survey of males who existed in odd-seeming worlds in which they could have all the sex they want in their early 20's... to see what their 'numbers' might become. Link to post Share on other sites
ThsAmericanLife Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 The thirst for variety could lead to infidelity. ...or it could lead to a REALLY FUN sex life with one person who is also a little adventurous! Love of variety is NOT what leads to infidelity. Ability and willingness to LIE is what leads to infidelity. Link to post Share on other sites
ThsAmericanLife Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 In this day and age of the internet... where women can be more honest in fessing-up about such personal tallies... they do! And as such, "17" is not especially out of the ordinary for attractive young females who so often have their pick of the social offerings. Too bad you can't do a survey of males who existed in odd-seeming worlds in which they could have all the sex they want in their early 20's... to see what their 'numbers' might become. I posted in another thread about a young man... the son of a very close friend... who admitted to having sex with 46 women before the age of 22. He came to me because it was something he couldn't talk to his mom about. He admitted he had sex with so many women because of pressure from his friends and to fill a hole in his life. He's changed his ways and is now in a very close, committed relationship with a very charming (and beautiful) young lady... and has been for close to three years. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Graywulfx Posted October 19, 2011 Author Share Posted October 19, 2011 How did that question even come about anyway, Graywulf? I can only imagine it being accusatory and trying to mask your own self-image. Alcohol primarily. I have very little to hide and have no issues discussing my sexual history. Of course, I dont open up a conversation with "How many guys have you slept with?!" but if conversation flows in that direction, as it did in this scenario, I have no problem with asking. I like to think I'm exploring her personality without trampling on her boundaries. It is important to remember that she can change, but that change does not happen overnight. I agree with your post completely. Change does happen with time and effort. I feel this woman isn't in a position where she is far enough down the path to hold a stable relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
oldguy Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 (edited) I love how everything on LS has to be extremes. You can either date a woman who has dozens of partners or a virgin. There is no in between experience. It seems like some people come here & just don't get that. People come here with extreme issues. Edited October 24, 2011 by oldguy Link to post Share on other sites
ascendotum Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 I love how everything on LS has to be extremes. You can either date a woman who has dozens of partners or a virgin. There is no in between experience. You're not the only one. I find some of the threads can be hilarious as they roll on with extreme examples or increasingly sinister interpretations of a situation. Then there's the dismissal of other's experiences/observations because someone experienced something different once, or there's the broad sweeping generalisations. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 I've gone out with the woman mentioned a couple more times just out of sheercuriosity. Still haven’t slept with her, but I have picked her brain quite abit. This woman is scary honest with me and a couple of you are spot on. She wasmolested as a child. While I'm not going to pursue things further, I suppose Ican't fault her for acting out as a result of childhood issues. We happened to have some semi mutual friends I discovered at a party. Th ey informed me of her previous serial infidelity, promiscuity, abandonment issues,etc. I don’t know if details are necessary, but she really did her ex wrong I’m chalking this one up as a loss (dating wise). It’s a shame consideringhow attractive she is. Some of you may call me callous, but I’m a strongbeliever that past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior. With thatin mind, investing any serious emotion in this woman would be masochistic.[/sIZE I feel horrible that she had to experience such a thing growing up. She definitelyhas my sympathy and friendship Good for you! Here's a suggestion - Ask women how many sexual partners they've had before you even ask them out. Don't look at how attractive they are just worry about who they have had sex with. Good luck with your life! Link to post Share on other sites
Untouchable_Fire Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 I recently went out with a woman. She was attractive, conversation flowed, we got along and overall things went really well. After a martini or two the conversation shifted to sex. I jokingly asked how many guys she has slept with. Without batting an eye, she tells me 17. Considering that she is only 23 I found this alarming. I decided I wasn't ok with being #18 and called it a night. Am I being a prude by blowing off a girl with such a high number? Are women knocking out more parters nowadays? What is your opinion oh wise LSers? It's up to you what your willing to accept. Women are "knocking out" more numbers today. Women like sex too. Isn't that good? Women liked sex 100 years ago.... 1000 years ago. What has changed is a feeling of no consequences. Is that a positive thing? Link to post Share on other sites
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