am i asking for trouble here? (thank you for reading...)

[louise_23]

i was with a guy for 6yrs, we lived together for 4. i moved out last yr because we were having problems. we were still seeing eachother and spending time with eachother however.

anyway, after 4 months it came to light that he'd been having a relationship with the town bike the entire time since id moved out, even on days hed earlier spent with me.

needless to say we split up after that, and again he moved on at breakneck speed and went into another relationship.

 

i was, and i think i still am, in love with him. the new girl has dumped him after 5 months and he's now speaking to me again asking if we can work it out.

 

we went out yesterday and spent the day together, it was nice apart from the fact he kept bringing the other girl up singing her praises, telling me about plans they had made. it was a kick in the teeth because he'd never made such efforts with me. and he was hinting at a potential new relationship on the horizon with a neighbour as well, which i found horrid to listen to.

the thing i dont get, i asked him outright why he'd said all this if he wanted to get back together, and he couldnt offer an explanation. i said he should take time to think and get back in touch with me in a few weeks if he still feels the same because yi find his behaviour confusing.

 

i have told a few family and friends about this and all of them seem to be telling me this is a bad idea and i should get over him. but i cant. ive tried, ive been single for a while, and the few times ive gone on dates the guys seemed nice and then it became apparent they just wanted sex. they really have made my ex look like a saint and i think theyve made me miss him more than if id not dated at all.

what shall i do?

[leoc1973]

The only reason he would have to tell you about other girls is either trying to make you jealous because he is a jerk or jealous cause he wants you back. He is probably dying inside and just can't think of any other way to get through to you. The thing I don't understand with you women is that you dump these guys and devastate them and then when they seek some kind of comfort in another woman you blame them. I just don't get it. When I broke up with my ex from way back I heard she met a new guy and although it did make me jealous a little I said good for her I hope she is happy.

 

Try talking to him. Have a serious conversation where maybe you both can lay everything out there. Its amazing how the person we all once shared everything with all our hopes and dreams and our inner most thought how when we break up neither one of us can just lay it out there for fear of looking too needy and losing the power. Its really too bad that 2 people that love each other so much end up losing each other because neither will just swallow their pride and lay it out there. I haven't read your previous posts so maybe I am missing something but I just don't understand how people dump others which is the worst kind of betrayal there can be and then feel betrayed themselves when that person seeks just the slightest bit of comfort in someone else because they are hurting so bad.

 

Just sit down and have serious heart to heart with him maybe he will be more receptive than you think.

[louise_23]

The only reason he would have to tell you about other girls is either trying to make you jealous because he is a jerk or jealous cause he wants you back. He is probably dying inside and just can't think of any other way to get through to you. The thing I don't understand with you women is that you dump these guys and devastate them and then when they seek some kind of comfort in another woman you blame them. I just don't get it. When I broke up with my ex from way back I heard she met a new guy and although it did make me jealous a little I said good for her I hope she is happy.

 

Try talking to him. Have a serious conversation where maybe you both can lay everything out there. Its amazing how the person we all once shared everything with all our hopes and dreams and our inner most thought how when we break up neither one of us can just lay it out there for fear of looking too needy and losing the power. Its really too bad that 2 people that love each other so much end up losing each other because neither will just swallow their pride and lay it out there. I haven't read your previous posts so maybe I am missing something but I just don't understand how people dump others which is the worst kind of betrayal there can be and then feel betrayed themselves when that person seeks just the slightest bit of comfort in someone else because they are hurting so bad.

 

Just sit down and have serious heart to heart with him maybe he will be more receptive than you think.

 

 

i didnt outright dump him, he completely changed over about 6 months and he was acting like he hated me. i moved out to give him some space because i didnt know how to handle it. we were still seeing eachother until christmas last year when the town slapper emailed me saying she'd been sleeping with him since i moved out. then i dumped him because i dont agree with cheating and being devious. i think cheating on someone is the worst betrayal by far.

 

its true what you say, about not wanting to look needy and desperate and not telling someone how you feel for fear of losing face.

 

the thing i dont understand about guys is, he is saying he loved me all along, but if that was true why the 2 relationships? i cant do it. ive dated and not been able to let it go further because im thinking of him. he didnt have the same problem obviously so how does that work? he must have been over me before i moved out, considering he was dating that slapper while seeing me and "working through" our problems. the big shame is, we'd nearly sorted it all out, and then she emailed me with all the gory details.

 

i just dont get it, i dont want any more crap. i feel like im the backup plan.