missy268 Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 So, early hours of this morning i was up watching a film and my phone goes off - its him, my AP (im single, hes "in a relationship" told me he was leaving her, he started showing signs of not doing it, so i decided 3 weeks ago to go NC and it was going really well) Anyways i answered, i was bored...i knew i should of had an early night no ill try and be serious...he drove over to mine, and i got in the car with him at 1:45am, we went for a drive, and we talked , and stuff, and he told me hes got a flat and hes got 6 weeks until his moving in date - and i was like wow really...your really leaving then and he was like yep! and he said he was excited and things Anyways he pulled over into a dark road, yeah it aint looking good, and we talked and messed around (by that i mean tickling and we got out the car and i chased him down a country lane lol like kids messing around really) and we kissed...and once back in the car, it got a bit more hot and heavy, and afterwards i apologised , he started the car and we started driving home - we got home about 30 minutes later, and he went back to his place, the one where the girlfriend is....he said to me before i got out , can i start texting you again now...and i just said i didnt know - anyways he text me first thing and i text him back and now nothing for 4/5 hours Now, i dont wanna be used.......but its SO good when we are together - and honestly, the gf aside and if he does have his fresh start i think we stand a chance, and im worried ill chuck something good away but now im not exactly back where i am , but close, im just considering going NC again - actually why should i consider it , i didnt keep it the first time around! Last night shouldnt of happened - and basically im in a bit of a funk about it! I thought i was doing so well Sorry for the vent guys, just needed to get it out! Link to post Share on other sites
Tangerine Lipgloss Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 How about you just tell him to give you a call when he is single and when he is all moved into his new apartment? Then you can start over and take it slow. In the meantime, go NC and fill your life up with fun interesting things to do. Live your life! Don't wait around for some guy! Link to post Share on other sites
Emme Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 Sometimes you fall off. The most important thing is you make the choice to get back up and start again. In six weeks. Get the calender a special one just for him. Start the count down. Now lets say by christmas he should be in your arms and not hers. If he really wants to leave he will. Now if you do the count down and he's not ready to leave his girlfriend then please don't waste time. You will look back at all the time you wasted loving someone who didn't love you in return. Get a move on and get a new calender. Do a countdown of 6 weeks. Today is the 16th perfect beginning to the week. If in 6 weeks he has not fulfilled his promise please tell us what your plan B is. You should have one. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 Hmmm, don't you find it odd that he told you he's moving out in 6 weeks? Sorry but I think he missed you and the attention, gave you a "line" and you fell for it. Why didn't he get a hold of you once he moved out and they've officially broken up? Anyway, time will tell if he is lying or playing games with you, resuming the A again or if he is true to his word. Actions..Right now it's all words. Link to post Share on other sites
SBC Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 6 weeks from now puts him moving the week of Thanksgiving. Really? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 he told me hes got a flat and hes got 6 weeks until his moving in date - and i was like wow really...your really leaving then and he was like yep! and he said he was excited and things Does she know about you and the affair? How did she react when he told her he's moving out? Or does he plan on just doing this in 6 weeks, just moving and breaking up with her all at once? The poster above makes a good point. So, he's moving out around Thanksgiving.. ?? Think about that one. Me thinks he got caught up in a white lie and hasn't realized the timing of what six weeks actually is. Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 So, early hours of this morning i was up watching a film and my phone goes off - its him, my AP (im single, hes "in a relationship" told me he was leaving her, he started showing signs of not doing it, so i decided 3 weeks ago to go NC and it was going really well) Anyways i answered, i was bored...i knew i should of had an early night no ill try and be serious...he drove over to mine, and i got in the car with him at 1:45am, we went for a drive, and we talked , and stuff, and he told me hes got a flat and hes got 6 weeks until his moving in date - and i was like wow really...your really leaving then and he was like yep! and he said he was excited and things Anyways he pulled over into a dark road, yeah it aint looking good, and we talked and messed around (by that i mean tickling and we got out the car and i chased him down a country lane lol like kids messing around really) and we kissed...and once back in the car, it got a bit more hot and heavy, and afterwards i apologised , he started the car and we started driving home - we got home about 30 minutes later, and he went back to his place, the one where the girlfriend is....he said to me before i got out , can i start texting you again now...and i just said i didnt know - anyways he text me first thing and i text him back and now nothing for 4/5 hours Now, i dont wanna be used.......but its SO good when we are together - and honestly, the gf aside and if he does have his fresh start i think we stand a chance, and im worried ill chuck something good away but now im not exactly back where i am , but close, im just considering going NC again - actually why should i consider it , i didnt keep it the first time around! Last night shouldnt of happened - and basically im in a bit of a funk about it! I thought i was doing so well Sorry for the vent guys, just needed to get it out! It happens to the best of us.... You're experiencing selective amnesia though; in which this person shows up, without ANYTHING changing, no explanation for bad prior behavior and no real evidence that things will be different...but we feel "soo good" and have that high from them that all of a sudden all our resolve and good sense flies out the window and we start minimizing the problems, overemphasizing trivial things as "so great "and then convince ourselves that maybe it will all work out....until we end up disappointed again. This can go on and on and back and forth until you have had enough and then that's usually when you administer NC for good. I doubt anything has changed....he hit you up hoping you'd have a weak moment, you did. He said he was moving out...ohh okay??? Didn't he say this before? What proof is there that it is true now? How come in those 3 weeks he didn't try to keep you updated about that? Why did he ignore you if he was planning to move and leave all along???? How come he never apologized for anything? How come your meeting seemed like a secret? How come he is still in a relationship if he got a flat? I'm sure he is saying what you want to hear or what he needs to say so he can have the good feelings with you too....future faking. I'm sure in 6 weeks he won't move or he'll start ignoring you again or something else....he is playing games my dear and you need to open your eyes and see what is there versus what you hope it will be. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 How about you just tell him to give you a call when he is single and when he is all moved into his new apartment? Then you can start over and take it slow. In the meantime, go NC and fill your life up with fun interesting things to do. Live your life! Don't wait around for some guy! Ditto! If he is of any worth and is serious about her he'd handle his mess, move out in 6 weeks, and call her up to let her know (or better still, he would have actually kept her updated about his plans and kept her in the loop and not just hanging). Sending some booty call hours text, picking her up, then saying yea I'm moving...blah blah blah...bullshyt! Quick lies to get a quick fix methinks. Link to post Share on other sites
Gentlegirl Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 It's called an early morning raid! That's what xMM did several times when he could get away and that's what he said it was. Surprise, get you off guard and lonely! Put it down to experience and forge ahead. GG Link to post Share on other sites
fooled once Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 Only you can decide what you want. Can you accept just being the OW? if not, then you have your decision. Link to post Share on other sites
Author missy268 Posted October 17, 2011 Author Share Posted October 17, 2011 Thanks everyone Im in the uk and we don't celebrate Thanksgiving so in 6 weeks time it will just be the end of November for us. He said he's bought it and it takes time to complete which is usually 6 weeks. He text me yesterday only til 11am then stopped and low and behold I can't sleep through worrying. Feels like he makes no effort unless there is something involved. Before the 3 weeks no contact I told him to leave me alone until he had found somewhere but i can see what he's doing 1, calling me at 1am when he had all day Saturday to make an effort 2. He phoned her when we were driving home she was shouting at him then when he hung up I shouted at him and he was like we stay in separate rooms and things, he had changed his number so not only does she have that she rang because she was worried about him, if he was moving on surely he wouldn't of given her his new number It's all such a mess. I don't want to ignore him when he texts but Saturday night I let him use me! Soon as I saw him I wanted him. Should of ignored that text! Also makes me wonder what else he's been upto in these 3 weeks if there have been others! He's my weakness. But I want more than the other woman. He knows that. 3. Today he texts me from 9:30am then stops at 11 and leaves me all day, he was at work til half 4 but he didn't make any effort all day Link to post Share on other sites
NeilPearson Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 I don't see a problem with just answering his texts. I wouldn't see him again until it is verified he has moved out though Link to post Share on other sites
Author missy268 Posted October 17, 2011 Author Share Posted October 17, 2011 To the poster who asked if i have a plan B, of course i do, its called kicking his sorry backside to the curb, really hard! not gently, HARD!! and then getting on with my life (which i have been doing for the past 3 weeks but the past week was really hard) Answering his texts - means I'm checking my phone every 5 minutes to see if hes replied and then if he doesn't reply to me all day, i get upset, angry and i don't sleep that night I'm just at the all or nothing point Here's to Christmas! because deep down, i know i'll wait even though I'm trying so hard not to! xx Link to post Share on other sites
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