lovesail Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 IMO this is an inherent negative trait of LDRs, not so much your relationship. I struggled with it for the 2 years of distance when I was in another country with bf, and the only resolution I had managed to find for it was finally being together. If the level of intimacy is personally acceptable to you, ie you find it okay but you're just worried about its implications, I would just consider it one of 'those things' you have to put up with til you're together again. i really feel torn between accepting it as one of 'those things' you have to bear till we are back together and telling my bf coz probably i think he does not realise how his actions and lack of some actions break me sometimes. We were together for one and a half yrs before he left for the US for studies. He reassures me he loves me, bt the attention he used to give me is less n though he knows that the only way we can keep in touch more compared to calls is chatting,i find that i initiate it more often..... should i just understand him that he's acclamatising to the new place and school or talk to him? Link to post Share on other sites
Omei Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 Thanks for replies Omei. I feel like we're just friends too lately. Just don't know what to say, or whether to just accept it and not make a fuss, if I make a fuss he might say you're obviously not happy (as we've had other problems along the way, mostly his ex) so let's end it. Yeah I don't think making a fuss would be a good idea i brought it up a few times didn't go well Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 i really feel torn between accepting it as one of 'those things' you have to bear till we are back together and telling my bf coz probably i think he does not realise how his actions and lack of some actions break me sometimes. We were together for one and a half yrs before he left for the US for studies. He reassures me he loves me, bt the attention he used to give me is less n though he knows that the only way we can keep in touch more compared to calls is chatting,i find that i initiate it more often..... should i just understand him that he's acclamatising to the new place and school or talk to him? I think this is where a compromise comes in. You need to understand that it's probably more difficult for many people, especially men, to show romance and affection over a distance, and take that into account. On the other hand, if the guy isn't putting in any effort at all, then one should reconsider things. Only you will know where the balance lies, based on your needs and other factors. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HeavenOrHell Posted October 24, 2011 Author Share Posted October 24, 2011 We've talked about it, posted a message above, a few days ago. It is just work stress getting to him, I won't repeat myself here as I said what we said in a nutshell in the other message. He also said he's more closed up than usual when he's stressed, which is why I felt we lost our close connection. If he was always this busy and stressed then we wouldn't have enough to keep us going in and LDR, I mean he's initiated talking as much as ever, so we've had as much communication, which is lovely and I appreciate even though he's tired and stressed, but I felt he'd changed to some extent affection and enthusiasm wise. It would be easier living closer or together even if he's (or if I am) busy/stressed because we'd still be spending time together and bonding that way, would love to be able to just cook for him when he gets home and just relax together, he'd do the cooking etc when I'm stressed/tired as well. Realistically we won't last if we can't close the distance, but we love the times we're together so what do we do I think this is where a compromise comes in. You need to understand that it's probably more difficult for many people, especially men, to show romance and affection over a distance, and take that into account. On the other hand, if the guy isn't putting in any effort at all, then one should reconsider things. Only you will know where the balance lies, based on your needs and other factors. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted October 25, 2011 Share Posted October 25, 2011 Hi HOH, I was really responding more to the other poster. I'm familiar with your situation, and as much as I heart you and I want things to work out for you and all that, I'm at a loss as to how to advise you personally. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HeavenOrHell Posted October 25, 2011 Author Share Posted October 25, 2011 K, thanks Elswyth Nobody can advise me really, just going to how things going, knowing it's 50/50 whether it works or not. Hi HOH, I was really responding more to the other poster. I'm familiar with your situation, and as much as I heart you and I want things to work out for you and all that, I'm at a loss as to how to advise you personally. Link to post Share on other sites
Dorie Posted October 25, 2011 Share Posted October 25, 2011 We've talked about it, posted a message above, a few days ago. It is just work stress getting to him, I won't repeat myself here as I said what we said in a nutshell in the other message. He also said he's more closed up than usual when he's stressed, which is why I felt we lost our close connection. If he was always this busy and stressed then we wouldn't have enough to keep us going in and LDR, I mean he's initiated talking as much as ever, so we've had as much communication, which is lovely and I appreciate even though he's tired and stressed, but I felt he'd changed to some extent affection and enthusiasm wise. It would be easier living closer or together even if he's (or if I am) busy/stressed because we'd still be spending time together and bonding that way, would love to be able to just cook for him when he gets home and just relax together, he'd do the cooking etc when I'm stressed/tired as well. Realistically we won't last if we can't close the distance, but we love the times we're together so what do we do Keep communicating with him HoH. You're doing brilliantly. It's tough when the affection and attention diminishes but it's equally unrealistic to expect it to be consistent. The love between you two is obvious. I hope it lasts forever. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HeavenOrHell Posted October 25, 2011 Author Share Posted October 25, 2011 Aw, how sweet of you, thank you Keep communicating with him HoH. You're doing brilliantly. It's tough when the affection and attention diminishes but it's equally unrealistic to expect it to be consistent. The love between you two is obvious. I hope it lasts forever. Link to post Share on other sites
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