Art_Critic Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 Is it better than D-lish's Book of Smarter Smart Ass Reponses? I've heard that one is really good. I've seen your book on amazon before... Isn't it called "d-lish..smarter than a fifth grader" Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 It's unlikely to change. I met one of those too. He talked and talked and I had to really push to get a sentence in. When I did, he'd say, well yes, and then get back to what he wanted to talk about. He didn't listen to me until I pretty much stopped him in his tracks and told him he didn't. He tried, and asked about me occasionally, but I could tell he was doing it to be polite and really was just desperate to get back to himself. I thought like you at first, that he spends a lot of time alone, needs someone to talk to, etc., but in the end I realised I wanted a two-way conversation and thus two-way relationship. 'Looking after you' might be a good thing, hard to tell. It could also be about control though. Depends how tactful he is and how caring in other respects. When my guy told me I was putting on weight, I realised he was just tactless, not caring. We'd only been out about six times. Talk about shooting yourself in the foot! There were other things, but all in all, the relationship was all about him and what he wanted from me, not mutual. See how you go and whether it does improve. If he doesn't listen to you now though, when would he start listening? Link to post Share on other sites
zengirl Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 Yes, not even scary! He knows I take meds (and what for), he knows I have a bit of a temper, he knows some of my major insecurities, and he hasn't batted an eye. Now I have to work on teaching him how to kiss... I'm so glad this is going well, D-Lish! Good luck with kissing class. Link to post Share on other sites
blueskyday Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 Gee, how do you do it? I wish I could just have a guy sleep over without sex, but I have such a high drive, there's no way I wouldn't attack him during the night...I will have to work on that. I'll learn from you. I think it's sweet what you are doing, and how you are getting to know each other first. As for the kissing class, just be careful. You don't want to kill his ego. The last guy I dated kissed me a bit too frenetically for my tastes, so this is what I did. Mid-kiss, I pulled back, gently grabbed his mouth into a pucker, smiled and said "Mmm. That's so nice. I also love it when you kiss me slower, like when you do this..." Then I kissed him the way I liked it, while grabbing him inappropriately for good measure. He assumed he had already been doing it like that before, so that's how he continued to kiss me. I'm very curious to see how your courtship progresses. You seem to have such a good handle on everything. I like how brave you are in showing him exactly who you are. You are right! When we are ourselves, we are vulnerable but strong, and capable of true intimacy. Good luck! Happy for you.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author D-Lish Posted October 23, 2011 Author Share Posted October 23, 2011 Gee, how do you do it? I wish I could just have a guy sleep over without sex, but I have such a high drive, there's no way I wouldn't attack him during the night...I will have to work on that. I'll learn from you. I think it's sweet what you are doing, and how you are getting to know each other first. As for the kissing class, just be careful. You don't want to kill his ego. The last guy I dated kissed me a bit too frenetically for my tastes, so this is what I did. Mid-kiss, I pulled back, gently grabbed his mouth into a pucker, smiled and said "Mmm. That's so nice. I also love it when you kiss me slower, like when you do this..." Then I kissed him the way I liked it, while grabbing him inappropriately for good measure. He assumed he had already been doing it like that before, so that's how he continued to kiss me. I'm very curious to see how your courtship progresses. You seem to have such a good handle on everything. I like how brave you are in showing him exactly who you are. You are right! When we are ourselves, we are vulnerable but strong, and capable of true intimacy. Good luck! Happy for you.... I have a high sex drive as well, but I am also disciplined. I like him, but I'm not convinced about him. He came over late last night and while he was here, he saw me give a little bit of cucumber he bought me the other day to my dogs... He got annoyed! I could see it in his face so I asked him why he was pissy and he said he'd bought the cucumber for me, not my dogs.... That pissed me off, and he sulked for a while after that. Link to post Share on other sites
blueskyday Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 What do you make of that? How funny. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 Cucumbers are for human consumption or for sex play only. How annoying I'm on the fence on this one, D. Glad it's working for you so far. One boundary I worked on was the 'a healthy relationship shouldn't be too much work' one. If I'm working too hard to enjoy it, then it probably isn't healthy for me and, by extension, for my potential partner. Mixed bag. Hope it works out... Link to post Share on other sites
Author D-Lish Posted October 23, 2011 Author Share Posted October 23, 2011 Cucumbers are for human consumption or for sex play only. How annoying I'm on the fence on this one, D. Glad it's working for you so far. One boundary I worked on was the 'a healthy relationship shouldn't be too much work' one. If I'm working too hard to enjoy it, then it probably isn't healthy for me and, by extension, for my potential partner. Mixed bag. Hope it works out... I don't know, I can see some of the control coming out. Getting pissy about giving too tiny chunks of cucumbers to my dogs? It just seemed ridiculous to me, him getting mad over something tivial like that. He usually texts me throughout the day, but today- nothing, we haven't spoken. Link to post Share on other sites
Pierre Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 I have a high sex drive as well, but I am also disciplined. I like him, but I'm not convinced about him. He came over late last night and while he was here, he saw me give a little bit of cucumber he bought me the other day to my dogs... He got annoyed! I could see it in his face so I asked him why he was pissy and he said he'd bought the cucumber for me, not my dogs.... That pissed me off, and he sulked for a while after that. Hmm, you need to keep evaluating. Most men I know would not make a note of that. Btw, Dawkins sings Xmas Carols in Xmas. Regarding Hawkings: Interestingly Aquinas described the Big Bang in the 13th century. Link to post Share on other sites
Nexus One Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 (edited) I don't know, I can see some of the control coming out. Getting pissy about giving too tiny chunks of cucumbers to my dogs? It just seemed ridiculous to me, him getting mad over something tivial like that. He usually texts me throughout the day, but today- nothing, we haven't spoken. Is the cucumber thing the reason you guys haven't spoken today? Edited October 23, 2011 by Nexus One Link to post Share on other sites
Author D-Lish Posted October 23, 2011 Author Share Posted October 23, 2011 Hmm, you need to keep evaluating. Most men I know would not make a note of that. Btw, Dawkins sings Xmas Carols in Xmas. Regarding Hawkings: Interestingly Aquinas described the Big Bang in the 13th century. I've already started checking out. Is the cucumber thing the reason you guys haven't spoken today? I'm assuming so... He didn't stay over because I had to be up early this morning, and things became a little awkward after the cucumber thing. I let him know him being annoyed was ridiculous and I don't think he liked hearing that. He text me when he got home last night to say good night and I text him back when I got up this morning, and it's been radio silence ever since. I'm glad this came up when it did, I don't respond well to "punishing" behaviour, and I feel that's what his silence is meant to convey. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 She bestialitized his cucumber D, my best advice is to look at the elemental things, the core ways in which you and he relate to each other, e.g. sexual, emotional, intellectual. Look at compatible 'styles' of relating. The annoyances can be signposts but they can also just be annoyances. I think I'd let the dogs molest his groceries a bit further Link to post Share on other sites
Author D-Lish Posted October 23, 2011 Author Share Posted October 23, 2011 She bestialitized his cucumber D, my best advice is to look at the elemental things, the core ways in which you and he relate to each other, e.g. sexual, emotional, intellectual. Look at compatible 'styles' of relating. The annoyances can be signposts but they can also just be annoyances. I think I'd let the dogs molest his groceries a bit further Little does he know I've been slipping them carrots and cucumbers since he brought them- I usually buy them carrots and melon anyway. IMO, to show such annoyance so early is a bad sign! Link to post Share on other sites
Nexus One Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 (edited) I've already started checking out. I'm assuming so... He didn't stay over because I had to be up early this morning, and things became a little awkward after the cucumber thing. I let him know him being annoyed was ridiculous and I don't think he liked hearing that. He text me when he got home last night to say good night and I text him back when I got up this morning, and it's been radio silence ever since. I'm glad this came up when it did, I don't respond well to "punishing" behaviour, and I feel that's what his silence is meant to convey. It's possible that it's just a bump in the road. However if he is really so pissed over the cucumber thing that he doesn't want to talk to you, then that's kind of weird. Perhaps it's because there's still some sort of tension between you two, causing him to react that way. The fact that he initially talked so much probably had a lot to do with nervousness. Perhaps him getting pissed is another way of channeling that nervousness. Either that or he genuinely felt insulted when you fed the dogs the cucumber he bought you and then felt insulted even more when you called him out on it. Or you stepped on his male ego when you talked back at him for it. Or there's another reason for it, not sure what that would be though, it's possible that you're seeing a first negative glimpse of his character, but that could just as well have been a one time thing. Too early to say. Edited October 23, 2011 by Nexus One Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 He came over late last night and while he was here, he saw me give a little bit of cucumber he bought me the other day to my dogs... He got annoyed! I could see it in his face so I asked him why he was pissy and he said he'd bought the cucumber for me, not my dogs... Good thing it wasn't a chocolate bar. Link to post Share on other sites
Author D-Lish Posted October 23, 2011 Author Share Posted October 23, 2011 It's possible that it's just a bump in the road. However if he is really so pissed over the cucumber thing that he doesn't want to talk to you, then that's kind of weird. Perhaps it's because there's still some sort of tension between you two, causing him to react that way. The fact that he initially talked so much probably had a lot to do with nervousness. Perhaps him getting pissed is another way of channeling that nervousness. Either that or he genuinely felt insulted when you fed the dogs the cucumber he bought you and then felt insulted even more when you called him out on it. Or you stepped on his male ego when you talked back at him for it. I have no idea really. I don't know what it's really about either, but we've only been out 6-7 times and he's not speaking to me over a cucumber? I've noticed he does get riled up easily, but it's never been directed at me before. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 I don't know what it's really about either, but we've only been out 6-7 times and he's not speaking to me over a cucumber? Must have been a large phallic cucumber. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 Organic, free-range cucumber. Link to post Share on other sites
Author D-Lish Posted October 23, 2011 Author Share Posted October 23, 2011 Must have been a large phallic cucumber. Lol, no, it was tiny- organic, he bought me a whole bag of them from the market. It's not like I would have finished them all before they went bad, so what's the big deal about giving a couple tiny pieces to my dogs in front of him? I'm pretty turned off as it stands now. Link to post Share on other sites
Nexus One Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 I don't know what it's really about either, but we've only been out 6-7 times and he's not speaking to me over a cucumber? I've noticed he does get riled up easily, but it's never been directed at me before. It's not like I would have finished them all before they went bad, so what's the big deal about giving a couple tiny pieces to my dogs in front of him? If he really is so pissed that he doesn't want to talk to you, then it's likely that for him it's not about the cucumber, but about the principle. But then again, when it comes to picking your battles, doing it over a cucumber seems kind of petty. Link to post Share on other sites
Author D-Lish Posted October 23, 2011 Author Share Posted October 23, 2011 If he really is so pissed that he doesn't want to talk to you, then it's likely that for him it's not about the cucumber, but about the principle. But then again, when it comes to picking your battles, doing it over a cucumber seems kind of petty. Or maybe a pretty good reason why he's 36 and never had a long term relationship;) Link to post Share on other sites
Nexus One Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 Or maybe a pretty good reason why he's 36 and never had a long term relationship;) Very well possible, I wouldn't rule that out either. Link to post Share on other sites
Author D-Lish Posted October 23, 2011 Author Share Posted October 23, 2011 Very well possible, I wouldn't rule that out either. Yeah, I'm done with him. He just texted now and said "sorry, was at a b-day party for my friends wife, got caught up in socializing and forgot to text you back"... Forgot? So childish. Link to post Share on other sites
Nexus One Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 Yeah, I'm done with him. He just texted now and said "sorry, was at a b-day party for my friends wife, got caught up in socializing and forgot to text you back"... Forgot? So childish. Make sure you're not making rash decisions D-Lish. There's a possibility he's telling the truth. It doesn't necessarily mean he forgot about you, but that he forgot to send the text. It's up to you though. Link to post Share on other sites
Author D-Lish Posted October 23, 2011 Author Share Posted October 23, 2011 Make sure you're not making rash decisions D-Lish. There's a possibility he's telling the truth. It doesn't necessarily mean he forgot about you, but that he forgot to send the text. It's up to you though. I guess I'm just going by the fact that he's always been in constant contact, and coincidentally, after last night he gets mad at me for something and then ignores me for the entire day today? I don't care about the not being in constant contact, I don't need it, he's the one that has set the pace. The fact that he suddenly withdrew and then made a point of using the words "forgot" about you. It feels like he's trying to draw me into a game. Link to post Share on other sites
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