Art_Critic Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 (edited) hahahahahaha... It's a freakin cucumber from a market... .60 to .80 cents... hahahahahaha Edited October 24, 2011 by Art_Critic Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 hahahahahaha... It's a freakin cucumber from a market... .60 to .80 cents... hahahahahaha "I spent my hard-earned nickels and dimes on that cucumber, dammit." I was beginning to wonder if cucumbers were one of those things you're not supposed to feed to a dog, like chocolate. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 Other than potential GI upset, cucs are considered non-toxic for dogs. The episode apparently indicates that the dating partner likes to feel in control of his gifts after given, at least gifts of cucumbers, and was frustrated with one ultimate use of the gift. To me, that obviates the nature and intent of 'gift-giving' but everyone's perception is different. It's amazing how clarity can be in the details. Link to post Share on other sites
Author D-Lish Posted October 24, 2011 Author Share Posted October 24, 2011 (edited) I found it somewhat thoughtless of her. I'm not sure why nobody else sees it that way. My mom is like that. I get her nice stuff and she just doesn't appreciate it. It gets tossed under a bunch of other stuff, she doesn't even open the package, etc. I find it ungrateful and it really sometimes does not want me to get her anything nice at all. You find it thoughtless of me to give my dogs a small piece of cucumber when he bought me an entire bag full of them? Take your issues with your mother elsewhere, they don't belong in this thread. Edited October 24, 2011 by D-Lish Link to post Share on other sites
PlumPrincess Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 You find it thoughtless of me to give my dogs a small piece of cucumber when he bought me an entire bag full of them? Take your issues with your mother elsewhere, it doesn't belong in my thread. You seriously need to cool down... Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 I'm amused by the collective mind-reading skills here. They invariably come up with the most fantastic and unlikely explanation they can; and curiously it always paints the person on-trial-without-representation as being powerful, yet fundamentally evil. It could be that he's a touch over-sensitive and reads far too much into the littlest things. Perhaps he's paranoid and has very low self-esteem, and sees this use of his gift as a subliminal message to him. Perhaps it was a subliminal message to him. We simply do not know his motives, his thoughts, or indeed, what happened beyond a very simple summary. And yet, when given a choice between inept, clueless, muppet - or controlling, manipulative, narcissist why do people opt for the most fantastic of the two? Is there a thrill to be had in picking the more fearsome option, even if it is the less likely? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 Well you thought cocaine was involved and I thought social or psychological issues were involved. Either of us could be right, or wrong, as can any participant here. It's a discussion forum. Sometimes that can be exasperating, just like the OP's date. Link to post Share on other sites
Author D-Lish Posted October 24, 2011 Author Share Posted October 24, 2011 Other than potential GI upset, cucs are considered non-toxic for dogs. The episode apparently indicates that the dating partner likes to feel in control of his gifts after given, at least gifts of cucumbers, and was frustrated with one ultimate use of the gift. To me, that obviates the nature and intent of 'gift-giving' but everyone's perception is different. It's amazing how clarity can be in the details. The vet suggested a grouping of accepted vegetables for the dogs given their old age and liver problems. Among other things I give them carrots and watermelon. What if I had a friend over for lunch today...Am I allowed to serve them a sandwich with the bread he bought me? Can I use the tomato's and cucumber's then? It's not like I haven't been kind to him in return. I've bought him dinner and breakfast twice and bought a Britta for my place because he doesn't like tap water. I appreciate that he noticed I was stressed about work and not eating or looking after myself as I should have been. It was kind of him to bring me vitamins and groceries and insist on making me dinner a couple of times. The problem I have is that he essentially "punished" me by not speaking to me for almost 24 hours because I shared his gift with my dogs. How does sharing two tiny pieces of vegetable with the dogs while making us sandwiches make me thoughtless? He brought me so many of them, they'd go bad before I'd be able to finish them! Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 Do you know what cucumbers cost these days, D? And how hard they are to find? Link to post Share on other sites
OliveOyl Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 I found it somewhat thoughtless of her. I'm not sure why nobody else sees it that way. My mom is like that. I get her nice stuff and she just doesn't appreciate it. It gets tossed under a bunch of other stuff, she doesn't even open the package, etc. I find it ungrateful and it really sometimes does not want me to get her anything nice at all. I like cucumbers, but I wouldn't call them exactly "nice stuff." My BF loves his dog so much I would consider it a compliment if he fed some produce I brought to his dog. Link to post Share on other sites
Author D-Lish Posted October 24, 2011 Author Share Posted October 24, 2011 Do you know what cucumbers cost these days, D? And how hard they are to find? I know, thoughtless of me. I like cucumbers, but I wouldn't call them exactly "nice stuff." My BF loves his dog so much I would consider it a compliment if he fed some produce I brought to his dog. I guess I look at it like this: gifts are nice, but it doesn't seem like a gift if it comes with a set of rules. I once bought my ex a baseball hat, and it didn't fit properly and he asked if he could give it to his friend- I said "sure"... Then I took him out and had him try on hats and bought him one he liked that fit. It didn't bother me in the least bit. The same goes for buying him his favorite beer and having him serve and enjoy it with his friends when they came over. I didn't consider that thoughtless, I was happy he enjoyed the gift in whatever manner he chose to use it. Link to post Share on other sites
snug.bunny Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 I'm amused by the collective mind-reading skills here. They invariably come up with the most fantastic and unlikely explanation they can; and curiously it always paints the person on-trial-without-representation as being powerful, yet fundamentally evil. It could be that he's a touch over-sensitive and reads far too much into the littlest things. Perhaps he's paranoid and has very low self-esteem, and sees this use of his gift as a subliminal message to him. Perhaps it was a subliminal message to him. We simply do not know his motives, his thoughts, or indeed, what happened beyond a very simple summary. And yet, when given a choice between inept, clueless, muppet - or controlling, manipulative, narcissist why do people opt for the most fantastic of the two? Is there a thrill to be had in picking the more fearsome option, even if it is the less likely? You're right betterdeal. I don't particularly buy into the "he's/she's" a narcissist or any other clinical diagnosis, simply because I am not qualified to make such an assertion, especially when someone is being portrayed through a second party. My friend's father is a true narcissist, I know that because I have been friends with her and her family since I was little. Her father loves to verbally relish in his accomplishments and demonstrate how knowledgeable he is on EVERYTHING, from pine cones to NASA and everything in between. Her parents are divorced now, but he was mentally/physically abusive and the mother finally up and left the marriage. Oddly enough, after years have passed, her mother and he are friends. He's not a threat, so long as you're not in a romantic relationship with him. His personality is as such, that you can not get a word in edgewise and anytime you interject, he will speak over you and continue relishing in his "grandeur". The only way to get him to stop, is by walking away so you don't have to sit there and be subjected to it. It's childlike, hence the narcissist. I give him five minutes to talk if I encounter him, and then I exit, anything longer and I leave feeling mentally exhausted. You cannot reason nor disagree, if you do, he'll continue spinning his web in a way that makes it as though you're the one who is crazy. Meanwhile, he just "wants" to be heard, listened to, and adored by anyone and everyone. But the price you pay, is your mental health. I would suggest, that if OP finds herself feeling "uneasy" around him, if she feels snappish/aggressive AFTER being around him or after interacting with him, then those are a few telltale signs, of "control". He may very well have narcissistic characteristics, but that doesn't mean he is a full blown narcissist. Whether or not OP wants to stick around long enough to find out, is another story... Link to post Share on other sites
Author D-Lish Posted October 24, 2011 Author Share Posted October 24, 2011 I would suggest, that if OP finds herself feeling "uneasy" around him, if she feels snappish/aggressive AFTER being around him or after interacting with him, then those are a few telltale signs, of "control". He may very well have narcissistic characteristics, but that doesn't mean he is a full blown narcissist. Whether or not OP wants to stick around long enough to find out, is another story... I agree that people are too quick to make a diagnosis. I'm in no position to make a diagnosis- I'm merely an observer and can only go by how I feel when I'm around him. I can tell you that when he threw a tantrum on the street over the parking metre when we were on our way to breakfast, It made me incredibly uncomfortable. Enough so that I sprinted to get change to pacify his anger. It also wasn't a nice feeling to feel "punished" over something I deemed trivial. All I can tell you is that if I bought him something and he shared it with another, it wouldn't bother me, getting upset over something like that would seem trivial to me. So maybe it's just that we view things differently and are just incompatible. I still don't plan on sticking around, but I'm giving him a face to face tomorrow night to discuss things. Link to post Share on other sites
dispatch3d Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 I smell a cucumber rat. Who started this so-called 80 cent cucumber fight anyways? I have a funny feeellllin it's not him!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 I still don't plan on sticking around, but I'm giving him a face to face tomorrow night to discuss things. I'd love to be a fly on your wall for this. Any chance you would consider concealing a camcorder in the room and sharing the video afterward? Just with me, if you're concerned about privacy. Link to post Share on other sites
dispatch3d Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 I still don't plan on sticking around, but I'm giving him a face to face tomorrow night to discuss things. Can you add to whatever his side on the issue is "if you date me you have to have sex with me". Cause I know he's way too nice to do it himself. Just add it to his notes of demands. There's probably some behaviour issues he has to deal with as well, but I'm sure he's got a list started on that already that he just hasn't told you about yet. Link to post Share on other sites
Nexus One Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 I'd love to be a fly on your wall for this. Any chance you would consider concealing a camcorder in the room and sharing the video afterward? Just with me, if you're concerned about privacy. You're joking right? Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 Relationships are really this friggin sensitive? I know.. can you imagine if she had let her dog lick out the ice cream bowl after desert.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author D-Lish Posted October 24, 2011 Author Share Posted October 24, 2011 Can you add to whatever his side on the issue is "if you date me you have to have sex with me". Cause I know he's way too nice to do it himself. Just add it to his notes of demands. There's probably some behaviour issues he has to deal with as well, but I'm sure he's got a list started on that already that he just hasn't told you about yet. Of course I'd have sex with someone I'm dating once the timing is right. It's been 2 weeks. Do I need to say again that it's been him suggesting we hold off on sex in order to get to know one another better? A big part of our conversations have been about sex and the fact that he's never waited for sex and not one of those relationships have worked out. Link to post Share on other sites
blueskyday Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 Hmm, interesting For me, I would rather err on the side of protecting myself from a possibly dangerous man than worrying about making a snap judgment that might be wrong. More often than not, we end up right when we take an important piece of information, extrapolating it, and making a decision about it. It's called thin-slicing, and we do it all the time about everything in life. If a guy lacks empathy and is controlling, then it's pretty safe to say he's got issues. I might not understand the severity of the problem, but I can assume he's out of the normal acceptable behavioral range. The parking meter incident and the cuke incident are pretty telling of deeper problems. Add his reaction and lack of empathy and you get a pretty good pic of the guy. If I see a guy do drugs, then I am correct in assuming he is a drug user. Addict? Who knows? It doesn't matter. Same thing with narcissism or abusive behavior. Looks like duck, quacks like a duck...probably is a duck... Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 You're joking right? I never joke. Link to post Share on other sites
Author D-Lish Posted October 24, 2011 Author Share Posted October 24, 2011 I'd love to be a fly on your wall for this. Any chance you would consider concealing a camcorder in the room and sharing the video afterward? Just with me, if you're concerned about privacy. I'll set up a live stream for you on my webcam:laugh: You're joking right? Relationships are really this friggin sensitive? My whole point is that they shouldn't be, not this early on. In my experience people progress to the point of being comfortable manifesting annoyances- it doesn't usually occur this early on. Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 I'll set up a live stream for you on my webcam:laugh: Really, this guy seems like someone to watch. He's a bit whacked. His responses to you in your one-on-one talk would be great to watch. He would be great on reality TV. I think you should be careful though, D. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 I never joke. this is a joke ? right ? Link to post Share on other sites
Author D-Lish Posted October 24, 2011 Author Share Posted October 24, 2011 Hmm, interesting For me, I would rather err on the side of protecting myself from a possibly dangerous man than worrying about making a snap judgment that might be wrong. More often than not, we end up right when we take an important piece of information, extrapolating it, and making a decision about it. It's called thin-slicing, and we do it all the time about everything in life. If a guy lacks empathy and is controlling, then it's pretty safe to say he's got issues. I might not understand the severity of the problem, but I can assume he's out of the normal acceptable behavioral range. The parking meter incident and the cuke incident are pretty telling of deeper problems. Add his reaction and lack of empathy and you get a pretty good pic of the guy. If I see a guy do drugs, then I am correct in assuming he is a drug user. Addict? Who knows? It doesn't matter. Same thing with narcissism or abusive behavior. Looks like duck, quacks like a duck...probably is a duck... I just already feel like I have to walk on egg shells, which is not a good feeling. In my last relationship things progressed really quickly, probably a little too quickly, but we didn't experience any abnormal strife until almost 3 months into the relationship when something serious came up. The first few months are usually the "honeymoon" period, so my concern is that if he's already comfortable with some of the behaviours he's been openly manifesting thus far- what's in store for me down the road if I get closer to him? Link to post Share on other sites
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