johan Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 this is a joke ? right ? Not at all, Art. I've always been completely serious in my posts. Why people laugh at them is beyond me. Link to post Share on other sites
blueskyday Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 Exactly! He hasn't earned the right to act pissy. When you have a good history with someone and they freak out over the parking meter, then you think it's external like a bad day or something else. But, when you don't know them and they act like that, it's best to consider it might be an internal problem with them, as in an anger or control issue or other character defect. I'm all for giving someone the benefit of the doubt when they have earned it. Oh, yes, please record meeting and stream it live! Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 You're right betterdeal. I don't particularly buy into the "he's/she's" a narcissist or any other clinical diagnosis, simply because I am not qualified to make such an assertion, especially when someone is being portrayed through a second party. Even those that are qualified are for from universally accepting personality disorders as a category of mental illness; and even those that do accept them are far from being able to reach the same diagnosis as each other; and even the authors of the DSM are considering moving away from categorisation towards dimensional classification. My friend's father is a true narcissist, I know that because I have been friends with her and her family since I was little. Her father loves to verbally relish in his accomplishments and demonstrate how knowledgeable he is on EVERYTHING, from pine cones to NASA and everything in between. Your friends father sounds like a bore. A terribly boring bore. Where's the fun?!? I would suggest, that if OP finds herself feeling "uneasy" around him, if she feels snappish/aggressive AFTER being around him or after interacting with him, then those are a few telltale signs, of "control". He may very well have narcissistic characteristics, but that doesn't mean he is a full blown narcissist. Whether or not OP wants to stick around long enough to find out, is another story... If she feels angry after each encounter, again, where's the fun? If it's tedious, aggravating, annoying either accept it, change it or leave it. Personally, I don't like to frame it in terms that give the other person power. It's a toxic relationship, they bang heads too easily, it doesn't work and they haven't been able to fix it. Bin it. Link to post Share on other sites
dispatch3d Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 Exactly! He hasn't earned the right to act pissy. When you have a good history with someone and they freak out over the parking meter, then you think it's external like a bad day or something else. But, when you don't know them and they act like that, it's best to consider it might be an internal problem with them, as in an anger or control issue or other character defect. I'm all for giving someone the benefit of the doubt when they have earned it. Oh, yes, please record meeting and stream it live! This still doesn't make sense to me, and I've read it a lot! Link to post Share on other sites
blueskyday Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 Feeling like you have to walk on egg shells is a deal breaker. It's how I felt when I was in an abusive relationship. He would have said the same thing about the tires, assassinating my good character to make it seem like I didn't care about him....(No, if I wanted to harm you, I wouldn't have replaced them at all!) ...crazy making.... "Bin it!" I like that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author D-Lish Posted October 24, 2011 Author Share Posted October 24, 2011 Even those that are qualified are for from universally accepting personality disorders as a category of mental illness; and even those that do accept them are far from being able to reach the same diagnosis as each other; and even the authors of the DSM are considering moving away from categorisation towards dimensional classification. If she feels angry after each encounter, again, where's the fun? If it's tedious, aggravating, annoying either accept it, change it or leave it. Personally, I don't like to frame it in terms that give the other person power. It's a toxic relationship, they bang heads too easily, it doesn't work and they haven't been able to fix it. Bin it. Honestly, I'm not butting heads- he butting, I'm trying to avoid it. I only confronted him on the giving my dogs a little chunk of cucumber because it warranted being addressed (that it wasn't something worth getting angry over). Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 Someone in the world would not dream of giving a gift cucumber to a dog. To them, that would be an insult as much as it is to him. Him, and her, would be ideal for each other. But it doesn't matter. It wasn't the kind of relationship what you wanted. That's what matters. Link to post Share on other sites
Author D-Lish Posted October 24, 2011 Author Share Posted October 24, 2011 Someone in the world would not dream of giving a gift cucumber to a dog. To them, that would be an insult as much as it is to him. Him, and her, would be ideal for each other. But it doesn't matter. It wasn't the kind of relationship what you wanted. That's what matters. Say these below lines represent the amount of cucumbers he brought me: _____ _____ ______ _____ _____ _____ _____ _____ _____ _____ _____ _____ _____ _____ _____ _____ This represents what he witnessed me give my dogs: - - There are people in the world that would see that as an insult? Really? The fact that he wrapped the un-eaten portion of his dinner I bought him the other night and mentioned his brother might be hungry... Should that have bothered me? It didn't, it didn't even cross my mind until just now. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 What I see happening is more about power and control... I won't go into diagnosing him but can say that with his anger and then the cucumber incident speak more to DV than anything else... Just Sayin..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author D-Lish Posted October 24, 2011 Author Share Posted October 24, 2011 I though this was over one cucumber lol,,,,makes things worse now! Cool diagram, D.....love it:D No, it was a whole bag of them from the farmer's market:cool: What I see happening is more about power and control... I won't go into diagnosing him but can say that with his anger and then the cucumber incident speak more to DV than anything else... Just Sayin..... It could be about 2 people that just have different values, in which case, it wouldn't work anyway. Now I just have to figure out how to handle the talk tomorrow. Link to post Share on other sites
Nexus One Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 Say these below lines represent the amount of cucumbers he brought me: _____ _____ ______ _____ _____ _____ _____ _____ _____ _____ _____ _____ _____ _____ _____ _____ This represents what he witnessed me give my dogs: - - There are people in the world that would see that as an insult? Really? The fact that he wrapped the un-eaten portion of his dinner I bought him the other night and mentioned his brother might be hungry... Should that have bothered me? It didn't, it didn't even cross my mind until just now. Those are a lot of cucumbers. I usually only have 1 or 2 cucumbers in my fridge, because they tend to only last a week and maybe 2 or 3 weeks when they're plastic wrapped. Do you normally eat a lot of cucumbers D-Lish? Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 Say these below lines represent the amount of cucumbers he brought me: _____ _____ ______ _____ _____ _____ _____ _____ _____ _____ _____ _____ _____ _____ _____ _____ This represents what he witnessed me give my dogs: - - There are people in the world that would see that as an insult? Really? What on Earth were you going to do with all those cucumbers? I normally buy half of one and let that rot in the back of the fridge until the next weekly shop wherein I buy a replacement one, to rot in the back of the fridge. The fact that he wrapped the un-eaten portion of his dinner I bought him the other night and mentioned his brother might be hungry... Should that have bothered me? It didn't, it didn't even cross my mind until just now. It didn't bother you. That's what matters. And sure, there's someone out there on his wavelength. You're not. He's not on yours, and that's what matters. Forget the cucumbers. Put them at the back of your mental fridge and let them turn to slush like I do. Link to post Share on other sites
snug.bunny Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 Even those that are qualified are for from universally accepting personality disorders as a category of mental illness; and even those that do accept them are far from being able to reach the same diagnosis as each other; and even the authors of the DSM are considering moving away from categorisation towards dimensional classification. I so don't understand what you wrote just there. Your friends father sounds like a bore. A terribly boring bore. Where's the fun?!? He's actually a mechanical genius. But if you're not into mechanics, listening to it would be boring. If she feels angry after each encounter, again, where's the fun? If it's tedious, aggravating, annoying either accept it, change it or leave it. Personally, I don't like to frame it in terms that give the other person power. It's a toxic relationship, they bang heads too easily, it doesn't work and they haven't been able to fix it. Bin it. Indeed. I like that term "Bin It". That is so going to be my new catch phrase at work, haha. Link to post Share on other sites
Author D-Lish Posted October 24, 2011 Author Share Posted October 24, 2011 Those are a lot of cucumbers. I usually only have 1 or 2 cucumbers in my fridge, because they tend to only last a week and maybe 2 or 3 weeks when they're plastic wrapped. Do you normally eat a lot of cucumbers D-Lish? Not THAT many. I tend to eat/shop bad in general. I'll always pick up fresh veggies and things my dogs need but will often neglect myself. These are small locally grown cucumbers, but still, I might consume one a day just because it happens to be in my fridge. I'll say again, that it was very kind of him to take notice that I'm too thin at the moment and that my fridge was empty when we met. I've been so stressed at work that I'm back below 110lbs. It's been nice to have someone come over and cook me dinner and fill my cupboards with supplements, vitamins and healthy food. I just don't like that when he comes over he goes through my cupboards and checks to see that I'm taking the vitamins. I have been, sporadically, but he'll quiz me on when, how much, how often I am taking them. I should list what he brought me. I feel obligated to be taking everything he brought to me, and feel guilty when he quizzes me or confronts me on whether or not I am following his dietary plan. Gifts are nice- I love giving gifts, and doing kind things for people, but I don't give gifts with a list of rules attached. I sort of feel overwhelmed by the vitamin regimen especially. Link to post Share on other sites
OliveOyl Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 I just don't like that when he comes over he goes through my cupboards and checks to see that I'm taking the vitamins. I have been, sporadically, but he'll quiz me on when, how much, how often I am taking them. I should list what he brought me. I feel obligated to be taking everything he brought to me, and feel guilty when he quizzes me or confronts me on whether or not I am following his dietary plan. Gifts are nice- I love giving gifts, and doing kind things for people, but I don't give gifts with a list of rules attached. I sort of feel overwhelmed by the vitamin regimen especially. Okay... that info alone... would be enough for me to go... NEXT. What you choose to supplement with or not is none of his business, at least at this stage. (Personally, I don't like taking supplements. I take no supplements, vitamins, painkillers or meds at all. And I feel pretty good for my age.) Link to post Share on other sites
Author D-Lish Posted October 24, 2011 Author Share Posted October 24, 2011 What on Earth were you going to do with all those cucumbers? I normally buy half of one and let that rot in the back of the fridge until the next weekly shop wherein I buy a replacement one, to rot in the back of the fridge. It didn't bother you. That's what matters. And sure, there's someone out there on his wavelength. You're not. He's not on yours, and that's what matters. Forget the cucumbers. Put them at the back of your mental fridge and let them turn to slush like I do. Well that was my point, they are small, so I have been taking them to work and eating them raw on the fly... But there was so many I couldn't possibly finish them without having them go bad. In my mind, letting them go bad would have been worse than making use of them. You're right, we're not on the same wavelength- and that's best to know NOW rather than down the road after sleeping with him and becoming attached. Okay... that info alone... would be enough for me to go... NEXT. What you choose to supplement with or not is none of his business, at least at this stage. (Personally, I don't like taking supplements. I take no supplements, vitamins, painkillers or meds at all. And I feel pretty good for my age.) Here is a list of what he brought me: Zinc Vitamin C crystals Alpha lipoic acid Magnesium Citrate Selenium Astaxanthin Acai with green tea Organic coconut oil Organic dried bitter apricot kernals Whey powder Iodine droplets Link to post Share on other sites
cerridwen Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 Here is a list of what he brought me: Zinc Vitamin C crystals Alpha lipoic acid Magnesium Citrate Selenium Astaxanthin Acai with green tea Organic coconut oil Organic dried bitter apricot kernals Whey powder Iodine droplets All the ingredients for a dirty bomb. Who is this guy?! Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 Dang that guy spent some dough on you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author D-Lish Posted October 24, 2011 Author Share Posted October 24, 2011 All the ingredients for a dirty bomb. Who is this guy?! If I spent the amount of time needed to understand when and how to take all these vitamins, I'd have to cut my work day in half. I have a schedule he printed off on when to take "what" and how often... Like I said, it's nice to feel like someone is taking an interest in your well being- but wouldn't a multi-vitamin suffice? Preferably one that tastes like candy, shaped like the cast of the Flintstones? Link to post Share on other sites
Author D-Lish Posted October 24, 2011 Author Share Posted October 24, 2011 Dang that guy spent some dough on you. I know, even more reason to feel guilty. Link to post Share on other sites
Lucky_One Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 This has been a highly interesting and amusing thread! I have to admit I was lazy and did not link to the thread that Carhill posted about D-Lish's feelings about her dogs. But the fact that the dogs are mentioned enough in a thread that he remembered it, plus the fact that you (D-Lish) feed them veggies/fruits based on a recommendation from your vet made me wonder. Is he jealous of your dogs? Was it not the fact that it was HIS cucumber, but the fact that you were feeding THEM cucumber instead of him? Or is he one of those people who simply don't understand a super-high attachment to a dog? Was it not the fact that it was HIS cucumber, but the fact that you would actually feed cucumber to a DOG as though it were a human child? My MIL goes berserk (well, as berserk as a 88 year old prim old lady can get) over the way her D and SIL treat their dog. She hates when they talk to it like a baby, or say that they are its Mummy and Daddy, or feeds it special things. She says it is a DOG, and it has dog parents, and it can eat dog food. And she owns a dog, and treats hum beautifully and loves him very much. But she doesn't like humanizing him. Any possibilities, D-Lish? Link to post Share on other sites
cerridwen Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 I know, even more reason to feel guilty. Bah. You were generous with him as well. If it bothers you, pack up the stuff, keep the cukes on the top, and offer it back to him, explaining you rather he had it all. Link to post Share on other sites
blueskyday Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 (edited) The guy is a control freak (at best.) I'll diagnose. If he has you nervously gulping down supplements to avoid his wrath, then something is wrong. Seriously, who would be on his cucumber eating wave-length? The only woman on his wave length is as messed up as he is. I don't think it has anything to do with wave-lengths. For example, to say that I'm not on the same wave length as an abuser or controlling guy is putting it mildly, and assumes mutual culpability...abuse and control is always ONE sided. D-Lish has nothing to do with this situation -- except she sees his game and rejects it. No reason to try to understand WHY he acts the way he does. His behavior is troublesome on the face of it. Bin it! New loveshack catch phrase. Edited October 24, 2011 by blueskyday Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 One thing I can say about myself is that I cannot be manipulated,(fooled sometimes), but not manipulated, I see right through it. I'm also too old to play games. Maybe in my teens I'd see this as an exciting challenge- but that was many years and a divorce ago... Yes, I need to respond to him. I might copy what you said verbatim. Go for it.. Hope the talk goes well. Originally Posted by PlumPrincess I found it somewhat thoughtless of her. I'm not sure why nobody else sees it that way. My mom is like that. I get her nice stuff and she just doesn't appreciate it. It gets tossed under a bunch of other stuff, she doesn't even open the package, etc. I find it ungrateful and it really sometimes does not want me to get her anything nice at all. Is this a joke? Let's not compare "gifts" that get tossed around and not opened to a piece of cucumber given to a dog. That's totally apples and oranges. Bananas and pineapples. Link to post Share on other sites
Author D-Lish Posted October 24, 2011 Author Share Posted October 24, 2011 This has been a highly interesting and amusing thread! I have to admit I was lazy and did not link to the thread that Carhill posted about D-Lish's feelings about her dogs. But the fact that the dogs are mentioned enough in a thread that he remembered it, plus the fact that you (D-Lish) feed them veggies/fruits based on a recommendation from your vet made me wonder. Is he jealous of your dogs? Was it not the fact that it was HIS cucumber, but the fact that you were feeding THEM cucumber instead of him? Or is he one of those people who simply don't understand a super-high attachment to a dog? Was it not the fact that it was HIS cucumber, but the fact that you would actually feed cucumber to a DOG as though it were a human child? My MIL goes berserk (well, as berserk as a 88 year old prim old lady can get) over the way her D and SIL treat their dog. She hates when they talk to it like a baby, or say that they are its Mummy and Daddy, or feeds it special things. She says it is a DOG, and it has dog parents, and it can eat dog food. And she owns a dog, and treats hum beautifully and loves him very much. But she doesn't like humanizing him. Any possibilities, D-Lish? I'm one of those people that understands my dog's are dogs, I don't think they are my kids, but I love them regardless. As far as I am concerned, you don't make a commitment to being an animal owner unless you are prepared to give them a good quality of life. They get walked numerous times a day, they get fed the best ingredients, and I give them the attention they need. He hasn't taken too much of an interest in my dogs, he has cats- and he loves to show me pictures of his cats, but he's yet to allow either of my dogs sit on his lap and pet them. That's fine- not all people are "dog people"... I don't baby-talk to them when he's around, but the bottom line is, given their medical issues, what I feed them is important to prolonging their life. I was happy to have a pile of cucumbers, because they are mostly water based- like watermelon, and given that they both have liver issues, my vet suggested a list of beneficial foods (moisture laden foods). Cucumbers are on that list. It's possible he's jealous. The only consistent companionship I've had in my life since my divorce 9 years ago has been my dogs... And I take their well-being seriously. They are my responsibility, and I take that responsibility seriously. I object to giving them "people food" in the real sense... My mother used to slip them actual processed people food, cheese, pizza, bread, chips.... And that infuriated me because they'd get the ****z and would refuse their own food after spending time with her. Many veggies and fruits are okay to give your dogs- some are harmful. My dogs aren't my kids, I have no illusions about that, but I do love them, and I do look after them in the most responsible way possible. I don't know, to slip them a little piece of cucumber while making us a sandwich, and have him get riled up over that seems "off" to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts