Nexus One Posted October 27, 2011 Share Posted October 27, 2011 How are you doing though D-Lish? You say you feel bad for breaking up, like with firing those two people, but I mean besides that feeling of guilt. Disappointed, relieved, sad? And do you think it would have worked out if he didn't talk so much and if communication was more of a two way street? And if he didn't have such a temper so to speak? What would have made this relationship work do you think? Link to post Share on other sites
sumdude Posted October 27, 2011 Share Posted October 27, 2011 (edited) Whoa, from the first post I saw all sorts of flashing red lights. Reminds me of a combination of three people I know. Dang an a-retentive, possibly controlling, hypersensitive and obsessive blatherskite with an anger streak. ouch.. Add that to the phallic projection with the cucumbers.. no wonder he freaked when you fed it to the dogs! Edited October 27, 2011 by sumdude Link to post Share on other sites
phillyfan Posted October 27, 2011 Share Posted October 27, 2011 Total conspiracy theorist- 100%. When I said he talks too much- it's 1/3 about conspiracies. I think he spent 4 hours trying to convince me 911 was an inside job... Same with the cancer thing and the bitter apricot kernals. OMFG what a loser. I aint that smart but hell evn I dont belive in all tht stupid sh*t. Serious, u thnk hes smart? Can I just say tho dude if sum girl gave me whey protein id be like dam, nice girl shes a keeper I freakin love tht stuff hav it wit oats in d mornin wit a banana n sum omega oils n milk a multivitamin, n girl u gona be cookin on gas but then im a meathead its a good gift 4 me Oh yea and he sucks at kissin and has a freakin obsesion with cucumbers, why u evn still talkin 2 him? Link to post Share on other sites
laotzu Posted October 27, 2011 Share Posted October 27, 2011 I know how you feel. I broke up with someone that I "liked" as well, but knew there wasn't long term potential - it really sucks. Anyway, feel better soon - there's someone for all of us. (I'm hoping!) Link to post Share on other sites
Pierre Posted October 27, 2011 Share Posted October 27, 2011 D Lish I give you a lot of credit for not getting physical with this man. Your initial plan was a good idea, However, I don't get why there was a need to spend the night so many times with someone you have dated for two weeks. Did you ever hear about date rape? Furthermore, why is there a need to BREAK UP. You have only dated for two weeks. This was not a relationship! So there is no need to break up. You simply stop dating this man. You need to examine why you put up with this man so long. Are you susceptible to the BS or narcissists and the antisocial types. These fellows know how to play women, but they are very good at choosing the victim female. Why are you susceptible? Link to post Share on other sites
IfWishesWereHorses Posted October 27, 2011 Share Posted October 27, 2011 I disagree. He may have pegged her as vulnerable but she's been very smart about it, and drew the line at being manipulated. Can you imagine what those women who put up with him for a year dealt with! She gave him the benefit of the doubt until he proved to be unworthy, I don't think she is susceptible, a woman who would be needy enough to fall for this type of man wouldn't have written him off when he first crossed a boundary. I think she has learned that no one is perfect and it takes some time to learn enough to see whether the good outweighs the bad. Or whether there is any good at all! Link to post Share on other sites
Nexus One Posted October 27, 2011 Share Posted October 27, 2011 I agree with the viewpoint that D-Lish handled this well. She mentioned she first extensively e-mailed with the guy, but in person certain things started to emerge that indicated a relationship with the guy would be difficult. I don't think she took too long to figure that out. And let's be honest, you have to give a person a chance too, you can't just cut a person off at the first hint of a red flag or deal breaker, you'll have to be sure it's actually part and parcel of that person, otherwise you could make a mistake. You're dealing with a human being, they deserve to be treated in a fair way. Link to post Share on other sites
Pierre Posted October 27, 2011 Share Posted October 27, 2011 I disagree. He may have pegged her as vulnerable but she's been very smart about it, and drew the line at being manipulated. Can you imagine what those women who put up with him for a year dealt with! She gave him the benefit of the doubt until he proved to be unworthy, I don't think she is susceptible, a woman who would be needy enough to fall for this type of man wouldn't have written him off when he first crossed a boundary. I think she has learned that no one is perfect and it takes some time to learn enough to see whether the good outweighs the bad. Or whether there is any good at all! I disagree: I know women that would not give this guy two seconds of their time. I agree, that she detected the BS of a narcissist, but she seems to have some weakness for the special treatment. Link to post Share on other sites
snug.bunny Posted October 27, 2011 Share Posted October 27, 2011 He hasn't really done anything "wrong" per se. He excessively talks about himself, is overly attentive, a complainer (i.e. the steak), and portrays certain acts as insensitive towards himself (i.e. the feeding of the cucumber to the dogs). I don't find said personality as a direct reflection/result of spending time with D-Lish. He is who he is... The worst thing he has done at this point, was give her attitude for the cucumber ordeal and embarass her at the restaurant (though not directly, since his complaint wasn't a complaint towards her directly...) The biggest issue thus far, has been a mismatch in personalities. He has difficulty connecting with women emotionally (given his relationship history has consisted of short strings of sexual relationships, if I remember reading correctly). A mismatch in personalities and a present inability to emotionally connect doesn't mean that two people cannot go on to have a successful, loving relationship (plenty of couples have different personality types, and perhaps the emotional connection develops over time) but...not if/when it creates conflict to such a degree that it causes the other person, both, distress. He's overbearing, has a different sense of humor from hers, and is a bit passive aggressive/sensitive with certain things. If these traits make D-Lish feel bad about herself, suffocated and/or under-valued, then he is not the guy for her and she is not for him. Link to post Share on other sites
Nexus One Posted October 27, 2011 Share Posted October 27, 2011 (edited) I know women that would not give this guy two seconds of their time. To be honest, people that judge other people THAT FAST are kind of scary. How is anyone even going to get a fair chance when they're judged that quickly? That's a surefire way to treat people like disposable trash. I agree, that she detected the BS of a narcissist, but she seems to have some weakness for the special treatment. From her perspective it makes sense to feel attracted to someone who takes care of her, as in her previous relationship that was something that was missing if I remember correctly. So the guy has plus points and minus points. I guess after a while D-Lish decided that the minus points outweighed the plus points. Edited October 27, 2011 by Nexus One Link to post Share on other sites
laotzu Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 I agree with the viewpoint that D-Lish handled this well. She mentioned she first extensively e-mailed with the guy, but in person certain things started to emerge that indicated a relationship with the guy would be difficult. I don't think she took too long to figure that out. And let's be honest, you have to give a person a chance too, you can't just cut a person off at the first hint of a red flag or deal breaker, you'll have to be sure it's actually part and parcel of that person, otherwise you could make a mistake. You're dealing with a human being, they deserve to be treated in a fair way. I second (and third) this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author D-Lish Posted October 28, 2011 Author Share Posted October 28, 2011 He's not going to make it easy for her to dump him. If you've ever seen the way a narcissist operates and woo's then it's hard to miss this one from even the first post. Don't feel bad at all, D. After reading most of this my mind is screaming, How does he treat the "woman behind the counter"! It came out sooner than I would have expected. If he's shown you his true self this early, he doesn't have much control. People like this are incredibly adept at picking up on your needs. That's a stark contrast to the fact that they have no ability for true empathy towards you or anyone else. About the vitamin's, you could use a good natural multivitamin with a B-complex! You're right, he hasn't made it easy. He wanted to come over again tonight to "talk"... I said we had to leave things as is, that I didn't think he is a bad person, just that we're not compatible. He's been texting all day. How are you doing though D-Lish? You say you feel bad for breaking up, like with firing those two people, but I mean besides that feeling of guilt. Disappointed, relieved, sad? And do you think it would have worked out if he didn't talk so much and if communication was more of a two way street? And if he didn't have such a temper so to speak? What would have made this relationship work do you think? I still don't think it would have worked out, I feel more relief than anything else now. Guilt last night, but just relieved today (and annoyed that he's not listening to me). D Lish I give you a lot of credit for not getting physical with this man. Your initial plan was a good idea, However, I don't get why there was a need to spend the night so many times with someone you have dated for two weeks. Did you ever hear about date rape? Furthermore, why is there a need to BREAK UP. You have only dated for two weeks. This was not a relationship! So there is no need to break up. You simply stop dating this man. You need to examine why you put up with this man so long. Are you susceptible to the BS or narcissists and the antisocial types. These fellows know how to play women, but they are very good at choosing the victim female. Why are you susceptible? I'm not, which is why it didn't last more than a couple of weeks. I had no fear whatsoever that he'd try and do anything I didn't want to do. He was mostly into cuddling and talking. I liked him initially and thought he had potential, but as soon as his true colours came out, I went from giving him the benefit of the doubt to making the decision to stop seeing him. I've never dated an anti-social type before. I've never dated a guy like this before, which made it difficult to recognize what was off about him at first. Link to post Share on other sites
laotzu Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 I give you a ton of credit. I wish I could learn to not try and sleep with someone within ~4 dates, because it makes more sense. Sometimes I think I do it just because they're expecting it. Overall, you handled yourself really awesomely in this thread/situation. I'm not sure I've seen it before, so can I ask: how old are you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author D-Lish Posted October 28, 2011 Author Share Posted October 28, 2011 I disagree. He may have pegged her as vulnerable but she's been very smart about it, and drew the line at being manipulated. Can you imagine what those women who put up with him for a year dealt with! She gave him the benefit of the doubt until he proved to be unworthy, I don't think she is susceptible, a woman who would be needy enough to fall for this type of man wouldn't have written him off when he first crossed a boundary. I think she has learned that no one is perfect and it takes some time to learn enough to see whether the good outweighs the bad. Or whether there is any good at all! I just wanted to give it a chance, I've written good men off in the past because of percieved red flags, and I wanted to make sure it wasn't "me" being overly hasty in bolting. If I was suceptible to the BS, I would have slept with him and kept him around for a longer time because of the nurturing quality he seemed to have. I agree with the viewpoint that D-Lish handled this well. She mentioned she first extensively e-mailed with the guy, but in person certain things started to emerge that indicated a relationship with the guy would be difficult. I don't think she took too long to figure that out. And let's be honest, you have to give a person a chance too, you can't just cut a person off at the first hint of a red flag or deal breaker, you'll have to be sure it's actually part and parcel of that person, otherwise you could make a mistake. You're dealing with a human being, they deserve to be treated in a fair way. I think I gave it my best shot... And it turned out to be a compatibility issue. The restaurant event was the very last straw- and it allowed me to break up with him with confidence that i was doing the right thing. I disagree: I know women that would not give this guy two seconds of their time. I agree, that she detected the BS of a narcissist, but she seems to have some weakness for the special treatment. Not a weakness, but a fondness for the special treatment at first. It's nice to have someone pay special attention to your well being- I'd say most of us would like that. If I'd stayed with him for 6 months while still questioning things and not paying attention to the signs, then I'd accept your criticism, but after 2 weeks... It boils down to giving someone a chance and realizing it's not going to work, then making the right choice to end it. He hasn't really done anything "wrong" per se. He excessively talks about himself, is overly attentive, a complainer (i.e. the steak), and portrays certain acts as insensitive towards himself (i.e. the feeding of the cucumber to the dogs). I don't find said personality as a direct reflection/result of spending time with D-Lish. He is who he is... The worst thing he has done at this point, was give her attitude for the cucumber ordeal and embarass her at the restaurant (though not directly, since his complaint wasn't a complaint towards her directly...) The biggest issue thus far, has been a mismatch in personalities. He has difficulty connecting with women emotionally (given his relationship history has consisted of short strings of sexual relationships, if I remember reading correctly). A mismatch in personalities and a present inability to emotionally connect doesn't mean that two people cannot go on to have a successful, loving relationship (plenty of couples have different personality types, and perhaps the emotional connection develops over time) but...not if/when it creates conflict to such a degree that it causes the other person, both, distress. He's overbearing, has a different sense of humor from hers, and is a bit passive aggressive/sensitive with certain things. If these traits make D-Lish feel bad about herself, suffocated and/or under-valued, then he is not the guy for her and she is not for him. Agreed. Even when breaking up with him, he did 90% of the talking.... this after me telling him the major reason for ending things was because I felt stifled, unable to get a word in edgewise the majority of the time. To be honest, people that judge other people THAT FAST are kind of scary. How is anyone even going to get a fair chance when they're judged that quickly? That's a surefire way to treat people like disposable trash. From her perspective it makes sense to feel attracted to someone who takes care of her, as in her previous relationship that was something that was missing if I remember correctly. So the guy has plus points and minus points. I guess after a while D-Lish decided that the minus points outweighed the plus points. Yep, initially he displayed behaviours that were lacking in my past relationship. My ex NEVER would have come over with groceries to cook me dinner, or take an interest in my well being in the same way this guy did. That's why I decided to give it a shot. Sometimes people do talk to much when they are nervous... However when it's pointed out to you on many occasions that it's causing a problem, most people willing to work though things to be with you will listen to your concerns and make a concerted effort to change. He did not make that effort. I believe that it's not because he didn't want to, just that he was/is incapable of being that guy that needs to talk about himself 24/7. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 (and annoyed that he's not listening to me). D-lish.. that shouldn't surprise you.. he didn't listen to you before you broke it off... He also didn't consider your opinion on things.. such as your diet and your dog's diet.. so he is still just not considering your opinion of the break off... Just go silent at this point...oh.. and here's a hug with some Dove.... Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 Okay is it possible that he has ADD or ADHD? Link to post Share on other sites
Author D-Lish Posted October 28, 2011 Author Share Posted October 28, 2011 I give you a ton of credit. I wish I could learn to not try and sleep with someone within ~4 dates, because it makes more sense. Sometimes I think I do it just because they're expecting it. Overall, you handled yourself really awesomely in this thread/situation. I'm not sure I've seen it before, so can I ask: how old are you? Probably double your age:( lol. I'm 42. My last bf that I was head over heels with? I waited a month, maybe 10 dates. It's not something you learn, it's a boundary you set for yourself and stick to. It's not like I haven't had one night stands in my past, or jumped into a sexual relationship too quickly- I have done that. I've just learned from experience that if I think someone has potential, waiting is better. D-lish.. that shouldn't surprise you.. he didn't listen to you before you broke it off... He also didn't consider your opinion on things.. such as your diet and your dog's diet.. so he is still just not considering your opinion of the break off... Just go silent at this point...oh.. and here's a hug with some Dove.... Thank you for the Dove. It doesn't surprise me, I came down with a nasty cold today, and when he asked to meet again tonight I told him I had a nasty cold and we needed to stick to the break up. He offered to come by to bring me a cold remedy and just sit with me as friends. It's not resonating with him. Okay is it possible that he has ADD or ADHD? Possible. His mother is a Psycho-Therapist... I can't believe she hasn't seen something, suggested something, etc. Link to post Share on other sites
Author D-Lish Posted October 28, 2011 Author Share Posted October 28, 2011 Okay, so I just took my dogs out to pee- and I had told him today I have a cold (a bad one actually)... I've been in my pj's since I got home from work sitting in my bed all night. I just went out to take the dogs out and I find a package at my doorstep... A remedy for a cold, vitamin style, with hand written directions. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 and I had told him today I have a cold (a bad one actually)... i've had the flu for the past 3 weeks, it won't bloody go away Link to post Share on other sites
Author D-Lish Posted October 28, 2011 Author Share Posted October 28, 2011 i've had the flu for the past 3 weeks, it won't bloody go away How much weight have you lost? Link to post Share on other sites
jerbear Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 Hey D-lish, It is nice to have someone care about you but I think the best is to send that stuff back to him. Well you know the drill; don't respond or feed his behavior. It might make him upset to a point that he will leave you alone. He is just trying to get back and still dealing with the shock. Granted in time, is he friend material? Not now but maybe in the far future? Link to post Share on other sites
IfWishesWereHorses Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 Okay, so I just took my dogs out to pee- and I had told him today I have a cold (a bad one actually)... I've been in my pj's since I got home from work sitting in my bed all night. I just went out to take the dogs out and I find a package at my doorstep... A remedy for a cold, vitamin style, with hand written directions. Sooo... Should we place bets on which one you get rid of first??? I'm going with the cold and mine is still going on 3 weeks later. Kidding... Hope you feel better soon. Link to post Share on other sites
jerbear Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 Possible. His mother is a Psycho-Therapist... I can't believe she hasn't seen something, suggested something, etc. It might not be ADD, OCD, etc.. it might be what he is taking. Link to post Share on other sites
Author D-Lish Posted October 28, 2011 Author Share Posted October 28, 2011 Sooo... Should we place bets on which one you get rid of first??? I'm going with the cold and mine is still going on 3 weeks later. Kidding... Hope you feel better soon. Well, my bed is 3 feet from the door, I live in a closet. I didn't hear him walk down the stairs and drop something off. He had to have crept. Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 Well, my bed is 3 feet from the door, I live in a closet. I didn't hear him walk down the stairs and drop something off. He had to have crept. Creepy! Link to post Share on other sites
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