Mutant Debutante Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 Possible manic episode? Link to post Share on other sites
Tybalt Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 D-lish, you're a smart woman who has learned a lot about relationships and yourself, from what I can tell. This doesn't sit well with me, either. The guy I am currently coming to an end with was very solicitous as well. He was always telling me I needed to eat, sleep, etc, would make me dinner and such. Many times in fact he was right, but his approach started to come across like he didn't think I was capable of managing my own life and making my own decisions, and I did not like it. Now, a few months later, he starts getting upset about other things he doesn't think I am doing "right." I don't answer his text quickly enough, I sent one to him too late at night. Suddenly, I am feeling like I need to walk on eggshells. He got distant, I asked what was going on, apparently I didn't do it the right way because he made some very cutting remarks in response to my confusion and hurt. Whoa. I am going away now. Narcissism? I was married to one of those and what that boils down to is an inability to empathize with others, and an inability to enact genuine change. Their emotional make-up is simple and doesn't take into account the complex needs of other people. I don't know that you have enough data yet to go there, but I see evidence that shows he could become a controlling person. He doesn't seem to have the sensitivity to slowly enter your world, he wants to plant himself and take charge. You comment about the payoff of being "right" being important to him is something to think about as well. I'm all for giving people lots of chances, and probably do this too often in my own life. I think you are wise to wonder about all of this and to tread carefully. My response would not be an automatic kick him to the curb, but my eyes would be wide open. Link to post Share on other sites
Author D-Lish Posted October 16, 2011 Author Share Posted October 16, 2011 Lol. The drug use speculation is worthwhile... although being attracted to someone (and especially the chemical euphoria of early "love") can produce similar effects. Some drugs are intended to simulate such natural feelings --- not the other way around. My current boyfriend rattled on insanely through the night (more than one of them) and the most he's done is taken over-the-counter drugs... he hasn't even smoked anything before ... nevertheless, drug use is still a possibility As is narcissism... but that may be too difficult to currently truly identify. Something to probably keep in mind though... Onyx, this is a guy that is 36 and has never dated anyone for more than a year. That is a red flag for me. However, this is also a guy that has had a serious of short term relationships that have been based mostly on sex. He's never had a first date that didn't end in sex, we've had many dates, and haven't gone beyond him touching my chest. Last night we just made out and talked. He's stayed over twice, and he said the last time he actually packed an overnight bag and stayed over at a woman's place was years and years ago. Does that mean anything? I refuse to define an answer on that. I'm not invested yet I'm just trying to figure him out. I won't deny he has a bit'o'weird to him, but I don't mind weird. He's a very bad kisser. Very, very bad.... Last night, when he wasn't talking, I took charge and showed him how to kiss. He basically opened his mouth and shoved his tounge into my mouth suction cup style... I grabbed his hair, shifted on top of him and directed the kissing, all the while holding him down with his hair. He was amazed... How can a 36 year old guy be so bad at kissing? I guess that answer is not dating someone for more than a year. I do like him, he's so much smarter than I am- and I consider myself to be very intelligent. I've never dated anyone that is so incredibly intelligent- but he has his demons as well. I can't be 100% sure, but I think he makes up stories to impress me ( like having impact with celeb's and politicians). I do believe 100% that I'm the first girl that has ever made him "wait". Maybe that's why he talks so much:laugh:. He's revealed so much stuff about himself. I appreciate that he wants to look after me, or seems concerned about my well being. I believe him when he says he hasn't slept over at a woman's house in years... Oh, D-Lish I am so sorry... I would be honest and up front with him - maybe give him another shot - and see if the dialogue changes at all. And I'm a Gemini and talk all the time as well... But the guy I'm dating is ALSO a Gemini so we just talk and talk and talk... :o:o You guys talk and talk... I like that! I feel that's how you connect with another person. I feel like he talks and talks... I just listen. The one things is, he's insightful. He tells me things about myself that he has observed or felt- and it's all true, but there are things I haven't talked about that he just nails when it comes to my personality. It makes me feel naked that someone can build a profile on me without me saying too much. Possible manic episode? I don't think so, he's very coherent. I've witnessed Manic outbursts, and he doesn't fit the bill. Link to post Share on other sites
florence of suburbia Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 Someone who's "conversational" style is a constant monologue doesn't understand the basic premise of a conversation, that it is a give and take experience with two willing participants. It takes an extreme lack of empathy and deep self-denial to talk and talk even when someone is giving all the signs of being overwhelmed and tired of listening. In my experience, the talker doesn't care whether the listener wants to hear it or not. The person just wants to hear his/her own voice and literally have a captive audience. Link to post Share on other sites
laotzu Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 How does a guy who's thirty-six years old (a) not "know how to kiss", (b) always sleep with women on the first date, and © never have a long-term relationship? I feel like (a) is an odd-ball out here, if this is someone who has had a lot of sexual/dating experience. I almost wonder if he's misleading you about his previous sexual exploits... he strikes me as someone who actually has dated a lot (vitamins? really?) and who wants to impress you with his "prowess". I agree that being ~35ish and never having a long term relationship seems odd when he also indicates he's slept with a lot of people - but perhaps that's just me. I tend to think that someone who has dating experience will get into at least one or two long term relationships, otherwise it indicates that the person either dislikes other people... or other people find a reason to dislike them. My guess: he's inexperienced and lying to you in order to impress you. I don't think only bad people do this, because I did this. Any chance this is the case? Link to post Share on other sites
Pierre Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 OP: He sounds like a person with narcissistic personality disorder. However, this is based on your vivid description. I suggest you read up on narcissistic personality disorder since you are there with him. These folks will present a very positive image at the onset, but eventually the true personality emerges. Be very careful! Study the symptoms and make your own decision. Link to post Share on other sites
ja123 Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 D-Lish, I'm seeing a lot of red flags with this. I know you have your eyes open, but do be careful. As for his being a narcissist, I'm not sure. Here's a good website you can look at, however: http://bnarcissisticabuserecovery.runboard.com/ Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 My impression is that he is just very excited to find a woman he really likes for more than just sex. It's new territory for him since he basically does a hit and run with women. You yourself said that he intuitively "got" you. How rare is that? Definitely not your typical narcissist, who cannot see beyond their own nose. Give him more time. Maybe I have sympathy for this guy because I am usually the one pushing vitamins on my boyfriends. So what sign is he? My second guess would be Aries. Link to post Share on other sites
Pierre Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 TC Only the op is there to see this man. I don't intend to make a diagnosis, but the op described a man with grandiose tendencies and controlling behavior. I have a question for you. Why do you call this man that you met in the internet your bf? You have never seen this man in person and your description is misleading. I say this to give you warning. Please be careful! Link to post Share on other sites
pandagirl Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 Man. Sorry about this, D! Honestly, I'd chalk this up to a bad date and give the guy another chance. If he is the same way, it's pretty obvious that you aren't compatible. Yeesh, why must dating be so difficult! Link to post Share on other sites
Pierre Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 The Op said she could not let go of a fart for 16 hours. If she can do that she is more than capable to handle this man. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 ............ Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 Really OP, next time, fart. It's OK Link to post Share on other sites
jerbear Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 Really OP, next time, fart. It's OK That last time someone farted in her apartment, she had to air the place out. It has gotten cold these last few days. Question for the OP; what if he talked a lot AND farted? For the OP, I think he is just trying to impress and the fitness nut in him is out. Fitness nuts are fanatics and sometimes narcissistic. They only focus on one thing. Being 36 and a bad kisser well it could be as others mentioned, his long term inexperience in long term experience. Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 TC Why do you call this man that you met in the internet your bf? You have never seen this man in person. If you think that's weird, check out the Long Distance Relationship forum. There are women who have only spoken online for years with no plans to meet, yet don't date others and call the guy their boyfriend. I find that very sad. They are obviously afraid of intimacy and sex. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 Maybe.. just maybe if she had farted, cleared the room some.. he wouldn't have talked sooo much.. It's hard to talk while holding your breath Link to post Share on other sites
Feelin Frisky Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 The dude was what you call your "bore". Feel him out next time to see if he realized it and is remorseful--not that you should forgive him. If he isn't however and seems to have no clue that he was a bore, you know what time it is. I have a zillion things to talk about but all things in their time and place. And a first get together like that is not the time or place to cover everything thought in one party's head. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 Nothing like a fart to change the direction of the conversation Link to post Share on other sites
jerbear Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 Maybe.. just maybe if she had farted, cleared the room some.. he wouldn't have talked sooo much.. It's hard to talk while holding your breath I think she likes or liked the guy when he is quiet. The problem with oily and natural foods is that they are gassy. I'm sure if she farted, he would have ended things. If the guy likes to talk and talk to her; he'll find out his farts can't compete with her's; he'll explode because he can't hold his breath and talk or he will get confused and walk away. Link to post Share on other sites
daphne Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 I don't think there's anything about this guy that says narcissist to me. A narcissist probably wouldn't think of you enough to buy you vitamins or want to cook you dinner, unless he thought it would get him something. He may be controlling, but it's too soon to tell. If you find that you're like Tybalt, walking on egg shells at all of his "recommendations" and feeling constantly criticized, you've got a launcher. He may just like you a lot and isn't yet comfortable in the relationship. Although, I must admit his dating history is a bit worrisome. Link to post Share on other sites
florence of suburbia Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 He just subjected her to the equivalent of a 16-hour long emission of gas. She can't even stand to be in the same room with the guy he's so verbally incontinent. How on earth can she continue dating him?! Link to post Share on other sites
dispatch3d Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 he'll get over the "impress you" stage don't worry. Stop being so judgemental . Link to post Share on other sites
dispatch3d Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 He did talk a lot the first few dates, him probably a little more than me, but more or less equal. I tell good stories, and he seemed to like to listen and laugh. When he first came over and brought groceries to make me dinner- he did talk a lot that night, mostly about ways for me to de-stress, eat healthier, sleep better, etc. But I realized after, he was talking "at" me by giving me advice. I took it as him caring about me (and I think he does in his own way)... But I think he gets a lot of validation out of "being right". We haven't had sex or anything. I'm starting to wonder if he is a Narcissist. Rolls eyes. Alright people who talk a lot aren't narcissists. So ridiculous...... The word narcissist has to be the single worst contribution psychology has given to the human race. Not kidding. Does he act selfishly? Talking a lot isn't acting selfishly...... Neither is making suggestions for things you can improve on.... Link to post Share on other sites
Dust Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 Did you guys have sex? I personally don't believe in vitamins. I used to take a multi-vitamin but don't even do that any more. They are scams. As for telling you how great he was non-stop all night that sounds pretty good. I really must get your number D-Lish so we can have a phone session where I tell you how great I am for an hour or two while you just listen and not say to much. Other then of course acknowledging how great I am. (joke?) Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 Does he act selfishly? Talking a lot isn't acting selfishly...... Neither is making suggestions for things you can improve on.... He essentially kept her up all night to talk about himself, or to tell her that she should do what he tells her so she can be better than she is. Constantly talking about yourself for hours on end = selfish in my books. People need to sleep. But, I'm glad you're giving him a chance D. If he continues like this after you've mentioned it to him, wouldn't blame you in the slightest if you got rid of him. But it may be a nervous thing as some people say, or he's just trying to impress you in a completely non impressive way. Link to post Share on other sites
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