Exasperating date....

[dispatch3d]

He essentially kept her up all night to talk about himself, or to tell her that she should do what he tells her so she can be better than she is. Constantly talking about yourself for hours on end = selfish in my books. People need to sleep.

 

But, I'm glad you're giving him a chance D. If he continues like this after you've mentioned it to him, wouldn't blame you in the slightest if you got rid of him. But it may be a nervous thing as some people say, or he's just trying to impress you in a completely non impressive way.

 

There's nothing wrong with being extroverted, nervous to talk to a girl, and end up talking too much. It certainly isn't a sign of something negatively inherent in his personality, such as "narcissism". If he kills a cat randomly because he feels better, alright he's a narcissist. If he puts down people constantly to make himself feel better, yeah maybe then he is as well. Talking a lot, no, he's not.

[Citizen Erased]

There's nothing wrong with being extroverted, nervous to talk to a girl, and end up talking too much. It certainly isn't a sign of something negatively inherent in his personality, such as "narcissism". If he kills a cat randomly because he feels better, alright he's a narcissist. If he puts down people constantly to make himself feel better, yeah maybe then he is as well. Talking a lot, no, he's not.

Killing a cat means he's a lot more than a narcissist.

 

I don't think most people are narcissists. I think this guy enjoys the sound of his own voice a little too much and if it doesn't stop she should dump him. It's boring as hell to hear someone talk constantly and never get a word in. If he stops once she brings it up, it's all good.

[dispatch3d]

lol with most of you blinking 4 times is a warning sign of something bigger. I guess talking a lot on a date probably is a bad idea..........

[Citizen Erased]

For god sakes people. Narcissists are people who are so self absorbed that they destroy all of their relationships and can barely function. They're rare. Having a few narcissistic traits does not equal personality disorder.

Definitely!

 

Like I said, he just likes the sound of his own voice. That's far more annoying than whatever label people like to throw around these days. He just likes to chat to himself and about himself for 16 hours. Makes him boring and a little selfish.

 

Anyway, this is pointless discussing as D already said she was going to go out with him again, but bring up the issue she has with him. Communication!

[mitchell]

So sorry to read about this D-lish.

 

Could this just be a bad case of nerves and trying too hard to impress? Did he at least stop talking while you two were making out or having sex?

[snug.bunny]

A guy that is 36 and has never dated anyone for more than a year; A guy that has had a serious of short term relationships that have been based mostly on sex; A guy that never had a first date that didn't end in sex

Combined with.......

 

bring over groceries and cooking me dinner because he doesn't think I eat healthy

tells me to make I sure I get my rest

He showed up with all these vitamins for me- and a detailed plan on how to take them

Sounds like a sex addict/caregiver. Oh, and an alleged "narcissist". Having read about this guy and your ex, they both seem to be overcompensating from the start. Do you find that you are attracted towards these types of personalities? On the surface, it doesn't sound like you are.

[Mme. Chaucer]

lol with most of you blinking 4 times is a warning sign of something bigger. I guess talking a lot on a date probably is a bad idea..........

 

Yes, talking for 16 hours straight while on a date is most definitely a bad idea, no "probably" about it.

 

I'm not on board with any diagnosis of the guy, but in this thread, anyway, I'm seeing plenty of negative and few positive aspects of him.

 

Even many of his kind gestures towards you, D, have an angle to them of trying to change, fix or sort of control things about you.

 

Still - you like him, and you are planning to communicate about these things, so all is good for now.

 

Just be sure that there is plenty of room for you to be functioning as you really are (including having chances to talk!) when getting involved with a potentially overwhelming fellow.

[Trimmer]

Just be sure that there is plenty of room for you to be functioning as you really are (including having chances to talk!)

... and apparently, having chances to fart. I'm worried for your physical safety.

[Mme. Chaucer]

... and apparently, having chances to fart. I'm worried for your physical safety.

 

because of gas buildup leading to potential toxicity or explosion?

[PinkInTheLimo]

My impression is that he is very controlling. All this well-meant advice is actually an attempt to control every detail of your life.

 

Stop all contact with him, he will make you miserable. I know that from my experience with a control freak. At first I was put on a pedestal only to have him kick me off it in a mean way when I made it clear that I wanted to make my own decisions.

[Pierre]

Quite often these men seek a female that is receptive to their personality disorder. Eventually he will use the female partner to feel good about himself and this is commonly done by constant criticism. He has already started the control with her diet, vitamins, and the Wellbutrin and clonazepam.

 

 

 

 

I think there is no chemistry here.

 

Furthermore, I don't believe the story that he had sex on 1st date with every women he ever dated. Not even James Bond can be that successful with the ladies. He is saying this to manipulate the OP and to make her believe she must be extremely special.

 

I don't like this man.

[louise_23]

He talked and talked and talked until 6am this morning as we were lying in bed. I drifted off a couple of times to wake up to him still talking.

 

i actually laughed out loud to that bit. he sounds a bit much. is it possible hes just so excited how well its going?? is he like this all the time? couldve been nerves.

[PlumPrincess]

I've had more than a few dates with someone I thought had potential.

 

Last night was our first real 'go to dinner, come back to my place, watch a movie with a planned sleepover' date.

 

Now, I've mentioned before that he's very thoughtful. He's surprised me by bring over groceries and cooking me dinner because he doesn't think I eat healthy (I don't- the stress of my job has made me terribly thin). He checks in with me during the day and usually calls before bed to chat, tells me to make I sure I get my rest. All of this is fine, I don't mind it- but last night sort of turned into a strange nightmare.

 

He showed up with all these vitamins for me- and a detailed plan on how to take them. I thought was was going a little overboard (even though I know he's trying to be helpful).

 

The thing is- as much as he does these nice things for me, he doesn't stop talking about himself or his opinion on things. I think I got in maybe 200 words in the last 16 hours we spent together. He just talks non-stop, about his business ventures, plans for the future, all the famous people he's met, all his accomplishments, etc, etc. Barely a break in "his conversation" since he showed up last night until we parted ways about an hour ago.

 

He talked and talked and talked until 6am this morning as we were lying in bed. I drifted off a couple of times to wake up to him still talking. At one point earlier this morning, I went to say something and he interrupted and kept talking. I put my hand over his mouth and asked "can I actually a word in edgewise???"... I was able to say a few things until the conversation got turned back onto him.

 

I don't know if this is just what he's like, whether or not he feels the need to impress me, whether ot not it's been a long time since he had someone to talk to.... But I am exhausted.

 

He does take notice of things I say- and he includes talking "about me" in his conversations, ie: his insight into me, but I don't feel included in those conversations- it's just him talking at me, about me.

 

Talked and talked and talked.... And he's animated when he speaks...It was too much to take in for 16 hours. I don't know how long he kept talking before he realized I was alseep this morning.

 

I don't know what to do, I liked him initially, but this last date turned me off.

 

Anyone ever met someone like this?

Ruuuun!!

[snug.bunny]

Furthermore, I don't believe the story that he had sex on 1st date with every women he ever dated. Not even James Bond can be that successful with the ladies. He is saying this to manipulate the OP and to make her believe she must be extremely special.

 

It was mentioned in another thread that he was on a dating site with his status set as "looking for intimate encounters" or something similar, so it's not that far off base.

 

Not sure why OP has chosen to overlook that, but, she's a grown woman and I'm sure she has her reasons.

[dispatch3d]

Quite often these men seek a female that is receptive to their personality disorder. Eventually he will use the female partner to feel good about himself and this is commonly done by constant criticism. He has already started the control with her diet, vitamins, and the Wellbutrin and clonazepam.

 

 

 

 

I think there is no chemistry here.

 

Furthermore, I don't believe the story that he had sex on 1st date with every women he ever dated. Not even James Bond can be that successful with the ladies. He is saying this to manipulate the OP and to make her believe she must be extremely special.

 

I don't like this man.

 

lol how the hell did you figure out they have no chemistry?

[Pierre]

lol how the hell did you figure out they have no chemistry?

 

 

OP called it an:

Exasperating date....

 

 

She then described 16 hours of hell with not a single free moment to relief her GI physiology.

 

I would think that when there is chemistry one does not use the term

Exasperating date....

[Nexus One]

I've had more than a few dates with someone I thought had potential.

 

Last night was our first real 'go to dinner, come back to my place, watch a movie with a planned sleepover' date.

 

Now, I've mentioned before that he's very thoughtful. He's surprised me by bring over groceries and cooking me dinner because he doesn't think I eat healthy (I don't- the stress of my job has made me terribly thin). He checks in with me during the day and usually calls before bed to chat, tells me to make I sure I get my rest. All of this is fine, I don't mind it- but last night sort of turned into a strange nightmare.

 

He showed up with all these vitamins for me- and a detailed plan on how to take them. I thought was was going a little overboard (even though I know he's trying to be helpful).

 

The thing is- as much as he does these nice things for me, he doesn't stop talking about himself or his opinion on things. I think I got in maybe 200 words in the last 16 hours we spent together. He just talks non-stop, about his business ventures, plans for the future, all the famous people he's met, all his accomplishments, etc, etc. Barely a break in "his conversation" since he showed up last night until we parted ways about an hour ago.

 

He talked and talked and talked until 6am this morning as we were lying in bed. I drifted off a couple of times to wake up to him still talking. At one point earlier this morning, I went to say something and he interrupted and kept talking. I put my hand over his mouth and asked "can I actually a word in edgewise???"... I was able to say a few things until the conversation got turned back onto him.

 

I don't know if this is just what he's like, whether or not he feels the need to impress me, whether ot not it's been a long time since he had someone to talk to.... But I am exhausted.

 

He does take notice of things I say- and he includes talking "about me" in his conversations, ie: his insight into me, but I don't feel included in those conversations- it's just him talking at me, about me.

 

Talked and talked and talked.... And he's animated when he speaks...It was too much to take in for 16 hours. I don't know how long he kept talking before he realized I was alseep this morning.

 

I don't know what to do, I liked him initially, but this last date turned me off.

 

Anyone ever met someone like this?

 

Personally I like girls/women that are chatterboxes, but if she's talking for 16 hours straight, then that might be pushing it, not sure I could take it THAT long.

 

In my opinion it's possible that this is a phase and that he's:

 

1. Nervous.

2. Excited.

3. Trying to impress you.

4. He's not sure what else he can or should do besides talking.

 

But if it's NOT a phase, well then I think it's just a matter of time before you get fed up with it. If it stays like this you will have to talk about it to him.

[ShannonMI]

Possible manic episode?

First thing I thought of. The last guy I dated was bipolar and EXACTLY like this guy. For a second I was wondering if we had dated the same guy. He talked all the time, I mean ALL THE TIME and he would go on and on about celebrities he's met and how he used to be big time. He was actually a former baseball player, so there was some truth to much of what he said, but some of it was a bit far fetched.

 

This guy could very well be bipolar and not on meds. And since he's a health nut maybe he uses natural ways to treat his illness. Natural ways that don't apparently work too well. Bipolar people NEED to be on pharmaceutical drugs. Also all his relationships are based on sex? That's a bipolar trait as well. They are often hyper-sexual. Not saying he is for sure, it's just a thought.

Edited October 17, 2011 by ShannonMI

[OliveOyl]

First thing I thought of. The last guy I dated was bipolar and EXACTLY like this guy. For a second I was wondering if we had dated the same guy. He talked all the time, I mean ALL THE TIME and he would go on and on about celebrities he's met and how he used to be big time. He was actually a former baseball player, so there was some truth to much of what he said, but some of it was a bit far fetched.

 

This guy could very well be bipolar and not on meds. And since he's a health nut maybe he uses natural ways to treat his illness. Natural ways that don't apparently work too well. Bipolar people NEED to be on pharmaceutical drugs. Also all his relationships are based on sex? That's a bipolar trait as well. They are often hyper-sexual. Not saying he is for sure, it's just a thought.

 

Yeah I really agree with this as a possibility... I have some direct experience with bipolar illness which is why I thought of it in the first place. He could very well be hypomanic, which basically means not a full-blown manic episode. The part that especially concerns me is that he kept on talking and didn't realize the OP had fallen asleep. Was he not able to sleep the entire night? That's another possible clue.

[ShannonMI]

Yeah I really agree with this as a possibility... I have some direct experience with bipolar illness which is why I thought of it in the first place. He could very well be hypomanic, which basically means not a full-blown manic episode. The part that especially concerns me is that he kept on talking and didn't realize the OP had fallen asleep. Was he not able to sleep the entire night? That's another possible clue.

Yes totally. Little to zero sleep is a symptom of someone in a manic state. My guy had this issue at times. I went through the ups and downs of the illness because he was on no meds at all. He was never completely normal because of this. I researched the hell out of the illness because I was trying to understand it. I dated him for 4 months and it was a roller coaster to say the least. I ended up dumping him because of this and other reasons. This guy D-Lish is dating sounds like a bipolar to me.

 

If he does indeed suffer from bipolar and he's not on meds to treat it, run like hell girl!!

[D-Lish]

My impression is that he is just very excited to find a woman he really likes for more than just sex. It's new territory for him since he basically does a hit and run with women. You yourself said that he intuitively "got" you. How rare is that? Definitely not your typical narcissist, who cannot see beyond their own nose. Give him more time.

 

Maybe I have sympathy for this guy because I am usually the one pushing vitamins on my boyfriends.

 

So what sign is he? My second guess would be Aries.

 

His b-day is September 3rd, not sure what sign that is?

 

I am going to give it another date and see how it goes. I'm going to bring up my issue with him talking too much. I figure I'm not giving him a chance if I don't bring it up and see if anything changes.

 

But, it's true. He always hits the nail on the head with respect to how I'm feeling and why.

 

I do get the impression that he's trying to impress me.

 

 

 

That last time someone farted in her apartment, she had to air the place out. It has gotten cold these last few days.

 

Question for the OP; what if he talked a lot AND farted?

 

For the OP, I think he is just trying to impress and the fitness nut in him is out. Fitness nuts are fanatics and sometimes narcissistic. They only focus on one thing. Being 36 and a bad kisser well it could be as others mentioned, his long term inexperience in long term experience.

 

He did fart once, then said sorry and kept talking:lmao:

[D-Lish]

Did you guys have sex? I personally don't believe in vitamins. I used to take a multi-vitamin but don't even do that any more. They are scams.

 

As for telling you how great he was non-stop all night that sounds pretty good. I really must get your number D-Lish so we can have a phone session where I tell you how great I am for an hour or two while you just listen and not say to much. Other then of course acknowledging how great I am. (joke?)

 

Lol, no sex, just kissing and a little more.

 

He essentially kept her up all night to talk about himself, or to tell her that she should do what he tells her so she can be better than she is. Constantly talking about yourself for hours on end = selfish in my books. People need to sleep.

 

But, I'm glad you're giving him a chance D. If he continues like this after you've mentioned it to him, wouldn't blame you in the slightest if you got rid of him. But it may be a nervous thing as some people say, or he's just trying to impress you in a completely non impressive way.

 

He's smart, and I do like that. He does show vulnerability when he's talking away. He's trying to build a business, and so far it hasn't been sucessful- and he talked a lot about how frustrating that has been for him.

 

I think maybe he feels like he has to explain why he hasn't made his first "million".

 

lol with most of you blinking 4 times is a warning sign of something bigger. I guess talking a lot on a date probably is a bad idea..........

 

It was more than talking a lot, it was talking non-stop!

 

Combined with.......

 

Sounds like a sex addict/caregiver. Oh, and an alleged "narcissist". Having read about this guy and your ex, they both seem to be overcompensating from the start. Do you find that you are attracted towards these types of personalities? On the surface, it doesn't sound like you are.

 

As mentioned before, he was on "intimate encounters". We talked a lot about that before meeting, we had a lot of back and forth emails. He hasn't even tried to push things sexually. I was pretty upfront that I wouldn't be anyone's fwb.

 

I don't know what kind of personality I am attracted to if I'm being honest. I do want a "take charge" kinda guy with a l lot of sexual energy. I find that when I break up with someone, I tend to seek out their opposite. My "people picker" is off, it always has been since my marriage ended.

 

... and apparently, having chances to fart. I'm worried for your physical safety.

 

So was I!!!

 

Quite often these men seek a female that is receptive to their personality disorder. Eventually he will use the female partner to feel good about himself and this is commonly done by constant criticism. He has already started the control with her diet, vitamins, and the Wellbutrin and clonazepam.

 

I think there is no chemistry here.

 

Furthermore, I don't believe the story that he had sex on 1st date with every women he ever dated. Not even James Bond can be that successful with the ladies. He is saying this to manipulate the OP and to make her believe she must be extremely special.

 

I don't like this man.

 

I do think he's got a lot of nurturing qualities and could possibly be misquided in trying to help me out. The jury is still out on this one. I don't know if he wants to take care of me, or control me.

[dispatch3d]

OP called it an:

Exasperating date....

 

 

She then described 16 hours of hell with not a single free moment to relief her GI physiology.

 

I would think that when there is chemistry one does not use the term

Exasperating date....

 

exasperating date=no chemistry? I still think you're making leaps. I can't really tell if they have chemistry unless I see them sitting together and talking to each other. Any other way is impossible in my opinion. She could just be venting, upset about something else, etc.

[The Tiger]

Vitamins do work. The average person may not notice a big difference but people with special diets may need them and there are several benefits to taking certain types such as Niacin.

[Pierre]

 

I do think he's got a lot of nurturing qualities and could possibly be misquided in trying to help me out. The jury is still out on this one. I don't know if he wants to take care of me, or control me.

 

At the onset these men can be extremely charming and always willing to help out. They also have a knack for finding partners that are in need of specific emotional needs and they are very good at meeting those needs.

 

The OP is very impressed with how in tune this guy is with her. If the poster has a need for external validation she is a sitting duck for this guy.