Nexus One Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 It feels like he's trying to draw me into a game. Yeah I got the feeling that that might be a possibility too. If that's the case then that is childish of him. Perhaps you should ask yourself if it's something worth breaking up over though, or that you can talk to him about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Pierre Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 This sounds like something my boyfriend would do. He's highly sensitive and gets pouty when he feels at all slighted. This may concern you but I think they're pretty similar. It's a narcissistic trait. When they feel unappreciated/devalued, even if it's totally minor, they sulk. Expect that if you stay together you'll have to put up with some moods from him. You said that he has no relationship experience so he also probably has little idea how to act in a relationship and that it's not all about him. You may have to train him into better behavior. I'd be curious to see how receptive he is to criticism. The good news is from my experience with guys like this I can say he will likely bounce back soon after he licks his wounds. The last thing any same woman needs to do is to have a relationship with a narcissist. The problem is that narcissists know how to look good at the onset. They generally find women that somehow accommodate them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author D-Lish Posted October 23, 2011 Author Share Posted October 23, 2011 I don't see this as that big of a deal? I can understand you being a little concerned but it seems like a good excuse to me. I'm very adept at knowing when someone is playing games- and I can assure you, he is playing games at the moment. And all this, over a cucumber? I don't/won't play games at my age. Honestly, he got mad at me because I gave my dogs a couple pieces of cucumber he gave to me... Then he doesn't speak to me for an entire day because of it? I barely know him, all I can imagine is what would happen if I did something more "terrible"... I don't want to walk on egg shells in a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Pierre Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 D lish I believe you are not sexually attracted to this man. You are simply conducting an experiment to see if you can fall for a not so good looking man. If you end with him because of this mini fight it simply means you are not into him. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 Honestly, he got mad at me because I gave my dogs a couple pieces of cucumber he gave to me... Then he doesn't speak to me for an entire day because of it? Oh my..... Link to post Share on other sites
snug.bunny Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 Aye, the cucumber thing totally reminds me of ex. He would get mad at me if I went and had my tires fixed without consulting him first, because HE wanted to be the one to fix them for me. While it is sweet in theory, he'd tend to punish me by making me feel bad over it (kind of like how this guy is, though he isn't being forthright with it). I think the terms is called "Emotional Bulldozing" (I heard of the term in that movie "Couples Retreat" , but there's some truth to it). The good news is, that he didn't verbally reprimand you, but rather withdrew and focused his attention elsewhere (i.e. his friend's party). Not sure if that will hold much weight when/if he is in a relationship and it comes time to communicate with his partner, but, for now sounds like he just needs a little space to clear his head. Even if it's over a "carrot". Link to post Share on other sites
florence of suburbia Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 Is this guy able to laugh at himself? That would be a key question for me at this point. If you tease him about the cucumber, for example, "I guess you're not a guy who gives his cucumber out to just anyone." or "I guess you don't like the idea of dogs nibbling on your cucumber..." he should laugh. If he can't, not much left to say... Link to post Share on other sites
Minnie09 Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 Have u replied to his text, D-Lish? This kind of passive-aggressive behavior reminds me of my exH. He was like that, too, even throughout the initial stages of our R. Pouting, sulking, punishing me.... I brushed it off, because I wasn't emotionally invested at that time yet, and rather indifferent as far as a possible further development of our R was concerned, but as soon as I got pregnant (yeah yeah dumb dumb) and he started to sense a slight hint of weakness and dependency on my part (pregnancy hormones acting up, anxiety, shock), he took over completely. Behavior turned from extremely jealous and passive-aggressive to emotionally and verbally extremely abusive and controlling, introducing double standards and cheating on his part. Yuck. Mind the red flags, D-Lish! You have been warned. Not that I'm paranoid, but THIS totally sounds like my ex. Link to post Share on other sites
Author D-Lish Posted October 24, 2011 Author Share Posted October 24, 2011 Yeah I got the feeling that that might be a possibility too. If that's the case then that is childish of him. Perhaps you should ask yourself if it's something worth breaking up over though, or that you can talk to him about it. It's a break up. The other day we went for breakfast and he put money in a metre that turned out to be broken and ate his change- he lost his mind in anger over 3 bucks. I was so uncomfortable with his anger that I ran across the street, got change from a variety store and ran back and bought a ticket from a working machine. I know he purposely "punished" me today by witholding contact, he has text/called everyday, throughout the day since we met. So, to be absent all day and then send a text using the word "forgot".... That's passive-aggressive behaviour. The last thing any same woman needs to do is to have a relationship with a narcissist. The problem is that narcissists know how to look good at the onset. They generally find women that somehow accommodate them. I won't accomodate such behaviour. I'm not mis-reading what is going on. I see what you mean about accomodating initially though- when he freaked over the parking metre, I scrambled to pacify him and make the anger go away. It was 3 bucks that he lost, yet he was so angry about it. I was so intent on making the anger stop that I played frogger with my own life and dodged traffic to get to a variety store to get change, make my way back, and soothe the beast. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 D-lish.. I think you know what you have to do... Unless of course he wanted you to use the cucumber on yourself and then feed it to him instead I think his passive aggressive approach to this is very alarming.. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 It's a break up. The other day we went for breakfast and he put money in a metre that turned out to be broken and ate his change- he lost his mind in anger over 3 bucks. I was so uncomfortable with his anger that I ran across the street, got change from a variety store and ran back and bought a ticket from a working machine. I know he purposely "punished" me today by witholding contact, he has text/called everyday, throughout the day since we met. So, to be absent all day and then send a text using the word "forgot".... That's passive-aggressive behaviour. I won't accomodate such behaviour. I'm not mis-reading what is going on. I see what you mean about accomodating initially though- when he freaked over the parking metre, I scrambled to pacify him and make the anger go away. It was 3 bucks that he lost, yet he was so angry about it. I was so intent on making the anger stop that I played frogger with my own life and dodged traffic to get to a variety store to get change, make my way back, and soothe the beast. Your head is in the right place.... Link to post Share on other sites
Minnie09 Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 And guess what his outward reaction will be if you tell him to get lost? He will tell you (and himself) how utterly ridiculous it is of you to be so insecure to dump him over a day of no contact/texting... You must be really clingy and jealous, and he can't deal with clingy, insecure women anyways....so good-bye. Link to post Share on other sites
Author D-Lish Posted October 24, 2011 Author Share Posted October 24, 2011 D-lish.. I think you know what you have to do... Unless of course he wanted you to use the cucumber on yourself and then feed it to him instead I think his passive aggressive approach to this is very alarming.. I know Art, I'm done with him. It's just back to being "alone" again, ya know? And that sucks too- not enough to endure a partnership that isn't right for me, but it was nice to have someone so passionate about taking care of me (even if it was all about control). The cucumbers are organic, locally grown, 4 inches max... So it would be like moving backwards and dating my ex:lmao: Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 I know Art, I'm done with him. It's just back to being "alone" again, ya know? And that sucks too- not enough to endure a partnership that isn't right for me, but it was nice to have someone so passionate about taking care of me (even if it was all about control). Yeah.. that sucks.. I have plenty of dove for you though.. The cucumbers are organic, locally grown, 4 inches max... So it would be like moving backwards and dating my ex:lmao: ......... Link to post Share on other sites
Author D-Lish Posted October 24, 2011 Author Share Posted October 24, 2011 And guess what his outward reaction will be if you tell him to get lost? He will tell you (and himself) how utterly ridiculous it is of you to be so insecure to dump him over a day of no contact/texting... You must be really clingy and jealous, and he can't deal with clingy, insecure women anyways....so good-bye. I know, I was about to respond to your other post. I'm really considering just withdrawing and not responding at all ever again. Link to post Share on other sites
Nexus One Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 It's a break up. The other day we went for breakfast and he put money in a metre that turned out to be broken and ate his change- he lost his mind in anger over 3 bucks. I was so uncomfortable with his anger that I ran across the street, got change from a variety store and ran back and bought a ticket from a working machine. I know he purposely "punished" me today by witholding contact, he has text/called everyday, throughout the day since we met. So, to be absent all day and then send a text using the word "forgot".... That's passive-aggressive behaviour. I won't accomodate such behaviour. I'm not mis-reading what is going on. I see what you mean about accomodating initially though- when he freaked over the parking metre, I scrambled to pacify him and make the anger go away. It was 3 bucks that he lost, yet he was so angry about it. I was so intent on making the anger stop that I played frogger with my own life and dodged traffic to get to a variety store to get change, make my way back, and soothe the beast. Yeah that does sound more serious D-Lish. When someone is able to get so angry or so aggressive that you feel you have to appease them to pacify them, then that could mean you'd live in fear throughout the relationship. In that case you're making a solid judgement I think. Link to post Share on other sites
Author D-Lish Posted October 24, 2011 Author Share Posted October 24, 2011 Yeah that does sound more serious D-Lish. When someone is able to get so angry or so aggressive that you feel you have to appease them to pacify them, then that could mean you'd live in fear throughout the relationship. In that case you're making a solid judgement I think. I think so too. I guess it will make a great story for my next pof date.. "So why didn't it work with the last guy?" "Well, we broke up over a cucumber":eek: Link to post Share on other sites
jerbear Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 I think so too. I guess it will make a great story for my next pof date.. "So why didn't it work with the last guy?" "Well, we broke up over a cucumber":eek: Organic cucumber because you want all natural and no fillers! It would be a great story for the next date, it might even scare him aware. Honestly, the forgetting to text by itself is reasonable but getting upset for feeding the cucumbers to your dogs is overboard. I guess not having sex is what gave him some frustrations and taking it out on you. Hence his short game of taking care, talking, showing interests, only to end things a few months later. Caulk this up as experience to not date talkers that keep on talking and continue talking after farting. Link to post Share on other sites
Author D-Lish Posted October 24, 2011 Author Share Posted October 24, 2011 Organic cucumber because you want all natural and no fillers! It would be a great story for the next date, it might even scare him aware. Honestly, the forgetting to text by itself is reasonable but getting upset for feeding the cucumbers to your dogs is overboard. I guess not having sex is what gave him some frustrations and taking it out on you. Hence his short game of taking care, talking, showing interests, only to end things a few months later. Caulk this up as experience to not date talkers that keep on talking and continue talking after farting. Jer, you kill me. I have only known him for 2 1/2 weeks- hence the no sex. Link to post Share on other sites
snug.bunny Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 The cucumbers are organic, locally grown, 4 inches max... So it would be like moving backwards and dating my ex:lmao: Meh, ask him for an eggplant next time around. Or, how about a gourd...they have those nice little bumps and hooks on the end of them. Kidding... Link to post Share on other sites
Minnie09 Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 You should text him SOMETHING, though. Something humorous, funny. Otherwise, he will think of you as childish, jealous, or vengeful, and that will just fuel his self-righteousness. Just reply something that sounds light and indifferent. Link to post Share on other sites
Pierre Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 The cucumbers are organic, locally grown, 4 inches max... So it would be like moving backwards and dating my ex:lmao: :laugh: You are also quite naughty.;) Link to post Share on other sites
Author D-Lish Posted October 24, 2011 Author Share Posted October 24, 2011 You should text him SOMETHING, though. Something humorous, funny. Otherwise, he will think of you as childish, jealous, or vengeful, and that will just fuel his self-righteousness. Just reply something that sounds light and indifferent. At some point I will- but I'm done with him. :laugh: You are also quite naughty.;) Sometimes;), I'm also very funny- there has to be a guy out there that will appreciate that too right????? Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 If you have to wind up texting him just tell him that his cucumber made your dog sick and it cost you 1k in vet bills to fix up your dog and you hold him responsible and you won't be going out with him again.. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 Sometimes;), I'm also very funny- there has to be a guy out there that will appreciate that too right????? Yeah.. love is when my wife laughs at my jokes.. all of them.. of course she hasn't been laughing at them lately... Link to post Share on other sites
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