If you're not a player, why do you care

[Jadestone]

I've been dating a guy that i always thought to be honest. Sometimes though, he does things that inspire questions in me.

 

recently i told him that i heard from a friend that he was a player. jokingly he brushed it off, only to JOKINGLY continue to question who my source was.

 

my question is, if you're not a player- what would it matter where the information comes from?

 

we have mutual friends, and they all say that he is the r/ship type. they say he is honest and not the type of guy to date more than one girl.

 

like i said, he does some things that make me feel weird sometimes. maybe it's a little ridiculous, but one example would be-

 

the other night- he kept waking up throughout the night. he would roam around the house and then go outside with his phone and smoke. in the morning, when i asked him if he slept ok, or if there was something on his mind- his reply was, "it's just been some time since we've slept next to each other, i'm not used to it i guess- so i kept waking up. but i slept fine." if by quite sometime, you mean a week- i'm having trouble following that story.

 

what do you think?

are these just insecurities from my past?

[Space Ritual]

No they are not "just" insecurities. He was worried he was about to be busted for something and was outside on his phone trying to get his story straight with someone while you "slept".

 

His story may sound somewhat plausible to for a Lifetime Movie of The week script, but his actions speak clearly that he was trying to cover his ass about something. I mean if I was trying to really get some sleep the last thing I would do is chain smoke outside with my phone at 4 in the morning.

 

Nope, he was clearly worried about something that someone may be soon finding out, and wanted to cover his ass and 4 am was the most convenient time. If I were you I would get tested for std's and if he shares a computer with you, install a keylogger on it. If he is dumb enough to come up with such a lame excuse he will surely be dumb enough to have left a treasure map online for you to follow to get an answer.

[Space Ritual]

Recharging by moonlight? lol

[PegNosePete]

my question is, if you're not a player- what would it matter where the information comes from?

If one of my "friends" was trying to destroy my relationship and reputation then I think I would want to know who it was, too.

[Sevenscars]

Listen. I'm not going to try to sway you to either way.

 

I just wanted to throw the point out there that I am a smoker, and yes I do chain smoke at 4am sometimes with my phone on me when I'm staying over my girlfriend's. I'm not hiding anything, when it happens I have a lot on my mind (school, work, relationship issues, family, friends) and having my phone serves to distract me. Its a smart phone so I usually facebook or surf the web. When I go out there to smoke its usually because I'm bothered, awake and can't sleep, or just need some kind of fix. Then again, I'm not a player and don't have anything to hide.

 

His answer to your early-morning question was a bit strange, though. Sleeping next to your loved one feels more comfortable the longer you are apart, at least for me.

 

The best advice I can give you is tread with caution, and look for red flags. Hold your tongue, just watch and be patient.

[Jadestone]

Well the story just gets worse.

 

Bc of my suspicions I went to his house the other night. I saw a girls car that I had seen before. About 3 wks ago I saw this car and I saw a girl leaving his house. I confronted him about it and he told me they were just watching movies and weren't having sex. He told me he loved me and would rather continue seeing me. So I once again stated that I was comfortable with us beig exclusive and that I didn't want him seeing other girls. He said ok.

 

So I saw this girls car. I knew I could make two choices. One would be keep driving and never speak to him again, or show him that I caught him being a liar. I sat there for quite some time wondering what to do. I knew one choice would allow me to leave with some dignity and the other would make me look crazy.

 

Well I decided to go with the one that made me look crazy. I thought- this bridge has to be burned. I can never be allowed to cross it again bc he's lied to me on so many occasions. So, I walk through the gate to his backyard, walk up to his door (which is on the outside) and I knock on it.

 

He comes out screaming at me asking me what the f am I doing there. Shoves me hard, continues to rage telling me I'm crazy and he's going to call the cops on me. I'm not doing anything or saying anything. I'm stunned and scared by his reaction, and all I can say is that he lied to me.

 

He's raging like a crazy person in the front of the yard telling me I'm crazy and that we aren't bf/gf and that he's not sleeping with her. She's just there for a movie. This went on for about 5 min and he's telling me to get out of there or he's going to call the cops- raging and waving his arms- screaming at the top of his lungs at 11 at night. I'm just standing there taking it.

 

So I leave. Mind u he's told me he loves me and recently I found out I got an STD. I was clean before I had sex with him. But I didn't say any of this to him when he was screaming bc of shock and terror. Also I was feeligguily for bringing this side out in him.

 

The next day he texts me telling me him and her got a restraining order on me and if I go any where near them or try to contact them he's going to call the police. At this point I'm like- I didn't threaten this chick or him, and I have no interest in ever speaking to him again so a restraining order is a little over the top.

 

But I call the police station just in case and have them run my name. I was certain that you can't get a restrainig order that fast, even if it's a temporary restraining order. You have to go through court, and even then it's a hassle and they have to determine if it's even worth it, and it would take about 2 wks to even get served, and u still have to go to court.

 

I know this bc I once had to file the paperwork against someone and it was a pain.

 

So I was correct and there was nothing on me to this point. So I was looseness he goes telling me lies again. I have no interest in contacting him. I don't care. And if u have a restraining order on me- u are not supposed to contact me!

 

Anyway- some people already know about the situation and they are calling me koo koo. I get it. They weren't in my shoes and everyone reacts differently to things. Our mutual friends understand why I did what I did. When I start to feel guilty, embarrassed, or think I could've done something different, they say- he gave u an STD. Thank god it was curable.

 

In the text he also said- until I get tested, I don't have an STD, u do.

 

Anyway. I'm still feeling guilty bc I could have just ignored him and never spoken to him again. Changed my phone number and avoiding him. Now there's this whole mess to deal with.

 

He told me I'm crazy and I need help. But none of my other friends agree.

 

What do you think?

[norajane]

What do you think?

 

Think about what? What are you asking?

 

Are you crazy? No.

 

Is he crazy? Yes.

 

Was he cheating on you? Does it matter? He's crazy.

[Jadestone]

lol norajane. that seems to be the answer among everyone.

 

i've just felt some guilt because- his argument was- we are not bf/gf. and mine was- but you told me you loved me and there's another chick in your bed.

 

and that i'm crazy for stopping by his house. to be HONEST- this was not the first time i've stopped by. it was the 4th. so yea to him it's crazy, to me it's embarassing, but to my friends and family- they say- people do that when they are together or EVEN just dating.

 

each time that i would stop by, i always text him telling him i was outside. i always had an open door policy with him, he could stop by whenever.

 

but for him this is disrespectful- but he's always been ok with it. this time he was done with me stopping by, but so was i.

 

so- with this information- this could qualify me as crazy? for coming by unnanounced?

[norajane]

You aren't crazy for stopping by unannounced.

 

His reaction to it was over the top crazy. And frightening.

 

Stay away from this guy. He's an abuser.

[carhill]

My advice would be to disconnect now before you are ruined for a good man. This drama train affects your psychology over time. I've seen the results over the decades. Not pretty. My sympathies. He's whacked. Sorry.