IfiKnewThen Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 i was rightfully left in the wrong way i guess. i was dumped. i was so blindsided and didn't see it coming...at all. i was in too much shock to see it as "me" (my fault) in the first few days of his departure , (or maybe it was a whole two weeks , i was stunned some of it a blurr) but then, (and really always, all along), i knew i was wrong. he was at the breaking point (unbeknowns to me) and broke. the trouble was, the passive aggressiveness (him keeping everything inside that hurt and bothered him) on his part, made me so angry and frustrated at him, for not telling me how unhappy he was, that it was a distraction for me, to be able to do something about ME, ASAP! and then.... it was too late. so i would say to answer your question, i really knew it was my fault 2 weeks after he ended it. then a few weeks down the road after that...maybe 3 (so 5 weeks total post his dumping me) i began to write down my feelings and would speak to him and read my notes about how i knew i was wrong and he was right. but i dont think i showed the utter remorse i really had because i still didnt want to validate that he had good reason to lose of feelings or attraction for me. when i did tell read aloud to him, my feelings and regret, his response was "thats bold". he didnt say anything l like "i am glad you see wrong doings on your part and how much i did for you." or anything to that affect. and then he said hes "not comfortable with my blaming myself". i didnt know what to do at that point. he left me in a horrible way and fashion. he left me at the computer about to play a computer game with him, like we just agreed to doing. there was no fight...and then i was sitting there and i could see he didnt log on...and i called him and he said "i am going , dont beg me " anyway, thats another story and he was cold distant and it got progressively worse. but no matter what he did to me after that...i took it because i felt...he almost had a right. seriously i became passive and meek. and i hold no shame to that. that was and still is the best part of me now. there was extreme amount of stress in my life at the time. and i allowed my lack of coping to spiral. i have since learned some remarkable self discipline and the good Lord has (i think) also helped ease a lot of the burdens of my life this past year. and the calmer environment also helped me see the light. and understand the truth about myself at that time. so 2 weeks. i lost a dear friend at that time. Link to post Share on other sites
Rorschach64 Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 Hmmm....how is it exactly all your fault if he was being passive aggressive and never communicating his issues with you? I mean I can understand he if held in small little things but if it was big major stuff then that is his fault not yours. What I read from your story I get the feeling he was at fault and you blamed yourself for no reason or am I wrong? What was the main under lying reason for him to leave? Link to post Share on other sites
IfiKnewThen Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 thank you for your encouraging words. wow what wasnt the reason. i was irritable and acted miserable. when it came down to it thats the main reason he left. but maybe can elaborate on a pm one day. i think when people finally become honest with themselves and reflect and calm down one can see their wrong doings a whole lot clearer. i knew all along i was out of bounds with my attitude and irritability. there are some things its hard to be loved through. but like you said, i wish he communicated. but he says i wasn't approachable. in his mind i can see where he would say that. he was passive aggressive non confrontational and i was aggressive (sighs) they were a gentlemen before becoming cold. they always were a person of words. was a great writer and poet, but i wish he would have sat me down with the simple words and said if you don't seriously shape up i am shipping out. but not even close to that. but also said i should have known better. and guess what. they were absolutely right! i should have known better. i was smart. just out of control.anyway i do hope we hear from dmoney28. i hope youre ok dmoney28. facebook /love shack...facebook/loveshack....come back to loveshack dmoney! (just kidding) not being here can be a good sign : ) Link to post Share on other sites
Rorschach64 Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 Yeah I'll PM later today, still interested in your story. Yeah still hoping he comes back, heh that's what I was thinking that something good happened to him that's why he isn't around, I know if I got my ex-fiancee back I'd probably be doing back flips and not be on LS Link to post Share on other sites
broken-and-lost Posted November 5, 2011 Share Posted November 5, 2011 Hey D Just wanted to say reading your story has really helped me to focus on moving on with my life and accepting things for what they are now, My story in many ways is very similar to yours, so reading how you've picked yourself up and moved on has helped me to realise i need to do the same, Like you my girl left because i gave her no choice and i needed to change myself, I've been doing that past year even tho it's been hell, but i think i've been holding onto that false hope part and resenting her in someway for not being around to see the changes. After reading everything you've wrote i've started to change the way i feel about the situation and realise these changes are for me and the breakup was necessary for me. Thanks for posting all your thoughts here because our situations are similar in so many ways it's really helped me to focus on myself and where i need to be at right now. Hope your doing well fella and continue to post on the forum as a lot of people would benefit for your experiences here who are going through hell right now. take care Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dmoney28 Posted November 7, 2011 Author Share Posted November 7, 2011 Wow, alot of great commnents. I just got back from doing a job in guam. the hotel i was staying at had a crappy internet connection. Was limited to strictly work related e-mails. I went ahead and accepted the friend invite, after about 3 weeks of thinking. I havent recieved any "hello's" or "how are you?". And i kinda didnt expect to. I think this was her way of finding out im still around. She did it before like a year or so ago, and i ignored that email. Now i will be honest....after i accepted, i started to think about her more and more. It was irrtating and brough back memories. it lasted for 4-5 days, and im feeling normal again. Thankfully this last job had me working 12's, so i didnt really have time to dwell on it. I really dont expect her to intiate anything else, now that i satisfied her curiosity. Do i fell i took a step back?...yeah in a way. I did half step a bit. but it is...what is. Back to buisness as usual Hey Ifiknewthen, im well. How ahve you been? I was a little thrown back, but im good. Thanks for the words of encouragement. it really did help with my choice. It does put you in a weird place if you are the reason your relationship ended. It wasnt like they "fell" out love with you exactly. It was the choice's i made as a individual that ended it. The hardest thing is getting over the guilt. Once you forgive yourself, it makes it a bit easier to deal with. Looking back, her passive aggressive attitude did play a part. but i can only work on my faults for the next relationship. Hey Coupe, hows it going bro? hope your hanging in there. Its all we can do when times suck. And let me be a lesson to you...dont break NC if you dont have to. even after 3 years it still feels weird to have anything to do with her. Hey Broken-and-lost, i hope my post could help in anyway. When i first came to this site, i was a wreck. but hearing other stories of people before me who came out the other side, ...did tons. Its just a process. one that gets easier with time, and if you occupy yourself with friends and family the time goes by quick. Yeah, lol, i know how you feel. the false hope is the hardest thing to kill. It can really Mind F you. But we have to keep working on ourselves. And when we do meet the next "ONE", we have most angles covered. and we'll be much wiser and have a better sense of appretiation. Link to post Share on other sites
IfiKnewThen Posted November 8, 2011 Share Posted November 8, 2011 hey dmoney28! so glad to hear from you and glad youre ok. honestly i dont get her point. i dont get the point of anyone on your FB, that you dont even talk to, for the most part. what is it? numbers? "look how many friends i have"syndrome? she want to see if you'd respond? i know you feel you were wrong and i know i was very wrong in my situation. but these dumpers who are so indifferent are so wrong for us, even if they were right at one time. in this day, in this moment they are clearly not for us. youre doing great tho even on the bad days. amazing inner strength and insight. God bless. Link to post Share on other sites
broken-and-lost Posted November 8, 2011 Share Posted November 8, 2011 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Hey Broken-and-lost, i hope my post could help in anyway. When i first came to this site, i was a wreck. but hearing other stories of people before me who came out the other side, ...did tons. Its just a process. one that gets easier with time, and if you occupy yourself with friends and family the time goes by quick. Yeah, lol, i know how you feel. the false hope is the hardest thing to kill. It can really Mind F you. But we have to keep working on ourselves. And when we do meet the next "ONE", we have most angles covered. and we'll be much wiser and have a better sense of appretiation. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Thanks D, Its like you said a weird thing that your to blame for the breakup because of actions and choices in behaviour rather then they didn't love you and want to spend their live's with you. So you carry that sense of guilt / disappointment in yourself especially after you've been working on fixing the things you know needed fixing and if you hadn't gone through the breakup wouldn't have done. It's a real bitter pill to swallow but essential as you say i'm much wiser and a better human being as a result but you kinda wish you were this before. Her birthday is in a few weeks and i've been deciding whether i should send her a card not an easy choice it won't effect my healing i don't think, I guess its the guilt thing letting her know i still care Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts