Tayla Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 My niece lives in a fantasy land that unfortunately will come back to haunt her. She adopted one child and this boy has become her emotional "spouse". It is not even borderline creepy...it is creepy! She is married to a Man that is a skirt chaser which she turns a blind eye to. She is the perfect mom to the outside world and folks rant about her "dedication" to her son. Now don't get me wrong...she is there 24/7 for this child. He is HER world. The problem is...This boy can do no wrong in her eyes...and trust me I have had the honor of being in his presences...he is a wild child whos' behavior is appalling. Her response: Ohh boys will be boys.... She refuses to go to any functions unless she can bring him along. Sometimes we tell her it's strictly for grown ups....and she can have her spouse escort her....She'll then feign a headache or give an excuse. She seriously will not leave this boys' side for anything. Over possessive? Controlling? Her husband is seriously no Dad to this boy which makes the family secret even harder to endure. Any way to confront this matter and save this kid from a future that will be harder to deal with ....I want to draw the line with my niece and get her to understand she is doing more harm then good by clinging to him as a spouse would...She may be too far gone but gosh this nephew of mine deserves a Parental figure ...not this bizarre relation they exhibit. Would it be just best to limit any family functions involving her and the little one(he's 8 years old) or maybe confronting her would pop her bubbled world...and I do not think she wants anyone to speak the obvious to her... Link to post Share on other sites
january2011 Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 You are well meaning and care a great deal for both but it's not your place to dispense parental advice. You are within your rights, however, to insist on behavioural limits when he is in your presence and at your place. Otherwise, she is his mother and should be allowed to parent as she sees fit. Unless you have evidence of any legal wrongdoing on her part, it's not your place to interfere in their family life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tayla Posted October 18, 2011 Author Share Posted October 18, 2011 Thank you kindly January. Oddly and quite appropriately when a "kin" chooses to head down the wrong path a family member taps them kindly and sends them in the healthy direction...it's what a strong and caring family does. The legal portion is not necessary and not welcomed. I'll stick to my original and have an open talk with her. Link to post Share on other sites
Eve Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 I would talk to her. She needs to get this under control before he hits puberty. He may be fine and not get any worse but it is not good for a parent to make a child their confidante. I would tread carefully and make practical suggestions based on his well being. If the family can help out with visits and trips to different places this would be most helpful. Also your neice may be taking the whole parenting thing too close to heart and maybe isolating herself. Maybe someone needs to join a Zumba class or something with her? Whatever you do, don't be too too confrontational. She seems like she honestly believes that she is doing the right thing - but by and large how much control a parent gives a child can seriously impact their ability to form and sustain future relationships. Take care, Eve x Link to post Share on other sites
denise_xo Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 Thank you kindly January. Oddly and quite appropriately when a "kin" chooses to head down the wrong path a family member taps them kindly and sends them in the healthy direction...it's what a strong and caring family does. The legal portion is not necessary and not welcomed. I'll stick to my original and have an open talk with her. I agree with talking to her. I think it's the right thing to speak up when a child in your family is treated in a way which will clearly give him major difficulties later in life. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 Do she and the boy ever visit you privately? If he's as wild as you say, he's sure to act up. Then, privately, that's a good time for the talk. Your turf. If it goes sideways, she and he leave and perhaps don't come back. You tried. Link to post Share on other sites
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