StarryEyez88 Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 My boyfriend and I have been together for over 5 years, and though we are not married yet, I consider his family my own..well..most of them that is. His sister in law (she is married to my boyfriend's older brother) has been the one huge struggle i have been dealing with since day one. She goes through these phazes where she'll be super sweet and have me believe we're really good friends, but then all of a sudden in the middle of nowhere she'll start telling horrific lies about me. Most of them were really petty in the beginning...but as the years went by the lies got to be more and more extreme. Just to name a few instances.. **She went as far as to creating a fake facebook account using my identity to send herself a threatening messages to make me look bad. She then printed out the message and went to HIS WHOLE FAMILY (even the grandparents) and told them all that she couldnt believe I would send something like that to her. **My boyfriend has a daughter with a girl he dated back in high [COLOR=#018701]school[/COLOR]. After he and I started [COLOR=#018701]dating[/COLOR], his sister in law became friends with his ex and practically rubbed it in my face. **The most recent lies have been about me supposedly cheating on my boyfriend. She told my boyfriends parents that I make up lies about my work schedule so that my boyfriend thinks I'm at work when really I'm off cheating on him. She has also said that I [COLOR=#018701]leave[/COLOR] my car in the parking lot at my work n have other men pick me up. She has also tried convincing them that I insisted on picking up my exbf when we went on a shopping trip together and was messing around with him the entire time. The only good part about this entire mess is that my future in laws are at least smart enough to know that none of this nonesense is true (and trust me..I haven't even told you half of what she has pulled!). They know me, they know my character, and so they know I would never NEVER do something that awful. So one day I decided to confront her while we were at his parent's house. This way I figured she couldnt lie anymore because everyone she told the lies to were in the room and could verify that she told them the lies. But instead I got the exact opposite. My sister in law flipped off the handle and started [COLOR=#018701]yelling[/COLOR] at me claiming "i thought i was perfect" and could never "do any wrong". This would have been the perfect time for SOMEONE..ANYONE...to step in and put an end to the madness...but instead my mother in law just yelled at us and said that she "would not tolerate fighting in her house". I was crushed! These people know she's saying all these malicious things..they know how badly its been killing me...and yet NOBODY stood up for me. I ran out [COLOR=#018701]crying[/COLOR]. As if things aren't bad enough, all of the fighting has put a huge strain on my boyfriend and his brother's relationship and as a result..they are no longer on speaking terms. I feel aweful but I don't even know what to do. His brother would rather go along with whatever his wife says because he's afraid if he tells her otherwise..she'll get angry and it wont make living with her any easier. So now his brother also hates me because of all the lies. It's easier for him to just assume all the lies are true than to tell his wife otherwise. I dont know what to do anymore! I dread going to any family functions..including holidays. I would rather have my teeth drilled at the dentist for 5 hours! I can't keep being cordial and faking nice for everyone elses' sake. It's killing me!! Any advice would be VERY appreciated Link to post Share on other sites
january2011 Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 Your sister-in-law has married into the family and her husband supports her behaviour and it's also indirectly supported by the rest of the family because none of them have tried to intervene. It's too your credit that you've lasted this long. Thankfully, your boyfriend supports you. I suggest not going to their family functions anymore - if possible, explain to the parents that you will miss spending time with them but it has to be this way because you don't feel welcome and you don't want to be in a position where defending yourself against the sister-in-law's behaviour creates a fight. Continue to send presents and cards as appropriate. Link to post Share on other sites
Author StarryEyez88 Posted October 17, 2011 Author Share Posted October 17, 2011 Thank you for the input! That seems to be the general answer that I get back when I talk to people I know about it. That is why I took it to a forum to get an outside person's take on things. We didn't go to his niece's bday party this year (BUT we DID send a present) and everyone took it as we were taking our anger out on the kids by not coming. We were asked to host Thanksgiving again this year but I had to decline given our situation. I really think his parents believe that this will all just blow over and everything will be fine again one day. But his brother is not one to own up to his mistakes and apologize..and his wife..well..she has just burned bridge to point of no return. It really sucks being segregated from his family, but at the same time, enough is enough. My boyfriend's daughter (she's 6 and doesnt understand) misses her cousins sooo much and it breaks my heart. I just wish they could see that by continuing their behavior..THEY are actually ones affecting the kids by all the nonsense. Link to post Share on other sites
january2011 Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 They are giving the sister-in-law more leeway than they are you. She is the one behaving badly and yet you are the one being called 'angry'. I don't think they are as supportive as you think. You do not have to put up with her behaviour. They cannot expect you to sit there and take it from her. If they will not intervene, nor will they allow you to defend yourself, then your only recourse is not to be there at all. It seems that you will be talked about negatively regardless. Therefore, the best option of the two is not to be there when it happens. Link to post Share on other sites
Author StarryEyez88 Posted October 17, 2011 Author Share Posted October 17, 2011 I agree with what you have to say. I guess deep down that is what I learned on my own..but I was uncertain if I was being too rash to actually follow through with it. I never wanted his sister-in-law to think she "won" by driving me away from family events..I tried to pride myself on being the "bigger person" by showing up reguardless..but after 5 years of pretending I'm exhausted. She doesn't say much during the family stuff. Just puts on her "perfect" wife and mother act and pretends I'm not even there. All the lies and stories are told when I'm not around. I guess the one thing that infuriates me the most is I thought I would finally have the close family I always wanted. My parents and I never had that close of a relationship..we never hugged..said I love you..never came to my school events years back. I was hoping my bf's family would make up for all that lost time..but after all that has happened..I guess I won't be getting that. And it sucks. I really do love his parents. I just can't handle the fake smile I feel forced to put forth just so the family can spend time together. Link to post Share on other sites
january2011 Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 I tried to pride myself on being the "bigger person" by showing up reguardless..but after 5 years of pretending I'm exhausted. Been there, done that. Got the t-shirt. You are no one's punching bag. Bullies like this rely on people being polite and 'good citizens' who don't say anything. She doesn't want you there. So don't go. They don't want you there. Otherwise they'd be more supportive rather than letting her spread lies about you. You have a choice. They, unfortunately, do not seem to or will not exercise it. Either way, they are prioritising her presence over your discomfort. I guess the one thing that infuriates me the most is I thought I would finally have the close family I always wanted. My parents and I never had that close of a relationship..we never hugged..said I love you..never came to my school events years back. I was hoping my bf's family would make up for all that lost time..but after all that has happened..I guess I won't be getting that. And it sucks. I really do love his parents. I just can't handle the fake smile I feel forced to put forth just so the family can spend time together. A [loving] close family wants the best for its members. Allowing one of the members to ride rough-shod over another is not my definition of a [loving] close family. Life is stressful enough, you don't need to volunteer and put yourself into situations that make you feel bad. Link to post Share on other sites
xxxheartbrokenxxx Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 Totally agree with everything January 2011 has said. Why should you be subjected to this dispicable treatment? Do not attend the social events anymore, this has been causing you upset for far too long, don't let it continue. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts