mikezombie777 Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 (edited) So about a month ago my fiance broke up with me. She said I had changed, become less manly etc and that she had fallen out of love with me. It kind of came out of nowhere. She was always very high strung and didnt treat me the best, often verbally abusing me just because I was there when she was angry at something. I loved her with everything I had and still do despite how demanding, controlling and generally high strung she was. There were moments where she'd open up and tell me how much I meant to her and that she never wants to lose me. That's why I stuck around and was willing to marry her. She's 22 and I'm 21. In retrospect I was quite insecure and needy at times but I never accused her of being unfaithful or doubting her integrity. I put it down to hardly ever showing any love or affection towards me. Perhaps the chase for that was really what kept me around. Not to be arrogant but I treated her like a god and she took me for granted throughout most of the relationship. Anyway, I had nowhere to go so I had to move in with my mum again. I had a house, a job and a pretty good life overall. It's been just over a month now and coping reasonably well. I'm on antidepressants and drink a bit more than I should though. I've made some new friends here etc. I'm even talking to other girls, both of which are obviously quite into me and seem to be fantastic people. But....I still love my ex. The breakup wasn't bitter per se and she wanted to be friends, but I told her I couldn't. I haven't contacted her at all, however she will send me a txt sometimes about money I owe her for bills, which she knows I will pay. She is needlessly bitter. I've told to please not txt me but she still does every 2 weeks or so. I just sat in bed last night and cried, missing our life together and her family. I just miss her alot in spite of everything. I guess I just wanted to get it off my chest...What sucks most of all though is I still have to arrange to get my belongings shipped to where I live now which means some level of contact with her. I love her but I accept its over. I just wish it would stop hurting. She was everything to me. I had a red hot passion for her every single day. Edited October 17, 2011 by mikezombie777 Link to post Share on other sites
smudge21 Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 She's still on the pedestal so although you can see the bad times, they're hidden behind all those good feelings. And most of the time, it's probably not really good feelings for her, but more for how she made you feel - the companionship, having someone close to you, etc etc. When a split occurs we think back over the ex but often we see a fantasy image of what that ex was like as we're still in love. We only see the good and therefore miss that so much. It's only been a short while after so long together so don't beat yourself up over feeling down. Give NC more time and allow yourself time to feel this pain, don't think you can force it out and suddenly be okay. Some people here are still suffering years after a break up. Everyone's different and it takes time. Eventually though, you will remove her from that pedestal and see only the truth. When that happens you'll be ready to meet someone new and then, only then, will you realise what true love is - mutual. Mutual love, mutual respect, mutual truth and honesty. Love is blind, or more it makes us blind. You're still very young and have so much to experience, so accept that you're feeling down and depressed. Let the sadness come and work through it, let it out. Read some threads on here and offer advice (sounds odd, but it does work). Things always get better. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mikezombie777 Posted October 17, 2011 Author Share Posted October 17, 2011 Thanks for the reply, Smudge. I've been taking a good look at some of the other topics over the last few weeks and it does make it much easier to cope knowing there are others experiencing the very same thing, and I worse. I suppose at the end of the day I took quite a few wrong turns and allowed her to walk all over me. Ultimately leading to her losing respect for me, and fall out of love. I thought I had learnt from my previous relationships but with her being so high strung, I let it spiral out of control and gave her all the power over the relationship. Funny how it creeps up on you. But it's time to let the sadness flow and learn from my mistakes. Link to post Share on other sites
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