Short Term Relationships

[YouNeverKnow86]

Have you ever had an intense short term relationship that seemed perfect but abruptly ended after a few months. If so can you answer these:

 

1).How long did it last?

2).Why did you breakup?

3).Were you the dumper or dumpee?

4).Was it a bad breakup?

5).How long did you remain in no contact?

6).Did you ever get back together or become friends again?

 

Thanks guys, I just experienced this and it was something I never experienced before. Totally mind blowing

[Yuzuki]

I'm trying to recover from a short term relationship (makes you feel a bit silly sometimes compared to people who were together for years, but it's still far from easy).

 

1).How long did it last?

3-4 months

 

2).Why did you breakup

He said he felt like "his feelings didn't evolve into what they should have" and that he after all only cared for me as a friend.

 

3).Were you the dumper or dumpee?

Dumpee.

 

4).Was it a bad breakup?

Depends in what sense. I suppose not, there was no fighting or anything involved.

 

5).How long did you remain in no contact?

I still am after a little over 3 months later. Almost as long as the relationship lasted.

 

6).Did you ever get back together or become friends again?

Not so far. To be honest as much as I want to, I have no idea how to handle just being friends.

[YouNeverKnow86]

I'm trying to recover from a short term relationship (makes you feel a bit silly sometimes compared to people who were together for years, but it's still far from easy).

 

1).How long did it last?

3-4 months

 

2).Why did you breakup

He said he felt like "his feelings didn't evolve into what they should have" and that he after all only cared for me as a friend.

 

3).Were you the dumper or dumpee?

Dumpee.

 

4).Was it a bad breakup?

Depends in what sense. I suppose not, there was no fighting or anything involved.

 

5).How long did you remain in no contact?

I still am after a little over 3 months later. Almost as long as the relationship lasted.

 

6).Did you ever get back together or become friends again?

Not so far. To be honest as much as I want to, I have no idea how to handle just being friends.

 

I know exactly how you feel and I got the whole "the relationship evolved into friendship" BS as well. What it comes down to is their selfishness in getting into the relationship in the first place when they never actually wanted one (fill a void in their life) or the fact they ran from something great and couldn't deal with it. Either way the problem lies within them, we know what we want/are looking for while they are still confused. We are in a better place.

[Yuzuki]

That's a nice way of putting it (and probably true) so thanks for reminding me of that.

 

Just sucks I guess because you need to deal with the pain without ever truly having had the good stuff. And I think in a way, because we never got out of that "honeymoon stage", it may be harder to get over it because you never had time to see that person's flaws clearly. I'm months out and I still couldn't name very many, though I'm sure they exist.

[YouNeverKnow86]

That's a nice way of putting it (and probably true) so thanks for reminding me of that.

 

Just sucks I guess because you need to deal with the pain without ever truly having had the good stuff. And I think in a way, because we never got out of that "honeymoon stage", it may be harder to get over it because you never had time to see that person's flaws clearly. I'm months out and I still couldn't name very many, though I'm sure they exist.

 

I am currently in the same boat and went through the same emotions as you are but one day it just hits you. All their flaws shine through after the breakup (the hurtful things they say, how they treat you, etc). Really reflect on what has happened since the breakup and all the answers show up there.

[dontstopbelieving]

1).How long did it last?

4 months

 

2).Why did you breakup

He liked me but felt the relationship wasn't special enough to consider a long-term relationship. (basically he thought I wasn't special enough, which is totally weird because the first two months he was so into the relationship he made sure I met all of his bestfriends... argh)

 

3).Were you the dumper or dumpee?

Dumpee.

 

4).Was it a bad breakup?

No, he broke up with me but I didn't argue or fight. I just listened to what he had to say and said it is what it is, hugged him and left. He said he wanted to keep in touch, in which I kind of chuckled because I felt like after 4 months this is the first time he has told me how he felt and it was in a break up, laughable. I was hurt but did not show any emotion, but I do wish him the best.

 

5).How long did you remain in no contact?

Since the day of the break up so that makes it 2.5 months.

 

6).Did you ever get back together or become friends again?

Truthfully, at this point I can't handle being his friend. Somewhere in the future I'm sure we can be great friends. He was a great guy and motivated me for the better, just wish it didn't end like that.

 

I do agree with you ladies, that in short term relationships what truly sucks is not having to fully see the person's flaws. I felt like he obviously had flaws but with the short time I overlooked all of those flaws assuming they weren't deal-breakers, only to find out he judged my flaws and made it a deal-breaker. I do believe things happen for a reason and whatever it may be I guess at this point I can only learn from it and gain perspective from what he taught me in the relationship and from this breakup.

 

Wish you ladies the best!

Edited October 18, 2011 by dontstopbelieving

[YouNeverKnow86]

1).How long did it last?

4 months

 

2).Why did you breakup

He liked me but felt the relationship wasn't special enough to consider a long-term relationship. (basically he thought I wasn't special enough, which is totally weird because the first two months he was so into the relationship he made sure I met all of his bestfriends... argh)

 

3).Were you the dumper or dumpee?

Dumpee.

 

4).Was it a bad breakup?

No, he broke up with me but I didn't argue or fight. I just listened to what he had to say and said it is what it is, hugged him and left. He said he wanted to keep in touch, in which I kind of chuckled because I felt like after 4 months this is the first time he has told me how he felt and it was in a break up, laughable. I was hurt but did not show any emotion, but I do wish him the best.

 

5).How long did you remain in no contact?

Since the day of the break up so that makes it 2.5 months.

 

6).Did you ever get back together or become friends again?

Truthfully, at this point I can't handle being his friend. Somewhere in the future I'm sure we can be great friends. He was a great guy and motivated me for the better, just wish it didn't end like that.

 

I do agree with you ladies, that in short term relationships what truly sucks is not having to fully see the person's flaws. I felt like he obviously had flaws but with the short time I overlooked all of those flaws assuming they weren't deal-breakers, only to find out he judged my flaws and made it a deal-breaker. I do believe things happen for a reason and whatever it may be I guess at this point I can only learn from it and gain perspective from what he taught me in the relationship and from this breakup.

 

Wish you ladies the best!

 

First off I am not a lady haha, it is all good though . You say the first two months he was so into the relationship and this is true but I find it that these types of people are actually more into the relationship then they are into you. Did he talk a lot about doing future things with you and these things never materialized? This is a sign someone is more excited about the relationship then actually being with you. This was a red flag in my recent short term relationship.....The girl would literally talk about spending the holidays together, visiting her sister at work, doing a picnic together yada yada yada......It was all BS

[k100danny]

Im in the same boat really and is quite hard to get over

 

1) how long were you together

 

well we were actually together only about 3 months but were close friends and really liked each other for about 6 months before finally getting together. i think we both didnt know how to make a move.

 

2) why did we break up

 

I think it was a couple of reasons, she had been in a long relationship and held there for a couple of years after her feelings had gone but she seemed like she really wanted the relationship/ met her friends/ her family ect they all knew everything about me and were very happy. But i got anxious quite quick and jealous and i think that made her feel it was going too fast and back away due to how her last relationship went. Her reason was she didnt feel ready for pressure, she thought she was and she also felt i wasnt happy and she couldnt meet my needs.

 

3) I was the dumpeee

 

4) It was quite bad as in we both still had feelings i think, very strong ones when we broke up but i do believe she just thought she couldnt please me and my anxiety had scared her off. I obviously knew there were problems ect but maybe didnt admit it so it was quite hard to accept

 

5) Now we didnt really go no contact at first, we reamined in contact, then she said she found herself feeling the same as she did before and it scared her, she ended up changing her number, then we got back in contact, then off again then on again when she text me her new number. we are currently in contact but not a lot.

 

6) I think if i had handled it better we may have gotten back together, the day she ended it she was very upset and needed some time she said to think but i opened up and told her for the last month i was very anxious ect and told her i didnt know what was wrong and she said that that along with the other things proves i wasnt happy and made it impossible to get back together. We have seen each other a few times since, in the last week we have seen each other twice for coffee, first time was ok we laughed ect and only talked breifly about the relationship. the second time we didnt really talk about the relationship and i felt slightly strange, was the same person i feel for but i kind of knew we couldnt be like that ever again after what had happened. I do feel we can be friends but im not 100% there yet, i can sit with her and go out for a drink and just speak as friends but im not ready to see her with someone else although i know she has kissed someone since we split but said she isnt looking for aboyfriend and isn ready. I found myself texting and asking her out after we met up recently and then i regretted it, I know that we fell really hard for each other and i would have loved for it to work but what i would want is it to go back to how it was really into ech other and after everything i dont think that can happen or either of us could ever feel as strongly as we did although there is an attraction there. I have the reply to my text on my phone now, the one i sent asking her out. Im regretting sending it so much i wont even read the reply haha.

[Kamille]

I've had a few STR that ended abruptly, but the dramatic end of a very short STR is what got me hooked on LS, years ago. I see most people here just recently got out of a STR. Mine was a long time ago, so I might have a different perspective.

 

 

 

1).How long did it last?

6 very intense weeks.

 

2).Why did you breakup?

His ex, who I have never met, called him, at my house, and asked for a second chance, one year after their break up. He felt he had to give her a second chance, seeing how hard it had been for him to get over her.

 

(FYI, I found out not too long ago that it never worked out between them and that she is now dating his best friend .)

 

 

3).Were you the dumper or dumpee?

Dumpee.

 

4).Was it a bad breakup?

Oh yes. I really struggled to handle that one. It was such a shock. There we were basking in the hot glow of lustful endorphin rushes when suddenly it all ended.

 

5).How long did you remain in no contact?

No what? Just kidding. I tried no contact, but would sporadically send him messages. It took me months (months!) to get over what happened.

 

6).Did you ever get back together or become friends again?

We became friends and hung out a few years after, but there was always something "off" about the friendship. By then it felt like no biggie to let it go.

 

Thanks guys, I just experienced this and it was something I never experienced before. Totally mind blowing

 

It is tough. I found it tougher to deal with then the end of my LTRs. I now blame hormones (form high to all time low in less than 2 days). While the end of a LTR is sadder, it often is easier to understand and accept (as in: we tried, but we couldn't make it work). The end of a STR is harder to accept because you might not feel like you were given a fair chance. (As in, I thought we stood a chance, but the other person didn't even want to try).

[YouNeverKnow86]

2) why did we break up

 

I think it was a couple of reasons, she had been in a long relationship and held there for a couple of years after her feelings had gone but she seemed like she really wanted the relationship/ met her friends/ her family ect they all knew everything about me and were very happy. But i got anxious quite quick and jealous and i think that made her feel it was going too fast and back away due to how her last relationship went. Her reason was she didnt feel ready for pressure, she thought she was and she also felt i wasnt happy and she couldnt meet my needs.QUOTE]

 

This sounds so similar to my situation it is freaky. My ex was in a 2 year relationship before meeting me but was broken up with her ex for 2 years. She told me it took her over a year to get over him and I think her feelings for him and expectations for a relationship (constant sparks, head over heels feelings) ruined our relationship. Her family loved me, everything seemed perfect but she felt like she wasn't good enough for me and that she should be head over heels for me and wasn't. I think we are both victims of their past relationship and their expectations of how they should feel based off how "great" they felt with their ex's. I think this has to do with immaturity and not really knowing what they want. My ex was 22 so I think that has a lot to do with it. How old was yours?

[YouNeverKnow86]

The end of a STR is harder to accept because you might not feel like you were given a fair chance. (As in, I thought we stood a chance, but the other person didn't even want to try).

 

Yes and I totally agree with that. The truth is that we both dealt with individuals who had damaged goods and let their feelings for their ex and expectations for a relationship based off past ones negatively influence a great thing. These people don't really know what they want while we actually do. I never get into a relationship with anyone unless I see them as a long term thing, I am very picky. We are in a better place than these individuals and don't ever change; we actually know what we want, they need to grow up.

[YouNeverKnow86]

K100danny,

 

This sounds so similar to my situation it is freaky. My ex was in a 2 year relationship before meeting me but was broken up with her ex for 2 years. She told me it took her over a year to get over him and I think her feelings for him and expectations for a relationship (constant sparks, head over heels feelings) ruined our relationship. Her family loved me, everything seemed perfect but she felt like she wasn't good enough for me and that she should be head over heels for me and wasn't. I think we are both victims of their past relationship and their expectations of how they should feel based off how "great" they felt with their ex's. I think this has to do with immaturity and not really knowing what they want. My ex was 22 so I think that has a lot to do with it. How old was yours?

[k100danny]

Maybe so, i think we were victom to two things. first she was really head over heals with me, her friends said they had never seen her act that way about a guy, she was very loving ect and said she had never pictured someone she thinks she could spend a long time with like me. I think my jealousy made her pull back, i got very anxous and was constantly questioning our relationship wich i think may have brought back bad memories from her last and made her pull away from me. as far as im aware she was 100% honest with me and i have no reason to question her. In the end she probably wasnt ready for what we had because as i say my anxiety ect and questioning her relationship probably made her think twice and start to doubt things too. I am usually a very confident person when im not in a relationship and i was in no rush to jump into one but i get anxiously attached and this makes me question peoples love for me, constantly be hyper alert and think something is wrong when it probably isnt ect.

 

We maybe were just wrong for each other also and this made me more anxious i dont know, she was my best friend near enough before we got together although is sensed she maybe wanted more i was quite laid back with it and we stayed friends for a long time. It has still been hard to get over and im not 100% there yet, i still find myself pining for the person who thought the world of me and made me happy but in reality i know we cant be those people again and there were reasons we may not have lasted. still would have liked the chance to try though.

[YouNeverKnow86]

K100Danny,

 

I know all about the questioning thing. I don't know my intuition one day told me something bad was about to happen and I went with it. I was on vacation and my ex told me she missed me but I sensed something was up. So I asked her "do you really miss me?" She said why would you ask that? I said just making sure, then 24 hours later she starts going cold and distant. 48 hours later we break up. So strange

[thepinkpeach]

1).How long did it last?

 

3months.....

 

2).Why did you breakup?

 

he lied and couldn't care less

 

3).Were you the dumper or dumpee?

 

dumper

 

4).Was it a bad breakup?

 

no throwing plates or anything. but emotionally tasking for me.

 

5).How long did you remain in no contact?

 

1 month

 

6).Did you ever get back together or become friends again?

 

never will.

 

 

 

funny thing ? 6th relationship. 1st love and he played my heart so well.

[YouNeverKnow86]

thepinkpeach,

 

I feel like in all these short term relationships one person does end up playing the other person because that one individual was not fully in it from the beggining. They know how much you are into them but still end up getting in the relationship and prolonging it for an extra month or two.

[dontstopbelieving]

First off I am not a lady haha, it is all good though . You say the first two months he was so into the relationship and this is true but I find it that these types of people are actually more into the relationship then they are into you. Did he talk a lot about doing future things with you and these things never materialized? This is a sign someone is more excited about the relationship then actually being with you. This was a red flag in my recent short term relationship.....The girl would literally talk about spending the holidays together, visiting her sister at work, doing a picnic together yada yada yada......It was all BS

 

 

LOL Sorry YouNeverKnow for calling you a lady...

 

Yes, in the beginning he courted me in a way a lady would get swept up her feet...which I did. I mean he spent the money and found the time and a lot of the things we did were public events, charity parties, basketball games, going to see the president during his campaigns... I was thinking the same as you...I was thinking he was in it for the chase to win me over and once he did it got boring. Still kind of mad but eh we will all live!

[dontstopbelieving]

K100Danny,

 

I know all about the questioning thing. I don't know my intuition one day told me something bad was about to happen and I went with it. I was on vacation and my ex told me she missed me but I sensed something was up. So I asked her "do you really miss me?" She said why would you ask that? I said just making sure, then 24 hours later she starts going cold and distant. 48 hours later we break up. So strange

 

I had the same feeling right before the breakup...actually about a month before the break up, but he talked everyday and not once did he mention how incompatible we were or that he was unsure of our relationship. I guess he was trying to be nice...not really sure.

[YouNeverKnow86]

I had the same feeling right before the breakup...actually about a month before the break up, but he talked everyday and not once did he mention how incompatible we were or that he was unsure of our relationship. I guess he was trying to be nice...not really sure.

 

 

It is amazing how we are able to sense something wrong subconsciously but our brain blocks us from believing that is the case. This also happen with anyone else?

[k100danny]

Im not sure if i sensed it, i mean as i have an anxious attachment system (google adult romantic attachment if interested) i tend to be hyper alert to things going on around me and pre occupied with the relationship, so i pick up on very timy things like a shift in mood, i mean everyone has these slight shifts in patterns but for someone like me i see this as trouble. On the day of our final argument which i started and she tried to stop i could sense that that was it though. She worked a night shift and all day i was waiting for her to get up and text me as she always did and i was expecting the worst, i even called one of my female friends to go for coffee and told her " I think ive done it this time" and around an hour later i got a message saying, im really sorry i cant handle this, im not ready and cant give you what you need. She explained that it is not nice to have your love for omeone questioned and she had started to feel like she couldnt be honest with me about little things that may make me be jealous as i did get very jealous. I now see that jealousy comes from inside me and how i see things as a threat and not necassarily because of how someone acts.

 

I may have to just think i messed this one up, maybe wouldnt have worked anyway we did have some differences that maybe i couldnt have let go but it never feels great when you think you might have been the reason you didnt have a chance to be happy in a relationship.