Loneliness, Ignorance, Girls Loving Jocks...Will I Ever Find Peace?

[Not-so-SuperRomeo]

hiya all.. i'll try to make this short; because i'm sure you don't want to read in other people's lives. i'm sure some of you out there think like me.. i'll try not to be arrogant... but i have to reveal some details about myself.. so here i go:

 

i'm a senior in high school...

... but i'm not as immature, or anything like, the kind of kids who throw pine cones at cars or tee pee houses for fun. I hang out with other kids like me, the non-arrogant 'easy going' type of people, i guess you could say.

 

lemme tell you about me: i guess i could say i'm 'handsome'. i have a decent toned muscle build and have virtually no blemishes. i keep myself well shaven, try to keep my hair appealing, as my number one goal is the girl. no, i'm not some high school horn ball like your thinking. what i'm searching for i.. i guess, is the girl of my dreams. i bet 9 our of 10 of you are going to say "wake up and smell the coffee, kid!!". but believe me, right now i believe in this dream.

 

Ever since junior high school, i've been ignored. there's been the occasional relationship here and there, but it never works out for the best. actually, it usually ends up the girl with one of my friends or a football player.

 

and it's not like i would mind any of this to a greater level of consciousness... but, i lost my two best friends (women) to bigger, better, bolder guys.. and suddenly, neither of them have time to hang out, or even talk to me. i guess they found very dominating guys.

 

over the last few years i've had very minimal contact with both of them. i feel extremely lonely without them, since we've been friends for so long. it's obvious, i miss them. But now, i feel even more inclined to find the Magical Dream Girl. They were always there for me, but i guess god intends for me to do this alone.

 

oh.. and yes, i'm not a nerd and i have a lot of friends ^^

however, all of them, i'm not joking, have serious girlfriends. makes it a little hard for me to strike up a conversation with a Romeo, or a Juliet.

 

 

so... what i'm saying is, does anyone think i have any hope?

i don't know... a "No" would give me more peace then a "Maybe".

 

i've held on to this dream, that someday, someone will come along into my life and save me from all the loneliness in life. I know, this isn't a Disney book..... but do you think it's possible? maybe? if you think no, say so. i can't find this answer by myself... i need someone to slap me in the face, so i can wake up from this dream, or even maybe a nightmare.

 

i wonder sometimes what girls think of me.

 

I'm not just saying, but i know that i'm a 'nice guy'. i'm always polite, and have been brought up with an Iron Fist from my Mom to treat Women with the highest respect. but you know how it goes, nice guys finish last. slap me if you will... but i'm sick of hearing "girls like you blah blah blah you'll find someone someday" when i know it's either not true, or taking a super long ass time.

 

even tho it shouldn't ... this stuff is eating right into me. i don't understand myself... but i know that someday, hopefully soon, i'll find her, and maybe i'll find peace before i leave this earth.

[capitald]

Hey it sounds like your mom is supportive and believes in you, buck up kiddo! I wish my mom was more like that (I guess all mom's are different and great in their own way). Perhaps you'll find someone like your mom one day.

[hurtingandconfused]

Let me tell you after HS there's a whole new ball game. Trust me on this one...you do not want a serious relationship right now. You are way too young. If you do find yourself in a serious relationship, more than likely it will be one to learn from. (My experience and many others that I've talked to.)

 

You should not worry about what girls like. When you get out of HS girls think differently. They're more interested in personality rather than popularity. Be patient, go out and find yourself women to date. And if you decide that you've found the one "settle down" and go for it if that's what you want.

 

I was like you in HS, I was well known. Had/have many friends and still I felt lonely. Until one day I met my ex in a history

class i would go visit. Long story short/ she broke my heart.

 

My advice is ...have fun. Do not get a serious g/f right now. Enjoy life before you settle down. And do not feel lonely because you will most definitely meet your true "one."

[aliceinwonderland]

like it was stated above, it definitely is true that everything is different after highschool. I know everyone says that and no one really believes it until they get there, but it is true. In college, there are no real cliques and popular groups because no one has time or even sees the same people often enough to care. (i even go to a small private college where lots of us know one another and its still this way. I have befriended jock types and cheerleader types that wouldnt have associated with me in HS)

so my point is, people stop looking for that certain type of person (a jock) and just look for people that they get along with. And yes.. the nice guys do get their chance to shine because the girls are getting tired of the stupid jerks. trust me. I am in a relationship with the stereotypical nice guy that always got overlooked by his more outspoken friends. i dated my fair share of jerks and finally got sick of it and decided to go with something different and am super glad.

 

so your time will come.. just dont sit and wait for it.. its unexpected

[capitald]

Don't get hazed by these people,

This is not necessarily true: "When you get out of HS girls think differently. They're more interested in personality rather than popularity..." and "...like it was stated above, it definitely is true that everything is different after highschool. In college, there are no real cliques and popular groups because no one has time or even sees the same people often enough to care...so my point is, people stop looking for that certain type of person (a jock) and just look for people that they get along with."

 

There are shallow people in the "real world" as well as deep people and it is still cliquish, especially in places like NYC where I am from and other big cities. Some people are just blind to the fact that the customs and habits that most people never grow out of, still exist in the world. A fraternity is not a clique? And how is that? Oh and I guess that my eyes were deceiving me that all that different cultures keep mostly to themselves at the lunch tables in the universities. Things of course do seem to be changing but even that can just be a trend.

 

My point is that that I agree with these people that you can find someone that loves you and that you should take your time and you will achieve it (my addition: if you work hard), I just don't agree that the majority of people ever mentally leave high school and its only the small percentage that become grown-up, "real" people.

[shamen]

Capitald, I disagree!

 

College and beyond ARE different than HS. It's not about popularity anymore! It's about the randomness of it all. People move away and you get to be someone totally different in college. I was definitely one of the freaks in HS and had a lot of friends, but in college I did well for myself and made lots of new great friends with whom I really connected. I found that there were lots of people just like myself out there. No, they weren't sorority or fraternity types, but I did know some of them and talk to them. That just wasn't my scene.

 

Of course people form groups based on common interests and to a degree sub-cultures. But that's just the way it is. We end up in groups of friends to a certain degree because your friends meet your other friends and so it goes. But the groups of friends are more widely scattered and can break off into other sub groups because they come from different backgrounds. I consider myself now to have 3 groups of friends, rather than the one that I had in HS. We make friendships based on interests and philosophies and all sorts of things that we didn't do in HS.

 

We all have acquaintances that we talk to when we see them as well. I too live in a large city and of course people have their groups, their bars, their things that they do that form scenes. It's still not the same as HS. Thank god (I hated it! Loved college.) The only way people are worried about this popularity stuff in scenes is if they get sucked into it. It's a choice as an adult, not a caste system like it is in HS.

 

Sooo, Romeo, just wait it out a little longer. Now is not the time to be dating someone since you are just about to graduate. Wait till you get out there and things change. They will too. Drastically. You're in for a great ride. You will meet wonderful, crazy, great people and people who will break your heart. It's all part of the process and cycle of living. Just be patient.

[skellis]

Hey.. you have plenty of time to find your dream girl!! And you will, with that mentality and attitude about relationships. Trust me, some girl is gonna fall hard for you!! It's hard to find guys like you, so hold out for awhile..

 

But more importantly, you are so young!! There are so many things to do before you settle down, just talk to anyone who's married, and ask them what they wished they did before they got married. I know you are not buying it right now, but don't waste your time looking right now. It will happen.

[not-so-SuperRomeo]

actually, i thank you all for taking the time to reply to my post... i really do.

 

about what skellis said:

i know i've got some time before i will settle down.. i've thought about it, and your right.. it's hard for me to take it seriously... but i'm just afraid i'll miss out on somthing i'll never get a chance to do again. I can never go back to high school... however.. from what i've heard from you guys i guess i'm not missing much.

 

but there's still a part of me that wants this... not to be impatient... but it's hard to think of other things. I don't want to sound stupid, or arrogant... but i do get 'noticed' by women who are strangers. it's hard not to think about it when it's all around you everywhere you go...

[hurtingandconfused]

but there's still a part of me that wants this... not to be impatient... but it's hard to think of other things.

 

I wanted the same thing you wanted. And I got it. But I lost it.

 

HS girls are so immature they grow up to something much different than what you expect. Live and learn. Trail and error. Good luck

[UCFKevin]

I firmly believe that whatever happens in high school or before doesn't mean JACK s*** in college.

 

Things change. Big time.

[shamen]

Well put Kevin!

[capitald]

I'm back on my pulpit.

 

Life is not about popularity.

 

An absurd proposition.

 

Doesn't the president of the USA get elected on how many votes he receives, in other words, on how popular he is. Even if you elect him on the basis of his views and the policies he will inact, they are still all embodied in him as a single entity and you are voting for him, a man.

 

Even if we are mostly voting for what that man stands for rather than his personality or things like that, the person with the views that the people find more popular will win. Politics no matter how you flip the coin is somewhat of a popularity contest and politics is in a certain sense life, its all politics.

 

Say I write a book for example and I will one day. Some people will like my book, some people won't. If alot of people like my book, I will be popular and I will be a success. If no one likes my book, I will remain in obscurity and I will be a nobody.

 

So, you tell me just how popularity plays no part in life.

 

Even in relationships, popularity plays a role. What kind of person will want someone if they can't hold down a really good job? The best jobs in society are jobs were you have allies and friends (i.e. political positions rather than jobs were you are just a cog in the machine) that want you to be in that position and in these jobs if you can't retain your constiuency (i.e. your popularity), then you won't retain your job.

 

I am not saying there aren't wholesale differences bewteen the world of childhood, the college world and the "real world".

My point is, there are alot of things that make someone popular and popularity does play (if it doesn't in fact control or rule which it may) what we call the real life adult world.

[Fritz]

College/University is both similar to HS and not similar. Popularity matters but it all depends on your own goals/career etc.. Since its a bigger population, you're going to meet a lot more people who are into the same things you are. I caution you though, despite what some say, many "girls" in college are just like they were in HS aka not very mature. Anyway, Kevin is right, HS doesn't matter at all once you hit college. No one really cares, and those who do are just sad. Sort of like the incoming freshmen who wore their HS letter jackets past the first mid terms. You want to tell them to "move on bud".

[pandoras box]

one word: CONFIDENCE!!

 

your story made me picture a similar friend i had in HS, who was good looking but overall i wasnt attracted because he wasnt confident.

 

so radiate it, without being arrogant. let them see how cool you really are.

[shamen]

Capitald: It's certainly not the same kind of popularity that one experiences in HS. What you are describing is what I normally call "politics" in the workplace. This is not the same thing as HS. No way.

 

The people who make it in the world of politics in the workplace are certainly not the same kind of people that make it in these juvenile arenas. It's a lot more about brains and working your butt off, and yes, sometimes about who you know. Totally different than HS, however. It's not the same kind of "people you know."

 

However when it comes to the politics, it's a bit of a different situation. That would be an entirely different thread... but I can't resist a couple of comments. If it came down to brains in this arena, then surely Gore would've won the last presidential election IMO. But everyone gets to vote in an election and not everyone has brains, do they? Elections are supposed to be about ideas and philosophies, but not everyone takes the time to find out stances on issues. Yes, whatever stance on an issue is more popular at the moment may win, but again, this is a sociological study on change in values, etc.

[Miss_Behavin143]

I mean, first off.. you still have PLENTY of time to find the girl of your dreams. In H.S. people are so judgemental, so arrogant, so picky, and mean.. usually. It's really immature. But, I can guarantee you... the older you get... and once you do get out of H.S., it's a whole new world out there. I'm 21 and for once.. It's like amazing.. I go to Auburn, AL all the time and go out with friends...and you realize now that you hang around older people... and your older... and your in an envoirment with older people, everybody likes everybody unless you give them a reason otherwise. I mean, you wouldnt believe the difference a few years in age makes. When you go out and your 16, 17, 18.. if theres the smallest thing wrong with you.. people look at you like your crazy. When your 21, 22, 23.... people look at you like... "hey! let's get to know each other" as friends, or more. I have a boyfriend, and when we go out.. I still talk to other guys.. AND GIRLS... because he knows I'm a friendly person.. and everybody else is too. There's just a difference in the pettiness of a 17/18 year old and the maturity of a 21, 22, 23 year old.

 

I hope that made sense?!

[capitald]

I can't stand when people tirelessly split ends, especially when it doesn't really add to the understanding of the matter at hand. George Bush received more votes, he won, welcome to the only way to have representative government that involves all members of a country being treated as equal. To vote you have to be a citizen and a citizen, being free, has the right to choose what level of education he/she wants to have or the level of political/issue awarness he/she wants to have. You can't force people to become smart so that it will fit your view of the world. There will be people out there that will be dumb, in fact many of them, once you restrict their rights, you restrict your own.

 

There aren't people out there that are successful for their looks? I think there are!!! In other words, there are people out there that are popular for their looks and isn't that popularity success to them along with fame, money and the other things that their popularity brings along with it? If they feel their life is happy than it is happy because it is their view about their state of happiness that matters most to them, like anybody else. I am not and will never be in a position to tell someone else what is happiness for them, that is something that each one of us will have to figure out.

[shamen]

Capitald: Sorry if you hate splitting threads, but hey, you brought it up and split threads, so of course I'm going to respond to your comments.

 

When did I ever say that I wanted to force people to be smart? I didn't! I'm not going to add more comments about the political aspect of your post as that's not what this post is really supposed to be about, but I certainly have lots to say in response.

 

Regardless, do people get jobs and such based on their looks? Maybe. Is it popularity like it was in HS? No. It's about looks in this situation. Are there people in HS who aren't popular that are attractive? Absolutely.

 

This whole post has been about, "Is life the same after HS?" The answer is no, it's not.

 

See ya.

[Miss_Behavin143]

shamen is exactly right in my opinion. It's nothing alike.

[Not-So-SuperRomeo]

well, i thank you all for your comments... some were a little confusing, but also most got the general point across. things are not static, and i guess it gets better with time.

 

I'm still a little skeptic about life after high school.. but that's just because high school sucks so much. Hopefully, one day, I'll find what i'm looking for and end my search for good.

 

many thanks for those of you wanting to help sincerely with your heart.... I appriciate your time more then you think.

[faux]

In response to the topic thread:

 

I saw it mentioned before, but it seems your confidence is a huge issue. I cannot say that I like being around people who are so down on themselves, either, or complain about how bad things are for them. Looks always play some part, but after initial attraction (different people find different things attractive) many other factors will enter in. Gain confidence in yourself, stop being so down, and stop worrying about getting a woman. Once you focus on other things you will realize that finding someone may not be all that important to you at this point in time, and you may attract someone who loves how you have got things together, rather than pining for a girl and getting bummed out over it.

 

As for making finding a wonderful woman your major goal in life: I'd rethink that. There are more important things to be worrying about than women at your point in time. You will find more than just one that you think is the greatest, and not every relationship you have in the future will work out so well. Focus more on yourself, gaining confidence, and let the women come second, or third, or whatever number makes for good prioritizing.

[wakeboard_28]

Hey you sound like me. Are you sure we aren't twins. Seriously though I know how you feel man. The best advice that I can give you is that after highschool things are going to get better. You talked about being mature and not doing the childish things that most of the kids at your school do. If you think about it being mature is what most of your college girls are looking for. They are going to beyond the stupid pranks and stuff that is so awesome in high school. You will even see that the people who don't want to grow up will not really amount to anything unless they are willing to grow up. Stick in there man it seems to be working for me.

 

 

<In life it doesn't matter how you climb but how well you bounce.>

[amerikajin]

and it's not like i would mind any of this to a greater level of consciousness... but, i lost my two best friends (women) to bigger, better, bolder guys.. and suddenly, neither of them have time to hang out, or even talk to me. i guess they found very dominating guys

 

This is going to sound very politically incorrect, but it's better that your two best friends are guys, not girls. I'm not in any way questioning your masculinity, but I think the problem is that if you hang out with girls too much, you'll end up looking like a really "sensitive" guy...and we don't want that now, do we?

[amerikajin]

As for the dating scene after high school, yes, it's different, but that's not to say that you don't still have to deal with a lot of superficial bulls***.

 

Where I went to school, frat boys and athletes got the chicks. That's not to say that you couldn't get chicks, but for some reason I found it hard to break in there. I didn't start breaking out of my slump until my last two semesters of school. Part of that, though, had to do with me and my approach to dating. Nevertheless, I still found college to be superficial in its own way, though definitely a step above high school.

 

It wasn't until after I graduated from college that I felt more confident about asking girls out. No more hearing "So, are you in a frat?" It was simply "So, what do you do?" and it either took off or crashed from there. The longest, most successful relationship I've ever had to date started when I was 25.

 

There's always going to be a strike against you, no matter what your age is. There's always the risk that you may not have what some chick is looking for. I know you're probably tired of hearing this, but you just have to be yourself. More than anything else, you have to look at yourself and be proud of who you are. No matter how bad your luck is, never doubt your fundamental goodness. Never doubt that you are capable of achieving your life's goals. You can't ask others to believe in you if you don't believe in yourself. Without confidence, you sell yourself short - whether it's getting a good job or a good girl. It took me a while to understand this and as I look back on my life so far, I see it has been one of my biggest mistakes - doubting myself.