Feeling better & have things in perspective after seeing Ex and his girlfriend!

[nature]

I'm feeling alot better and have put things in perspective. Was upset and sick to my stomach a few days ago as they rode by me on their bikes. Sometimes it's good to take a few days and try to look at things from a diff perspective. Everyone should try it. See it from your ex's shoes.

 

We didn't ride bikes, but we went walking, hiking, snowboarding and on my boat all the time. He doesn't have a boat, I know she doesn't snowboard, so they bike together. I was being silly.

 

Plus, yes he was freaking angry at me after our breakup. He was very spiteful the first six months. Then tried to get me back and I was too hurt and angry at him. We had been engaged for 3 years, and still weren't living together and anytime the topic of actually moving in together and getting married came up, he freaked out. He did not want our relationship to progress and move forward. Therefore, I couldn't stay in it. It was going nowhere. He is 43 years old and never been married of lived with anyone.

 

He expected me to follow he and his friends around doing whatever he wanted. I wouldn't. I am too strong minded and an individual. I wouldn't conform to his lifestyle the way he wanted me too. The only other times I see he and his girlfriend, are when there is a pack of he and about 8 of his friends out, and his girlfriend. I wouldn't play that game and be the girlfriend who just goes to pubs adn bars with his friends. Not my thing. I needed mutual. Come the weekend, he would TELL me the plans. Not ask me or consider what i wanted to do. We became very incompatible.

 

Plus he drank too much. Everything had to involve booze. So many times this summer on a beautiful day I have boated by this restaurant on the water out enjoying the lake and sunshine. There i have seen on a saturday and sunday, he sitting on the patio wtih his buddies having drinks, with his girlfriend. I am too active, and couldn't even fathom wasting a beautiful summer day sitting on a patio getting drunk. I drink, but not to that extent.

 

He holds spite towards me. He was angry i left. He thought I should have just hung in there and been patient with him, even tho we were going into our 4th year together and nothing was moving forward. I know he's not living with his new girlfriend either after 2 years together. So I totally see why she is a better match for him. She will go with he and his pack of buddies and sit at bars and pubs all the time. I didn't mind once in awhile, but i have friends too. It should be mutual. I wasn't just going to follow he and his friends around. And he made no effort with my friends. It was all about he and his friends. I refused to live like that. I am not a weak minded doormat.

 

Anyhow, I can see that he is probably happier now. Which is good. Just bizarre that he called me two weeks ago. Oh well. I've let that one go as well.

[Sugarkane]

He is 43 and has never been married or lived with someone. WTF? That's odd.

[antz2411]

i admire your will! a person should never undermine there values for someone else. if one is not willing to compromise then you should either. with compromise comes a a new value you both share, obviously he wasn't willing.

 

LIVE WELL!

[nature]

Thanks Sugarcane and Antz! Yes, 43 and never been married or lived with someone. Speaks volumes I think. He even asked for my dads permission to marry me, and got down on one knee and proposed to me, but then couldn't follow up on it. He would break out into a sweat at the mention of talking about actually progressing and moving forward and moving in together and getting married. He was happy to have me wear an engagement ring for a few years, but couldn't get to the next level.

 

I see it all so clearer now. If I challenged him on anything or wanted to do things a different way, he was not happy. He wanted things his way or the highway. I was to be a meak, quiet doormat basically, and just go along with him and let him make all the plans and I just follow him around.

 

My gut instinct tells me he has not changed and that is why I see him with packs of his buddies still, with his along with all of them. I wouldn't do that. I couldn't do that. Once in awhile yes, But every weekned no. I have friends too. It is give and take. But he has his posse of buddies he would choose over anything. Its crazy. Even over a woman. I think. If he's still the same.