Wife doesn't want to move out

[5themperor]

I have been married 5 years and we have a 4 year old son. This last 3 months my wife has been saying she now wants to move out and separate and see if we are still right for each other. It may or may not have been my fault but since the birth of our son I have done all the survival tasks of the family. I was the one who at 3am in the morning would be walking down the street trying to lull the little boy (at baby age) to sleep. I wanted her to rest and recover from the birth. This then evolved into me feeding, bathing, washing, baby sitting and going to work at the same time. Over the last 4 years I now have rendered my wife useless and her laziness has been made worse by my energy and enthusiasm to try and make a “normal” family life.

Her positive attributes are that she will shop for the food and buy clothes for myself and my son. She has a high sex drive and doesn’t usually decline the request for sex.However in the last 3 months her desire for this is less and she now wants to move out to “experiment with a change of routine“. She doesn’t resent, hate me or dislike me which is encouraging. She also displays huge mood swings associated with depression. Her declaration to move out has upset me immensely as I still love her but I haven’t tried to discourage her. She keeps saying that she will move out .The reason (that she doesn’t) is because she says she can’t afford the luxury condo prices she is interested in. I am at a loss as to what to do. Force her out makes me feel bad and waiting for her to leave is pushing me into depression. She still buys clothes and shops for food for the family which tells me that she still cares. It’s the moving out issue that confuses me. I believe in marriage for life so am bending over backwards to try and remove any failings on my part. I just wish she could move out and see how hard life is out there. Sadly though when she finds out the grass isn’t so green on the other side will I still be there ?

Edited October 17, 2011 by 5themperor
grammer

[robf1971]

.However in the last 3 months her desire for this is less and she now wants to move out to “experiment with a change of routine“. She doesn’t resent, hate me or dislike me which is encouraging. She also displays huge mood swings associated with depression. ?

 

I think you will find she's having an affair, classic infidelity script.

[2.50 a gallon]

Just in case things get worse, cover your buns.

 

Start documenting who spends and does what with the kif, her actions etc.

 

If she want's to move out that is her thing, you do not move out under any condition. To do so in some states can be called abandoment. Also concisder getting a Voice Operated Recorder to keep in your pocket when ever talking with her, more to document, but more so, if push comes to shove and she decides she wants you to move out, all she has to do is call the cops and say that you are abusing her.

 

Cops arrive and take you away for the night, the next morning you are served with a Restraining Order so you cannot go home and see your kid much less sleep there. It is a scenario I have seen numerous times. Sometimes the wife will move in her new boy friend while the poor innocent father is being shut out

 

A VAR recording will cover your butt. That it was her starting the fight and you not fighting back

[Citizen Erased]

1. Do not allow her to take your son full time. If this ends up in a divorce, you need to be the primary caregiver if you want custody of him. She is abandoning your family, you shouldn't be the one to suffer for it, not to mention your son needs his home. If she gets her own apartment, you need to come up with a custody agreement between you.

 

2. Sit down and talk to her. If she wants to move, then she has to move out, no stalling. If she wants to stay then you need to see a marriage counselor together and work on your marriage. Stand up for yourself, don't be afraid to lose her. She's either gone or she will stay, you need to push it cos you can't stay in no man's land forever.

 

3. She is more than likely having an affair. It's almost text book. Sorry.

[LuckyCharms]

I agree with the advice that you have been given, so far. It sounds like she is going through the motions, so to speak. "Going through the motions" might be more routine than actual caring, on her part.

 

Definitely talk to an attorney, to be on the safe side. Find out what your rights are in the area you live. Some attorneys offer free consultations, which is a safe thing for you either way.

 

And regardless of how it goes--take good care of yourself, and keep your child's best interests at heart. You sound like a great father.